I heard him sniffling.
“Dad, are you all right?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine, Vigil. Don’t worry about it,” he said somberly, never turning away from the stove or the window as he spoke.
I didn’t know what to do to comfort him, and I only managed to make things worse when I softly blurted out the first thing that came to my mind. “I’m hungry.”
“Yeah, I know! Just give me a damn minute, okay?” There was a painful crackle in his voice, and he coughed to clear his throat as he continued to stare out the window.
“Sorry, Dad.”
Just leave him be, sweetheart. Your father’s dealing with a lot. My mother’s sweet voice permeated my thoughts.
Yes, Momma, I replied numbly in my mind.
After he’d fixed my plate and kept a portion for himself, my father barely looked up to acknowledge me sitting across the kitchen table from him as we ate. The only sounds were the ones my father made as he chewed with his mouth open, which thankfully stopped when the doorbell rang and he got up to answer it.
He returned a few moments later carrying a letter, grumbling as he read through it. Then he angrily crumpled the paper and threw it toward the trash bin on the far side of the kitchen.
“Is everything okay?” I asked as he sat down to finish eating.
Leave him alone, Vigil, my mother pleaded.
“No! Everything is not okay, if you really want to know!” my father growled, dejectedly hanging his head as he quickly ate the last of his breakfast. I was too intimidated by his tone of voice to ask if there was anything I could do to help. When he’d finished, my father tossed his dish into the sink and left me alone in the kitchen.
Don’t be mad at your father, sweetheart. He’s just having a hard time getting through this, my mother said reassuringly.
So am I! It’s not fair, I moaned, casually picking at my food.
I know, and I’m sorry it has to be like this.
What does Dad mean, everything’s not okay?
It’s just grownup stuff, Vigil…nothing you have to worry about, okay?
I sighed. Okay, Momma.
There’s my good boy. Now, why don’t you run upstairs and play quietly in your room, so your father can get some rest.
Fine, I grumbled, getting up from the table and dropping my plate in the sink.
I know it’s hard for you, too, sweetheart, she added compassionately as I made my way up the stairs. But I’m sure things will get better soon.
They never did.
Winter passed. Springtime came and went. Still, my father’s mood never improved. In fact, as time went on, the more distant and closed off from the rest of society he became. My father wasn’t alone in this regard. Families all across Quelstren had become extremely reserved and guarded. Gone were the friendly smiles and warm greetings that you’d get as you walked down the street. All that remained of our once close-knit society was a lingering distrust for everyone, especially the Church.
~16~
It was almost fall again, and the long, hot days of summer were slowly coaxed away by the oncoming cool seasonal breeze. I had hoped people would’ve become a bit friendlier with the Festival of Ein just a few weeks away, but the anniversary of the blood croup loomed gravely over everyone, completely covering our most joyous traditions with fear, anxiety, and loss.
For me, losing the magic and wonderment of the holidays at such a young age made me feel as if I’d been cheated somehow. While I’d only gotten to experience a few happy, memorable festivals in my young life, I was jealous of how many years most people in the world had been able to enjoy such events before our traditions were abruptly ended. And even though I understood why everyone else did not want to celebrate the Festival of Ein, there was one occasion that I truly worried about missing out on.
Momma…I trailed off as I climbed into bed for the night.
What is it, Vigil?
I know Dad doesn’t want to celebrate the Festival of Ein this year…and I understand that, but…
But what?
Does that mean he won’t be celebrating my birthday either?
I…I don’t think so, sweetheart, her voice cracked and abruptly went silent. There was a long, awkward silence between us, and I thought I could feel my mother’s heart breaking in that very moment.
I sighed, pulling my covers tightly over myself as I rolled onto my side, trying to hide my teary eyes in my pillow as a vain hope crossed my mind. Momma? Can you talk to anybody else?
What do you mean?
Like how we do…could you talk to Dad if you wanted to? You know, maybe tell him to celebrate my birthday?
