“Come on, Layla. Cut it out,” I hissed.
I threw in a frozen pizza and got started on the margaritas. I had ice cream in the freezer, and I knew it would make an appearance. I watched the clock and counted down the minutes until Nicole showed up. I vibrated with fury and confusion and sadness and… well, more confusion.
And the second that knock came at the door, I ripped it open.
“This is your fault!” I exclaimed.
I didn’t even realize tears had brewed until they slid down my cheeks. Nicole’s eyes widened and she gripped my shoulders, backing me into my apartment. She kicked the door closed, and my head fell forward as more tears fell. Tears for Susie. Tears for Millie. Tears for my frustration and how confusing things had just become.
“It’s all right. I’m here. Hey, hey. Take some breaths,” she soothed.
“It’s all your fault,” I said again, crying.
“I’ve got you. Let it out.”
“I’m so confused.”
She rubbed my back. “What happened? Talk to me, Layla.”
“I kissed Cole.”
“Wait, what?”
I wiped at my tears and turned my back to her, unable to face her.
“It’s your fault for planting those idiotic thoughts in my mind. It’s your fault I stared at him all through dinner. You made me question myself. You made me question everything. And when he kissed me, I let him!”
“When the hell did this happen?” she asked.
“After dinner!” I exclaimed.
“After you walked Millie to his truck?”
I nodded. My chest jumped with my breaths. “In nearly ten years, never once had I had the urge to look at Cole that way. Not once had I felt this way. Not once had I ever considered kissing that man. And then you go and plant those bullshit ideas in my head and make me question myself and spout off all this nonsense about moving on from Brent and, bam! Kissing!”
I heard a muffled sound coming from her, and I turned around. I saw her hand clapped over her mouth and an entertained look pop up in her eye. I narrowed my eyes at her, still wiping at my tears. I shook in front of her. I leered at her. And she had the audacity to laugh at me?
“You kissed Cole. Holy shit. I knew you had feelings for him,” she said, giggling.
“This isn’t funny,” I said flatly.
“Oh, it’s very funny.”
“It’s not funny, and it’s your fucking fault.”
“You can curse me and say whatever you want. But you and I both know that’s not true.”
“You planted the ideas in my head!”
“That your subconscious was already having, you nitwit.”
She giggled so hard she held her stomach. Tears popped up in my eyes, but for a completely different reason. I steeled myself and stopped the tears. I felt more embarrassed than anything. The timer on the microwave went off, and I ripped out the pizza, tossing it onto a pan on the stove. Then, I set my sights on finishing the margaritas.
Adding more tequila to make them stiffer.
“Oh, Layla. Come on,” Nicole said.
“No,” I said coolly.
“Oh, don’t do this. Don’t cut me off like that. I want to know details! Was he good? Was it nice? Was there tongue?”
“I hate you.”
She wrapped her arms around me. “You don’t hate me. You could never hate me.”
“Let me go,” I murmured.
“How about I kiss you instead?”
I shoved her away, and she started laughing again. I shook my head as I poured our margaritas, making hers intentionally small.
“Hey, now. Don’t punish me.”
“Should’ve thought about that before laughing at me,” I said.
“Layla, seriously. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Or me, for that matter,” she said.
“Why did you say all of that stuff about him and me?”
“Honestly, I didn’t realize it’d come as such a shock to you.”
I handed her a drink. “You’re an idiot, then.”
“I’m really not. You’re just thick-headed. You always have been. I mean, you’ve said so yourself, Cole’s been there for you through a lot. Through what happened with your fiancé. Through those awkward teenage years. He’s always been there to celebrate as well as support. Why is this coming as a shock to you that you might have enjoyed kissing him?”
“Because he’s been my rock, Nicole. My friend. My confidant. Someone I can trust. Not someone I can sleep with.”
“So, you want to sleep with him?”
“I’m going to throw you out the damn window.”
She laughed. “I’d like to see you try.”
I lunged at her, but all she did was laugh harder. She wrapped her arms around me, steadying her drink as my head fell against her shoulder. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. I wanted to gossip and kill her, at all once. She swayed me side to side, giggling into my hair while taking sips of her drinks.
“Mm, this thing is good,” she said.
“I made them strong,” I murmured.
“As strong as Cole’s arms?”
I slapped her arm before pulling away, and she fell apart in laughter.
“You walked into that one,” she said.
“You can leave the same way you came.”
“Girl come on. Lighten up on me a bit. I thought you already knew you were in love with him. That it was just something you were denying or some shit.”
“I’m not in love with Cole,” I snapped.
Her face fell. “Don’t play dumb. You can play dumb with me, but not with your heart. I’ve been to a few of these shindigs you guys throw. I’ve seen the two of you interact before. I mean, I don’t know you two as well as you two know one another. But I know attraction when I see it.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not in love with him,” I repeated.
“Not even as a teenager?”
“Oh, come on. A teenage crush is hardly love. Sure, I thought he was cute when I was fifteen and didn’t know what the hell to do around guys. That hardly translates into anything here, though.”
“Are you sure it doesn’t? Not even a little bit?”
