A Vineyard Lullaby

by Katie Winters

  She had to learn to give her the reins soon.

  “I guess so. Yeah,” Audrey heard herself say.

  It was decided that they would meet in two nights’ time, along the dock. They said goodbye and “see you later,” and Audrey immediately entered a state of panic, one that reminded her of long-ago days when she’d actually known how to flirt with boys.

  Once inside the grocery store, Christine was the first to speak. “The guy is in love with you.”

  Audrey’s cheeks burned. She reached for a bag of apples, one of the items on Amanda’s list, and placed it gently in the cart. “I don’t know. We just hung out quite a bit when his sister and Max were in the NICU. Maybe he just wants a friend who understands what that was like.”

  “I’ve never looked at my friends like I want to undress them immediately,” Christine teased. “Well, actually, that’s not fully true. I’m sure there were a few guy friends over the years I wanted something more with.”

  “And didn’t you and Zach kind of start out as friends?”

  Christine stopped dead in her tracks near the oranges. Her face twitched. “Naw. More enemies, I guess. I should have known all along that it wouldn’t have worked.”

  Audrey willed herself to explain that she had seen him. But she didn’t want to hurt Christine any more than was necessary. Christine was broken-hearted; she just wanted to get through this pain and find a way to heal. Run-ins with Zach weren’t going to help that.

  TWO DAYS LATER, MAX slept in his crib as Audrey hovered over her bed, where she’d splayed four potential outfits for her not-date with Noah. She’d hardly bothered with anything but sweats since Max’s birth, and she wasn’t entirely sure what her body would do with things like high-waisted jeans or cute black dresses. She began the grueling process of making the decision — buttoning what could be buttoned, yanking fabric over her shoulders, frowning at her reflection in the mirror. Baby Max cooed at her throughout.

  “It’s all your fault, you know,” she told him with a smile. “I used to be hot.”

  When she realized that not a single thing would do, she called her mother, on the verge of tears.

  “I’ll come and pick you up,” Lola affirmed. “We’ll figure something out.”

  Audrey hadn’t spent much time at Lola’s cabin, which she shared with Tommy. In recent months, she had redecorated the place to suit her personality. Prior to that, the place had just been drab and dark, too much of a reminder of the previous owner, Chuck, Scott’s brother, who now sat in prison for stealing funds from many island residents.

  “It’s just like old times,” Lola said. “You, raiding my closet.”

  Audrey laughed at the thought as she spread apart the various patterned fabrics, the black dresses, the bohemian looks that her mother had accumulated over the years. Lola was something of a shopping addict, but she normally procured her goods from second-hand shops, so it all had this edge of “coolness” to it. You couldn’t just go out and find it in any given store. Audrey’s things were similar; they just didn’t currently fit.

  “You’d look so good in this,” Lola said. She gripped a dark maroon, full-length dress, cut low across the breasts. “And your boobs are huge right now, so it’s perfect.”

  Audrey rolled her eyes at the boob-comment but took the dress and tried it on in the corner of the room. Although she’d changed in front of her mother countless times over the years, there was still something about her post-pregnancy body that she didn’t want anyone to see.

  When she turned back, she drew her shoulders back and lifted her chin.

  “Wow. It really is beautiful,” Lola remarked softly. “He won’t be able to take his eyes off of you.”

  “Ugh. Whatever,” Audrey said sheepishly.

  In truth, though, when Audrey stood out by the docks in the dress, along with her mother’s chic blue jean jacket, she really did feel like something special. It was maybe the first time since she’d gotten really huge that she felt pretty in any sense of the word. She glanced to the right and caught sight of Noah, walking toward her, his chin lifted and his smile big. Her heart flipped over in her chest.

  Thankfully, her voice didn’t give her nerves away.

  “Hey there, stranger,” she greeted with a smile.

  Noah’s eyes did a once over. “You look great,” he said.

  “So do you,” she told him. And he did. Beneath his jacket, he wore a dark blue sweater and a pair of jeans. She could have burrowed herself against that sweater. She wondered what it felt like to have his strong arms wrapped around her.

