by Jenna Jacob
“Hard to believe, right?” He flashed the same crooked smile that had always turned me inside out. It still did. My heart fluttered and my stomach tumbled, as if the empty years between us didn’t exist.
Great. One smile and I’m already picking the lock and kicking in the door.
Syd slowed to a stop and pulled a key card from his pocket. After swiping it through the lock, he ushered me inside his suite. My mouth nearly hit the floor as he led me across the glossy hardwoods, past the stately beige Grecian pillars and enormous green, leafy palms nearly touching the intricately carved coffered ceiling.
“Good god,” I whispered, feeling as if I’d stepped inside a flipping museum.
“It’s way over-the-top, I know. But…” Syd shrugged.
“You live like this all the time?”
“No. I stay in places like this. I live…well, I move around a lot.”
His veiled reply piqued my curiosity. “Don’t you have a house?”
“I do. I have a place in Michigan. It’s on the lake, but I don’t stay there often,” he replied before leading me through a formal living room with twin gold-toned couches topped with tufted accent pillows, a square glass coffee table, and a pair of ivory low-backed chairs.
Lost in a daze, it was all I could do to keep from leaving a trail of drool over the hardwoods. I drank in every detail as we passed a formal dining room and its massive, polished mahogany table and chairs, a smallish kitchen with shimmering appliances and dark-colored granite countertops, and through a lavish bedroom with gauzy curtains draping the corners of a huge king-sized four-poster bed.
“Will this room be okay for you?” Syd asked as he stepped inside another extravagant bedroom.
The space was nearly double the size of my first apartment and a million times more opulent. There was a sitting room with a plush loveseat splashed in red and black. A low, glass-topped pedestal table with an arrangement of white fresh-cut roses in the center. Behind them along the wall was a pair of French doors that opened to an actual balcony. Trying to digest the grandeur, I turned and sucked in a sharp breath when I caught sight of the ensuite adorned in black and gold. It had both a spacious glass shower with at least a dozen nozzles I could all but feel massaging my skin and a huge soaker tub surrounded with cream-colored candles and more vases of fresh-cut white roses.
“Okay?” I scoffed. “I feel like I’ve stepped onto the pages of a magazine. Yeah, Syd, this is way better than okay.”
“Great.” He rocked back on his heels and shoved his hands in his pockets. It was the first time I’d ever seen Syd acting nervous. Why? I had no clue, but I found it endearing as hell. “Okay, well, while you shower, I’ll go ahead and order us some food. What sounds good?”
“Anything will be fine. I’m not picky. You know that.”
He sobered and gazed into my eyes with such intensity I could almost feel him climbing into my soul. “You should be, angel. You should be picky as fuck about everything.”
I sent him a weak smile. “Come on, Syd. You know I don’t have that luxury.”
“You could. You could have this”—he waved his hand around the room—"and more if you’d give me a second—”
“Stop,” I blurted, panic spiking through every cell in my body. “Don’t. Please don’t suggest—”
A loud knock the front door stopped me mid-sentence.
Heart hammering in my chest, my brain swirled with a million reasons why giving Syd a second chance was impossible. My heart sunk as the light in his eyes dimmed and a scowl claimed the sculpted lines and angles of his still-handsome face.
Syd had been heart-stoppingly gorgeous as a teen, but he’d matured into a sexy, drool-worthy man.
With a bleak nod of acceptance, he turned and strode toward the foyer.
Trembling, I tried to shove his suggestion away but couldn’t. Even with the risk of total destruction, my heart began pleading for me to give Syd a second chance. I rushed to the bathroom, foolishly thinking I could escape the conflict pressing down around me. But it didn’t ease. Even after kicking off Mia’s tennis shoes and starting the shower, Syd’s half-spoken entreaty echoed in my brain.
As I struggled to silence his petition, I carefully lifted the cotton tee off over my head. Body throbbing, I eased the soft sweatpants down my legs. By the time I stepped inside the gleaming marble enclosure, I was shaking from the shards of pain assaulting my nerve endings. But that was nothing compared to the pure agony that consumed me when I stepped beneath the spray. The pelting water felt like shards of glass, scraping open each burn, cut, and torn flesh.