No, sweetheart. I could talk to him, but he can’t to hear me like you do.
He talks to you sometimes. Can you hear him?
Yes, Vigil. Her voice cracked again. I can hear him.
He misses you a lot.
I know.
Then why can’t you answer him?
I told you, sweetheart. He can’t hear me.
Why not?
Because you’re the only one who can. She went silent again. You’re a very special boy. Always remember that, okay? Her voice trembled sadly in my mind.
I will, I replied with a long, deep yawn. For some strange reason, I suddenly felt absolutely exhausted—more so than I’d ever felt before.
That’s my good boy. Now, get some sleep.
Okay, Momma.
I love you, Vigil.
“Love you, too,” I mumbled aloud, letting the slumber take over my body.
It was dark all around me. I couldn’t tell if I was awake or living a nightmare. I couldn’t feel anything. I couldn’t see anything. I was frozen in place like a statue—cold and lifeless.
Momma? I thought, but I heard nothing in reply. “Momma!” I screamed as loud as I could, but all I heard was the sound of my own frightened echo coming from the deep, disturbing silence. I had no idea where I was or what was around me.
Suddenly, a fiery electric shock stabbed me in the back of the head. I saw a quick, bright flash, and there before me was a glowing ball of greenish light. Whether it was huge and a million miles away or incredibly small and right in front of me, I couldn’t tell, but a feeling of warmth and peace washed over me. I was no longer scared, and I felt like this was where I belonged—where I was meant to be.
Then, little vibrations sparked through my veins like pins and needles. As each spark hit, I saw stars and suns form all around me. It was amazing! There was so much color, so much light, and so much peace and tranquility that I couldn’t image wanting to be anywhere else ever again.
But the rapture I felt didn’t last long. The sparks throughout my body started to burn and itch, while an intense pressure began to build in my head. I could no longer see clearly and everything blurred, making me nauseous. The sparks turned into flashes of light that stung as they burned deep into my skin. The pressure inside my head was almost unbearable. I looked down upon my body and watched in horror as the sparks burned through my flesh, rapidly incinerating my body until there was nothing more than charred flesh floating like dust around my blackened skeleton.
“Momma! Help me!” I screamed out in a panic.
SHE CAN’T HEAR YOU, a booming yet calm female voice echoed around me as the painful pressure in my head instantly melted away.
“Where’s my mom?” I pleaded.
AT YOUR HOME ON TELSHAKRA…WHERE YOU WILL RETURN SHORTLY. Her voice was soothing and inviting.
“Am I dreaming?” I asked as a ruddy-purple haze surrounded me.
YOUR PHYSICAL BODY IS ASLEEP IN YOUR BED…BUT YOUR SOUL IS HERE WITH ME.
“Who are you?”
I AM NECRA…DAUGHTER OF EIN…AND THE GODDESS OF DEATH, she stated.
“Am I dead?”
NO, VIGIL, she said as her voice grew louder and thundered in my head. YOU’RE STILL ALIVE…AND THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU TO OBEY EIN’S CALL…THIS
IS THE TIME…OF YOUR VIVICATION! Her voice roared as all the stars and suns of the universe that surrounded me collapsed and rushed toward me.
The haze buckled inward upon me and my bones began to glow. The light grew brighter and brighter as a searing pain built throughout my entire body. I felt as if I was about to explode into a million pieces as a flash of lightning and a loud crash of thunder rumbled all around me, snapping me awake from my nightmare.
I tried desperately to catch my breath as my heart pounded rapidly. I looked up at my bedroom ceiling as my hand felt Tooga’s soft fur. I was relieved to know I was still safe in my bed and it was only a dream.
Momma? I thought, still very shaken. Where are you? I waited, but she didn’t respond.
I got up from the bed and slowly crept to my bedroom door. As I stuck my head out into the hallway, I could faintly hear my mother singing. It was coming from downstairs. I crept down the hallway and slowly made my way down the staircase.
