by Ford, Rinna
I was pushing everyone away and causing chaos wherever I went, and not just because I couldn’t control my casting abilities. At least that problem had been solved, temporarily. I reached inward, trying to feel for my caster magic and felt nothing. There wasn’t a hole or a numbness like I expected there to be, just a feeling as though it were never there to begin with. I didn’t know if it was worse than being numb, but I still didn’t like it.
Soliel nudged herself against my mind, trying to soothe me. I could tell she didn’t like the absence of my caster magic any more than I did, but she was trying to make me feel better anyway. Even my dragon was being more selfless than I was.
Everyone was doing their best to help me find Ronan and Ainsley, with my magic, with it all, and I couldn’t even give them the benefit of the doubt. I deserved to be alone. I deserved it all.
I knew that I needed to change. Like Dev said, it was okay to feel things, to feel the sadness and anger, but I shouldn’t push people away because of it. And my mates, my good, kind, and supportive mates well, they deserved a mate who was good, kind, and supportive right back. I had forgotten they needed me as much as I needed them. I needed to do better.
Finishing up my meal, I took the empty dishes back down to the kitchen. As I was putting the dishes in the dishwasher, Matias walked in through the back door, followed by Xan. They both stopped when they realized I was in the same room and stared at me.
“Hi,” I said, pushing some loose hair behind my ear awkwardly.
Neither one said anything in return, they just stared at me with hardened expressions. At first, I was afraid because I didn’t think I’d be able to reach them at all, but then I noticed their eyes were too hard, like they were trying to be mad at me. They didn’t want to give in, to settle for the simple, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then have nothing really change. They both wanted me to fight for them and for us. But underneath all their forced anger, I could see they were hopeful and that gave me hope too.
“Will you two come upstairs with me?” I asked, nervously. “I promise I won’t keep you long, so you can get on with your night if that’s what you want, but there are some things I need to say and I want to do it in private.”
“Of course,” Matias replied for the pair. Xander’s expression didn’t change, but he didn’t refuse my request either.
I lightly smiled and began walking toward the stairs, hoping they were following. When I heard two sets of footsteps fall in line behind me, I inwardly sighed in relief.
We made it to the second floor landing and to my bedroom door, where I stood, holding onto the handle. I took a deep breath and turned the knob, swinging the door open and letting us all in the room. Both men walked in and stood facing me, waiting for whatever I needed to say to them. Obviously, they weren’t going to make it easy on me and honestly, they shouldn’t. I deserved it.
I closed the door and settled against it, my hands behind my back as I looked up at their handsome faces. They were both so different in the way they looked, acted, all of it, and I still craved them both, loved them both. I couldn’t believe I had forgotten that, even if I was grieving for my third mate and the loss of my magic.
“I’m sorry,” I told them, breaking eye contact. If I continued to look into their faces, I knew I’d start crying and I couldn’t do that and get through what I needed to say to them. “I’m just sorry for what I’ve been putting you both through since we came back from the cabin, and… you don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve any of it. You’ve both been nothing but loving and supportive… and I’ve been awful. I just, Ronan…” I started to get choked up, so I looked up at the ceiling and shuffled my feet. “I’m worried about what might have happened to him… and then my magic got worse...there’s no excuse for how I’ve been acting, but I realized I haven’t been handling things very well and I’m sorry I’ve been taking it out on you and everyone else...I’m going to do better. I promise. You deserve a better mate than what I’ve been to you the last couple of weeks and I promise I will try to be what you both need.”
A few seconds of silence stretched after my rambling, my eyes found their faces again. Matias’ expression had softened and I knew I had reached him, but Xander wasn’t going to be so easy. I hurt him on so many levels.
“I’m never going to like your dad,” I told him. “I just can’t, so please don’t try to force me to. I know that in your mind, he’s a good man and maybe he is, but even good men make mistakes, Xan. The one your dad made all those years ago is one I don’t think I can ever forgive. I’m sorry for my rudeness earlier and even though I’m allowed to my feelings, what I did wasn’t called for. If you want, I’ll apologize to him and your mother.”
The angry lines around his eyes smoothed out slightly and he swallowed, as he was preparing to talk.
“Don’t ever do that again,” Xan said.
“Xan, I, I can’t ever promise not to yell at your dad again, but I’ll try not to…”
“That’s not what I mean,” he interrupted. “Don’t shut either of us out, ever again. If you had talked to me, to either one of us, about what was going on in your head, we could have helped you. Don’t you see that?”
I lowered my eyes and nodded my head. “I know. I came to that realization earlier, with all of my alone time. I have no excuse for how I’ve been acting other than I’m not used to relying on others. I’m so sorry.” I took a couple of steps forward and stopped. “And to prove it, I’m going to give each of you permission from now until eternity to always call me on my shit if I ever close myself off from you again. I’m going to do my best to stay open and honest with you, but for the last fifteen years, I’ve only been able to rely on myself. I didn’t have anyone to love me or want to help me. I’m not used to it and when things are bad, my default setting is to internalize it, to shut down, try to work it all out on my own. I want to get away from that, but I may need your help from time to time. So please, tell me I need to talk to you if I’m closing myself off, or even call me a selfish bitch if you have to.”
