by Mercy B
Shrugging, I leaned forward and shoved it into the small pocket that was located at her breasts. I could sense the lust leaking from her pores, changing the mood immediately. Her breathing hiked and body slummed. If I wasn’t in my right mind—pertaining to some things—then I would’ve taken advantage of her lapse of judgment and took her ass down in the nearest stall. But that shit was past me.
“Now, can you give me the information I need for my daughter?”
Sophia Law.
Staring through the large window where Sophia slept peacefully, I felt like someone had bulldozed my heart. My breathing was irregular, and a sudden range of emotions came tumbling down on me. To clarify, I felt like a real bitch, standing at the window, smiling from ear to ear, and wishing she would bat her tiny eyes. I wanted her to stir awake so that I could give the nurse on duty the okay to bring her out so that I could hold her.
I’d never held a baby in my life. Neither had I ever changed a diaper, fixed a bottle, or rocked a baby to sleep. They were foreign objects in my world. Niggas I knew had them all the time, but that wasn’t my jam. Until G came into my world, I figured I’d die without a young one, and that was fine with me. But watching Sophia as she slept made me wonder why I hadn’t knocked G’s ass up the first night when I noticed she was something special.
Speaking of G, her condition weighed heavy on my heart. According to the nurse upstairs, she wasn’t doing too well. She’d slipped into a coma after being revived. Her blood had clotted something awful in a matter of minutes, which was the reason her vital organs began to shut down completely. It took a while to locate the problem, which was time she didn’t have on her side. She was being given blood thinners to help, but her case was severe. Plus, they’d caught the gist of the issue much too late. With care and God, G would be all right. I was banking on that because I’d lose my shit if I lost her.
Sophia must’ve sensed my presence, because she began squirming in the cloth that was wrapped around her little body as I encouraged her to wake up. Then she parted those little lips and began making a whole lot of noise, exercising those lungs that she had. The babies in the beds beside her got a whiff of her yelling and started to stir as well. She’d started some shit, and I wanted to run as far away from the window as possible. Instead, I continued to take her all in—every part of her, screaming and all. She was beautiful just like her mother, although she resembled her father.
Immediately, I chalked it up that I would have a crybaby on my hands. I’d heard that when a woman was pregnant, her child could sense the stress that she went through and even when she was emotional or crying. With that thought in mind, I chastised myself for putting G through hell the entire time she was pregnant with Soph. If my predictions were true, then she would be one fussy ass kid. But I deserved that shit.
The nurse hurried to her side to quiet her little self before picking her up from the bed and holding her up to the window. Nodding, I assured her that I was ready to hold my precious being. I figured I’d wait to address the fact that I didn’t know shit about holding a child. Honestly, I’d imagined G teaching me how and not someone who I had met in the hospital.
Once I was led into the room that I’d be in with Sophia, I was instructed to sanitize my hands. I scrubbed away, making sure I removed the remnants of the cell I’d been in all night. The thought of it caused me to grit my teeth, but I was quickly reminded of something more important the moment that the nurse came in, cradling Sophia in her arms.
“Here we go, dad. You can sit right here. Is this your first one?”
“Yes.” I obliged and held out my arms in the air for my baby girl.
“You can put your arms down.” The nurse chuckled. “I’m going to put her close to your chest, and you can wrap them around her. Never held a baby before either?”
“Nope. First time for everything, right?”
“Right.” She nodded, leaning down and placing Sophia at my chest.
Naturally, my arms wrapped around her small frame. I stared down at her as the nurse stood back and spoke a few words about being a call away if I needed her, but I had zoned out. I’d never believed in love at first sight, not on any level. But I’d immediately fallen for the little being in my arms. Without a doubt, I was willing to lay my life and everyone else’s lives down if it meant protecting her. Finally, I had something to call my own. Her name was Sophia Law.
Chapter 2
Devastation.
Sickness.
Disbelief.
Denial.