Biting back a wail of agony, I gripped the faucets, squeezed my eyes shut, and gave myself permission to be weak again and cried.
Cried from the pain slicing me in two.
Cried from the shame of falling victim to Zattman and his twisted game.
Cried for being helpless to stop or escape the demon on my own.
Cried over the myriad of emotions seeing Syd again unfurled in my soul.
Cried because no matter how badly I wanted to absolve his sins, take him up on his offer, and welcome him back into my life, I knew one day he’d leave me again. Leave me and shatter what little was left of my heart.
Why? Why did it feel so right to be with him again, yet feel so fucking wrong?
Why had I spent all the years without him, clinging to memories and dreams of what could have been?
I’d spent my life alone and trapped so deep in the past that I’d lost the ability to care about anyone or anything. When Monica had approached me to join her for a vacation in LA, I’d agreed, not because I wanted to spend time with her but because I wanted to try and purge Syd from my soul. He’d been my everything. But I knew deep in my heart I had to stop clinging to hopeless dreams and start living again instead of simply existing.
“Why? Why, out of all the people on the planet, did Syd have to be the one to find me beaten and helpless?’ I mewled pitifully.
“I guess fate decided we’d been apart long enough,” Syd replied.
A startled yelp burst from my throat as I whirled around to find him standing behind me, wearing nothing but cautious regard. Mist from the shower was already collecting on his tanned flesh, sending rivulets of water trickling down all the places on his naked body I ached to trace with my tongue.
Syd wasn’t a boy anymore but a man, fully grown. From his sculpted shoulders, pecs, and biceps to his washboard abs. Lost in the splendor of each tempting inch, my stare trailed over the defined V etched at his hips, only to be swept farther south, stilling on his glorious erect cock.
It was drastically larger now and growing mouthwateringly longer and thicker by the second. Heat and desire—longings I thought long dead—reawakened with a basal roar, sending a rush of demand spilling from my folds.
Syd hadn’t even touched me…hadn’t uttered a single salacious word, and already my heart was racing, clit throbbing, and my folds swelling, priming my quivering tunnel to welcome him inside me again.
No. This is wrong, all wrong.
It didn’t matter that we’d lost our virginity together or spent months exploring every kind of sexual splendor we could imagine. Attempting to pick up where we left off was a disaster of the heart—namely mine—waiting to happen.
But oh, god, how I want to. No! I have to stop this now.
“What are you doing? Get out,” I scolded, shoving him back.
The instant my palms met his steely pecs, a white-hot current raced up my arms, skittered down my spine, and coalesced between my legs. Even as the hot water continued pelting me, goose bumps erupted over my flesh.
My breath caught in my throat and a shiver quaked my system the same time that Syd sucked in a sharp breath.
Shit. He felt it, too.
This was bad. No, it was catastrophic.
“I’m not getting out. I’m here to help you.”
“Syd, I don’t think—”
“Then don’t. Don’t think. I’m not. I c
an’t…I can’t think of anything but…” As his gaze locked on my lips, his cock jerked and all I wanted to do was glide to my knees and engulf his impressive length down my throat. “Fuck, Caris, I’m sorry, but…”
Syd cupped my nape, aligned me beneath his sensual mouth, and started to dip his head.
Oh, god…he’s going to kiss me.
Unable to summon the will to stop him, my resolve was already swirling down the drain. I wanted Syd to kiss me. Wanted to feel his powerful lips claim, own, and possess me just one more time. Instead of the raw, savage hunger I craved, Syd pressed a ginger-soft kiss to my swollen lips. Though I was barely able to feel the texture of his sensual mouth, the passion consuming him arced through me, searing my swollen lips and stealing my breath. Melting beneath him, I sank my fingers against his flesh. My toes curled against the wet tile, and as a wildfire of arousal whipped through me, a tiny whimper slid from my throat.
