by A. J. Markam
“My guys do,” I said, jerking my thumb back at the demon pirates.
“So you want us to hand over the ships to you,” the scarlet warrior sneered, “in exchange for passage out of here.”
“No – I want you to fight alongside us.”
That got a reaction.
More than one gangster exclaimed, “What?!”
“The Black Fleet will chase after and destroy any ships that try to escape – that’s a given. There’s no way we can run, so we’re going to have to fight. My guys assure me they can man the ships with only four pirates apiece. The rest of you will help out. The hunters and mages will attack the Black Fleet from afar, and the warriors, paladins, and rogues will board them once we get close enough.”
The scarlet warrior scoffed. “You want to take on an armada that you claim has the firepower to destroy all of Exardus?”
“It’s a lot better than staying down here and waiting to get slaughtered. At least up there you’ll have a fighting chance. The Black Fleet is awfully good at killing civilians, but they’ve never fought other ships before. Certainly not ones crewed by gangsters and pirates.”
I wasn’t exactly sure about that – the part about the Black Fleet not fighting other ships – but again, it made for good sales copy. Very persuasive.
I could tell the thugs were beginning to consider it by the way they glanced around at each other.
“And what do we get out of it?” a paladin growled.
“What, besides getting to live? You can become pirates. The ships that survive will go on to form a pirate fleet, the mightiest one the world has ever seen. If you join us, you’ll eventually get rich beyond your wildest dreams.”
That got some people interested.
Of course, though, there were naysayers.
“If we survive,” a rogue snapped.
I gave a dark laugh. “You’re sure as shit not gonna survive if you’re down on the ground when they show up.”
“And what if we say ‘no’?” the scarlet warrior snarled.
“Then we all die. You don’t let my guys pilot the ships, we all stand around scratching our asses until the Black Fleet comes and blows us all to hell.”
“Which one?” a voice piped up behind me.
I turned around to see a green muppet pirate looking up at me.
“…what?” I asked, confused.
“Which hell will they blow us to?” he asked. “Astoroth, or Gehimnon, or – ”
“You’re ruining the moment!” I hissed at him.
He shrank down in embarrassment and didn’t say another word.
I turned back to the mobsters, who were busy discussing matters amongst themselves.
Then the scarlet warrior, who had apparently been designated the mobster union spokesman, started negotiating.
“If we survive, we get rich,” he clarified.
“You can become pirates along with my friends and become rich eventually, yeah.”
If I’d been 100% honest, I would have added, …providing you agree to some things.
But I kind of needed to sell them on it, so I left that part out.
You see, I trusted my demon friends not to be murderous assholes.
These Varkus and Peenocchio guys, not so much.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to set them loose on the Seven Skies, looting and pillaging whomever they pleased.
But I would deal with that eventuality afterwards, IF they all managed to come out of it alive.
And I was betting a good number of them weren’t going to come out of it alive.
As for the morality of using these assholes to fight Nix, well…
You go into battle with the army you have, not the army you want.
“What about any treasure on the Black Fleet’s ships?” the scarlet warrior asked.
“I doubt they’re going to have anything – they’re not that kind of an outfit.”
“But if they do – ”
“Then you split it equally with my guys, fifty-fifty.”
“We have more men!” the scarlet mobster snapped. “We should get a bigger share!”
Even though it was a moot point – the Black Fleet wasn’t going to have any treasure, I was sure of it – there was only so far I was willing to be pushed.
“FIFTY-FIFTY!” I yelled angrily. “Take it or leave it!”
The scarlet warrior considered… then nodded. “Alright. Deal.”
All the mobsters roared in approval – both up on the ships and down on the docks.
Nice. We had a navy to fight Nix with.
I turned to Krug and grinned. “I told you it would work.”
He was his usual dour self. “That remains to be seen.”
30
After a brief inspection, ten ships were deemed seaworthy (or ‘airworthy,’ I guess), and they all had to be crewed.
Krug divided his men into groups of five, with the most capable in each group becoming a captain. Shee got her own command, as did Krug and eight others. The remaining pirates would man the engines and sails.
The mobsters then divided up into contingents. The smaller, faster ships got more warriors, paladins, and rogues for boarding parties; the bigger, bulkier warships got a higher percentage of hunters and mages for ranged attacks.
Once we’d handed out the assignments, it was all hands on deck.
Pirates and gangsters ran for their individual ships and prepared to lift off.
I joined Krug on one of the midsize battleships – the best blend of speed and firepower. Its name was painted on its bow.
“The Peregrine,” he grunted. “Ugh.”
“It’s a bird of prey,” I pointed out. “Not bad.”
“Not good, either.”
“We could rechristen it,” I said with a suppressed smile. “What do you want, the Revenge II?”
“The Succubus!” Alaria said happily.
“The Archangel!” Meera suggested.
“The Imp,” Stig piped up.
“I think you mean the Boozehound,” I said.
“That’s good, too,” Stig agreed with an enthusiastic nod.