  They began to walk. The sun still hovered above the waterline, and everything was glossy with orange and pink light. Audrey was nervous at first and asked him silly questions, like what the personality of his baby sister was and what his mother’s pregnancy cravings had been.

  “She loved French fries,” he said. “I was always running out to buy French fries. Oh, and dill pickles. She couldn’t get enough.”

  “That’s funny. I had a big thing for Fig Newtons,” Audrey confessed. “We eventually had to ban them from the house.”

  Slowly, they eased the conversation toward other things. It felt natural, as though they were two flowers, blooming along the branch of the same tree.

  “Do you mind if I ask you a question?” Noah asked after about an hour. He leaned against a barrier between them and the water just beyond.

  “Okay.” For whatever reason, Audrey felt he could ask her anything at all. She wanted to be honest with him.

  “The father,” Noah started. “Max’s dad. What happened there?”

  Audrey didn’t bristle against the question. “I was in Chicago for an internship. He was older. It was just a fling—an accident.”

  Noah nodded. “Do you think about him?”

  Audrey shook her head. “I thought I would, but I don’t. I have too much support from my family. And I don’t even have to give up on my original plans. I’ll be heading back to college soon to get my degree. And we get the added benefit of knowing and loving Max.”

  There was silence as Noah pondered what she’d said.

  “Probably it sounds crazy,” Audrey said. “And honestly, it was. I was pregnant at nineteen. I was so disappointed in myself. I walked around with all this guilt. From the outside, I looked happy. I made jokes and I laughed. But it was a year of a lot of pain for me. I felt like a prisoner in a lot of ways.”

  “I think I understand that,” Noah said. “Although I can’t fully imagine what it was like.”

  As their night continued, Audrey realized that this was the first time in a long, long time that she’d hung out with someone who wasn’t directly linked to the Sheridan family. Date or no date, it was miraculous to be seen as Audrey— only Audrey, and not an extension of the Sheridans.

  They grabbed ice cream, despite the chill to the late-evening air, and sat outside watching the boats bob against each other.

  “I’ve thought about leaving in the fall,” he said. “Heading off to school. I’ve done a few semesters, but I never fully committed to anything.”

  Audrey’s throat tightened. She didn’t dare dream any kind of dream.

  “I’m just glad I could be here while my mom went through all this. And now that she has the baby to care for and love, I think she’ll be okay if I left for a while.” Noah paused and adjusted his ice cream cone. His eyes caught the last sight of the sunset. “Not that I don’t miss this island when I’m gone. The Vineyard is in my blood. I don’t think I’ll ever live anywhere else long-term.”

  Audrey smiled. “I know exactly what you mean.”

  Chapter Twenty

  It was a five-tiered, strawberry-cream-filled, flower-covered birthday cake. It was one of Christine’s best creations, even better than the cake that had taken first-prize at a competition in Paris, and she’d made it for Audrey’s twentieth birthday celebration. It was an act of love and artistry. Of course, she’d seen Audrey wolf down three packaged pastry snacks in a row and m
utter, “Wow, these are delicious,” so she wasn’t exactly the kind to be really impressed with fine cakes. That was okay.

  When Christine delivered the cake to the Sheridan house, she found Amanda and Sam at the kitchen table, a bowl of mixed nuts and a bottle of wine between them. Baby Max slept in his bassinet in the corner, his eyelids glowing with their translucency. Amanda was so captivated with whatever Sam said that she hardly glanced up when Christine entered with the monster-sized cake.

  “Wow. Christine!” Sam jumped up to assist her in placing the cake on the table. “You’ve outdone yourself.”

  “I think I got a little carried away,” Christine admitted as she removed the cake cover. “And all this is for our birthday girl who normally eats cake with her hands.”

  “It’s true. She does,” Amanda affirmed with a laugh. “Or did. Maybe now that she’s twenty, she’ll outgrow it.”

  “I don’t think Audrey will ever outgrow her Audrey-ness,” Christine said. “And the world is better off for it.” She removed her jacket and splayed it across one of the chairs. “Where is that girl, anyway?”