Syd smiled against my mouth, then gripped my nape tighter as he dragged his slick tongue over the seam of my lips. Fire licked my spine as I opened and welcomed his slow, sensual sweep. The flames spread through me, obliterating my doubts and fears as our tongues tangled in the ancient, familiar dance I’d savored in my dreams.
He took possession of my mouth, my soul, not like the boy I’d remembered, but like a man. A man a who’d perfected his skills to a spine-bending, mind-melting art form.
Cupping my ass, Syd pulled me against his firm, sinewy body. My nipples raked his chest, sending shards of splendor arcing through me as his kiss turned wild, raw, and savage.
My heart raced.
My head swam.
Skimming my palms up his steely chest, I clutched his broad shoulders as his rough, needy groan filled my mouth.
I could feel my walls cracking, feel them breaking apart and crumbling to dust around me as passion hotter than the summer sun careened through my veins. Like the petals of a flower reaching for the sun, I stretched toward the source of his heat—Syd’s wicked mouth—and felt myself coming back to life.
He gripped my hair tighter, sending delicious tingles skipping over my scalp. They slid down my spine and gathered like electric pulses between my legs. Lost in the dizzying stroke of his tongue, I rolled my hips and writhed against his thick erection, desperate to quench the wild pulse pummeling my clit. But it wasn’t enough.
When I whimpered in frustration, Syd tilted my head back with a hungry snarl and delved deeper, until we were feasting on each other as if this carnal kiss was our last meal.
His possessive, animalistic fury was too much, too overwhelming, too perfect. My skin was growing tighter by the second, aching and throbbing from the flood of demand rising inside me. Afraid of floating away, I clutched Syd’s broad shoulders tighter, fighting the need to grip his cock, spread my legs, and feed each glorious inch into my empty, needy core.
I was on the cusp of going up in flames when Syd released my mouth. After giving my bottom lip a tiny tug, he gently cupped my neck. I dragged my heavy eyes open and peered into his erotic, half-lidded stare. The harsh, hungry need in his dark eyes intensified the cyclone of desire swirling through me, destroying every shred of reason or self-preservation.
“Caris… Oh, sweet Caris.” He whispered my name like a prayer as he softly traced his thumb along my jawline.
His fierce expression belied his tender touch in every way. I knew Syd was harnessing his own basal cravings to drown me in soft, reassuring benevolence.
Tendrils of guilt spiraled through me. Syd wasn’t acting like the self-serving bastard the way I’d painted him all these years. Was he trying to atone for his sins? Or was he only interested in fucking me? I wanted to try and analyze his motives, but the scrape of his thumb across my bottom lip and the feather-soft kisses he peppered along my jaw and down my neck made it impossible to rub two brain cells together.
Shivers of pleasure skipped through me. And as I opened my mouth to suck his digit in deep and bathe it with my tongue, Syd’s wicked lips drifted lower. Pausing to press tender kisses to every cut, burn, and bruise over my chest, he anointed each wound with his warm lips. Syd dragged his tongue up my neck and over the shell of my ear. The breeze of his heated breath sent tremors thundering through me.
“You taste as sweet as I remember, angel. I’ve waited a fucking lifetime to kiss you again.”
Waited? Then why didn’t you ever come back or try to find me?
An icy wedge of grief sliced through me. Hot on its heels was overwhelming sadness for all the amazing moments like this we’d lost after Syd cruelly threw it all away.
Why am I doing this?
We weren’t a couple anymore and never would be. We were nothing but strangers trying to recapture a glimmer of our youth. We couldn’t go back and change or erase the past. Nothing could change the fact that Syd had left me when I’d needed him most.
Ugly memories tore through my brain, clawing at my still-pulsing bliss. They blurred the passion and hunger etching Syd’s face until all I could see was the abject horror and panic that quaked his sixteen-year-old body as he turned and ran, leaving me to survive the ugly consequences alone.
Flashes of that horrific day played like a strobe in my mind. I’d stood there frozen in fear, heart breaking as I’d watched him disappear. But when he never bothered to look back, that was the gut-wrenching blow that had shattered my heart into a million pieces.
All the kisses, kindness, and compassion Syd drowned me in couldn’t erase the past. Couldn’t wipe away the hell I’d endured.