I shook my head. “No. No way.”
She sipped her drink. “You can deny it all you want, but I see the way you look at him. The way your smile grows a little brighter whenever he makes you laugh. I’ve witnessed, with my own eyes, how quick you are to help him. To interject yourself into this situation with his niece. Even when you talk about him to me, just nonchalantly, you get giddy. Your smile grows. Your body fills with energy. And if those aren’t the trait of a girl who’s at least smitten with a guy, then maybe I need to reformat what it looks like to be in love.”
“Well, maybe you do, then.”
She groaned as she walked over to slice our pizza. And the more I chugged my drink, the more I thought about what she was saying. No way. No way in hell she was even remotely accurate. I would have seen it before now. Before life had completely exploded in both of our faces.
“Think about it, Layla.”
“I don’t want to,” I said.
“You constantly ask about how Cole’s doing.”
“I do not,” I said.
“If you haven’t seen him lately, then you’re constantly posturing out loud as to what you think he’s up to or how he’s getting along.”
“Nope.”
“You go all soft around him. Especially at that dinner.”
“Your fault, remember?”
“You let Cole pick on Ace. And I know how protective you are of your dog.”
I paused at that one. I mean, she had a point there. I was very protective of Ace. If people didn’t like my dog, they weren’t allowed to come over. Simple as that. But I let Cole pick on my dog all the time.
“That’s just one tiny thing,” I said.
“Every time I ask you who you’re texting, seven times out of ten it’s Cole.”
“Well, he�
�s had a lot—”
“And every time you walk out of your art studio with a project in your hand, you find a way to relate it back to Cole.”
“That’s only because—”
“And every time there’s a school function, you invite Cole before your brother. You hug Cole before your brother. You escort Cole around instead of your brother. You engage him in conversation before your brother.”
She continued rattling on, and my mouth slowly fell open. Oh, my gosh. She was right. The news rocked me. The revelation shook me to my core.
Had I really fallen for Cole?
“Layla?” Nicole asked.
I scoffed. “Yeah?”
“You there?”
“Yeah, I just…”
Nicole filled up our glasses as my voice rose to a squeak.
“What am I supposed to do with this information now?”
As Nicole’s laughter filled my kitchen, I girded it with a heavy sigh.
Because I felt more lost than ever before.
12
Cole
I had a plan. Sort of. I had a roundabout plan of how to broach the topic with Lance. I didn’t want to be too forceful with it, because I still didn’t know where I stood. But there was no point in exploring the territory if Lance wasn’t on board with it. I mean, he was my best friend. My lifelong friend. It didn’t matter if I realized that I had the hots for his sister.
If he didn’t support it, then it wouldn’t work.
I figured I could start by asking him simple questions. Figuring how Layla was doing in the world of romance since losing Brent. Easy territory. Easy questions. And it wouldn’t take much effort for me to look like the concerned friend. Because I was concerned. I’d seen how Layla became more reclusive after burying him. How she stopped coming out with us all the time. Making excuses, using work as a shield. She’d been doing it less and less, but the tactics were still there.
I had a right to ask, anyway.
Right?
I had to apologize, though. Not to Lance, but to Layla. The more I thought about that kiss, the more it seemed like it had been intrusive. I thought back on it. The way she’d moved against me. The way she’d stepped away from the truck and toward me. The more I relived it, the more I realized she’d been trying to leave. Not trying to get closer to me. For all I knew, the kiss was unwanted. Something she felt she had to do in order to get out of the situation.
It killed me to think like that.
I didn’t want Layla avoiding me because of it. I didn’t want her feeling uncomfortable coming around because of what happened. At the very least, I needed to make sure she was all right. Depending on how that apology went, though, it might open up other avenues. Maybe she didn’t want me to be sorry for the kiss. Maybe she admitted she liked the kiss or wasn’t put off by it.
Maybe I could acclimate her to the idea that we might be good together.
Confusion. That was the tone for Saturday morning. I figured coffee might right my mind. But it didn’t. The more I woke up, the more I wanted to go back to sleep. The last thing I wanted to do was use Millie in all this. I didn’t want to get Layla to come around more just because of my niece. That was a bullshit move, and one I wouldn’t pull. But Millie liked Layla. That much was for certain.
Focus, Cole. Start with talking to Lance.
I walked back into the house and started on breakfast. Only this time, it was a massive meal. I made Millie’s fresh peach oatmeal, but I also scrambled up some eggs and buttered some toast. I made a fresh pot of coffee and put out the half gallon of milk. I sliced up a cantaloupe and fried up some bacon slices, setting everything on the table for us to eat.
And just as Millie started coming down the stairs, my cell phone rang.
“This is Cole,” I said, yawning.
“This is Joe,” he said, chuckling.
“It’s a Saturday morning—what are you doing calling me?”
I motioned for Millie to sit down in her seat at the table, a place I wanted to reserve specifically for her. Because the more I ingrained a routine into her, the more settled she seemed to become. Which would work perfectly, since I was pretty routine oriented myself.
