I find the paper describing the girl that went missing at the fair. I remember her face that night as she stood under the Ferris wheel, her hair changing colour as the lights reflected off it. There are moments in your life that you wish you could go back to and make different decisions. I wish I could go back to that fair and tell that girl to be careful, tell her not to get in any cars or talk to any strangers. I think about my Daisy and how when you’re young you just never think it’s going to be you. Bad things only happen to other people, never to you, never to the people you love. Until you learn that lesson the hard way. It can happen to anyone, at any time. You can be good or bad, it doesn’t matter, it’s all random, there is no higher power, no reward or punishment system. Bad things happen to good people all the time and bad people often prosper in life.
I look at the newspapers after the date of her disappearance, to see if there is any more information. She was an only child, her parents were completely devastated, and as I move through the archive I see that occasionally they’ve taken out adverts in the paper appealing for information; to this day they are still trying to find out what happened to their daughter. I push it to the back of my mind. I can’t be sure that I know what happened to her. All I have are suspicions, all I have are theories I can’t get the answers to. I thought I knew the truth once. I was horribly wrong.
There were several suspects in her disappearance, although only one person got lumbered with the blame and to this day I still don’t know if he did it. He already had a terrible reputation and everyone was happy to have a face to put to the crime, so they accepted his guilt with ease. Knowing what I know now, I just don’t think it was that simple. I think we were all to blame. We all looked the other way because it suited our narrative of what ‘bad’ looks like. I know now that you can’t take anyone at face value, that you should never just accept the version of a person they put in front of you. The nicer someone is, the more you have to fear.
Chapter Fifteen
Then
Jasmine and Felicity walked down towards the town together, having waited until eight to venture out, hoping all the smaller children would be gone from the fair already. It was still warm even though the light was turning, the twilight sky a furious pink as they approached the park. They might even make it to the fair in time to watch the sun sink into the sea, those last angry stripes lingering in the sky as it disappeared. It was better at the fair in the dark; it felt like more of an experience, more value for money. Frank had given Jasmine thirty quid to spend but she wasn’t great with heights so there were only a few rides that she would go on. Once Jasmine had tried the Ferris wheel, which wasn’t even a big one, but she’d freaked out and screamed until they let her off. It was the way the seat swung, making her think she might fall out of the back. Her dad hated fairground rides – he had never told Jasmine why – and so when she was little it was only ever her mum who brought her. Even though the fair came to town every year, Jasmine rarely saw the same workers twice, which seemed strange to her as the rides were always the same and it was always the same company. She wondered what happened to the people who left the fair.
As Jasmine and Felicity walked through the Byes, a park that ran along the river from Sidford right down to the town, they were hit with the smell of marijuana. Jasmine looked over to the willow tree that hung like curtains over the riverbank. Jason Evans and Hannah Torrence were underneath it smoking a credit-card-shaped hash pipe, trying to be inconspicuous but failing miserably as they both giggled uncontrollably, clearly stoned.
Jasmine tried not to stare as they passed them, noting she had never seen either of them smile before, both perpetually uncomfortable people who had black painted fingernails and long black woollen coats, even in this weather. Jasmine and Felicity exited the park and crossed the street to the ford crossing, a small road for cars to cross to get to the car park over the river without going through the town centre. Jasmine used to get so excited by it as a child, convinced they were driving through very deep water, but now that she was older she could see that it was only a few inches and never warranted the anticipation she had given it. Jasmine could see others from their class heading across the little bridge over the water. Not willing to make any rash decisions about who to hang with just yet, they all pretended they hadn’t seen each other and carried on.
