by Sophia Reed
We’d spent the afternoon tossing questions back and forth at one another to get to know each other better. Call it the nature of the life I led, but I hadn’t much thought about my favorite color, or favorite movie, or favorite food. In a way, the more time I spent with Stacy, the more time I spent with myself. Who knew that Gabriel Varasso’s favorite food was a cheeseburger with cheese cooked right into the middle, or that he really enjoyed spending time outside when it rained? Certainly not me. Stacy taught me more about myself in a single afternoon than I’d learned in an entire twenty-three years of life. It was astounding, and scary, and electrifying. The more of me she asked for, the more I wanted to give her. The more of me I shared with her, the more I started to feel like a whole person and not a bastard child in Varasso limbo.
“So, then my mom says,” Stacy continued, her subtle New York accent breaking forth in her excitement, “if you really want to lose your virginity here, at least let me make sure the qi is perfect. Women shouldn’t lose their virginity if the qi isn’t perfect. With the guy standing right fucking there.” She took a scoop of the second pint of ice cream we were on. “Needless to say, we ended up doing it in his car. I’m not proud of that, but I guess I’ve always regretted never having like a real first time, you know. Candles, rose petals, music. The whole shebang. Quick and dirty is good, too, though.”
I made a mental note of that desire. If a night of pure romance with candles, rose petals, and music was what she wanted, it was what she would get. I had to sort things out with my brothers, but at soon as things calmed down, I’d plan the night she always dreamed of. In a few months, I could do it again. As many times as she wanted.
“Your turn,” she worked out of her mouth around another bite of ice cream. “Who was the lucky lady that deflowered Gabriel Varasso?”
I chuckled. “Well, and I swear I’m not making this up to compliment your story, I planned all of that for my high school girlfriend, but the night I was going to bring her, I found out she was cheating on me. Turns out, girls can get impatient when you don’t put out. Go figure.”
Stacy scoffed. “God! Some women are so dumb.” She hissed the insult like it was going to go flying out the window and make its way to my ex. “Did you do it anyway?”
“I wanted to, actually.” I took my own scoop of ice cream. “But she was already gone. She broke up with me, and then I ended up getting hammered and just doing it one night. Nothing exciting. The chick wouldn’t even give me her last name. She was just Hannah from the Bar until I finally deleted her after a painful ghosting.”
Stacy’s lips curved down into a pitying frown. “Aw. Poor popped Gabe.”
I shrugged. “There’s a happy ending. I eventually met this hot yoga studio instructor. Like…hot. She brought me home on the first night. The sex gods made up for their transgressions.”
Stacy put her finger to her lips in faux-curiosity. “Tell me more about this yoga studio instructor? Does she have beautiful, long, blonde hair.”
“The blondest and most beautiful,” I replied without hesitation, “and these deep, sterling-green eyes…and an ass.”
Stacy dropped her spoon into the bucket and started to clap. “She sounds like a ten out of ten.”
“One hundred out of ten.” I smiled, and Stacy smiled back at me. “I’m talking about you, you know?”
Stacy’s mouth widened dramatically. “Oh! I did not gather that.” Her sarcastic tone was flat and humorous.
I stared at her as she dug back into the bucket of ice cream, but a hollow scrape called back to her. She looked back in the bucket and frowned. “Aw. It’s gone.” She looked up at me. “Should we go get more?”
“I have a better idea.” I’d been struck with a random burst of inspiration. There was a piece of me that I’d always clung to as if my life depended on it. A piece of me only one other person had ever seen, and he was six feet beneath the earth now. “Come on.”
Stacy looked confused but didn’t argue. We put our shoes on and went out to pile into my truck. We drove for forty-five minutes until we were well outside the glow of Philly. We ascended a single-car-wide dirt path and parked in the same grass-worn spot I’d been to a thousand times before. We climbed out of the car, and I took Stacy’s hand and brought her to the top of Westberg Hill, an off-the-beaten-path picnic spot that overlooked the city in an unimpeded, postcard-worthy view. I walked over to the small maroon chest that I knew was tucked under an old oak tree there and pulled it free.
I opened the chest, which was just large enough to fit the big blanket I dug out of it. I gave it a flap against the cool, evening air, knocking some dust away and fanning it out its full length. I laid it over the perfect spot on the hill’s peak that was flat enough to lay it out on and was also devoid of miscellaneous rocks. I went back to the chest and picked out the bottle and shot glasses that pulling the blanket had revealed, walked over to the blanket, sat down, and patted next to me for Stacy to join. She sat down next to me, and I handed her a glass to hold while I unscrewed the black top of the half-empty whiskey bottle and poured a sizable shot.
“I take it you’ve been here before?” Stacy asked.
“Yeah. My dad used to bring me here all the time.”
I poured my own shot, returned the cap to the bottle, and set it off to the side. Stacy’s jaw went a little slack, and I knew she was no doubt reacting to the way I’d spoken about my father up to that point, which had been mostly negative.
“I know.” I knocked my shot back in a single toss and set my glass down. “He wasn’t a monster. My brothers think so, specifically Luca and Marco, but he was just…”
“Misunderstood?” Stacy filled in before taking her shot.