“Ah, just an issue with one of the projects. I’m here helping out with some last-minute insulation because they’re behind schedule. I wanted to call and update you, though. We’re still on track to finish this damn thing, provided I can get it insulated before lunch,” Joe said.
I made a split-second decision. “You’re getting a raise.”
“Man, you’re fine. I just know I told you I’d—”
“No, I’m serious.”
He paused. “What?”
I sighed. “You’ve been holding down two separate businesses ever since I took my leave of absence. You deserve a raise.”
“That’s what I do. I’m your right-hand man.”
“How would you like a promotion to go with that raise?”
“Have you had enough coffee?”
I snickered. “More than enough to last me a lifetime.”
“You really don’t have to—”
“We’ll talk about it when I get back into work. I mean, you know, once Millie’s settled and everything. I’ll send an email to HR about your raise. And we’ll talk about your title once I get back.”
“I—well—thanks, Cole. I appreciate that.”
“It’s not like you haven’t earned it: don’t sound so shocked. I’ll copy you on the email, and I give you permission to use my POA to sign off on the raise.”
“You sure about this?”
“Question me again and I’m doubling it.”
“Promise?”
I snickered. “Yes. I’m serious, Joe.”
“Well, again. I really appreciate it.”
I heard Lance pull up in his SUV. “I gotta go. I’ll get that email sent out around lunch.”
“I’ll let you know when this insulation is finished. Time to put on my mask.”
“Yep. Thanks.”
I hung up the phone just as Lance knocked on the door. I yelled for him to come in before I realized what I’d done. Millie flinched and curled up at the table. And I cursed myself for stepping over a line. I walked over to her and rubbed her back, apologizing for raising my voice so much.
“It’s just Uncle Lance. I just wanted to let him know he could come in,” I said softly.
And while she nodded, she didn’t say anything.
Two steps forward, one step back.
“Something smells great in here,” Lance said.
“Come and eat. We’ve got a long day ahead of us,” I said.
“You made a spread, too.”
“We’ll need the fuel.”
I poured us some coffee, and we all sat down, eating together like the family we had become. Millie kept peeking up at Lance, and every time he smiled at her, she giggled. We wolfed down food without much conversation, then started setting up for the painting. I hauled the buckets upstairs while Lance helped Millie clear out her room. We set down plastic Millie kept jumping on, laughing heartily at the crinkling noise.
A sound that brought a smile to my face.
“So, I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” I said.
“What’s up?” Lance asked.
“I’ve noticed Layla’s getting out and doing a lot more nowadays. You think she’s finally getting over what happened with Brent?” I asked.
He chuckled. “I’m glad I’m not the only one that noticed. I’m hoping so. I mean, what happened to him was devastating. But I’ve been wanting her to move past it ever since she took this job with the elementary school.”
“I just wasn’t sure. I mean, she’s been coming over and helping me with Millie and all that. I just wasn’t sure if that was her finally getting over things, or if this was a temporary type of deal.”
“Yeah, she has been over here a lot. Care to tell me why?”
I shrugged. “No real reason. Help with Millie. Bringing me paperwork a
nd information on enrolling her into school. IEPs. Resources to help me out. Things like that.”
“And that’s it?”
Dread filled my gut. “Why wouldn’t that be all?”
Laughter filled the room as I pried open the first paint bucket. His laughter grew, and I wasn’t sure how to place it. Had I said something funny? Was he about to kill me? I looked down at Millie and saw her staring at Lance with this wide-eyed look. And for the first time since she’d come to stay with me, I knew exactly how she felt.
Then, Lance’s face fell stone cold.
“Okay. I know you can be subtle. But that wasn’t it. And finally, before you hurt yourself anymore, yes. Please, for the love of all things holy, date my sister.”
I blinked. “What?”
“I’m not blind. So, get it over with. It’s time both of you got put out of your misery.”
He knows? How the hell does he know?
“But I—wait a second.”
“What?” Lance asked.
“You’ve been protective of Layla your entire life. I mean, I saw how hard you came down on Brent sometimes. How you’d stare him down and make him feel flustered. I heard about the fights you and Layla had over it. What gives now?”
He picked up a paintbrush. “I’ve known for a while how you felt about my sister.”
“What?”
“Uh, yeah. Idiot. You used to be protective of her too. I knew I was only saying to her what you wanted to say. You were always hovering over her. Always making sure she was okay. And then, after Brent passed, you were the first one there. The first one to comfort her.”
“Well, yeah. We’ve always been there for one another.”
“Time passed, and your looks got less and less protective. You stared at her a little longer. A little harder. Sometimes a bit too hard, if you ask me.”
I did? “You’re insane.”
He dipped his brush into the paint. “Call me whatever you want. But I know what I’ve seen over the last couple of years. So, yes. Date my sister and put everyone out of their misery. Because it’s painful watching you two dance around each other.”
I watched as he started painting, but I couldn’t move. If Lance knew, did Layla know? Holy shit, I needed to talk to her now more than ever. But I had Millie’s room to finish. I promised her that by the end of the weekend she’d have a new room, all put together and completely hers.
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