Jasmine was particularly struck by what a closed little community her classmates were whenever she came back from her family’s travels abroad – like a tiny cosmos that always stayed the same, a secret hidden in the valley. She noticed the sideways glances towards anyone who didn’t fit in, who wasn’t part of the accepted genetic make-up of the locals. Jasmine knew people who had never even taken a bus out of town; their world began and ended there. Felicity was one of those people. Aside from visiting her uncle in Spain once, Felicity had never left the confines of the town. Felicity’s relationship with her mother was fractious and the more time the two girls spent together the more grateful Jasmine was for her own family situation. Felicity’s mother Carol spent most of her money on drink and cigarettes so they didn’t really do family holidays and Flick hadn’t seen her biological father in over five years, even though he lived less than half an hour away. They didn’t talk about it much, but it was clear to Jasmine that Felicity had inherited her mother’s taste for alcohol and sometimes when she was drunk she would say things, enough that Jasmine could see why Felicity was so desperate to get so far away from the town and her mother. Jasmine couldn’t imagine that.
Jasmine also wondered how her own parents had come to settle in this pretty little part of the world. Both Frank and Lisa loved to travel, always had, and they loved all different kinds of people and cultures, yet there they were in the most English and insular of towns, tucked away in its own little microcosm. Being there seemed the opposite of who they were. Her parents weren’t from the area, although they never really discussed much from before they met, and so she wasn’t entirely sure where her father was from originally. Jasmine’s mother was less secretive and sometimes told her about her life on a farm, although she was sure she remembered Lisa once telling her that the farm was in Hertfordshire and another time that it was in Wiltshire. Jasmine had learned not to ask – Frank had always maintained it wasn’t where you come from but who you are that matters.
‘Maybe we can find someone for you,’ Felicity said.
‘Not interested. Please don’t try and set me up with anyone.’
‘What if Taylor is there?’ Felicity said.
‘You know full well he will be there, everyone’s going to be there.’
‘You don’t fancy him at all?’
‘No, I don’t think so. I don’t fancy anyone at school.’
‘Maybe you will fancy one of the Carneys.’
‘I’m really not that bothered about getting off with anyone to be honest, Flick, that’s more your thing.’
‘Are you calling me a tramp?’ Flick said with feigned offence. Jasmine just raised her eyebrows and broke out into a sprint before Felicity had a chance to wallop her.
They were almost at the fair and she felt the butterflies in her stomach, feelings of chaos and possibility mingling together. That’s why the fair was so exciting. Jasmine knew Felicity was wondering if the guy she lost her V to would be there. In a way, Jasmine hoped he was; she wanted to see how they would react to each other. She suspected he wasn’t how Felicity remembered him.
Before they reached the fair, Felicity pulled a small bottle of Mad Dog out of her satchel; it was bright green and looked like nuclear waste.
‘Come on, let’s have this before we go in.’
‘Where did you get that?’
‘My mum’s current boytoy bought a couple of boxes of them. They’re all out of date but I’m not sure how good this stuff is for you even when it’s in date.’
‘Won’t he miss them?’
‘I don’t care if he does. What’s he going to do about it? Tell Mum? I doubt it.’
&
nbsp; ‘What even is it?’ Jasmine said.
Felicity opened the bottle and took a long swig before handing it to Jasmine.
‘Don’t know but it does the job, right?’
She took a drink before handing it back to Flick, who drank another few gulps before giving the remainder to Jasmine, who tossed it in the public bin when she was done. It wasn’t about the flavour or quality, it was just about drinking, rebelling, being a different version of yourself.
The first thing they went on was the dodgems, an easy way into the rides and an equal playing field. They could ram their car into whoever they wanted to; there was no social pyramid on the dodgem court. Jasmine’s stomach lurched as she saw Taylor Hines in the queue waiting for one to become available. She knew he hadn’t seen her yet. She’d kissed Taylor at the school disco last year to prove a point, but it had been a great source of embarrassment for both of them ever since. She could see Felicity getting ready to ram his car as soon as he chose one. They weren’t so different, she and Felicity, they both had a morbid but friendly fascination with seeing each other in really uncomfortable situations, especially with boys.
‘Let’s go on something else,’ Jasmine pleaded as they watched him get into the bright pink dodgem.
