by Mercy B
If Sophia was ever in the predicament that G was in for the last few months, niggas couldn’t pay me to leave her side. I’d be stuck to the hospital couch like glue. ’Cause when Sophia wasn’t right, I wasn’t right. That’s just how this shit went. They talk about a mother’s love, but I was an advocate for a father’s love. It was just as potent if you caught the right pops.
Knowing Sophia like a watch, I stayed away for two hours. That’s how long baby girl would be resting. Plus, I knew Gauge’s father wouldn’t leave her alone with Sophia, so I was basically forcing his ass to spend more time with her, even in her current state. When I made it back to the room, I’d gotten every juice they had downstairs, along with some smoothies to put some nutrients in Gauge’s system to possibly thicken her up.
I saw the way she looked at herself in the shower earlier, and it still hadn’t set well with me. If it was the last thing I did, I would make sure that G was back to normal before I allowed her to push me away. There was no other way for me to silence my demons. I felt partially guilty for her current predicament.
“Well, Gauge. I’m going to head out of here. I’ve got some work I need to finish up. I spoke to your mother, and she promises to get by here one day this week. She is out of town on business right now.”
“It’s not like I’m going anywhere any time soon.” Gauge wasn’t enthused about her mother’s visit, and I understood why. She thought she was the culprit behind my arrest. It wasn’t her, actually, but I still didn’t trust the bitch. Anyone who’d aspired to be a pig, I couldn’t trust if I wanted to.
“Alright. Love you two.” Her father leaned in and kissed both her and Sophia on the cheek.
“Love you more,” she responded.
After he’d finally departed, I took my place on the couch. I watched as Gauge stared out of the large window that was on the side of her bed. A heavy sigh fell from her lips before her face crumbled and the tears began to fall.
This was the moment I’d been waiting for, the moment that I wouldn’t take advantage of but listen to her concerns. It was the moment that she needed. It was the moment where everything came crashing down on her, and she needed someone to keep her from falling into the dark hole that was waiting for her presence. I wouldn’t dare let her slip and definitely wouldn’t let baby girl fall. Her weeping woke our sleeping daughter, prompting me to grab her from Gauge’s chest. I knew she’d need a minute, so I busied myself with getting Sophia’s wet diaper changed and fixing her a bottle.
It had been nearly an hour before Sophia was settled, and her mother’s tears had finally slowed to a creep. Her face was drenched, and her nose was red and irritated from the constant sniffling. Grabbing a cloth, I drenched it in warm water before squeezing the access out. I carried it to Gauge’s bed and began to wipe her face, neck, and ears.
When she was nearly completely dried, aside from the fresh tears, I tossed the towel on the nightstand beside her bed before removing my shoes and climbing in bed with her. Leaning over, I pulled her into my chest and waited for what I knew was to come. It may have taken some time, but I waited patiently until her sweet voice began to speak.
“I can’t even hold her.” Her weeping continued. “I can’t even hold myself up. I’m living my worst nightmare, it feels like. When will I wake up? Why did this have to happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? I can’t even hold my own cup or wipe my own ass. I’ve had to use the bathroom since you left to go to the cafeteria, but I was so ashamed and so afraid to ask my dad to help me out. Just look down there, Sosa.”
Her cries were unbearable, tugging at my heart. I wanted to. I really wanted to inspect, but I didn’t. There was no denying the fact that what I saw would break something within me. So instead of causing us both more pain, I didn’t.
“Gauge. I know it may not mean much coming from me, but I’ve seen where you’ve made it from. I saw you with tubes and shit running from every inch of your body almost. Each day, I waited and watched, hoping you’d come back to me—come back to Sophia and me. Here you are. I don’t care how you got here or what the consequences are, but you’re here. We can sort through this other shit, but the fact that you didn’t quit on us is enough for me. It’s enough for Sophia. Don’t beat yourself up. Just learn to make it enough for you too.”
“How?”