I felt a world of emotions hit me at once as I watched over Gauge. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know if I wanted to shed a tear or cry a fucking river. That was how much seeing her in the predicament she was in pained me. I’d never bring myself to tears, but I’d be damned if a nigga wasn’t crying on the inside.
As much pain that I’d brought baby girl, I wanted to take away from her. This wasn’t G. This wasn’t my G—not all wired up and shit. I could barely recognize her from the cords and shit covering her top half. I couldn’t help but wonder where the fuck we were supposed to go from here.
“My G,” I whispered, cradling her hand inside of my own.
My G had bossed up and found my motherfucking ass. I remembered the shit like a bad dream. Nothing could’ve prepared me for her unexpected appearance. And the look on her face, God, I remembered it as if it was yesterday. She was fuming, and all I could think about was taking her little mean ass down.
“If you hurt my fucking baby, I swear I’ll drop your ass right beside her and not give a fuck.” G was doing the most, flipping out because she’d seen me sleeping beside another bitch. I was so afraid that she’d harm our Sophia.
“Fucking liar,” she spat back at a nigga.
“Try me!” She knew how to push my buttons, and that’s exactly what the fuck she was doing. “Fucking try me if you want!”
“You couldn’t do it then, and you won’t do it now.” I lowered her crazy ass to the ground before spinning her around to look in my face and see the seriousness.
“That’s what the fuck you think? Nah. I ran out of time, and I didn’t want your little pea ass brain splattered on my sheets. I wasn’t about to add onto the list of shit they already had against me.” She’d called my bluff, but I wouldn’t let up.
I couldn’t let up and admit that I’d nutted up when it came time to pull the trigger. Truth be told, I was hurt. As we stared at one another, I recalled all the freaky ass shit that she could do with her mouth that didn’t involve talking, and lust began to overrule any other thoughts I may have had. My dick grew instantly, and I brushed it against her to let her know what time it was.
“Nah. You ain’t have the balls, nigga. You just a pussy!” And then she did it—gathered a ball of spit and sent that shit flying in my face.
Playing it all cool, although I was fuming inside, I wiped it from my face and used the same hand to smear it on hers. “I don’t even want that shit on my dick if it’s coming from you.” I was full of the insults.
My G knew how to put my ass in my feelings and in my place at the same time. She had me ready to end it all at a point. Truly, I was so fucking invested in this girl that the thought of her giving up on me was worse than the thought of death or incarceration. Even when we were together, she still had this hold over me that I couldn’t explain and wouldn’t even try, because I’d get tongue tied.
“G, I’ll end ya shit right here and right now.”
“Then do it, Sosa.”
She was fearless, staring back at me with tears in her eyes. I was honored, knowing that G had enough confidence in me to know I wasn’t that fucking foolish. I’d never hurt her.
“Do it,” she choked up. “Do it, bitch!”
There was so much pain and regret in her words that I disregarded the fact that she was being disrespectful. That didn’t matter. Not right now anyway.
“Shut up!” I grinded her teeth, upset that I had upset her. I forced the back of her
head into the wall behind us and continued to stare her down.
“Do it!”
“I said shut the fuck up!”
“I hate you for what you’ve done to me.” She loosened like a cannon, letting her words flow. “You’ve managed to tear my fucking heart from my chest. As if that wasn’t enough… you’ve been walking all over my shit as if I don’t need it to keep living. To keep breathing. To keep going. You’re so selfish. You’re so fucking selfish. I gave you something that you couldn’t handle, and you’ve disowned me because of it.
“All I wanted to do was love you until I couldn’t anymore. But you won’t let me. You defied everything I tried to be for you… to you. And when you became utterly unstable and wanted to accept nothing more than I had to give, you made yourself believe that I was against you. You made yourself believe that I wanted anything more than your gratification, forehead kisses, and that thing you keep hidden from me. All I wanted was your heart.
