by Mercy B
Sophia was straight, and so was I. I was thinking so far into the future that I even wanted baby girl to be homeschooled. There was so much going on in the school system that it made me question if I wanted to involve my young one in the bullshit. Hell, I could build her a fucking school if she grew up and wanted to go badly enough. I had no reservations when it came to Sophia. She could have the world if I had it to give.
“Alright, shawty. Let’s get this fit on you so that we can kiss these walls goodbye. I’m thinking we can hit up this Sesame Street play they’re putting on at the Children’s Theatre. You down or what? The next show starts in two hours, and your old man needs to put something on his stomach. You need to get your nap out of the way so that you won’t fall asleep on a nigga too. So we bending corners until you wake up.”
Once Sophia was all dressed, I used some hair mayo that had been suggested to me and combed her thick curls into a ponytail. Her locs were getting longer by the week. I wondered what the hell I’d do in the upcoming months to tame her hair. For three months, she was crushing the hair game. At least G had given her the goods.
Chapter 10
Gauge
Whenever I called, he seemed to disappear. Though I attempted not to show it, that got to me every time. It fucked with my emotions and left me overthinking, per usual. That seemed to be the only thing I was capable of doing these days—thinking and more thinking. There wasn’t a thought of mine that didn’t include Sosa or our beautiful daughter. I missed them something awful, but I was trying to hold it together.
There were times that I wasn’t as strong as I’d love to be. At those times, I found myself slipping up and ringing Sosa’s phone in the late-night hours when I knew Sophia was asleep. But he always ignored those calls and kept me wondering what he was up to and who he was up with.
Tonight was no different. However, I wasn’t going out without a fight this time. I’d talked to Sophia earlier while Sosa got her dressed, and tried to reach him twice since the night had fell. Sosa had sent me to voicemail both times. Any other night, I’d let him have his fun, but that shit wasn’t flying with me.
Do you enjoy ignoring my calls? I texted.
The gray bubble appeared immediately as a smile crossed my lips.
Sophia knocked out, G.
I know, Sosa. I wasn’t calling for her.
Then ain’t no reason for you to be calling.
Rolling my eyes, I keyed in my response.
I wanted to talk to you, Sosa.
I waited five minutes for a response but didn’t receive one. Instead of sending another message, I tried calling again. I knew that Sosa was upset with me, and it was slowly eating me up, not only because I hated for him to be angry with me but because he was right about everything he’d said.
My father had been so amazing while I was growing as a child, but the years that I’d spent away from home had dissolved the fatherly responsibilities he was accustomed to. I loved him with all of my heart, but he simply wasn’t equipped to care for me. His work schedule was hectic enough, and when he made it home, he was always exhausted.
Since I’d made it to his home, we’d increased the nurse’s hours twice. Next week, we were planning to hire an around-the-clock aid for my care. I didn’t want to continue burdening my father, and my current nurse had a family of her own to go home to each night.
“What, G?” Finally, he picked up.
“Don’t what, G, me,” I taunted. “I don’t have any friends, and I need to vent.”
“Well, I’m not your fucking friend,” he fussed. Already, he seemed fed up with my shit, but I didn’t care one bit. His ass was going to talk to me tonight.
“I know. You’re my baby daddy,” I joked.
“You think that shit funny, huh? That’s all you wanted was a baby daddy? Bet.” His temper was flared, which was not the point of this conversation. I wanted him everything but on one while we talked.
“Sosa! Why so serious, and why are you making this conversation about you? If there’s no one else I can talk to, I should be able to talk to you!”
It was true. One thing I despised was the hardships of co-parenting. Luckily, my mother wanted nothing to do with me, so my father had it good. However, I saw situations where the parents were at each other necks, barely speaking, or got into a physical altercation every time they saw one another. I didn’t want that type of relationship with Sosa.
That would tear me apart and possibly affect Sophia. He was being unnecessarily harsh, and it was about to drive me up the fucking wall. I wasn’t sure what he expected from me after being accused of my best friend’s murder, leaving me through my entire pregnancy, and shacking up with someone else while he was away. There was a long list of shit I could have an attitude about, but I didn’t. He was in his feelings and needed to get out of them quickly.
“Call Sauni!” he barked in the phone, still on one.
This nigga had some fucking nerve. Of course, I’d declined his offer, and this was one of the reasons. His attitude was trash as fuck when shit didn’t go his way. As humans, we were all flawed, but God had forgotten a few screws in this nigga’s head!
“If you hang up this phone, Sosa. I swear.” I knew his next move.
“You swear what?” Sosa threatened, but I knew he wouldn’t hang up. If he wanted to, then I wouldn’t have even been able to get that much out.
“Sauni has so much going on right now. I can’t be there for her, and she can’t be here for me. We’re both upset about it too,” I explained, switching the phone to speaker and giving my arm a rest. I laid the phone beside me and tried to get Sosa to understand why I wanted to talk to him without coming off too needy. As well, I didn’t want him to know just how much I missed him. Not yet, or at least not until he calmed his ass down.
