by Mercy B
“Sophia!” he yelled her name. “You coming to eat too?”
“Nah,” I answered, closing in on him. “She needs a new diaper.”
“I see.” Nodding, he started to walk away, but I continued the conversation, which caused him to stop again.
“Listen. Someday, I’m going to marry your daughter and make her the happiest woman on planet earth, and the only way I can do that is to make amends with the man that she loved first and is still head over heels for. All bullshit aside, I could not fuck with you for the rest of my life and not lose an ounce of rest. But that shit played out. Not only does Gauge need more of you in her life, Sophia needs you too. If I must admit, they running a nigga crazy, and I need someone to hand them off to every now and again.”
I’d never been the one to bite my tongue, and neither had I ever allowed anything to linger on my mental without addressing it. This situation was no different. As Mr. Morrison stared back at me, I contemplated forgetting the entire ordeal and maintaining the thoughts that I harbored for him. He was too silent for my liking. When I spoke, niggas listened and waited for their turn to speak if I allowed that shit. Standing here with this old head, I was wondering why the fuck he hadn’t began talking yet.
“Man…” I scratched my head. “Fuck it.”
I’d only kissed one ass in my life, and that was Gauge’s. They’d have to bury me before I kissed another. That wasn’t who I was, and I would never be that boy. I’d gladly let go of the grudge that I held for her father, but I’d attempted to make amends, and it wasn’t exactly going as planned.
“Son, wait!” her father yelled out.
I’d taken off with Sophia in my arms. We were headed inside of the restaurant because she’d pooped her diaper, but I decided to change her little ass in the car instead. Halting, I twirled until I was facing him once more.
“What’s good?” The humbled demeanor had soured, and I was no longer willing to play Mr. Nice Guy. If he wanted to bring out the gloves, then my shits were locked and loaded. Not even on my worse day would I let him get one in on me.
“Thank you. Thank you for stepping up to the plate and taking good care of my daughter when she needed it most. For reasons I don’t care to disclose until I’m inside and with Gauge, I couldn’t be the father she needed, but I slept well at night, knowing there was someone that loved her as much as I did and only wanted what was best for her. And the thing is, I’m not talking about her mother.” Lifting his hand to his mouth, he coughed violently into a closed fist.
“I did what needed to be done. As much as it may have seemed like I didn’t give a fuck about G when I dipped, I had my reasons. But once I returned, I saw a need for my presence.”
“Well, let’s just say that I’m glad you came when you did. Now, I’ve got to get in here with these women so that Gauge doesn’t consider my invitation cancelled. I look forward to seeing you around. Sophia, I’d love on you, but I’ve been smelling that diaper since I hit the parking lot.” We both chuckled as I watched him turn in the opposite direction and head inside of the building. The mental checklist I’d made had another task marked, and a nigga was feeling pretty damn decent about it too.
Chapter 18
Gauge
“Did I miss anything?” I heard my father’s voice as he neared the table.
No matter what, I loved this man with every fiber in my body. Even with the differences as of lately, there was nothing anyone could do or say to make me feel any different. His smile was bright, and so were the sparkles in his eyes as he joined us in a seat across from me.
“Nope. Not a thing,” I chanted. “How are you? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” Admitting that I missed him, indirectly, I pursed my lips and tilted my head to the side.
“I just saw you the other morning, knucklehead. No one told you to sneak out in the middle of the night.”
“Hey.” My mother finally spoke. “How are you feeling?” she reiterated the question that I had asked a few seconds prior.
“Hi.” My father nodded in my mother’s direction before returning his smile to mine. There was a bit of silence before he continued. “I’ve been better. Much better,” he spoke. The way that his words were meticulously spoken, I desired to inquire about their meaning, but the waitress reappeared to take his order.
“Evening, sir. I’ve been awaiting your arrival. What can I get for you?” As perky as she was, she bounced around and waited for a response.
“Oh. I’m not all that hungry, so I’ll take three crab cakes and a glass of water, please,” he spoke.
“I’ll bring that out with the rest of the food. Is that fine?”
“Yes,” I rushed out, ready for her to leave the table so that I could pry into my father.
“Great. Let me know if you guys need anything in the meantime. I’ll be around.”
Finally, she jetted from the table, to my satisfaction. Immediately, I turned toward my father and began questioning his reference to being better. “Dad. Is everything okay?”
“I don’t know, sweetie.” He shrugged. “I’m just trying to figure this here out as best I can.”
“Figure what out?” I urged for more information.
“You’re not telling us much. Please, don’t keep the girl waiting another second. She’s about to lose her mind, wondering what you’re hinting at.” My mother took the words from my mouth.
“Gauge.” My father altered his seat until he was facing me and then grabbed ahold of my hand. “You know that I would’ve been here for you during all of this if I could’ve been, but the truth is I was fighting my own battle. During the time you found out you were pregnant with Sophia, my doctor shared the news that I had stage four brain cancer. It started with random headaches, and I was finally taken for a scan of my head. They found three tumors that have progressed rapidly since they were discovered.”