“By spending every second that you can making up the time you’ve missed with that little girl that is over there on the floor playing and minding her own business. She loves you, G. No matter how broken you think you are, you’re her whole heart. And mine too. All she’s got out here is you and me, and I ain’t much, so you’ve got to push through this for her.”
“I will. I know I will.”
“I know you will too. Now, let’s get you on some clean sheets and in the shower. Don’t worry about this. It’s all good. I’d rather you put me to work than have me laying around, wondering if you are still with us.”
“Sosa. You’ve changed,” G noted.
“G. You gave me every reason to.”
“But why now? Why not when I needed you to?”
“Timing is everything. Before now, you wanted a changed man. For the last three months, you’ve needed a changed man. When you really needed me to, I didn’t let you down, G. It might not have been on your watch, but it was perfect timing on mine.”
I showered G and got her sheets changed before trying to get her back in bed. Only she didn’t want to be in bed. She preferred to remain on the let-out couch that would be serving as my place of rest until they said she could go home. Sophia was right at her side as G told her some fairytale story that she made up as she went along. Sophia was all smiles as G came to life while using a million different voices. It was a pleasure seeing my girls interact. I’d waited on this day for a while now.
Caught in the moment, I silenced my phone and snapped a couple of photos before saving my favorite as the lock screen and screensaver. Before now, it was a photo of Sophia on G’s chest one day when she was asleep. Gauge looked much better in the semi-fitted dress that served as a nightie I’d gotten on my most recent trip to the mall. As I lay on the couch, everything seemed so normal, though it wasn’t. This had been our norm for a few months now, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“I’m so tired of being in that bed, Sosa,” Gauge admitted when I reminded her that her sheets were cleaned.
Truth was, I wanted to catch a little nap. I was exhausted from the day. Since G had opened her eyes, I’d kept mine open as well. Since Sophia had entered my world, a nigga needed at least one nap to make it through the rest of the day.
“Well, G. A nigga is tired, and I’m not sleeping in that damn bed either. So either you’re getting back in, or I can scoot you to the other side. Y’all hogging all the space.” I knew that would get her ass to agree to getting back into bed.
“Scoot me over. That way, you can sleep while I keep an eye on her. You sure she doesn’t need anything before you lay down? I don’t want her to get upset and I have to wake you.”
My mouth hung wide as my head dinged. G was agreeing to chill with a nigga? That shit was motivational at best.
“And can you give me the Plan B before you lay down. The faster you take it, the better it will work.” She shot me down with that shit.
“Yeah. Of course.” I shrugged, heading over to the bag.
With my back toward her, I removed the vitamin from the bottle that I’d gotten from Walmart and grabbed a bottle of apple juice. When I made it back to G, I helped her sit up before tossing the pill in her mouth and allowing her to sip from the straw I’d placed inside of her juice. What she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.
She nearly cleared the entire juice before she assured me that I could cap it back up. “I’m good now. I think I want to take a nap too. You think Sophia is down?”
“Nah.” I checked the clock. “She has another hour before she’s going down. I’m going to grab her bouncer, and she will be straight with the TV on. She
doesn’t need constant attention. She can manage for hours on her own. If she cries, I’ll hear her. Let’s lay you down so you can get some rest.”
Chapter 7
Five days later…
Tomorrow was the big day. I could hardly sleep with thoughts of returning to my life. Staring at the hospital walls each day had become frustrating, and I desperately wanted to see something other than machines and let-out couches. Sosa had wheeled me outside a few times to get some fresh air, but it would be nothing compared to true freedom.
The doctors had been running tests on me nonstop and found everything to be back to normal. The only setback was the fact that my brain had to reconnect with the remainder of my system. It was the only way that it could administer my mobility. That combined with the lack of strength was a recipe for disaster, but I had made improvements. I could move both of my arms and my fingers, so touching Sophia had become my favorite thing to do. But that was all the progress I’d made.
