No text from Justine when I get home, and none while I’m eating later or during the time I decide to read. It’s so rare that I have the time, it’s good to stretch out and relax my mind in that way. I really should do it more often.
When I’m about to go to bed, I send one final text saying good night, but at this point I don’t expect any kind of response. It’s not exactly a surprise that my mind doesn’t allow me to fall asleep. Because I can’t stop thinking about her and wondering if she’s okay.
And if she is okay, then why hasn’t she answered? Everything was fine when she left this morning. More than fine. She seemed excited at the prospect of seeing me again, and reluctant to leave at all. What possibly could have changed?
I don’t like problems that I can’t solve, and it’s not something that I can solve if I don’t have the reason behind it. Maybe she just had a long day. Maybe her phone died. Maybe I’ll wake up to more texts from her.
Either way, there’s no chance that I’m sleeping right now. I get up and make my way up to the roof. No matter what anyone says, owning a penthouse comes with its benefits. Roof access is one of those.
I’ve remodeled the roof into a patio garden. Comfortable chairs and chaise lounges along with flowering plant boxes and displays. I think it’s a place that Justine would like if she saw it, and I’m hoping that I get to show it to her at some point.
Settling into one of my favorite chairs, I look at the sky. There’s a shocking lack of stars here thanks to the city’s glow. I do love this city, and the view from this building is undeniably spectacular, but I’m partial to a view of the open sky, even if it is mostly devoid of stars.
Looking up always reminds me of my favorite place in the world. A field filled with fireflies, a little to the south. Close enough to the coast that you could smell the ocean. And if you really put your mind to it, you could hear the sea. Or maybe it was my imagination like seashells. Either way, I liked to imagine.
The sky looked so big. Infinite. The stars bright enough to touch, the complete absence of artificial light making it possible to see the Milky Way.
I’ll never forget those nights. I spent a lot of them in that field, staring at the stars until my eyes burned with exhaustion, choking on humidity and heat, trying to block out the lonely thoughts. But as lonely as it always was…
It was quiet. Peaceful.
There was no fighting, screaming, or yelling.
I haven’t been there in years, and in the time since this roof has become that peaceful place for me. But I don’t feel particularly peaceful tonight. I feel anxious, and the mood that I was riding all day is fading. Getting up, I head back inside. I don’t want to cloud the space with my racing thoughts, so instead I head back inside and say a small prayer that I can get some sleep.
11
Justine
“You fucked him, didn’t you,” Rose says with a grin when she opens the door. She takes one look at me, up and down, and cracks into a giant grin.
“I’ll never understand how you manage to do that,” I say, stepping around her into her apartment. Rose wants to make a cake for her friend’s birthday, so for the first time ever, she actually called me and asked me to drop off some special ingredients for said cake, which I’m happy to do.
But I should have known that it would have turned into this.
“Uh oh,” she says. “That doesn’t sound good. Don’t tell me you actually regret it.”
Placing the bag of ingredients on the counter, I sigh. “Yes and no.”
“Do I need to make tea?”
I glance at my phone. I’ve got plenty of time, and Rose is kind of the one that got me into this mess in the first place, so I could use her advice. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Sit down and tell me what happened.”
I do. I leave out the gory details of all the sex, but I give her a decent idea of what happened and exactly how mind-blowing it was. Followed by the revelation two days ago that he’s about to destroy the homes of a bunch of people just like her.
Keenan has been texting me, but I haven’t responded. I have no idea what I would even say. I’m furious and sad, and most of all, I wish that things were different. But they’re not. It’s not like I didn’t know something like this was a possibility. I was just hoping that it wouldn’t happen.
When I’ve finished utterly spilling my guts, the water is boiling and Rose is pouring the tea.
“But the sex was good?”
I laugh in spite of myself. “Yes, it was very good. Amazing, actually.”
“Well I’m glad you don’t regret that part of it.”
I shrug as she hands me the cup. “It doesn’t solve everything else.”
“Neither does running away,” Rose says.
I make a face. “How did I know that you were going to say that?”
“Because,” she sits down across from me, “that’s the secret to really good advice. It’s only ten percent telling someone something they don’t know, and ninety percent confirming the thing they already knew but don’t want to face.”
“God, I hate it when you’re right,” I mutter.
“You actually love it.”
I laugh into my cup. “But in all seriousness, Rose, what do I do? I can’t be someone who supports that kind of…monstrosity.”
“Have you talked to him about it? He’s at the very top of the chain. You’re on the ground with the people. It’s entirely possible he doesn’t know who lives in the building or what the demolition will do. And continuing to avoid him will only make you more anxious about it.”
I grit my teeth. She has a point, but at the same time I’m dreading that conversation. Because what if he does know? What if he fooled me into thinking that he was different and was exactly what I thought?
But Rose is once again right. Drawing it out to an impossible length will only make it harder. It if needs to end, better to have it over with quickly than worry about it, avoid it, and having to move on anyway.
