by M. J. Sewall
Zacke shrugged, “He’s stays up north a lot. With friends, I guess.”
“He thinks I’m weak, I know,” said his father.
“He’ll get over it.” said Zacke, “I don’t know, we don’t talk much since I gave up basketball.”
“You should get back to that. You were good. It’s all you used to talk about. Especially when you started beating your older brother on the court.”
Zacke smiled, thinking of flinging Lucas at Derek’s conjured monster, “Yeah. I guess I’m just over it. Trying to concentrate on school and the Explorers.”
“School’s important,” said his dad.
“You still okay with the cop thing?”
“Sure. You know I don’t feel cops are bad. I know what your brother thinks, but he’s young. I’ve known very good officers, of all races. I’m a white man who married a black woman. Your mother and me, we believe it’s what’s inside that counts.”
What exactly is inside me? thought Zacke.
“I’ll always be standing right behind you.”
“Thanks Dad.”
“With a beer in my hand.”
“Ouch. Too soon, Dad.”
“Yeah,” said his dad, “first night not drinking in a while, I guess I need more appropriate jokes.”
“Now it’s awkward.” Zacke smiled. “I’m gonna take a shower. I’m glad you’re back, Pops.”
“Me too. Come on, give me a hug like we’re a normal family.”
“Just don’t say like the Cosby’s.”
“Can’t go there anymore. We’ll be a different sit-com,” said his dad.
Zacke didn’t tell his dad it felt like he was in a horror movie. Or at least some dark fantasy story, compete with weird agendas, crazy bad guys and secrets. Lots of secrets.
They hugged.
“Why are you damp?” asked his dad. “Go swimming in the ocean with your clothes on?”
Zacke thought of the slimy tentacle. “Yeah, didn’t mean too, though.”
“Don’t do stupid stuff for girls,” his dad warned.
If you only knew, thought Zacke. “Okay Pops, shower time.”
“Yeah, and I should probably go to bed. First of many nights getting some sober sleep. Kinda looking forward to that. Zacke, seriously. You okay?”
Zacke smiled. “I’m okay, Pops. Just tired.”
“Not getting into trouble, right? Your brother has got that one down already.”
“Nothing serious. There were girls at the beach, but it’s not like that. A lot of weirdness around it.”
“There always is,” said his dad. “Woman are beautifully, dangerous creatures. Man is not meant to know their nature.”
“Night Pops.”
“Night son.”
Zacke enjoyed his shower, but it didn’t wash away the craziness of the night. He went to bed and woke up an hour later in a cold sweat. He dreamed it again, not giant calamari or spiders. He dreamed of the night his mother first found him. The night everything changed. He thought about what his father said, ‘what’s inside that counts.’ Zacke wasn’t sure what that even meant anymore.
***
Ariana came home knowing she was in trouble. Her father stopped talking when she came into the kitchen, which meant that the talking was about her.
Her mother Josie asked, “Where have you been?”
“Sorry Mami, Papa. My phone died.”
“Everyone has a cell phone. You couldn’t borrow the skinny wedo’s phone?” said her father, arms crossed. “Is that who you were with?”
“I was just out with friends,” Ariana said.
“You know the rules, mija. It’s past 11,” her mother scolded, but Josie rolled her eyes toward her husband. Ariana got the signal that she wasn’t in real trouble.
Her father asked, “Are you serious with this boy?”
“What?” Ariana said, “No. No, we just met.”
“Exactly,” said her father. “Boys we don’t know, doing lord knows what.”
Ariana said, “I’m not having sex, Papi. Is that what you’re worried about?”
Her father said, “I worry about everything. Now I worry about skinny white boys.”
“You want me to kill him, Papi?” said her older brother, popping his head in the kitchen.
“If he touches her, I’ll do it,” confirmed her father.
“Shut up, stupid hermano,” said Ariana, then turned back to her parents. “Papi, Mami, we’re just friends.”
“‘Friends’ means different things to boys and girls,” her father insisted.