Holding my body weight was an entirely different story. I simply wasn’t ready for that yet. I’d been going through physical therapy for the last four days, which was really helping. My treatment would continue while I was home in the outpatient facility that had been suggested. Though I knew the road was long, I was willing to travel it to get better for Soph. As I rubbed her back and stared at her little chocolate face, I thanked God for keeping me for her.
Since the day that I’d slept on the couch and saw how much more comfortable it was for me, I hadn’t been in the bed since, not unless my doctor or nurse was in and needed to check me. Unfortunately, when they made their nightly rounds, I was on the couch.
Through an IV, they started me on a blood thinner four days ago to prepare me for home. The doctors were nearly sure that I wouldn’t clot, but we were better safe than sorry. I would also take medication to reduce the chances of clotting. There was an entire care package that I’d gone over a million times with Sosa to make sure that everything was understood.
I’d seen my mother once. Thankfully, Sosa had gone out with Sophia when she visited. It was only for a second, but she filled me in on the fact that she had nothing to do with Sosa’s arrest. I was relieved to discover that bit of information, and it made me feel much better.
My father had been to see me every day, which made it hard to believe Sosa had been truthful when mentioning his lack of courage in my progression. When I had moved rooms, I secretly had a nurse call him so that he would know I was awake. To be honest, I couldn’t bear the thought of him proving Sosa right, so I decided to put rest to my worries. He came running to see me and managed to sit with me and Sophia for hours.
His visits warmed my heart. Seeing him interact with my daughter reminded me of our times together. With him raising me on his own, I’d seen him struggle, and I’d seen him victorious. Either way, I loved him all the same. It wasn’t easy, caring for a child alone, especially not a girl. But my father prevailed, and I think that I came out just fine.
I was a father’s girl at heart. Nothing or no one could ever change that, not even Sosa. I was aware of the tension between the two. While Sosa didn’t mention my father, my father made it clear that he wasn’t feeling Sosa. He was partially aware of all that Sosa had put me through, so I understood and respected his reasoning. No man wanted his daughter to be treated the way I had been.
Sighing, I placed my arm at my side and stared up toward the ceiling. Sosa was snoring, and Sophia had passed out on me. It felt good, relieving him of his fatherly duties when he was most tired. I couldn’t pick Soph up yet, but I could help her out, and I could feed her if Sosa sat her up for me. It was definitely a joy. She was a bright little girl. The fact that her father hadn’t spoiled her was amazing. She was well aware that she was loved, but she wasn’t a fuss at all. That let me know that Sosa wasn’t too crazy. He wasn’t raising a crybaby.
My time had finally come, and sleep was weighing heavy on my body. Like the first day of school, I was restless. But seeing both Sosa and Sophia sleeping so peacefully put me at ease. Solace covered my frame, and sleep was next to come. With a smile on my face, I closed my eyes and began counting sheep.
With the bright morning sun, I rose to little hands slapping the side of my face. After opening my eyes, I noticed Sophia had a change of clothes, her hair had been put into two little ponytails, and she smelled adorable. Her stunts were amusing to her as she giggled while continuing to pop me.
“Is it time for me to wake up? Is that why you’re beating me up, Soph? Or you just want me up for your benefit?” I yawned, nearly knocking myself back out.
“Sos?” Looking around, I tried finding a bit of help to the bathroom.
I needed to get this breath under control immediately. However, Sosa was nowhere in sight. Quickly, I understood why Sophia wanted my attention. Her father had deserted us both, and she needed a playmate. I was certain he wouldn’t be gone for long, so I didn’t make a fuss.
“Looks like it is just you and me. Mommy is getting out of this place today. You can go home now. Stay in your own room and sleep in your own bed. It’s going to be so much fun. Watch! Your room is so pretty!”
Though she couldn’t understand what I was saying, Sophia was a great listener. I could tell her anything and still get a smile or some spit bubbles. It was all so cute to me. This little girl was going to be the key to my recovery, although she had no idea.