‘Not a chance. Let’s ram him.’
‘You’re not supposed to, we’ll get told off.’
‘They’re called bumper cars, you’re meant to bump people. And I want to bump Taylor.’
Secretly Jasmine kind of wanted to bump his car as well. They had both avoided each other like the plague since the kiss but she did like seeing him squirm. There wasn’t a hierarchy as such in their social group, but if there was, she would be a few rungs down on the ladder from Taylor; he was definitely one of the more popular kids. Jasmine moving to Carlton Road had shifted her up the ladder a bit, but Taylor lived on Laskey’s Lane in a very expensive house overlooking the sea.
Felicity rammed their car straight into Taylor, who looked up, startled. They had him pinned against the wall and he was desperately trying to avoid making eye contact with Jasmine, which of course Felicity found hilarious. Jasmine felt powerful, knowing that he couldn’t get away no matter how much he wanted to. But then she looked beyond Taylor and saw Tim.
He was talking with one of the fairground guys in the shadows between a couple of the caravans. She knew it was Tim because he had a way of standing that was so distinctive and different that it just couldn’t be anyone else. It was as though he was leaning against an invisible wall, his head tilted down so that he was always looking up at you. She tried to keep her eyes on him and work out what he was doing. Felicity spun the dodgem around and then when Jasmine looked back to the darkened corner, it was empty. He was gone. She looked around the fairground but she couldn’t see him anywhere. Maybe she hadn’t seen him at all.
They got off the dodgems and Jasmine spotted Jason again, the boy from their class they had seen in the Byes, standing nearby. He was quiet and a bit of a loner, apart from when he was with one of the other loners, like Hannah. Jasmine got the impression that he was normally alone out of choice and not because no one liked him – it was more as if he had a low tolerance for other people. He was always pleasant enough, but you could see his eyes darting around as he looked for an escape. Jason was a bit of a mystery, but that suited him. He was kind of cool in his own way; there were rumours that his older brother was a pot dealer and that was why he almost got a pass from a lot of the other kids, even though he was strange and that wasn’t usually allowed. Jasmine watched Jason and Hannah walk away from the fair, towards the path that ran along the side of the stream. No doubt to snog or smoke pot again, or both.
‘What next? Should we do the waltzers or the anti-grav?’ Felicity asked, pulling Jasmine’s attention away from Jason and Hannah. The last time they did the anti-grav Jasmine threw up, but it was Felicity’s favourite ride so Jasmine shrugged.
‘I need the loo. You go get in the queue for the anti-grav and I’ll meet you over there in a bit,’ Jasmine said, walking off before Felicity had a chance to argue. She saw her go and stand next to Taylor in the queue; they were close, chatting. Jasmine suspected that Felicity liked him and that was why she made a point of trying to embarrass her in front of him all the time. Jasmine could tell Felicity was relieved to be alone with him, glad that Jasmine was gone.
The Port Royal toilets were outside of the park and towards the sea, next to the sailing club. Jasmine walked away from the fair alone, everywhere else dark as the beach was poorly lit. The sea was completely black, the moon hidden behind the only cloud in the sky. She started to feel uncomfortable as she got closer to the public toilets, thinking she should have made Felicity go with her.
‘Jasmine.’
She turned to see Mr Morrell coming across the bridge from the clifftop path that was hidden out of view from the fair. She instantly felt a little sick. Why was he there? Had he been waiting on the off chance that she would turn up? She didn’t want to talk to him but she didn’t know what she was supposed to do. There was no point calling out, no one would hear her over the noise of the fair. She edged backwards towards the toilets but, all things considered, she thought she was safer out in the open.
‘What do you want?’ she said, feeling strange not calling him by his name. Disrespectful, somehow.
‘I just wanted to explain things to you,’ he said, sounding panicked, upset.
‘You explained in your letter. I’m not supposed to talk to you. You’re definitely not supposed to talk to me.’