My entire body numbed as my eyes filled with tears and heart filled with pain. Cancer. He had just revealed that he had cancer. My father. My rock and shield had cancer. I couldn’t be hearing him correctly.
“I’m so ashamed, baby girl. I’ve been putting on such an act, trying to be strong for you. I started this ole chemotherapy treatment a week before you went into labor. The hours at my job haven’t been extended. I’m just at the doctor’s office for six hours a day, getting treatment every single day. I go into the office once I’m done and try to get some work done but mostly to allow the side effects of the medicine to wear off a little before I visited you or came home to you once you were at the house again. Five days a week, Gauge. They’re pumping this toxic mess into my veins and hoping that it is curing me. It seems to be doing my body more harm than good. I can barely make it out of bed some mornings. But when they had a look at my scans, the tumors had shrunk in size. Not by much, but anything is better than their growth. So forgive me. I haven’t been able to be the father you’re used to, because I’m not the version of the man I’m used to right now.”
“Forgive you?” I belted. “Forgive you? Forgive me! I’ve been so hung up on my own shit that I haven’t noticed the decline in your health. All along, I was thinking that my sickness was too much for you when you were silently suffering. I waited for an explanation, but I never imagined this would be the one. I feel so stupid for thinking you couldn’t handle this. You were dealing with so much on your own already.” I was talking to my father but mostly to myself.
“It’s okay, Gauge.” Destiny reached across the table and rubbed my arm.
“I thought of every excuse that I could to keep you from finding out, so don’t beat yourself up. No one knew. I didn’t mind you hating me for not being there for you, but I didn’t want to break your heart with this news. But I’m tired. I’m tired of harboring this secret and have grown to understand that I can’t keep this up alone.”
“And you won’t have to,” I assured him. “Whatever you need, I got you.”
“Maybe we can create a schedule that allows us both to acco
mpany you to chemo,” Destiny offered to my surprise.
“Yes. I can take at least three days.”
“Put me down for two.”
“And maybe you can come stay with Sosa and I,” I encouraged.
“No…” My father shook his head.
“I know he’s not the best person, but he wouldn’t mind.”
“I know.” My father nodded. His response threw me for a loop. “I ran into him on the parking lot, and we had a little talk. Things are good between us now. At least I hope. He initiated it. I can hardly believe that, but he did.”
“Really?” I sat back in my seat, trying to imagine the lump of pride Sosa must’ve swallowed before that conversation began.
“Yeah. I won’t intrude like that.” My father waved me off.
“Well, I still live alone.” My mother shrugged. “I wouldn’t mind setting you up in the extra bedroom that I have.”
Both my father and I looked at her with enlarged eyes.
“What?” She chuckled. “I’m really not as bad as you guys think.” My mother shrugged and took a sip of her water.
“You’d do that, seriously?”
“Of course.”
“Dad? How does that sound to you?” I turned toward my father again.
“I’d have to think about it some more, but I can’t say I’m opposed.”
“And here we are.” The waitress returned as I began dabbing my eyes with a napkin from the table. “Here’s your steak. Medium well…”
I’d zoned out as our food was passed around the table. Though I’d just discovered awful news, there was a sense of completion that overcame me as I looked around at the people next to me. I’d prayed for days that my family would reunite. For so many years, I wanted a mother who cared for me, and actually tricked myself into believing that Destiny didn’t.
It was easier that way. That way, I could understand why she’d left because, otherwise, it required too much thought. But, as we sat here, I was able to acknowledge the fact that she’d always loved me, but she didn’t know how to at the time. It didn’t matter though, not right now. All that mattered was the present and the fact that she had finally made our threesome a full circle.
Epilogue
A month and a half later…
Gauge
I listened, but I still wasn’t hearing much of anything but the silent sobbing from my long-term friend. Sauni sat across from me at breakfast with barely enough meat on her face to cover her bones. She reminded me of myself a month and a half ago when I’d awakened from the coma I was in. As well, she’d been sickly from the stressors of life itself. My anger skyrocketed as I listened to my sweetness relive the story of her husband’s infidelity being discovered.
To say that I was in total disbelief would be an understatement. The two had been lovers for what seemed like an eternity, and I’d never seen a single sign that would point Richard in the opposite direction. The behavior that Sauni confessed to him having was something I’d think would be exhibited by Sosa. Some things were to be expected by some men, but not this one. The doting husband and father had definitely shocked the shit out of me.
“So what is your plan? What are you going to do from here?”
“I don’t know, Gauge. I’ve been battling with thoughts of forgiveness, per my mother and his mother’s requests. But something inside of me says that we will never be the same and will never recover from this situation. How do you press forward knowing that?” She sighed. “Are you not going to eat your food?”
“No. I thought I was hungry, but I guess not.” I shrugged. “You want something from this plate?” We were at Breadwinners, nearly preparing to depart. I’d stared at my plate since it had been brought out but continued to sip on the mimosa that I’d been served.
“I’ll take the waffle and chicken to go. I have not been feeling like the homemaker I once was. Cooking requires too much energy these days. I’ve been eating dinner at my mother’s house and leaving Richard to fend for himself.”
