by Jenna Jacob
“So was I, Syd, beyond scared when I turned to follow you and that old bastard grabbed my arm.”
No. No. Oh, fuck no.
My blood turned to ice.
“I was more than terrified when he yelled at me and slapped me across the face so hard I landed on the floor.”
The quiver in her voice and the gruesome images spooling through my brain stole the air from my lungs. My heart drummed against my ribs in anger, anguish, and fear.
“Once I was down, he started punching me with his hard fists and kicking me with those damn cowboy boots. Don’t tell me you couldn’t hear me screaming.”
My stomach pitched and bile burned the back of my throat. I’d failed her…failed to protect her after convincing her to go with me to rob the prick.
“No, angel, I didn’t,” I whispered, all but choking on my guilt. “I didn’t hear anything but my feet hitting the pavement and my heartbeat pounding in my ears.”
“Thankfully, I passed out. When I came to, every inch of my body was screaming in pain. A couple of EMTs loaded me onto a gurney and a nasty cop handcuffed me to its frame. Then they shoved me in the back of an ambulance and hauled me to the hospital in Harrison.”
A whole new level of guilt crawled through me like millions of fire ants. I’m sorry lay poised on the tip of my tongue, but those two words weren’t enough. There weren’t words on the planet to absolve me for leaving her to fend off a man four times her size and failing to protect her like I should have.
“The doctors and nurses didn’t have an ounce of sympathy for my broken jaw, punctured lung, or fractured eye socket and ribs. They treated me like a terrorist as they patched me up, shot me full of morphine, then let the cops haul me to a holding cell in juvie hall.”
The tears spilling down Caris’s cheeks eviscerated me. Though I didn’t deserve her mercy, I prayed she’d spare me the gory details and stop.
“The public defender they assigned did nothing to try and get the charges reduced. He told me I should have made better choices,” she scoffed derisively. “Three weeks after we broke into that bastard’s house, the judge found me guilty and sentenced me to two years at the youth detention center in Fayetteville.”
Two years? Two fucking years?
My heart shattered. Shame and remorse thundered in my veins. I’d been a fool, an idiot to think she’d simply given up on me. I was the one who’d given up on her.
I’d spent hours that night, pacing our hideaway in the forest, convincing myself that Caris hadn’t returned because she couldn’t handle my affinity for playing Robin Hood. Pissed that she hadn’t come back to fight it out or even bothered to even say goodbye, I’d packed what little shit I owned in a trash bag, gathered up my wounded pride, and walked away.
How could she even look at speak to me after what I’d done to her?
Angrily swiping away her tears, Caris advanced wearing a furious sneer. “So, no. I didn’t not go back to the woods because I was mad at you. I couldn’t go back. You’d left me…left me to be beaten and cuffed and hauled away. Left me to rot in jail and pay the price for believing in you.”
And shattered her in the process. I could see it in her dark eyes, which only intensified the guilt pounding my system.
“I-I’m… Fuck. I’m so damn sor—”
“No.” Caris held up her hand and shook her head. “Apology not accepted, Syd. I might have been able to forgive you if you’d ever bothered to come home and check on me. But not now. Not ever.”
The subzero finality in her tone was a solid kick to the balls.
As Caris spun on her heel and started toward the suite, I grabbed her arm and hauled her to my chest. Narrowing my gaze, I delved deep into her angry eyes.
“Somehow, someway, I will make it up to you.”
After pinning me with an icy glare for a long second, Caris turned her attention to my hand still clasped around her arm. “Let me go, Syd. Now.”
I’d never forced a woman to do anything in my life. I wasn’t about to start now. Releasing her, I stepped back and raised my palms in surrender. Without looking back, Caris strode inside the suite and straight to her room.
Heart still shattering and mind racing a mile a minute, I scrubbed a hand through my hair and strolled inside.
Pausing at Caris’s room, I lifted my hand to knock on the door.
And do what? Offer another useless apology? Beg and grovel for forgiveness?