“Nothing more you could’ve given me would’ve sufficed. But you’ve made yourself so unavailable because you hate the idea of not having control of any aspect of your life that you’ve literally made yourself hate me. I can see it in your eyes, and though it may hurt, I can’t force you to love me back. I won’t ever do that. I’ve given you so much of me that I barely thought I had anything left for the little being that I have growing inside of me, but I was wrong.
“All of the love that you’re rejecting, more will be poured into this life that I will give birth to. I came all of this way to bring you home. To tell you that I stuck my foot out on a limb to secure your legacy and get you back home to us.
“But I’m leaving with something so much more profound. I’m leaving with the knowledge that I don’t need you like I thought I did. You’re not the man that I thought you were, and you’re undeserving of me or my child. So please let me go. I need to get back home.”
“G.”
“Sos, please. Take the gun from my face and let go of me.”
“G.”
“You’re nothing like him. You’re not the Sosa that I fell in love with. You’re not the man I wanted to spend my life with. You’re not him.” Baby girl was hurting something serious, and I didn’t have the words to stop the pain she felt. Truth be told, I’d never be the nigga she needed, but I wouldn’t let her go. Not ever.
“G.”
“My name is Gauge. You don’t get to call me that. Sosa, please.”
“Papi!” I heard Jazmin yell out for me. G immediately froze up. “Papi!”
My G didn’t take no shit. She’d let a nigga have it, no matter how mighty he thought he was. Knowing she’d caught me red-handed with another bitch, who I didn’t give two shits about, still fucked with me, which led me to do exactly what I did. I couldn’t have baby girl thinking that I cared about anyone more than her or there was anyone available on earth to take her place. That shit was impossible. Even she almost didn’t get the position she was playing.
“Three months. That’s how long it took you to get comfortable enough to sleep beside someone else?”
Gauge was aware that I didn’t sleep with bitches. The shit was mad uncomfortable. In fact, the first night we’d fucked, she nearly had a fit because I told her that I wasn’t spending the night. Baby girl put on some clothes and some more shit, talking about she was rolling with me since I wasn’t staying with her.
Either way, she refused to let me fuck and forget about her. Little did she know, that was never the plan. So seeing me knocked out next to Jazmin, I knew that pained her. I could only tighten my grip on her as she squirmed to get free.
“Let me go, Sosa,” she pleaded. “Continue with your new girlfriend as if I never showed up. Pardon my interruption. I’m sorry for intruding. You two are free to—”
Boom!
Gauge quickly shut her eyes, possibly unaware of what was happening. But when she reopened them, she understood. Her eyes immediately went toward the bed where the little bitch I’d been fucking and that had been keeping me company had been.
Jazmin sported a hole in the center of her head that didn’t make me feel any type of way. “Fuck her.” I snarled, showing G how much she didn’t mean to me. Ole girl was just something to do because there was nothing to do. Nothing more to the situation.
“Sosa! Let me go!” She pushed forward. “Let me go, you fucking coward! You killed her because you fucked up? Let me go!” Gauge transformed into a raging bull, slapping me across the face and trying her best to bring me pain. She didn’t care that I was holding a loaded gun or that I’d just blown a bitch’s head off. Baby girl had balls. Big ones. But we both knew I wasn’t going to do shit to her. Nothing but calm her little ass down.
“Calm the fuck down before you make yourself go into labor. If anything happens to my baby, G, I swear you going to be swimming with the fishes.”
“Your baby? Your baby! Nigga, this is my baby! Mine! You haven’t been nowhere to be found! You don’t get to claim this baby!”
“You talking out the side of ya neck. I said calm down. I let you get ya shit off, now you should be good.”
“Why haven’t you let up then? Why haven’t you let me go?”
“Because I fucking can’t, aight!” Defeated, I gave her ass a dose of truth serum.
The tears were next. I had an inkling. The only noise in the background was our breathing, and that shit was raggedy as hell. G’s nostrils flared as she tried to will the tears away. I hadn’t wanted to hurt her, but the shit just flew out of my mouth.
“You tried.” I could tell from the sound of her voice that she didn’t want to hear that shit, but it was true.