My father was asleep in my mother’s chair again, as he had done nearly every night since my mother died. He stirred slightly as my mother hummed. It was different from any of the songs she usually sang to me. It was sophisticated and romantic, but also comforting for reasons I didn’t fully understand. And then I remembered what it was. I’d seen my parents dancing to this song in the living room on their wedding anniversary. Even though I was too young to remember the night completely, the memory of the song was clear enough.
Suddenly, my father stirred awake. He sat upright in the chair, breathing heavily. He put one hand to his chest and wiped his face with the other as he slowly sunk into the chair once again. He began to cry.
“I miss you, Irenea,” he whimpered aloud. “Why aren’t you here?”
I’m here, my love, she whispered sadly, but he couldn’t hear her—only I could, just barely. Her voice was tiny and small, as if she was having trouble speaking through her sorrow.
“I don’t know how to continue on like this,” my father whimpered, overcome with despair. “This is so hard…”
I know it is, my mother replied sadly.
“…and I’m worried about Vigil…”
He’ll be all right. They’ll protect him. I promise.
“I’m worried about myself…” he said, still unable to hear my mother’s responses. I wished I could have explained to him that she was there with him, but there was nothing I could say to help him in that moment. “…sometimes I just want to lie down in that grave beside you.” He broke down and sobbed heavily into his hands.
I’m so sorry, Vim, my mother said soothingly. There was true regret in her voice. Your fate isn’t in my hands, but your soul will be at peace in time. It’s not going to be an easy path…but one day…we’ll all be together again. I promise you, my love.
I knew he couldn’t hear a word my mother said, but I’d heard more than enough to feel nervous and scared. She said they’ll protect me. I had no idea who they were or what I needed protection from. I’d heard enough. I quietly climbed up the staircase and returned to my room, hoping I hadn’t been heard. All I wanted to do was get back into my warm, cozy bed and forget about everything that happened that night.
Unfortunately, I’d never be able to forget, as it wound up being the very last night I’d ever spend in my home of my childhood.
~17~
The next morning, I awoke to the sound of a little yellow bird chirping and darting around me. It must have flown into our house through an open window. It flitted around my bedroom and I shrieked with delight, watching its tiny body whiz by me in a blur of brilliant sunshine yellow.
How do I catch it, Momma? I leapt out of bed. My mind was racing as I ran around my room with my arms outstretched, laughing as I tried to grab the bird each time it flew by.
Vigil, just open your window so the bird can get out! She laughed. You don’t want to keep it for a pet, do you?
I do! I giggled in my thoughts. I’d love that! I could use our old rabbit cage for it to live in.
Oh, my goodness. She let out a reluctant sigh. All right, get the sheet from your bed, and I’ll keep an eye on the bird. Together we’ll catch it, okay?
Yay! I was elated as I tossed Tooga aside and pulled the comforter down to the floor. I tugged at the sheet until it snapped free from the bed and draped over me from head to toe.
My mother laughed. Okay, now hold one end of the sheet in each hand and stretch your arms out really wide and follow my voice!
“Okay!” I laughed out loud. I stretched the sheet so wide that I couldn’t see where I was walking.
Over here! she said.
“Where?” I asked out loud.
Here! It’s right here! my mother cheered me on.
I could hear the bird chirping from somewhere in front of me. I was already imagining it singing songs to my mother and me as I played in my bedroom each day.
All right stop, Vigil! The bird is on the floor, right in front of you. Now, hang on to the sheet really tight…stretch your arms out really wide! When I count to three, jump forward and you’ll catch it! Okay?
“Okay!” I said out loud again.
Ready? One…two…three! my mother shouted happily. I jumped forward with my sheet.
Not only did I manage to capture the bird, but I also caught the bottom of the sheet under my foot and crashed down onto the floor.
Vigil, are you okay, sweetheart? my mother cried out.
I’m all right, I said, before starting to unravel the bed sheet to reveal my prize. I found the bird, but it was barely moving. I had accidentally crushed it when I fell. I held it in both hands and watched its breathing slow. Momma…I think I killed it. I didn’t mean to. I began to cry.