The tsunami of rejection pouring through me stung like acid as it washed the heated blood from my veins, replacing it with icy resolve.
“Stop,” I cried out in a tortured groan.
Syd froze and lifted his head. A million questions skipped over his green eyes, but only one word spilled from his lips, “Why?”
“Because we can’t do this. I can’t do this…not with you.”
“Are you seeing…dating someone?” A humorless scoff rolled from his throat. “Of course you are. A woman as gorgeous as you inside and out couldn’t still be single.”
“What?” I blinked. “No. I-I don’t date.”
Syd arched his brows and studied me intently. “I know trust has always been hard for you, Caris. Hell, it probably still is. But once in a while you have to take a chance, angel.”
“Have you?” I countered curtly, knowing he’d struggled with the same issues, too.
He opened his mouth to answer, then quickly snapped it shut. Obviously, he had no desire to dissect his fucked-up childhood any more than I did mine. Silently, he grabbed the shower gel and squeezed some into his palm.
“Mia dropped off some pajamas for you,” he stated in a matter-of-fact tone while he rubbed his hands, coating them in bubbles. “Darren talked to the hotel manager. He said a doctor should be up soon. I didn’t know if you’d eaten since Zattman drugged you, so I ordered us some chicken noodle soup and turkey sandwiches. They were the lightest things on the menu.”
“Thank you, and no, he didn’t feed me, but he gave me a glass of water each morning and expected me to be grateful.”
Fury flashed in Syd’s eyes before he banked it and nodded. “Turn around so I can wash your back.”
“I can—”
“Dammit, Caris, stop fighting me,” he barked. “Look, I know I fucked up, and if I could go back and change the past, I would. Trust me. So, please, stop arguing and let me take care of you.”
His irate tone surprised me, but his confession rocked me to the bone. Clearly, Syd was tired of avoiding the elephant in the room, but I hadn’t expected him to drop the apology bomb here in the shower. Fame and fortune might have provided him the ability to reinvent himself, but I didn’t have that luxury. I was still the same Caris I’d always been, still fighting to survive. If Syd expected something else, he was in for a rude surprise.
“Stop fighting you? Silly man, I haven’t even put my gloves on yet.” I sneered. “Change the past…w
ho are you kidding? Why would you do that? Why would you give up living in the lap of luxury?”
“To be with you.”
“Oh, please.” I rolled my eyes. “You’d trade in all this for a tiny house by the lake? And then do what? Bus tables at Trudy’s day and night while I wait on the customers?”
“Is that what you’re doing now, waiting tables at Café Trudy?”
Though there wasn’t an ounce of pity in his voice, his eyes blazed with it.
I flashed a tight smile. “Not all of us can be superstars.”
“That’s not what I—”
“Get out,” I growled. “I can wash myself.”
Bristling, he clenched his jaw and rinsed the soap off his hands. “I know you won’t because you’re too fucking stubborn, but if you need help, holler.”
I wanted to refute him, but he’d simply call me a liar. Syd was the only other living person on the planet who knew me, knew every skeleton locked in my closet. Knew my strengths, and dammit, he knew my weaknesses. Like a fool, I’d told him every one of my fucking fears. Sure, they’d been the fears of a girl, but the woman in me still hadn’t been able to conquer most of them.
And why was Syd getting pissy with me?
I wasn’t the one who’d walked away.
I wasn’t the one who’d made a mountain of promises and broke every single one.
I might be the hopeless idiot who still loved his sorry ass, the hopeless idiot who’d spent the last fifteen years praying he’d one day come back. Fine, that shit was on me. But the rest…all the rest was on him.
Pressing my lips together to keep from spewing the venomous rage bubbling within, I curtly nodded.
“Don’t worry, angel, I won’t be holding my breath,” he drawled as he left the shower.
I closed my eyes and counted to ten, forcing the anger to bleed from my system. Then I made the fatal mistake of glancing at Syd as he dried off beyond the glass door. Try as I might, I couldn’t ignore the way his delicious muscles rippled and bunched.
Dammit, why am I torturing myself like this?