‘I couldn’t say everything I needed to in that letter. I knew other people would read it.’
‘I need to get back to the fair. I can’t talk to you. What would your fiancée think if you get caught talking to me again?’
‘Please, just talk to me.’ He was close to her now. He looked different now that he was no longer her teacher. He looked younger and definitely more pathetic. He was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, whereas at school he had always worn a waistcoat and looked very put together. Not any more.
‘Just leave me alone.’ She went to walk away and he grabbed her arm. His fingers dug into her flesh and she knew there was no way she could shake herself free. Her anxiety increased as she imagined him dragging her onto the beach or into the toilets, both of which were close enough that he could take her there with ease, without anyone noticing.
‘I thought we had something, I thought you wanted me to kiss you.’
‘Well, I didn’t,’ she snapped. She felt his grip tighten and worried that she had made things worse. ‘You were my teacher, you are engaged to be married, I didn’t think of you like that at all. I’m sorry you thought I did.’
He pulled her towards him. Panicked, Jasmine looked towards the fair and saw someone walking through the path between the hedges from the swimming pool car park.
‘Help!’ she shouted, but Morrell’s hand covered her mouth before she could shout again.
‘I’m not going to hurt you. I just want you to admit that you wanted me to kiss you. You ruined my life and it wasn’t just in my mind, you wanted me, Jazz, admit it!’ His eyes were brimming with desperation and she knew she had to calm things down. She hoped Felicity would come to look for her soon, although she doubted that she would as she was talking to Taylor.
‘Jasmine. Are you all right?’ she heard from behind her. She couldn’t see him but she knew it was Tim; she recognised his voice. Morrell relaxed his grip and confusion swept across his face, whatever emotion he was in the grips of seemingly vanishing as soon as someone else was around.
‘Who are you?’ Mr Morrell’s gaze snapped away from Jasmine to look directly behind her. He let go and Jasmine staggered backwards until her arm thumped against Tim. She hadn’t even noticed that she was crying until she was a few feet away from Mr Morrell.
‘I’m a friend of Jasmine’s. Who are you?’ She felt Tim’s hand on her shoulder. It steadied her. She was shaking.
Mr Morrell didn’t respond.
Jasmine could see Mr Morrell trying to work out her connection to Tim, his gaze locked on the hand that rested on her shoulder. She saw a flash of jealousy and then anger. She felt safe with Tim next to her. Before now she hadn’t been sure of Tim but the threat of being alone with Mr Morrell put those childish feelings in perspective. The men stared at each other and Jasmine stepped to the side so she could watch them both. Tim had his eyes fixed on Mr Morrell, a slight smile on his face. There was something menacing about it and yet she still felt safe, glad she was on the right side of his expression.
‘I think you should go,’ Tim said. ‘Unless you want to try and grab me. I guarantee you won’t do nearly as well against someone the same size as you – well, bigger.’
Mr Morrell just backed away. She could see that he still wanted to talk, but not with Tim here. Jasmine knew he was considering his chances of winning a fight but then he clearly thought better of it and broke into a run back across the bridge and up the path that led to the houses at the top of the cliff. He lived in one of them – Jasmine knew because during one of their chats he’d told her his bedroom overlooked the sea. At the time she thought it was a strange thing to tell her, but now she knew he had the wrong idea about them it made sense. There was a restraining order in place and he couldn’t be within a hundred metres of Jasmine. As she thought about the look on his face she wondered if the restraining order made a difference at all; would he violate it again or had Tim scared him off for good?
She stared with bated breath across the bridge until she was sure Mr Morrell was gone. Then Jasmine rushed forwards and clutched Tim. He put his arms around her to comfort her.
‘Oh my God, thank you. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t turned up.’
‘Who was that?’ he asked, letting go of her. She stepped back and suddenly felt very awkward about the fact that she just had her arms wrapped around his waist.
The Heatwave Page 6