It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to hurt the bird. It was an accident, she said, consoling me as best she could.
I watched as the poor yellow bird grew still in my hands. Its body slowly stiffened, and then the bird was dead. Momma, what do I do now?
You have pray for its soul to be free and go back to Ein, sweetheart. Just like your father did for your sister and me the day we died. Do you remember?
I closed my eyes and tried to remember what my father said, but all I could remember was my mother’s voice singing to me as we laid their bodies to rest. It was a strange thing to look at my mother’s gravestone and at the same time hear her singing a song in my head to comfort me.
I…I don’t remember, Momma. I’m sorry, I admitted solemnly.
It’s okay, sweetheart. Just relax. Listen to your heart and you’ll hear the right words to say.
I took a deep breath and prayed to Ein to let this poor bird come to be with Him. It wasn’t the bird’s fault; it was mine. Suddenly, my body became numb and frozen—just like it did in my nightmare—and the bird in my hands slowly started to feel warm as pins and needles sparked in my arms, moving steadily down into my fingers. I opened my eyes to see that familiar ruddy purple haze from my dream swirling around my hands as a ghostly image of the bird emerged from its corpse. It was emerald green, and its wings moved gracefully up and down in rich emerald waves as it slowly rose away from me. I felt a sense of warmth radiating from above my head, and I looked up to see a pool of bright, beautiful green light shining above me.
Suddenly, I heard my father coming up the hallway yelling furiously, “Damn it, Vigil! What the hell are you doing in there?” The door to my room burst open. “You need to…stop….” He froze. His face turned white as he watched the emerald-green ghost of the bird fly higher and higher until it disappeared into the pool of light by the ceiling.
My father’s panic-stricken face turned to fury as he looked down to see the skeleton of a bird slowly crumbling through my fingers onto the floor.
“No! Not you, too!” he shouted furiously. He grabbed me by the arm and quickly pulled me to my feet, dragging me out of the room and down the hallway. He nearly wrenched my shoulder from its socket as we headed down the stairs.
“
Dad! Stop! You’re hurting me!” I cried out in pain, as his grip was digging deep into my arm. “Where are we going?”
My father muttered under his breath as took me from inside the house to the outside bulkhead doors that led down to the basement. “You took my brother, my daughter, my wife! Not enough, huh?” he growled as he yanked the doors open. “Now you want my son, too? My only child left! No-no-no…not this time. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you take him from me! Think I can’t stop you from taking him? Watch me!” he screamed up toward the heavens before dragging me down the stairs.
He pushed me down onto a chair and pointed his finger directly at my face. “Don’t move! You hear me? Do not leave this chair until I tell you to, you got that?” He took my silent stare as tacit agreement.
My father grabbed a hammer and some nails from a dusty shelf, and ran back up the stairs to pull the bulkhead doors closed. Immediately, we were plunged into total darkness. I could hear the deadbolt slamming shut and more of my father’s angry muttering as he hammered nail after nail into the doorframe.
Momma? I’m scared. What’s going on? I thought, as I rubbed the sore spot on my arm and wiped away the tears that were streaming down my cheeks.
I’m so sorry, Vigil, but this has to happen. You’re going to be okay, she said.
What has to happen? I don’t understand.
You will someday. Trust me, Vigil. Okay?
My father came back down and pulled the chain for the light to make sure I hadn’t moved from the chair. He paced back and forth in front of me. “They’ll be coming for you now!” he raged. “I’ll be damned if I let them take you!”
“Dad, what’s going on? Who’s coming?” I was confused and frightened by my father’s urgency.
“They are not taking my son away from me! I’ve paid enough for this bullshit!” he shouted.
“Who’s coming?” I asked again.
He stopped pacing and stared at me, fuming. “The same people who killed your mother and sister, that’s who!” He turned and started to walk away.
Burden of the Blessed Page 9