I shook my head. “No. It was almost impossible to misunderstand my dad. He would tell you exactly who he was, and if you didn’t want to believe in it, he would beat it into you.” I chuckled. “I realize that sounds pretty monster-like, but my dad was kind of like a conduit. Whatever you gave him, he gave back.”
“An empath.” I looked over at Stacy with a furrowed brow, and she grinned. “That’s the hippie term for it. Someone who takes on the emotions of the people around them and projects it.”
I was forever warmed by Stacy’s ability to find the missing pieces to the puzzle that was my life.
“I’m not excusing the way he was with my brothers or his wife, or even with me, but he could sense that they hated him. He loved his kids, but he wasn’t the type to accept mistreatment of any kind. He could hide behind the way he treated him by treating them the same way. They threw in shit, and he threw in shit, and they threw in more shit, and he threw in more shit until the void between them was so vast that all they could see was an enemy on the other side.” I looked out at the Philly skyline in the distance, trying to remember the weight of my dad next to me. “One time, when I was seven, I think, Luca walked up to me. He said, ‘You hate him too, right? Our dad.’ He was standing right there—dad was—Luca wanted me to admit in front of him that I hated him. Maybe if I had, they wouldn’t have been so awful to me coming up, but I loved my dad. I couldn’t say it. He treated me the same way as them, but I loved him anyway. He was my dad.”
“You’re an empath, too.” Stacy nodded her head as if it all made perfect sense. “You got it from him. You could feel that he loved you, and you loved him, too.”
I wrapped my arm around Stacy’s waist and pulled her flush against me. It shouldn’t have been possible for someone to just fit so well, but she did. She was the frame in which I could rest my picture. She rested her head against my shoulder, and I kissed her forehead before setting my head over hers.
“After that, he started bringing me here,” I continued. “He saw that the older boys were bullying me and that I was struggling to keep up with this life, so he made extra time for me. He brought me here, and we would talk for hours. He would smile when we were here, actually smile. None of the guys know this. I’ve been afraid that if I told them, they’d resent me even
more. It works for them to continue to think that my dad was a beast, and when I see his worst qualities shoot out of them, I start to think he may have been one, too. I also knew the side of my dad that loved us, though. The side of him that would gush for hours about how proud he was of Luca when he played football or about his plans to build a whole, multi-million dollar workout facility because he could see Marco getting into working out more.”
I laughed. “Oh man, when he found out Alessandro was actually smart. He went on and on and on. He couldn’t believe it.” I lowered my voice in a desperate attempt to imitate his bass timber. “He’s got brains, Gabe. Real ones! Not ones like me. Must have gotten ‘em from his mom. He sure didn’t get ‘em from me.”
Stacy chuckled against me. “Sounds like a proud dad to me.”
I nodded. “He was. He was also vicious. Disciplinarian would be a nice way to describe him. I don’t blame my brothers for the way they feel about him. They’re right, and I’m right. My dad was all of that, and he was none of that.” I thought about Alessandro and how my dad would probably have the perfect solution to the problem. Whether it was some well-thought-out, multi-step plan of action to get him back on track, or just beating the ever-loving shit out of him, he’d have Alessandro back to his old self before any of us could blink.
“Parents are complicated,” Stacy said. “What about your mom?”
“Never knew her. I tried asking my dad about her once, and it was the only time he ever hit me, so I didn’t ask again. I don’t even know if she’s living. I assume she’s not. Back to that monster some people saw. I figured my dad beat wondering about my mom out of me because he knew that he’d buried her to get his hands on me. That’s just what I imagine, anyway.”
“I bet she was pretty.” Stacy glanced up around her flower crown at me. “Just based on how pretty you are.”
I looked down at her, and the emotions were too overwhelming to deny anymore. “I love you.”
Stacy sat straight up out of my arms. For half a second, I thought the shocked look on her face meant that I’d messed up saying it, but then her expression softened, and she smiled.
“I love you, too.” There was a breathless shock in her voice like she couldn’t believe she was saying it back. In retrospect, we hadn’t been together that long, but the time we’d spent together was so profound that it was the only natural conclusion. I could have said it to her when she first walked into her yoga studio. “Let’s go back to my place.”
I was already standing off the blanket while Stacy was returning the bottle to the chest. I folded the blanket, stuffed it in, and shoved it back under the tree. Our escalation in lovemaking was intense, so I hoped that the first utterances of our love wouldn’t break her bed, but I’d be sure to ask her the model just in case.
We climbed into my car, and disappointment flooded into me like the waves crashing out of a broken dam. My cell phone was sitting on my seat, and I had ten missed calls, all from of my brothers, Ricky, and Molly. It had to be important.
I opened my mouth, but Stacy held up a hand. “I know, and it’s okay, but I expect another orchid.”
That was the least of what I planned to bring her when we could finally consummate our newfound passion. “You got it.”