“I tried, and I tried, and I tried, G,” I whispered to her. “That shit never even felt right. A nigga was born to fall for your crazy ass. That shit just felt natural. You fit right into my hectic ass life. Even though these feelings I’ve got for you done caused a nigga hell, I’m ready for some more.” Squeezing her hand, I hoped my words resonated with her.
“Mr. Law. The nursery is on the line for you. They want to speak with you about Sophia’s discharge tomorrow morning. Nurse says she forgot to mention it.” I was interrupted by a knock on the door before a small, petite nurse came waltzing in.
“Be right there,” I assured her before lending my attention to G again. “Don’t make me do this alone. I don’t have a clue what I’ve gotten myself into, but I know there’s a little girl in the nursery that looks just like me and who will someday call me daddy. Tomorrow, they’ll discharge her, and I won’t even know where to start caring for her. Pull through for me, G. You’ve got this.”
To my surprise, when I walked into the nursery, I noticed an older male cradling my daughter in his arms. I had every intention of losing my shit until I realized it was Gauge’s father. We’d never met, but I knew exactly who the nigga was. There wasn’t anything I didn’t know when it involved Gauge.
Walking up to him, I extended my hand and began my introduction. “I’m Sosa. Sophia’s father.”
Without giving me his undivided or even bothering to look my way, he continued staring down at his granddaughter as he began. “I know who you are, and I must say that I’m not impressed.”
“Feelings are mutual.” I shrugged, dropping my hand. I hadn’t expected him to be an asshole after G gloated about the nigga so much, but here we were. One thing I wasn’t was an ass kisser, so this shit would go left quick.
“Hmmm. I take it as you understand that Sophia will be coming home with me, being that you haven’t been there for a single day during Gauge’s pregnancy. Between Sauni and I, we’ve been her backbones through this entire ride.”
“And I appreciate that. You’re her father, and that’s how it is supposed to go. Can’t congratulate a fish for swimming. That’s what it’s supposed to do. Now that Sophia is here though, her old man is. All of that other mess is in the past. So I take it that you understand that she will be coming home with me.”
“I raised her mother. Gauge wo
uldn’t have it any other way.” He finally looked up to me.
“Well, Gauge isn’t awake to have a say, is she? Speaking of, have you been to her room? Because I’ve been to every visit since her first day in, and I haven’t seen you once.”
“I made the first visit. With her mother. And I was here when they transferred her. Where were you again?”
He knew where the fuck I was, but I played his game. “Trying to get back to Gauge and Sophia. And are you referring to her womb donor? The one who should never fix her fucking mouth to call herself a mother? Ever? That one?”
“Mr. Law.” The nurse, Abby, that I had gotten acquainted with over the last forty-eight hours smiled as she chanted my name.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some documentation to sign to bring my daughter home. I assume you want to spend as much time with her as you can before she’s with me, so I’ll leave you two here.”
My body was boiling. I was afraid that if I was carrying, I would’ve put that nigga under for testing me and playing with me. Being that it was obvious that he didn’t care for me, it was easy not to give a fuck about him. Putting a bullet through his dome would bring me pleasure, but I couldn’t do G like that, so I tried removing the thought from my head.
“We just need you to sign these papers so that you can get our little friend out of here. We will accompany you to the car to be sure that the car seat is strapped nicely and abides by our safety rules. After that, she’s all yours. If you ever need any help, just give us a call. We understand that this is all new for you.”
“I appreciate y’all.” I dug into my pocket. They’d been so much help. “I’m going to get the entire staff lunch today. You keep the change.” I peeled off at least ten twenties, knowing there were only four nurses in the unit.
“Are you sure?” Abby pocketed the money.
“Positive, because I will be back to get on your nerves. I don’t know what I’m doing, and we will be here until her mother wakes up. So this won’t be the last of us you’re seeing,” I assured her before taking the pen in her hand and beginning to sign the documents that were waiting for my signature.