If I thought it would do any good, yeah, I would. But I knew better. I knew Caris. Dropping my hand, I made my way to the sitting room off the foyer, then plopped down on the couch and hung my head. Visuals of what she’d endured because of me spooled through my mind, like a horror movie that had no end.
I was the reason she’d endured such despicable torture.
I was the one who’d talked her into robbing the place.
I was the one who ran out on her, like a coward, and failed her in every way.
Guilt pressed in all around me, weighed heavier by her rejected tone when she reminded me that I’d never returned to Diamond City to check on her.
I hadn’t, because I couldn’t swallow my pride. Didn’t want to face the woman who’d tossed me to the curb and abandoned me like everyone else in my life. The sad reality that I’d abandoned her shredded me.
“For the love of fuck, how the hell am I going to fix this?” I muttered softly.
I didn’t have a clue. There weren’t enough flowers or chocolates on the planet to convince her to forgive my sins.
“Son of a—”
A loud knock at the door interrupted my worthless self-flagellation. I opened the door to find Burk, Darren, and an older man—who I assumed was a doctor, based on the black bag in his fist—standing outside the portal.
“Syd, this is Dr. Callahan,” Burk began. “Dr. Callahan, this is Syd Wilson. He and Caris are…friends.”
“Pleasure to meet you,” the doctor replied, extending his hand. “Burk and Darren filled me in a little bit on the elevator. Since you’re a friend of Caris’s, how do you think she’s doing?”
“Physically, she’s in a lot of pain. Emotionally…” I shrugged. “We drifted apart for a long time. She still has the fire of her youth.” She just served my balls to me on a silver platter. “But I’m not sure if it’s real or a façade to keep me at arm’s length.”
“I see. While I treat her visible injuries, I’ll stress the importance of seeking a professional to help with the emotional ones.”
“I’ll stress it, too.” If she’ll ever talk to me again. “Come on in. I’ll take you to her.”
“Thank you.”
“We’ll wait here,” Darren announced as Burk eyed the stack of envelopes I’d placed on the coffee table.
Yeah, that was another can of shit I needed to open tonight.
Biting back a growl, I led Callahan down the hall to Caris’s room and rapped on her door.
“Come in,” she said with a sniff.
Fuck. She’s in there crying because of me.
I opened the door and stuck my head inside. The sight of her red-rimmed eyes and nose eviscerated me all over again. “The doctor’s here. Is it okay if he comes in?”
Caris didn’t answer, simply nodded.
I pushed the door open, and Callahan stepped inside. I watched her intently as the doctor moved in close to the bed.
Gripping the knob so tight my knuckles turned white, I stayed silent as they exchanged introductions. Her body remained tense for several long seconds before her shoulders relaxed. Callahan cupped her tiny hand and promised he’d be gentle, further putting Caris at ease.
“I’ll be right down the hall if you need me,” I blurted.
She wouldn’t, and even if she did, my sorry ass was last on her list.
Mentally berating myself for the umpteenth time, I joined the guys in the sitting room.
“You look like hell had a yard sale,” Burk jabbed.
“I feel like it, too.”
The si
nger narrowed his eyes. “Whoa, that’s not the smart-assed answer I was expecting. What the fuck is going on? You haven’t been yourself since…since you discovered Caris was the woman in that bed.”
“If you’d found Sofia there, you wouldn’t be yourself either.”
“No, because I’m in love with…” Burk cocked his head and studied me even more intently. “You’re in love with Caris, aren’t you?”
Chapter 4
Caris
While the doctor inspected and treated my wounds, I continued mentally cursing myself for tearing into Syd on the balcony.
When we’d arrived at the hotel, I’d vowed to keep the scathing speech I’d practiced the last fifteen years locked inside me. But like an idiot, I’d opened my mouth and spewed the gory details to what…? Exact revenge? Yep. That was mistake one. Mistake two was never considering how Syd would react, or the ensuing fallout. And mistake three was foolishly thinking I wouldn’t have to struggle with the crippling guilt and shame I’d burdened Syd with on the balcony.