  “She mentioned something about meeting a friend really quick?” Amanda said. Her eyes sparkled. “I have a hunch it’s that guy. Noah.”

  “She’s been so hush-hush about him since they went on that date last week,” Christine said.

  “She always corrects us and says it wasn’t a date,” Amanda explained to Sam.

  This was ironic, Christine thought, since usually, when Amanda spoke about Sam, she always explained that they, too, “weren’t dating.” Oh, another generation of Sheridan women, up to their silly romantic tricks.

  “I’m glad she’s been allowed a little bit of fun,” Christine said. “She almost went stir-crazy this past winter being pregnant and stuck inside.”

  “Pregnant and what?” Audrey’s voice rang out from the back door. She appeared a few minutes later, her smile enormous and her hair all wild from the spring breeze from the Vineyard Sound.

  “There she is! The birthday girl!” Christine said. She hugged Audrey close as Audrey exclaimed over the cake.

  “You did not have to do this,” she gushed as she inspected the masterpiece. “Oh my gosh! Those little flowers! How can I possibly eat them?”

  “I think you can get yourself to eat anything,” Christine replied with a laugh. “It’s one of your superpowers.”

  Max got a bit fussy then, and Audrey took him upstairs to feed him and change his diaper. Susan and Lola arrived with big bags of groceries. They seemed in the middle of an argument, which Christine only caught the tail-end of.

  “I don’t think you understand what I mean,” Lola said. “Obviously, her lyrics are more poetic. I just don’t think they’re as musical.”

  “What the heck do you even mean?” Susan demanded.

  Ah yes. Another silly, sister argument. Maybe this was another sign of normality. They could go back to picking fights about stupid things.

  Lola piled the grocery bags on the counter as Susan greeted Amanda and Sam.

  “Don’t mind us. We got heated in the car about ‘90s music, but I think we’ll be over it soon,” Susan explained with a playful grin.

  “Speak for yourself,” Lola grumbled.

  “Good to see you, Sam!” Susan said. “Is Natalie working the front desk today?”

  “Yep. I hope you don’t mind, we switched shifts. I was invited to Audrey’s birthday party,” Sam said.

  “Of course not,” Susan said. “Glad to have you. We’ll have enough food to feed a small country.”

  Amanda and Sam poured Susan, Christine, and Lola glasses of wine, as it was suggested that their “set-up party” would be more fun with a bit of tipsiness. Susan put on some ‘90s tunes to prove her point to Lola, and, although she was annoyed, Lola soon started to sing all the lyrics, as though she’d written them herself.

  Audrey reappeared downstairs with the baby monitor. “I just want to let him sleep,” she said. Her eyes glittered with excitement.

  “He’ll let us know when he needs us,” Susan said as she placed a bouquet of flowers in a vase at the center of the table. “He probably knows it’s his mommy’s birthday and doesn’t want to ruin it for her.”

  “Ha. If he’s anything like me, he’s way too selfish for something like that,” Audrey joked.

  The party began a full hour before its scheduled time. People just couldn’t resist popping by early. Kelli carried in mounds of snacks; Aunt Kerry brought a massive tray of potato salad; Beth had made about a thousand cookies; Charlotte brought a huge Corningware dish of lasagna; and Scott, yet again, cranked up the grill, for burgers and bratwursts and other BBQ delights.

  As guests began to arrive, Audrey hustled upstairs and then reappeared in a beautiful dress, which she’d apparently borrowed from Lola. Lola planted a kiss on her daughter’s forehead as she said, “I never should have given you a key to the cabin. You just come in and raid my closet whenever you please, now, don’t you?”

  “What are you talking about?” Audrey asked with a sneaky smile. “I’ve had this dress for years.”

  Christine hovered near the cake with a glass of wine. Several family members approached to compliment her on the cake. She couldn’t help but sense that everyone spoke to her as though she was breakable; like, if they said something too jagged or too loud, she might break into a million pieces. Everyone had heard of the breakup; everyone felt awful. Susan had already interviewed a few candidates for the chef at the bistro, and she said all were promising. Time had moved on without old Christine. That was okay. Maybe.