Ariana knew she shouldn’t be, but she was getting angry. “You’re just worried that I’m going to do what you did!”
“Be careful,” said her mother. “Little girl, be careful. I was sixteen when I got pregnant, but we were married.”
Ariana tried to regain calm. She couldn’t tell them she was scared. But she knew if her mom was getting mad, she’d gone too far. “I’m sorry. Really. He’s just a friend.”
Her brother lost interest and left to watch TV. Her parents relented. Ariana ate in the kitchen, then helped her mom with the dishes. Her father went to bed. Josie usually didn’t stay up this late, but Ariana was glad, because what she most wanted to do was talk. She wondered if her mother could sense it.
“What is wrong, mija?”
Ariana dried the plate. “Nothing. Everything. I’ve just been thinking about how fast things change.”
“At your age they change fast, at my age they change in a blur. Like that.” she snapped her fingers.
“Do you think that we always stay the same?” asked Ariana. “I mean, what if I feel like someone else is in my head, trying to tell me what I should do.”
Her mother smiled. “We all do that, mija. Sometimes the voices will be me, or your father. Even your grandmother. Sometimes it will be the deeper part of you, guiding you.”
Ariana considered that. “A deeper part. Yes. That’s what I mean. But what if this deeper part felt like a different person?”
“Oh, mija,” her mother laughed. “Of course it does. It could be that your soul is guiding you, telling you what is right. I believe God is guiding all of us. Or it may be the past lives you’ve lived.”
Ariana wasn’t sure she’d heard correctly. “Wait. You believe in past lives?”
“We’re Catholic, we believe in the Resurrection.” Josie leaned in, “But don’t tell the Pope that I also believe in reincarnation. This can’t be the only life we’ve lived. We are born knowing so much. God’s little joke is that we are trapped in a baby’s body, and must learn all over again. We forget who we were before. But the core of who we are never changes.”
Ariana smiled, knowing how right her mother was. “I didn’t know you felt like that.”
“You never asked.” her mother shrugged, rinsing the last of the dishes. “Plus, you will be a woman much sooner than I would like. It is time to talk of these things. How do you feel about it, mija?”
“I’m confused.” Ariana wanted to tell as much truth as she could, “I feel an… an energy filling me that I’ve never felt before. I feel pulled to things that I never even imagined.”
“Good things, I hope,” her mother handed Ariana the last plate.
“I think so. But lately, I feel like there is someone else in my head, fighting to make decisions.”
“But it’s all you, mija,” said her mother. “Don’t forget that. Even if it sounds like two voices in your head, and that happens to me all the time, remember it’s your core. And your core is all goodness.”
Ariana smiled, “Thanks Mami. I like your core too.”
***
Katie knocked on the door. “Mom? Jason? Can I talk to you for a minute?”
They were already in bed, Jason reading on his Kindle and Mom watching TV.
“Of course,” said Jason. “Come on in.” Mom turned off the TV.
“How’s Megan?”
“She’s fine, she’s in her room,” said her mother. “Megan
’s supposed to be asleep by now, but I doubt she is. She’d love it if you’d talk to her.”
“My next stop,” said Katie. “I just wanted to say sorry.”
They both looked at her in stunned silence.
“Hey, it’s not like I never say sorry.”
Mom still couldn’t speak. Jason said, “No. No, of course not. It just hasn’t been your favorite word for a while.”
Katie said, “I’ve been going through some weird stuff lately. But it’s not fair that I take it out on you. I can just be a bit… well, I’m not very nice sometimes.”
Jason asked, “This weird stuff, is it girl stuff? You want to me leave the room?”
“No, nothing like that. Can’t explain it all. But, I wanted to apologize to both of you. Especially you, Jason. I don’t hate you. You’re, you know, all right.”
Jason nodded. “I’ll take that.”
“You’re actually kind of cool sometimes,” Katie elaborated. “I just feel like… like two different people sometimes. It’s hard to explain.”
They both smiled. Her mother said, “It was back in the time when giant monsters roamed the earth, but we were teenagers too. We get it.”