Not only was I swamped with remorse for spilling my guts, I’d also completely shredded the only man I’d ever loved. But I didn’t stop there…oh, no. Instead of forgiving him when he pulled me to his chest and tried to inundate me with apologies, I slid on my ice-princess mask, ordered him to let me go, then ran away so he wouldn’t see me fall apart…again.
They say revenge is best served cold. But nobody ever said if you toss it in the wind, it all flies back in your face. It’s not revenge, then; it’s nothing but stupidity.
I was completely confident that if Syd Googled ungrateful bitch, my face would be the first to pop up on his computer screen.
Oh, god. Why? Why did I have to open my big mouth?
I wanted to scrub the oppressive guilt off us both. I simply didn’t know how.
“I’m going to leave this tube of cream with you,” the doctor stated, dragging me from my grim dilemma. “Apply it twice a day to your cuts and burns.”
As he began driving home the importance of finding a therapist, I nodded at all the appropriately but mentally blocked him out. After packing gauze and tape back in his bag, he strode to the bathroom and returned with a glass of water before shoving a pill at me.
“What’s that?”
“A sedative. It will help you sleep.”
“I-I don’t—”
“You need it,” he insisted.
He watched me like a hawk as I placed the pill on my tongue. But as I took the glass, I slid the tablet against my cheek and gulped the water down. When he strode to the bathroom to return the empty glass, I spit the pill out and quickly tucked it under the blanket.
I thanked him for taking time from his evening to help me, and for his assurance that doctor-patient privilege extended to the members of the band as well. Then I faked a yawn and gingerly rolled onto my side, letting my eyelids slowly drift shut.
Eyes closed, I issued a soft sigh and listened as he walked away before opening the door. When he let out a startled grunt, I nearly lifted my lids out of curiosity, but then I heard Syd’s voice and continued feigning sleep.
“Sorry, Doc. I didn’t mean to startle you. I was just coming back to see if everything was okay.”
“She’ll be fine. Poor thing has some nasty cuts and burns, but I’ve treated them and bandaged her up. I also left her some antibiotic ointment to reapply, but she should be fine. It’s just going to take time to heal, both physically and mentally.”
“I know. I’m still fighting the urge to kill the son of a bitch who did this to her.”
“You know the man?”
“It’s probably better if I plead the Fifth.”
“I’d gladly ignore my Hippocratic Oath for the chance to put down the animal who did this to her, as well.”
“Hopefully, our judicial system will put the hurt on him soon.”
“Good.”
“Can I…talk to her?”
“She’s asleep. I gave her a strong sedative that should keep her out all night, but you can talk to her in the morning.”
“Okay.” The disappointment in Syd’s voice only magnified my shame.
The door snicked shut, muting the rest of their conversation, leaving me alone again with a myriad of emotions pelting my system. The urge to launch out of bed and pace the room rode me hard, but I tamped it down and tried to dissect and compartmentalize the emotions spilling through my system.
Suddenly, I heard the doorknob jiggle and slammed my eyes shut again.
“I’ll meet you in your suite in a few,” Syd called from behind the door. “I just need to check on Caris before we deal with those damn photos.”
I focused on keeping my breaths slow and steady as I heard Syd enter the room. The heat of his body surrounded me as he leaned over the bed. Surprisingly, I didn’t even flinch when he gently skimmed his fingers over my cheek.
“Sweet dreams. I’ll be back soon,” he whispered.
Syd bent and pressed a tender kiss to my temple. His warm breath skipped over my ear, and a lump of emotion jammed my throat.
“Oh, angel. I’m so sorry I ran out on you, but I’m a million times sorrier that I fucking lost you.”
The words I’d waited a lifetime to hear damn near destroyed me. Tears stung my eyes and a powerful sob rolled up my chest. I somehow managed to hold it, and the ache to wrap my arms around him and wail, back.
Though I was breaking apart inside, I remained statue still until he walked away and closed the door. Then I buried my face in the pillow and released a torrent of tears. As I poured my soul into the supple foam, I realized running into Syd again wasn’t some act of divine fate but piss-poor luck.