18
Gabriel
I drove onto my family’s estate with more than a little pep in my step. It would have been nice to have gone back to Stacy’s and celebrated our new relationship, but when I was finally able to dig into all of my family’s attempts to get a hold of me, they were all relieved to hear I was okay and ordered me back to our family’s estate immediately. When I pulled onto the property, I was shocked and a little afraid to see that both Alessandro’s and Marco’s trucks were present. Both my brothers were mysteriously in town now. I couldn’t have wagered a guess as to the severity of the situation I’d missed while I was off confessing my love to Stacy and reminiscing about my dad, but all three of my brothers were probably going to run me through for not being immediately available.
I climbed out of my truck and made sure I was expedient in heading in through the front doors, up two sets of stairs, and down to Luca’s office. I was out of breath when I was finally knocking on the doors a few minutes later, but it was worth it not to waste any more time.
“Gabe?” Luca called out.
“Yeah.”
The door opened for me, with Molly’s hand on the handle. I scuttled over the door frame into the room and was immediately crushed beneath the pressure in the room. The tension was thick and nearly visible, and everyone was staring at me as if I was a ghost.
“Are you hurt?” Luca started.
Alessandro and Marco were sitting in the two chairs that opposed Luca’s desk, but moving through the room to the couch was a little too ominous a task. I just stayed standing near the door after Molly closed it and returned to her typical spot at Luca’s side.
“No,” I replied. “I’m sorry. I was…” Making up an excuse wasn’t a good idea, but I’d been careful not to mention Stacy to Luca. Not having a legitimate reason for being late, the wrath that might bring was better than involving Stacy in the life any more than she needed to be. “I shouldn’t have been unreachable. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“We thought you were dead,” Luca continued his lecture. “It’s not that I want total control over your life. You have no idea how panicked we were. I need you to have your phone on you at all times.”
Now probably wasn’t a good time to mention that I wasn’t used to my brothers giving a shit about me at all, so I just opted for a dull, “You’re right.” I looked at the concerned expressions on everyone’s faces and finally decided to ask. “What happened.”
“The Binachis moved,” Molly responded. “On me.”
My stomach settled somewhere around my shoes. “What?”
“And Willow,” Alessandro said.
Marco nodded. “And Kelly.”
Luca’s hands were folded on top of his desk in that smug, business way, and his leer shifted from me to Alessandro. “It seems like the conversation Alessandro had with Anthony Carducci kicked something off.”
I felt my heart start to go faster and faster like someone was button-smashing the accelerator on a treadmill. “Are they okay?”
Molly was right in front of me, but if Willow and Kelly had been threatened, and the guys were here—
“They’re at Willow’s parents’ place. They’re heavily guarded. Ricky and Sasha took the kids. They…” Marco swallowed hard as he explained. “They won’t tell us where. They say it’s too dangerous.”
“All of them?” I asked, looking around at everyone’s pained expressions before I finally landed on Molly. More than being a wife, more than running part of the business, being a mom was her life. She loved her kids more than herself. “Anna and Antonio?”
Molly nodded slowly. “They were with me when someone approached me at the grocery store. I was armed, fortunately, but he tried…he tried to take them from me.”
“Kelly was at a check-up. She had Amanda with her because I was at work. She walked into the doctor’s office, and they’d slit the doctor’s throat and were standing there, waiting.” I could hear the wood splintering under the arm of Marco’s chair as he gripped it tightly.
The world was spinning around me, and I felt like I was going to be sick. I looked at Alessandro, and he perked up immediately. “Willow was at the park with Alexis. She had a gun on her, and the guy didn’t want to draw attention, so he left.”
Relief filled me, knowing they all were safe, but I could feel my brothers’ rage. Whatever fleeting ideas any of them had about wanting to be out of the business were long gone, they were going to storm after the Binachis with everything they had, legal or not.
“Before the guy left Willow,” Alessandro continued, “he said, ‘No kids yet for the last one, right?’”
Luca’s eyes landed on me. “We assumed that meant they were just coming straight for you.”
That information settled in on me like a leveled building. “Stacy.”
“What?” Luca asked.
“Fuck.” Marco jumped up out of his seat. “Go. You have to go now.”
Molly was rushing towards the door. “I’ll go with you.”
“What? What’s going on?”
Alessandro pulled his gun out of his waistband and tossed it to me. “Put one in their skull if you have to.”
“Stacy is Gabe’s girlfriend,” Molly spat at Luca as he got angrier from confusion.
“How could you do that without telling me about it?” Luca barked. “Did all of you know?”
“Now is not the time!” I bellowed, and Luca recoiled from shock. I’d never once yelled at my eldest brother before. I would have been too afraid before, but Stacy was involved, and that changed everything. “Molly, are you driving?”
She dangled her keys and was out the door a second later. I was hot on her heels as she bolted with my brothers shouting after me. I just dropped Stacy off at home without a second thought, and the Binachis were probably already there. I should have found out what my brothers were so afraid of first. I delivered the love of my life into the hands of killers, and unlike my sisters-in-law, she didn’t have the tools to protect herself.
I jumped into Molly’s Porsche, and she was off moments later. The way she sped through the streets of Philly was going to get us to Stacy’s quickly. I was just praying that the Binachis hadn’t already been and gone.