Sosa’s return was accompanied by the smell of breakfast. Like every other morning, he’d gone down to the cafeteria and gotten us something to eat in order to start our day. The sight of orange juice and scrambled eggs made my stomach rumble.
“You’re awake.”
“Thanks to your daughter!” I patted Sophia’s butt. “I need to brush my teeth. My breath is on another level. And I have to pee.”
“One second. Let me put this shit down and put her in the bassinet. I think you should hold off on the breath though. Don’t want your food tasting nasty,” he reminded me.
“Right.” I nodded as I watched him reach for Sophia. “So you’re a hair stylist, too?”
“I’m whatever this little girl needs me to be. If she needed me to be a mermaid, then that’s what I’ll be!” He lifted Sophia in the air and kissed her cheek. “Muuuuah!”
“I see.” Nodding, I complimented his dedication to our daughter. “That’s commendable, Sosa. I appreciate you stepping up and being the man that Sophia needs in her life. We couldn’t have done this without you.”
“Chill on that. It’s just a ponytail or two. I’ve got real skills. Just wait and see. We’re considering this a special occasion. Mommy is getting out of this bitch, so we had to dress the part!”
“Sosa.”
“She’s heard worse, G. Chill. I even heard her spit out a few of them thangs while I was sleep last night. Baby girl is going to have a mouth on her!” he joked.
“Stop playing.” I shook my head and lifted my arms so that he could help me from the bed.
Since our first sexual encounter in the bathroom, I tried keeping the sexual influence I felt from his presence at a minimum. Luckily, I only slipped once, and that was the day that he decided I needed to be shaved. There was something about seeing his determination as he took the razor to my pussy that turned me on. I couldn’t deny the arousal if I wanted to.
Sosa witnessed my juices running from my pussy himself. From that point, there was no convincing him that I didn’t need any dick. Thankfully, he went out and got another Plan B to make sure that we hadn’t made another Sophia in the process.
“I’m serious. Come on.”
As we concluded our breakfast, the first nurse entered the room and made my entire day. She informed me that my discharge was in order and that I would be going home within a few minutes. At the same time that she entered, my father came strolling into the room. He seemed rather bright as I watched him take a seat in the same chair that he sat in each time he came up if it wasn’t at the edge of my bed.
“You a
bout ready?” he questioned, rubbing his hands together and showing off that bright smile of his.
Finishing off my breakfast, I nodded. “Yes.”
“I can’t wait to get you home, Gauge. I’ve been sick, looking at these walls,” he admitted, and I understood.
The mood in the room shifted as Sosa placed his fork on the plate in front of him and cleaned his mouth with the napkin that was next to it on the small tray table. I didn’t need an eye trained on him to know that he was staring holes into the side of my face. There was no way around this. He’d simply have to be upset. I’d made my decision, and I was sticking with it.
“Get her home?” Sosa huffed, beckoning for my attention. However, I remained face forward with my heart in my hands. I could hear the disbelief—or maybe if was the thought of betrayal in his voice. I knew that if I gave him what he wanted, I would feel even worse for the choice I’d made.
“I’m returning to my father’s home until I can get back up on my feet and care for Sophia.”
“G…” He shrieked.
“Sosa, I think this is best for me. If we’re being honest here, I told you that your presence here was appreciated, but it didn’t make me forget everything that you—”
“Can we have the room!” Sosa barked, standing from his seat and rushing across the floor.
My heartbeat excelled. I wasn’t exactly sure what Sosa was about to do, but he was scaring me something awful. Abiding, my father nodded and stood before heading for the door. He understood that we had some things we needed to discuss since I’d obviously neglected to break the news to Sosa. I’d made the decision after having a conversation on the phone with Sauni. She was in good spirits that day, and I brought my concerns to her.
Of course, she had no idea about Sosa’s arrest, so she wasn’t biased in her response. She ultimately told me that she felt it was best that I didn’t acquire an uncomfortable living situation since I’d basically been in one for the past few months. We both thought that it would be great to go somewhere that I was most familiar with for my recovery.