“Man. What the fuck you want?” I promised this nigga was a monster. He acted as if his choice of words now, had been better than the ones before. This was the shit I’d have to deal with the rest of my life. I closed my eyes and recollected my thoughts. This conversation wasn’t going the way that I’d planned, but I stayed on task anyhow.
“For you to stop cussing at me, first.”
“And then what, G?” exhaling through the phone, he questioned. I could hear shuffling in the background, and I wondered what it was that he was doing but was nearly afraid to ask.
“To talk! I’ve said that already.” Sosa was horrifying. I’d said a million times since he picked up that I wanted to talk, and he continued to ask as if he didn’t know already. This nigga was out for my sanity, and I was convinced of it.
“Aight. What’s up?” he retorted.
“Nothing. I wanted to give you a rundown of my progress and—” Before I could finish my sentence, his rude ass cut in. I could see that this conversation wasn’t going anywhere, and all hope was lost.
“And I should care, because…” he paused.
“Because I thought my health mattered to you, Sosa. What is your problem?” He was blowing me completely. I was thrown completely left by his remark. He’d gone from being my caretaker and making sure that I was well, to this shit in a week’s time span. It made me wonder if any of that shit he was talking was real and if he was only present when he was for his own personal gain instead of out of the kindness of his heart. Confusion plagued me as I listened to him respond to his carelessness.
“The problem is when I tried to give a fuck, you didn’t want me to. Now that I don’t give a fuck, you expect me to. Make up your mind, G.”
In his fucking feelings. The mature Sosa that I’d witnessed through my hospital stay was no longer a thing. He’d vanished and been replaced with some bitter piece of shit. It was the same piece of shit that I had decided to stop trying with. It was the same piece of shit that I’d chased to another country and still returned empty handed. It was the piece of shit that I wouldn’t be dealing with—not tonight or any other night. If anyone deserved to be upset, it was me.
“Sosa, are you r
eally that fucking bitter right now that we can’t even have a decent conversation? One where I run down my progress and how much closer I am to helping you care for our daughter and being the mother that she deserves? Are you that fucking hung up on our personal shit that you can’t be the least bit happy for me right now? Happy for Sophia, knowing how bad she be trying to touch me through a fucking screen?”
“Man, listen. I don’t give—” He tried, but I wasn’t finished saying what the hell I had to say.
“You know what, Sosa? Save it. Just save it. I didn’t call to get upset. I called because there should be no reason that the father of my child and I can’t be cordial. You think I shitted on you back at the hospital, but you’ve been shitting on me since the day we met. Pulling disappearing acts. Ducking off with bitches. Writing stupid ass letters and shit. Fuck you, Sosa.
“If this is how it’s going to be, then I’ll manage. Ain’t shit new to me! I knew it wouldn’t be long before you reverted anyway. It’s the main reason I didn’t choose you, nigga! It’s niggas out here ready to play step daddy every day, B! I plan to choose one, one that doesn’t give me hell or secretly murder best friends!”
I didn’t wait for a response before hanging up. Sosa had run me so hot that I felt the fire in my cheeks. Thankfully, there was water on the nightstand beside my bed. Though I didn’t want to drink it and risk having to pee in the middle of the night, I unscrewed the cap and took a sip anyway.
My vibrating phone signaled an incoming call. I ignored it as I recapped the bottle and set it back on the nightstand. There was no doubt in my mind that it was Sosa calling back to get on my fucking nerves, so when he called a second time, I ignored his ass again. His third call was the one I decided to answer—hydrated and ready to entertain his bullshit.
Before I could get out a single word, Sosa was flying off at the handle. “Bitc… Gauge motherfucking Morrison,” he corrected himself. “I’ll die before I ever see the day that another nigga is in my daughter’s face. I canceled her hoe ass doctor as her caregiver because that nigga was a man. I don’t even really be feeling yo’ daddy spending time alone with her because he is a man.
“I didn’t even let doctors at the hospital get too good of a glimpse of her, because they were mostly men. I’d go down proudly saying this shit! Any motherfucker that steps to you is dead! Do you hear me? Don’t be the reason nigga’s mommas picking out black dresses! And if I go down, I’d still make that shit happen from jail if another motherfucker tried you!”
“You’re insane! A fucking lunatic, and I should’ve never gotten involved with your sick ass!” I yelled into the phone, slightly aroused and highly upset.
“Well you did! Laid down and opened your motherfucking legs too. Now, you’ll never be able to get rid of a nigga!”
“We will see, Sosa. This rodeo doesn’t stop at your post. It will continue. The minute I’m healed, I’ll show your ass better than I can tell you. You don’t scare me, nigga!”
“You ’bout to have to see me!”
I wasn’t sure what Sosa meant, but there was no time to ask. The phone went dead because he’d hung up in my face. Frustrated and highly aroused, I sighed before shoving my hands below my waist and rubbing across my moist pussy. At least it still worked, and it had been getting overstimulated each night with thoughts of Sosa running through my head.
That nigga wasn’t only packing, but his stroke game was official. Hands down, he had the best dick that I’d ever ridden, or maybe it was the fact that I was head over heels for the nigga that had me jonesing. I wasn’t sure. Whatever it was, I wanted a piece of his ass and couldn’t get it because that nigga was all in his fucking feelings.