“You’re right, of course, but it doesn’t make it easier.”
“Of course not, but life rarely is easy. And sometimes the harder the thing, the better the reward.”
My mood is all over the place when I leave Rose’s apartment. I feel lighter, but when I look at my phone and see a text from Lila asking if I’ve heard from the very good date again, or if I’m ghosting him, my mood plummets again. She asked me yesterday for more details and I was too sad to give her anyway, even though I would normally spill everything to my best friend.
Another text comes a few minutes later, this time asking if he’s ghosting me. I almost wish that were the case. I would expect that. I gave him what he wanted and then he could disappear. But no, he keeps messaging me. Telling me good morning and good night and occasionally that he’s thinking of me.
Every time I see one of his messages, my fingers twitch with the urge to message him back. I don’t answer Lila’s questions, instead telling her that I’ll talk to her later about everything. I’m heading to the office to get petition sheets to save the building. Morgan organized things quickly. It seems like there might be some wiggle room on the city council, and if we can gather enough signatures to prove that there’s a vested community interest, we can stop the project.
Or at least I hope that we can.
It’s hot today, and I’m already sweating, but it’s working to my advantage. People want to sign as quickly as possible so they can get to wherever they’re going. I’m getting a good number of signatures, which is nice. Canvassing can be a thankless job. People avoid making eye contact with you or cross the street so that they don’t have to talk to you. But since this is a quieter and more residential neighborhood, people have been a little friendlier and willing to sign to save a historic building and park.
“Justine.”
My stomach drops, and my heart rate spikes as I turn to find Keenan on the sidewalk behind me. I know that I need to talk to him, but now is not the time or place, especially
when I’m trying to figuratively cock block him.
“I’m working, Keenan. Now isn’t the time.”
He swallows. “That’s fair, but before I go, can you tell me why you’ve been avoiding me? I just want to know so that I can fix it.”
I square my jaw and gather my courage. “To get where you are I’m sure you’re very smart, Keenan. And you know enough about me now. You could figure it out. If you tried.”
Reaching out, he takes the clipboard out of my hand and scans the top pages that explain who we are and what we’re trying to save. He then flips to the pages beyond it and looks at all the signatures that I’ve collected so far. The expression on his face is somber.
“Can I borrow your pen?” he asks.
“Why?”
Keenan just holds out his hand, and I give him the pen. And I think my jaw nearly hits the sidewalk when he signs his name under all the others listed.
“What are you doing?”
He sighs, handing pen and clipboard back to me. “I get it now. Why you haven’t been speaking to me.”
“But why would you sign it? Are you making fun of me?”
He closes his eyes for a moment. “You always think I’m doing that. I’m not.”
“But this is you, Keenan. Silverman & Blake. Your company is in charge of this teardown.”
He nods. “I know. That’s why I’ll stop it.”
“What?” I feel like words aren’t computing in my brain right now.
And then he shrugs. Keenan shrugs. “I can put this project someplace else. It won’t be ideal, but I can figure it out once I talk to my partner and some other people. I can fix it. I promise.”
My vision turns red, and suddenly rage that I didn’t realize I was holding comes flying out. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I throw the pen at him, but it doesn’t feel like enough, so I throw the clipboard too. The papers come loose and scatter all over the sidewalk. He looks shocked, and I don’t even care.
“You can fix it? You’re the one that broke it in the first place! The fact that it’s just as easy as that is disgusting, Keenan. Tear down buildings just to build more without a thought just because it suits whatever whim you’ve got in your head without any thoughts about the consequences for the real people who live in these places. And because you want to fuck me you’ll bend over backwards to save this one?
“Do you understand how fucking furious that makes me? These are people’s lives, but it’s nothing but a bottom line to you. Everything is about money and profit and nothing else.”
I start to gather the papers from the ground before a breeze starts up and takes them away. I’m still going to need all of these signatures. Without a word, Keenan bends down to help me gather all the rest of the stuff, including the pen and clipboard.
“You’re right,” he says.
For the second time in our conversation my jaw feels like it’s hitting the ground. “What?”
“There’s definitely a power imbalance,” he says. “Between you and me. Between me and almost everyone. But I’ve never met anyone that would tell me something like this to my face. They’re all too afraid of me, or too after the money you mentioned. Nobody bothered to suggest that it might be a mistake. Or that it was the incorrect path. There were never any questions.
“I knew there would be some displacement, but I wasn’t told that it would be elderly citizens who are vulnerable. If you think that I would intentionally destroy lives like that, you must really think that I’m a monster.”
I swallow, sitting on the sidewalk. My knees are shaking enough from the adrenaline that I’m not sure that they would support me. “I’ve met other CEOs, Keenan. They’ve never cared. And when I heard it was you…”
He laughs softly, without humor. “I’m not saying that it doesn’t make sense. But I can only do so much. I can’t make up for the actions of other people, but I can try to make sure that mine are solid and okay. This place was literally numbers on paper for me. I’ve never been here or to the park.”