Katie thought of the beach and shuddered at the word monster. “I just wanted to say that, whoever I happen to be, I intend to be nicer.”
“Thanks, Kaitlyn,” said Jason.
Mom added, “That means a lot. That earthquake must have really scared you.”
“A lot of things have been scaring me lately,” admitted Katie. “It will get better, right? I’ll stop making dumb decisions?”
“Lots of good stuff is coming. Fifteen and sixteen, they can be fun, and tough. There are some more bumps coming.” her mom promised.
“Greeeeeat. Well, I better go see Megan. Oh, and you can call me Katie again.”
More stunned silence.
“Some new friends have been calling me Katie lately. I don’t mind so much.”
Jason and her mom looked at each other and nodded awkwardly. They all said goodnight.
Down the hall, she knocked on Megan’s door. It was dark under the sweep of the door but Katie knew that Megan read every night, much later than she was supposed to. She knocked on the door, but there was no answer. “Megan, it’s just me.”
“Come in,” Megan’s voice whispered back.
Katie entered and saw the towel by the door. “The old towel to block the light trick. Classic.”
“Hey,” said Megan, looking like herself again, except for the small butterfly bandage on her forehead.
“Hey yourself,” said Katie, coming close to the bed. “I just wanted to check on you, kid.”
“I’m alright.” she was re-reading her favorite book, A Wrinkle in Time. If she was reading a comfort book, she probably wasn’t 100% alright.
Katie sat on the edge of the bed. “It’s not like me to say sorry. That was just pointed out to me. But I am. I’m sorry I left you that night to go talk with friends. Seeing you in that hospital. Well, you scared me, kid.”
“I’m not a kid,” Megan warned. “But, you shouldn’t have left me.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“You seem different,” said Megan. “What’s wrong with you?”
Katie laughed, “It’s been a weird couple of days. I don’t feel myself. I’m not even sure what ‘myself’ means anymore.”
Megan smiled. “I feel like that sometimes.”
“You do?”
“Yes!” Megan became animated. “I’ll be in middle school next year. I’m like actually popular right now. What happens to all that?”
Katie completely understood; the fun of fifth grade, and the terror of sixth grade memories rushed back to her. “Kid. Sorry to say, it all starts over. Total popularity reset. Middle school is hard, and other kids are total jerks.”
“You’re in high school,” Megan smiled. “and you’re still a jerk sometimes.”
“Good one!” laughed Katie. “Sometimes? How about a lot lately?”
Megan rolled her eyes. “I was trying to be nice.”
Katie pointed to Megan’s head, “Does it still hurt?”
“Not really,” Megan touched her small bandage. “But Mom and Dad say I can stay out the rest of next week. I don’t want to miss too much school, but it’s kind of nice.”
“I was surprised they kept the high school closed all week. But I’m kinda glad too.”
Megan put her book on the night stand, but she already knew the answer would be no, like always. She asked anyway, “Want to watch a movie?”
Katie was exhausted, but she said, “Yes. I would love that. Your pick.”
Megan tried to hide her excitement, but Katie felt it as her little sister rushed to the bookshelf across the room.
They watched Hocus Pocus until they both fell asleep on Megan’s bed. After midnight, their mother came in and turned off the TV, pulling up the blankets to make sure they would be warm for the night.
***
Lucas came in through his side door. It was a few minutes before there was a knock at the door connecting the house and converted garage.
“Hey Lucas,” said his mom, his dad standing behind her. “Can we come in?”
“Yeah, sure.” Lucas said, “What’s up?”
“Nothing’s wrong, honey,” his mom said. “Unless there is.”
His dad said, “We’ve noticed you keeping late nights.”
“Mom. Dad. I’m fine, really.”
“We made the agreement when you moved out here that we would give you space. You had a tough year. But you being so close to the earthquake and the stadium, we worry. You’re the only kid, you know. We have to smother you whenever possible.” His mom noticed his clothes, “Why are you wet?”