Chapter 11
Gauge
After my steamy session with my fingers, I was introduced to sleep. It hadn’t come easy that night, but I knew that after I’d brought myself to a mind-blowing orgasm, I would rest like a baby. It was no surprise that within five minutes after my climax, I was out like a light.
Not certain how long I’d been asleep or what my father must’ve been doing in my room, I stirred at the sound of shuffling. A dark figure stood over the nightstand next to my bed, hunched over with a pen in his hand. The small nightlight plugged into the wall illuminated the area only slightly. Partially confused and not fully awake, I rubbed my eyes and attempted to clear the blurriness. I was awfully sure that the figure before me wasn’t my father.
Dressed in all black with gloves covering his hands and a mask covering his face, the tall figure noticed my awareness and placed the pen on the nightstand. Immediately, I grabbed my cell and dialed the number that I’d called a million times since I’d gotten home from the hospital. It was bizarre how my father was only a few doors down, yet I was calling miles away for an emergency. With shaking hands and a thudding heart, I prayed that Sosa picked up.
As the assailant pressed forward, my unsteady hand was able to press the phone icon to connect the call. Devastation overcame me as I realized I was completely immobile and unable to make a run for it, even if it meant my life. Screaming was the next option, but fear had gripped my throat so tightly that nothing would come out.
I’d yelled at the television a million times and called a hundred women stupid for not calling out for help or doing more to save their lives during an attack, and here I was, speechless and unable to do anything but watch the intruder as my life flashed before my eyes.
First there were visions of Sophia and me doing all of the things that we hadn’t gotten to do because of my condition. Then there was Sosa and me walking down the aisle as he wore a blindingly red tux. Red roses were being thrown over us as we made our exit. Then there was Sauni and her babies as we sat and ate lunch. There were tears in her eyes as she shook her head and tried to explain the turmoil in her marriage.
Maybe the list would’ve continued to include my mother and other people I had encountered in my life’s span, but the vibration of a phone other than my own discolored the visions in my head. Finally, my airways opened, and I was able to speak, even though my vocabulary was jumbled and partially unrecognizable. However, it didn’t matter though. My assailant was upon me, lifting the white napkin in his hand as I stared into his eyes through the small holes in the mask.
“So…” I mumbled while he covered my mouth. The final vision I had was pure darkness.
Chapter 12
Sosa
For hours, I watched her sleep, contemplating exactly what words I’d use to explain my foolishness. I’d tried, tried to allow her to make her own decisions and keep my distance, but the recklessness that she was talking about over the phone had sent me up the wall.
Don’t show your ass just yet, Sosa. I kept repeating that phrase as I paced the room after our conversation. The mention of another nigga laying eyes on my daughter or my pussy had me in a fucking frenzy. I’d never seen so much red in my life. I could envision the blood that would be shed and on my hands.
And to be honest, I’d lay my ass down in a cell behind that shit too. So, to save my daughter the trips to the feds and G a life of hardships and lonesomeness, I handled my motherfucking business. When she woke up, she’d just have to understand that. To cover my tracks, I starting writing a note to her father but ended up ditching it. When I got her to the car and had pulled off, I shot him a text from her phone instead.
After checking out their thread of messages, I was so fucking happy that I’d come to get my baby. She wasn’t happy there, and her father made every excuse as to why he couldn’t care for her needs when it was simple. He didn’t have the time or the patience. Now that I thought about it, that was cool. Not everyone could stomach tragedy, and he was one of them. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that the nigga loved G, but becoming someone’s caregiver in their adulthood was next level shit, especially when you knew the person. With her being a woman and him being a man, it didn’t make shit any better.
But for right now, to hell with that nigga. That’s what Gauge had a man for
. Though she may not have thought of me as her man at the time, this damn girl would always be mine. There was no other way around this shit. We were locked in, and there wasn’t much that could stop us.
Sophia was curled up beside G, looking as if I’d spat her out myself. If it wasn’t for the hair, the two wouldn’t seem to be a pair. Mother and daughter wasn’t suiting to the duo, but I knew what was real. As I stared at them resting, I considered how Gauge had risked her life to bring Sophia into our world. For that, she deserved every piece of me.
I waited and waited for what felt like an eternity before there was movement of even a sound being made. I hadn’t gotten an ounce of sleep, not even a wink. When Gauge had called me, I was up, thinking about the things that I wanted to do to her ass as I held my dick in my hand. Her anger nearly made me bust, but that shit she started hollering about another nigga deflated my shit. I wasn’t any more good after that and wanted to smash her fucking face in, but I would never. Putting my hands on G was something I couldn’t even fathom, and I’d body any motherfucker that tried that shit.
Of course, it was Sophia who was the first to stir. It was time for her to wake up and have a morning bottle. The warmer was next to me, and so was the ingredients for her milk. I made myself useful and began fixing her a bottle. By the time she was fully awake, my attention diverted and returned to her little frame. Astounded, I watched as G pulled her near, and her small whimpers were silenced.