My stomach unclenches and my nausea eases. Rose was right. As fucking always. The woman is psychic. I really swear that she is. She said she thought as much. “I’m sorry,” I say. “For not talking to you about it first.” I’m not sure I can apologize entirely for everything I said. Keenan still has a lot to prove.
He hands me the papers that he’s gathered from the sidewalk and helps me to my feet. My soul feels so much calmer than it did, even though I exploded. “If you’re serious,” I say, “about cancelling the project and not tearing all of this up to create more condos for glitzy tech bachelors, then I’ll think about letting you take me on a second date…if you still want to.”
“Oh, I want to,” he says.
“After all, you do owe me a meal. I paid for the last one.” He takes a step closer to me, and I let him. I know why he’s hesitating. I gave him good reason. “I’m sorry,” I say again.
When he wraps his arm around my waist and kisses me gently, I know that I’m forgiven. At least partly. “I’m not like them,” he says softly. “I promise.”
Placing my hand to his chest, I breathe in his scent that I’ve somehow already missed even though it’s only been two days. “I know.”
He smiles, lips against my forehead. “I will give you reason to trust me, Justine.”
“How did you know that I was here?”
Keenan actually laughs now. “I asked Lila if she knew a way to contact you, and she figured out that I was the ‘one you had gone on a date with,’ in her words. So she told me where you were and I came. I’m glad she told me, so I could see it. The park, the people, you.”
“I’ll give her hell for it later,” I promise. “Though it’s probably going to be her giving me hell. Since I decided to fuck her most important client.”
He grins. “I’m her most important client?”
“Shut up.”
“Will do,” he says, and kisses me again.
12
Justine
I’m in trouble.
As usual.
Keenan talked me into a second date, and this time, it’s on his terms. I let him into my world. Cheap delicious food and casual atmosphere, and this time he told me that he wants to let me into his world. To show me that money isn’t always evil. And part of that is dressing up.
The only problem is, the only remotely fancy dress I had was the one I wore on our first date. I wasn’t lying when I said it wasn’t that fancy, but it’s the only thing I have. So now I’m standing in front of Lila’s closet. Lamenting.
“You really don’t have to do this,” I say.
Her smile is literally a mile wide. “Oh, I really, really do.”
“It’s not weird for you?”
Lila smirks. “What, that I sent you on an errand and you ended up with a date that absolutely rocked your world and who also happens to be my best client? Nah. I think it’s great.”
I sit down on her bed. “I think I’m going to throw up.”
“You are not. Now get up, you have to try some stuff on.” She starts pulling out dresses that are fancier than anything that I’ve ever seen her wear.
“Why do you have these?”
“Never know when you’ll need them,” she says, laughing. “No, you know my mom. She’s always trying to get me to be better than a florist and sending me clothes to match what she thinks my status ought to be. I’ve only kept a few that I actually liked.”
“Well, thanks.” They’re definitely better than anything I own.
“I really want you to knock his socks off.”
I run my fingers over a deep purple dress with a short skirt. “You seem to be pretty invested in this.”
Lila turns and looks at me. “J, you’ve been single for years. You work yourself to the bone helping everyone, including me. This is the most interest you’ve shown in anyone, even if y’all are some kind of star-crossed lovers. I want you to be happy, and if he’s going to make you happy, then I am one-hundred percent behin
d you.”
I laugh. “Okay then.”
She tosses a red number at me. “Put that on.”
“I’m not totally sure that red is my color.”
“Put it on.” I do, and she makes a face. “Yeah, no good. I really think it’s that one,” she points to the purple one that I was looking at. “The color will be nice with your eyes.”
The fabric shimmies down over my hips and flows around my thighs. The dress doesn’t quite reach my knees, and I love the way it feels.
Lila looks me up and down. “Fuck yes.”
“Really?”
“If I were into women, I would be all over you,” she grins.
I step over to her mirror against the door and look at myself. “Wow.” My reflection doesn’t look like me. I can’t remember the last time I’ve worn something this…nice. I’ve never bothered with fancy clothes because I haven’t needed them, and the people that I hang out with were the same as me.
I don’t know what it says about me that I like the way this looks on me, but I do.
“Here,” Lila says, putting a pair of silver high heels on the ground beside me. “Put these on.”
When I slip into the shoes, I feel powerful. Like someone who could take on the world. Or in this case, a date with Keenan Silverman. “You’re a magician, Lila.”
She giggles. “I’m not a magician for putting you in clothes that actually fit and happen to cost more than ten dollars at the thrift store.”
“Hey. That one pair of jeans cost twenty.”
She fluffs my hair a little. “This is definitely the one. Do I need to do your hair and make-up too?”
“Hair, yes. Make-up, no.”
“All right,” Lila takes a deep breath. “Get the dress off. Time to fairy godmother this shit.”
I sit down and let her start to curl my hair, and sigh. “Is this really a good idea? After everything?”
The Big Boss Page 6