Krug groaned. “First let’s just try to survive.”
The plan was simple: the bigger ships would blast away while the faster ones came up alongside the Black Fleet, at which point the Level 80 gangsters would board and take on the Level 80 skeletons.
If one of our vessels took heavy fire and was going to be destroyed, then it would go on a kamikaze run and try to take out an enemy ship by ramming it.
I could always resurrect the pirates, so none of our guys were particularly afraid.
But I didn’t tell the mobsters about the resurrection bit, just in case they got pissed that their deaths would be permanent.
If they’d been anything other than villainous NPCs looking to pillage and chop off heads, I might have felt bad.
But they weren’t… and so I didn’t.
Anyways, the gangsters were more than pumped to go chop off some heads, so everybody was happy.
The big question was, where would Nix be?
I was betting the Revenge.
Krug thought Nix would be somewhere else – maybe because he was reluctant to admit we might have to destroy his old ship.
But we agreed the priority had to be taking out Nix.
Kill him and it was checkmate.
Fail to get him, and we would be destroyed.
No other options.
As the crews made ready to take off, I pulled Meera and Alaria off to the side.
“I don’t suppose you’d stay on the ship with me and Krug if I asked nicely, would you?” I asked Alaria.
“No, I wouldn’t,” she said in annoyance. “You can’t ask Meera to go out there and risk her life without being willing to let me do the same.”
“Yes you can.” Meera turned to Alaria and said seriously, “Nix is after you, not me. You should stay behind while I – ”
“NO,” Alaria interrupted. “He nearly killed you
before – he might try to finish the job.”
“She has a point, Meera,” I said glumly. “You’re at just as much risk as she is.”
“I know, but – ”
“At least with me, we know that he’ll wait until Ian answers the riddles,” Alaria said. “Speaking of which, any progress?”
My stomach twisted nervously. “I… no. I’m trying, but nothing’s – ”
Alaria stopped my words with a kiss, then pulled back and smiled. “Don’t worry. I don’t think you’ll even have to guess – I’m betting we can kill him first.”
I didn’t share her optimism, but I didn’t say anything to contradict her. She was the one in real danger; if she needed that extra bit of hope to stay sane, then I wasn’t about to take it away from her.
Instead I got down to business. “Since you can both fly, I want you both in the mix, but I don’t want you taking unnecessary risks. Try to figure out where Nix is. If you find out, come back and let Krug know IMMEDIATELY, because THAT’S the ship we need to concentrate our attacks on. Alaria, you shoot off fireballs, but at a distance. Meera – ”
“I’ll swoop down along their hulls and see if I can cause some damage there,” she said as she ignited her sword.
“Alright – but if it gets too dangerous, bail immediately. Understood?”
“Understood. What will you be doing?”
“After I set up a Gravesite on the Peregrine, I’ll be flying around on my magic carpet looking for Nix, too. Keep an eye out – if I head back to the ship, that means I found him.”
“Will do.” Meera gave me a peck, then passionately kissed Alaria. “Be careful, Hell-whore.”
Alaria grinned. “You too, Bird-slut. I need you in one piece for the celebratory fuck afterwards.”
Meera just laughed, then spread her wings and soared into the air.
“Hey,” I said as I touched Alaria’s arm, “I meant what I said about not taking any unnecessary risks.”
“I know.”
“Stay as far away as you can and still do some damage.”
“I will.”
“Don’t be afraid to turn back if you ever feel any sort of – ”
Alaria cradled my face in her palms. “IAN. It’ll be alright.”
I looked deep into her eyes… and found it within me to lie. Or at least vastly overstate my confidence.
“…I know.”
“We’ll be fine.”
“I know.”
She smiled, then kissed me long and sensually. After ten seconds she finally pulled back. “You need to get on the ship.”
“Remember, I only have one portal left for the day, so if you’re in danger, or if it looks like there’s any chance at all of something bad happening, you get back to me and we’ll – ”
She put a finger on my lips to silence me.
“It’ll be alright,” she whispered. “I know it will.”
I nodded, sick to my stomach with worry, but I didn’t say anything else.
She kissed me once more, then unfurled her black wings.
“See you soon,” she said, and took off into the air.
31
The mobsters had taken up their positions along the bow of the ship. The four demon pirates were instructing them on how to fire the cannons, which would be important while the ship was too far out of range for the hunters and mages to effectively use their powers against the Black Fleet.
Stig sat atop a barrel, watching.
“MAN YOUR STATIONS!” Krug roared, and the four pirates scampered away. Two headed for the hold and the engines, and the other two climbed up into the rigging for the sails.
“Ready?” I asked Krug as he walked over to the wooden steering wheel for the ship.
“Does it matter?” he muttered.
I entered a nearby hatch that led down to the captain’s quarters. When I reached the first landing below the main deck, I cast Gravesite. Ten seconds later a tombstone stood embedded in the wooden floor.
I stood there looking at it, and the grimness of the situation temporarily overwhelmed me.
If I died, sure, I would come back –
But Alaria might not.