  Audrey found her about an hour later. She carried a paper plate, on which sat two blackened hot dogs, a mound of ketchup, and a massive brownie.

  “That is quite an adult meal you have there,” Christine said with a laugh.

  “The dinner of a twenty-year-old,” Audrey remarked.

  “So. How was it earlier?” Christine asked. She grabbed Audrey’s brownie, broke it in half, and ate a bit of the stolen chocolate morsel.

  “How was what earlier?” Audrey asked. “And nobody told you that you could steal from the birthday girl.”

  “There are about four thousand more brownies on that table. I think you’ll survive.”

  “Whatever. But what do you mean? How was what earlier?” Audrey asked.

  Christine shrugged. “You know. When you left earlier. You met up with Noah, didn’t you?”

  Audrey’s cheeks brightened to crimson. Finally, she shifted her weight, turned her eyes back toward the far end of the house and said, “I did see him for a little while. We got a donut at Frosted Delights and walked around.”

  “I can see it in your eyes,” Christine said. “You’ve got a huge crush.”

  Audrey laughed softly. Then, she added, “But Noah wasn’t the only person I saw today.”

  “Oh?” Christine couldn’t fully read Audrey’s expression.

  “I don’t want you to be mad.”

  “Why would I be mad?” Christine asked.

  “No reason,” Audrey said with a light shrug.

  That moment, Amanda waved for Audrey to come over to her and Sam. “I wanted to tell Sam about that movie we watched the other day. What was it called?”

  Audrey excused herself without another explanation, which left Christine only with a thudding heart and a quarter of a brownie in her hand.

  But it didn’t take long for Christine to get her answer. At around seven, Zach Walters stood in the doorway of the Sheridan house. He stood in a pair of khakis, a polo shirt, with his face clean-shaven and a serious wrinkle between his brows. His eyes scanned across the room until they finally found Christine’s. While chaos and conversation continued between them, they held one another’s gaze for a long, long time.

  What the heck was he doing here?

  How dare he do this, after everything?

  Audrey weaved her way through the crowd to reach him. Zach then lifted a little present, wrapped in silver wrapping paper,
and passed it to her. She thanked him and hugged him, then whispered something in his ear. Christine felt like she was having an out-of-body experience.

  So, this was who Audrey had run off to find.

  Audrey had gone behind Christine’s back to speak to Zach.

  As though Audrey “knew what was best” for Christine.

  Christine bristled at the thought. She genuinely thought she might lose her mind.

  Audrey turned away from Zach and found Christine’s dark gaze. Her smile fell immediately. She pressed through the crowd, gripped Christine’s elbow, then snaked her toward Amanda’s bedroom. Once behind the closed door, Christine’s volatility poured out of her.

  “Audrey! What the hell were you thinking?”

  Audrey was pale. She knew she’d gone too far.

  “Christine, listen. Please. Just listen.”

  “I just don’t know why you thought it was okay to go behind my back like this. Do you understand how much pain I’ve been in since he left me like that? Do you know how long it’s going to take me to heal?”

  Audrey bit her lower lip as she tried to think of what to say. “I understand. I know it’s been awful for you. But Christine —”

  “I know you’re still young, Audrey. But there are some things in life you really can’t get over, no matter how hard you try,” Christine continued. She was on the verge of tears.

  “I ran into him, Christine.” Audrey crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her. She looked exactly like her mother when Lola got angry. There was a storm in her eyes. “I ran into him, and he was a mess. I mean a complete mess. But he’s on the path to getting better, Christine, and he’s mostly doing it because he wants to be better for you. Don’t you get that?”

  Christine bit hard on her lower lip. Audrey continued to glare at her. It was like a stand-off.

  “You shouldn’t have invited him,” Christine said meekly.

  “Just go talk to him!” Audrey blared. “I swear, you’re impossible. If you don’t at least talk to him, then I don’t know. Maybe you are a lost cause, just like you think you are.”