Lucas thought quickly, hating how much he had to lie to his parents, “I went to the beach.” How should I put this? “I went swimming with friends. Forgot my swim suit.”
The parents exchanged a glance. His dad asked, “Did they throw you in?”
“I didn’t get beat up on the beach or anything. My new friends are cool. Intense, maybe, but cool.”
“You’ve grown so much this year,” said his mom, brushing a stray hair on his forehead, like she did when he was young.
“And look at those muscles. Just like his dad.” Dad flexed his muscles, looking more like a washed up old wrestler, nearly eighty pounds overweight.
They all laughed, but both parents seemed uneasy and looked around at the equipment. The bed was only a small part of the converted garage, which resembled a private gym more than it did a teenager’s bedroom.
“I know what you’re thinking.” Sometimes, I actually do. “you’re worried that after last year, the next step is weird friends and drugs.”
Dad said, “The thought had occurred to us.”
“I’ve met some new friends,” said Lucas, “and they are definitely weird. But it’s nothing like that. No drugs. I’d never do that.”
“Honestly, we’re more worried about all this,” said his mom.
Dad added, “We helped set this up, let you sign up for martial arts to help your self-esteem. But…”
“You think I’m going overboard?” Lucas asked.
“Maybe a smidge.” Dad arched his eyebrows comically, always the one to lighten the mood.
His mom said, “Your sessions with the doctor are nearly done. We just worry; it’s kind of our job. We also don’t want you to get into any trouble you can’t get out of with that bully. We know he moved back.”
Lucas always wondered why they never used his name. “Billy doesn’t worry me.” Unless I lose control and kill him. “Last year I was really messed up. I thought it was about Billy. But I think I just needed to find the real me. I’m close. It’s hard to describe. Anyway, I have no plans to fight Billy.”
“Good,” said his dad, “You come from a long line of lovers, not fighters.”
“I’ll say,” said his mother provocatively.
“Mom, g
ross.”
“We just don’t want this to be about revenge. And we don’t want you to try and hurt yourself again.” Mom had finally gotten to the point.
Lucas considered what his mom said, because in the beginning, it was about revenge. All he could think when he punched the bag, was Billy’s face, turning his stupid verbal attacks into pain. Humiliation. But that was when he thought he was hearing voices, convinced he was crazy. Now, he knew there was a real warrior inside him.
Lucas shook his head. “It’s not about revenge. And I’ll never do that thing again. I know how it hurt you guys. I was just confused. I’m clear now.”
His mother smiled, and Lucas thought he saw the beginning of a tear, but Dad changed the mood.
Dad said, “Here I come…”
Lucas rolled his eyes.
“I’m gonna do it, can’t stop me.” said his dad as he bear hugged Lucas. He whispered in his son’s ear, “Do these new friends include girls?”
Lucas freed himself of the hug. “Yeah. A few. Well, we’ll see. It’s early days with that.” He thought of Ariana walking on the beach with Zacke. He shook off the disappointment. “Girls are one thing I can’t train for.”
“That’s for sure,” said his dad.
His mother eyed his father, “Watch it, honey. Or you get none tonight.”
“Mom! Uber gross. Okay, both of you get out of my room. I don’t need porn talk from the parents.”
“It’s natural, Lucas,” his mom began the familiar talk. “When a man and woman love each other very much…”
“Mom! I wish I had siblings so you could gross them out.”
Dad said, “Nope, all for you. Give us a little time. Another year and nothing will shock you.”
Lucas couldn’t stop smiling. “Love you guys.”
“Love you too,” said his mom as she hugged him.
His father shook his head, “Ehh. You’re ok. Let’s say a strong like and leave it at that. Better get out of those damp clothes, buddy.”
He thought of the huge, slimy monster in the ocean, “Yeah, I think you’re right.”
Lucas shook his head at his silly parents. His silly, funny, awesome parents. He wondered how long until he remembered his parents from other lives. That was a strange thought, and his mind opened up with a new line of questions. How many parents had his true self had? Dozens? Hundreds?