“Is he still living at the house.”
“For now, yes. I’ve been considering putting his ass out. Something tells me that he’s still up to no good, but I’ve got too much other shit to be concerned with right now than to be snooping around, looking for evidence. At this point, I’m so bland about the entire thing. It fucked with me so bad until the point that my health declined, and I had my son more than six weeks early.
“Anything that is powerful enough to overcome me in such a way, I’m staying away from. Including him. We don’t even sleep in the same room. I’m always in our son’s nursery, where I had a daybed installed because I wanted to keep a better eye on him. I was so damn scared the first week that he came home. Seriously, I thought he’d stop breathing at any minute. He was so small, even smaller than the twins were, but they were full term. Enough about my shitty ass life and sorry excuse for a husband. That’s all we’ve talked about since we sat down. He and his rendezvous with the dirty-blonde-wig-wearing cougar of his. What’s going on with you?”
“Girl. Nothing. Just getting better by the day. Sosa swears he is my therapist, but his biggest concern is what’s between my legs and not my legs in particular. As long as I can raise them up and wrap them around him when he wants me to, he thinks I’m fine.”
“But are you?”
“Truthfully, I am. Or getting there, at least. Just thankful for God’s grace. Crazy, but we’ve started this Sunday thing where we blast T.D. Jakes live in the house on Sundays. I’ve been considering going to his church, but I wanted to get a feel of him first. You know. I had no idea that Sosa would be game too. I just knew that after my experience, I had to renew my relationship with the Man upstairs.”
“Sosa.” Sauni shook her head with a smile. “I can’t believe the turnaround he’s done. It’s like if it wasn’t for the red attire, I wouldn’t recognize his ass anymore. He’s really stepped his shit up.”
If only Sauni knew that I was still battling with thoughts of Brielle and questioning if Sosa had anything to do with her suicide. It wasn’t often, but the thoughts did occur and sour my mood each time. Sosa’s involvement or possible involvement had been swept under the rug, thanks to his lawyer. Not even her parents had been contacted when he was arrested to let them know that a suspect had been captured, due to the possible involvement he had in their daughter’s suicide.
“Yeah.” I nodded, lifting my glass to my mouth as my phone began vibrating on the table. “Speaking of the devil.” We both shared a hearty laugh.
Our waitress visited the table, and Sauni requested an empty plate to go. I, on the other hand, answered the call from Sosa. “Hey.”
“You ready? Sophia and I just pulled up. We’re in the back parking lot,” he informed me.
“Yeah. We’re finishing up, and then I’ll be right out.”
“Aight. Take your time.”
We ended the call on that note, and I watched as Sauni piled my plate into the empty container the waitress had swiftly returned with. As I sat in silence, so much ran through my head. The last time we’d had lunch, I was the one silently weeping as she was the one encouraging me.
“If you need a break, my house is always open for you and the kids. You don’t have to tell him where you’re going. Just take a weekend away or something. I don’t know.”
“Thanks, Mili. I may actually take you up on that offer. I could use a weekend away.”
“Just let me know. Well. Just give me a heads up. You have a key, so you should be fine.”
“I sure will. As soon as I make the proper arrangements, I will let you know.”
“Well. I’m going to be paying for today’s meal, courtesy of Sosa. He and Sophia are waiting out back, so I’m going to get a head start on this walk so that I’m not slowing you down.”
I could walk—even much better than I assumed I’d be walking at this point. Yet exhaustion was my weakness. After long, I would get winded, and my frame would tire out. It was getting better with the
days, but the fact remained that I wasn’t 100 percent yet.
“Okay. I’ll catch up to you in the parking lot. But wait. I meant to ask. How is your father?”
Before standing, I took a deep breath and allowed my emotions to settle. “He’s doing a lot better. One of the tumors was barely visible on his last scan. The others are shrinking slowly, but they’re making progress. He’s staying with my mother, and I’m starting to think those two have something going on. I’m not quite sure yet.” I chuckled at the thought. It was funny how life worked.
“I wouldn’t put it past them. You see how fine your old man is? Girl. If I wasn’t so young, I would’ve…”
“Please. Save it.” I stopped Sauni in her tracks.
I dropped four twenties on the table to cover our meal and grabbed my purse. Leaning down, I kissed Sauni on the forehead. “Call me when you need me. Or before.”
“You know I will. Take care, love. Keep getting better!”
After two short stops, we’d finally made it back home. I couldn’t be more impressed with the sight of our bed. Since that night we’d fallen out only to fall back into place, we’d moved into the actual master suite of the home Sosa and I shared. It was massive and drained all of my energy by the time I made it to the bed each night or afternoon for a nap. Sometimes, I didn’t even bother and slept in whatever bed was closest to me when I felt my energy depleting. Sosa didn’t mind. He’d always come rescue me or slide under the covers next to me.
“G. What you doing?” Sosa barged into the room behind me with Sophia on his arm.
“I’m about to lay down as soon as I can get out of these clothes. I don’t feel too good.”