His path was now paved in gold, while mine was still an uneven trail of dirt and rocks. It was ridiculous for me think they could merge again.
Spending time reminiscing pieces of our past on the balcony earlier had been wonderful and melancholy. It had been so easy to ignore the fact that Sydney Joseph Wilston of Diamond City, Arkansas, was dead. He’d reinvented himself as Syd Wilson, Detroit, Michigan, rock god, because he didn’t want anyone discovering his past…our past.
Keep your head down until we’re in the elevator in case the paparazzi is staking out the hotel. Mia’s warning echoed in my head.
“Oh, god,” I moaned.
Did any of the others know about Syd’s juvenile record? Was that why Mia had warned me to keep my head down? Was she trying to protect Syd, not from Zattman but from the press digging up information on me and inadvertently discovering the truth about Syd?
Simply being seen with me could ruin his career.
My stomach twisted.
Panic flooded my system.
Breaking out in a cold sweat, I tossed the covers back and leapt out of bed.
I didn’t know how long I’d spent crying, how long Syd had been gone, or when he was coming back. All I knew was that I had to leave, put as much distance between us as possible, to save his career. And I had to do it now.
Racing to the bathroom, I clenched my jaw and stripped off the pajamas, then carefully pulled on the other set of borrowed clothes. The sweatpants and tee did nothing to hide the bandages or other wounds covering my arms and neck. I could brush my hair down over my face to shield the bruises there, but without the luxury of the guys surrounding me, I wouldn’t be able to escape too many prying eyes this time.
After darting out of the bathroom, I grabbed the tube of ointment before hurrying to Syd’s room. I opened the drawers of the tall oak dresser and grabbed a pair of white socks. After carefully drawing them over my toes and the thick bandages covering my ankles, I slid on the tennis shoes Mia had lent me.
With my legs, ankles, and feet covered, I started digging for a shirt that would conceal the bandages on my wrists but came up empty. Dashing into the spacious walk-in closet, I hit the jackpot. I was able to exchange Mia’s tee for a long-sleeved Henley, a ball cap I could pull down low to hide the bruises on my face. But the best find by far was a
black leather jacket. The buttery-soft hide all but melted over my fingers as I slid it on. Instantly, Syd’s familiar scent surrounded me, and I had to fight off the sorrow filling my soul and stinging my eyes. As I exited the closet and started out the door, I spied his wallet sitting on the nightstand.
You’ve already ripped his heart out. You’re going to steal from him, too? the little voice in my head scoffed.
“How else am I supposed to get home? Walk?” I muttered, trying to ignore the mounting guilt weighing heavily on my chest.
If Syd had let me find my purse before carrying me out of Zattman’s house, I could fly home. My boarding pass was on my phone, along with my ID, credit cards, and cash.
But without my driver’s license, I couldn’t buy another ticket, even if I had the cash.
Hell, I couldn’t even rent a car and drive home.
Flopping down on Syd’s bed, I shoved the tube of ointment into the pocket of his jacket before twisting my hair into a sloppy bun and shoving on his ball cap.
Think. Think.
There had to be a way to get home that didn’t require a driver’s license, but I couldn’t come up with a single alternative. Oh, there was one alternative, but I refused to ask Syd for more help.
“Come on, Caris. You’re a grown woman, think of something!” I groused out loud.
From out of the blue, it hit me.
“A bus.”
Maybe. Was Greyhound still in business? They were when I was six. My foster parents had loaded us all up in their minivan and driven to Mountain Home to pick up our new foster brother, who’d come in on a bus from Nashville.
If I could make it to Mountain Home, I might be able to call someone to drive me back to Diamond City.
But you can’t get to Mountain Home without money, the voice in my head taunted.
I bit my lip and eyed his wallet.
Did Syd even carry cash or simply use credit cards?
I knew his habits when we were young but didn’t have the luxury to stick around and see to see if they’d carried over to adulthood. All I’d discovered in the short time we’d spent together was that Syd was no longer a troubled, combative teen, but a caring, compassionate man.