Not if Nix got to her first.
My mind raced through the riddles.
I AM THE ALPHA
AND THE OMEGA
THE FIRST
THE LAST
THE ONLY
YOU SAY HIS NAME
AND NEVER TAKE NOTICE
OTHERS SAY HIS NAME
AND YOU PERK UP YOUR EARS
AT THE END
HE WILL BE THERE
Each one seemed more impenetrable than the last.
In the face of overwhelming odds, dark gallows humor kicked in.
‘I am the Alpha and the Omega’ – what, was the last ex-master Jesus? Had Alaria converted at some point and not told me?
‘The first, the last, the only’ – it sounded like Ladies and GENTLEMEN! should be in there as well.
Maybe the 9th guy was a wrestler being introduced by Vince McMahon.
The Rock – yeah, that’s it – the Rock was the 9th ex-master.
But should I guess ‘the Rock’ or Dwayne Johnson?
‘You say his name and never take notice, others say his name and you perk up your ears’ –
What the fuck was that?
There was some old movie called Prick Up Your Ears –
Which, if Alaria got involved, would take on an entirely new meaning.
I could just imagine her guiding my erect cock towards her ear canal –
THINK, asshole! Think of the RIDDLES!
I tried to focus.
Others say his name –
You say his name –
Call me by my name –
Like that movie –
“Timothy Chalomet,” I muttered. “HE’S the last ex-master.”
Or maybe Armie Hammer. He apparently had a cannibalism fetish – he’d make a great evil ex-master.
At the end he will be there.
Well, of course he would – he was the goddamn ninth ex-master, right? Of course he would be there at the end. Everything came down to him, whoever the fuck he was.
Screw it – this was going nowhere.
I went back up the stairs to the top deck, where Krug was at the steering wheel.
“This ship is the most important,” I said to him earnestly. “If we don’t protect the tombstone I just created, I’m going to be resurrecting at a graveyard back in the city, and it’ll take precious minutes for me to get back here and – ”
“I’ll do my job,” Krug growled, “and you do yours.”
“Alright, alright,” I snapped.
Next to the ship’s steering wheel was a speaker horn connected to a metal tube that went into the wooden deck. It looked like an old-timey Victrola speaker attached to copper plumbing.
Krug leaned over and yelled into the horn, “Engines!”
Out of the horn came a muffled pirate’s voice from below decks. “Engines, check!”
Suddenly the massive turbines on the port and starboard of the ship whirred to life.
vroom, Vroom, VROom, VROOM, VROOOOOM!
“Set sails!” Krug yelled.
“Sails set, Cap’n!” a muppet yelled as he swung on a rope between yardarms.
“Liftoff!” Krug bellowed.
Suddenly the ship groaned and heaved –
And rose up into the air.
The other ships around us pulled free from their moorings, too, and began to rise.
I looked down. The shipyard was growing smaller by the second. The water in the harbor turned into a stream, and the giant wharfs turned into planks.
Exardus, too, appeared behind us. At first it was amazing to see the gleaming white skyscrapers and palaces – and then they turned into a fantasy railroad miniature, a tabletop landscape with the most amazing detail.
I could see the crater where Meera’s building had been…
The scar in the earth where
the Underneath had been obliterated…
And the desert beyond the city limits.
The ships all climbed into the air like a flock of birds in slow motion. It was truly a rousing sight: a dozen vessels high above the city, about to go into battle.
In between the ships, Alaria and Meera darted like tiny starlings amongst condors. One was black and red; the other glinted silver in the sunlight, with a blonde crest streaming behind her.
Alaria zipped by off the starboard side. She gave me a wink and a smile before she soared away.
“Storm ahead, Cap’n!” one of the pirates shouted from the rigging.
I looked where he was pointing and immediately saw it: a giant black cloud that stretched for miles over both land and ocean.
Fuck.
My stomach tightened in fear and anticipation.
“That’s him,” I said. “That’s Nix and the Black Fleet.”
“Then here we go,” Krug muttered as he turned the steering wheel.
The Peregrine headed right for the storm.
The other eleven ships settled in around us, forming a united front. The bigger warships took the center, with the smaller ships to the left and right.
Then…
One by one…
The Black Fleet emerged from the storm clouds.
First their pointed bowsprits…
Then their foredecks…
And finally their ragged black sails outlined in that sickly green glow.
I counted 24 ships to our 12.
We were outnumbered two to one.
Not great… but not horrible, either.
Ah, who the fuck was I kidding? It was pretty bad.
All the more reason to find Nix and try to end this as soon as possible.
The enemy ships were heading directly towards us in a line – and in the center was the Revenge.
“I’ll bet that’s where he is,” I muttered to myself. I turned and looked at Stig still sitting on top of the barrel. “You ready?”
“No,” he croaked, trembling slightly.
“Sorry, man, but it’s ‘go time.’”
“I don’t like ‘go time’…”
I was about to reply when tiny flashes of light sparked from the ships of the Black Fleet.