“I don’t think it’ll come to that…” Matias smiled.
“I don’t know, man, it might,” Xan interjected, rubbing his chin, smirking. “I mean, she can be a pretty selfish bitch sometimes…”
I crossed the distance and playfully punched him in the chest. He caught my fist as I pulled back and held it in his palm and pulled me into his waiting arms. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head.
“You might be a selfish bitch sometimes, but you’re my selfish bitch.” I could hear the smile in his voice and that made me smile and burrow my face further into his chest, even though he had called me a bitch three times in the last minute. “I hear you and I understand where you’re coming from. But please, trust in what we have in each other. In your relationship with me and in your relationship with that vampire fucker over there.”
I looked over at Matias to see he was smiling too. I uncurled my arm from between Xan’s body and mine and reached out toward Matias, who grabbed a hold of my wrist and pulled me out of the other man’s hold and into his own. One hand came up to my cheek, cupping it delicately while the other was around my waist.
“Little one, I will tell you every day for the rest of my life how much you mean to me if that’s what you need, but please try to trust in this.” He put my hand on his chest so I could feel his heart. “As long as this beats, it beats for you.”
“Suck up,” Xan murmured under his breath and crossed his arms over his chest, making Matias and me chuckle.
I took my hand from Matias’ chest and reached out toward Xan, pulling him close.
“Thank you for loving me. Both of you. I almost forgot that and I promise to never let that happen again.”
Both men looked down at me and I imagined they were looking for weaknesses in my expression. I knew they would find none. I may still be unsure about a lot of things, but they weren’t one of them.
Chapter Four
“I know I’m not really in the b
est position to be making requests, but could you both sleep with me in here tonight?”
Matias and Xander looked from me to each other, then back to me uncomfortably. The night before the attack at the cabin was the last time I was able to go to sleep with both of my men holding me. Both Xan and Matias kept their rooms, leaving me the one I shared with Xander before, and after that night, I went back and forth night after night, but I hadn’t had them both again, not at the same time. The way they were looking at me…
“Nevermind,” I told them and turned away and walked over to my backpack. “Who am I sleeping with tonight?” I asked.
I bent over to pick it up but before I could reach it, strong arms spun me around and I was lifted into the air. Xan’s lips were on mine in a passionate kiss that I didn’t expect from him at that moment.
“Don’t ever feel bad about asking for what you want,” he told me, then his mouth was on mine again.
My legs wound around his waist and I grasped his shoulders tightly. “I want you,” I murmured. “I want you both. Always.”
Matias’ hands slid across my sides and around to the front of my shirt. He began unbuttoning it, one torturous button at a time until there were no more buttons left. I moved one arm away from Xan’s shoulders so Matias could help.
Before the scraps of clothing hit the floor, we were moving. Xan walked us over to the bed and set me down on my feet, removing his own shirt in one quick movement. His lips were back on mine as Matias took my bra off and turned me around toward him. As his mouth kissed and licked from my ear down to my collarbone and even further, his nimble fingers unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down and off my legs, leaving me completely bare to both of my men.
Matias continued to tease me as he moved his mouth lower and lower until he was kneeling all the way in front of me. His ruby-colored vampire eyes stared up into mine while his face grew closer to the place I needed him most. He lifted one of my legs up and over his shoulder as he began licking my clit with expert precision. I felt his fangs scrape against my lower lips and I shivered in anticipation of his bite, but it never came.
My hands went into his messy black hair and my lips parted at the exquisite sensations he was making my body feel. Xander moved directly behind me, steadying me when I began to lose my balance. His hands were first on my hips, then they moved up toward my breasts. His fingers twirled around my nipples and I moaned out loud.
I felt the familiar tingles of the beginning of my orgasm, but before I could ride the waves, both men pulled away from me. I furrowed my eyebrows in annoyance at Matias, but before I could voice my displeasure, he picked me up and walked me backwards.
I wrapped my legs around his waist, but he removed them and set me down in Xander’s lap, right onto his rock hard cock with Xan’s guidance. My pussy slid around it as I was lowered down and I let out a deep moan.
“Does that feel good, baby?” Xan whispered into my ear before he bit it. His hands were on my hips and he began to shallowly lift me up and down until I got the hint that he wanted me to move and I began to do it myself.
“Beautiful,” Matias smiled and he caressed my face while I rode my other mate.
I reached forward and pulled on the waistband of his jeans, pulling him closer, and shoved them down his hips, revealing his perfect cock to me. My mouth salivated at the sight of it and I wrapped my lips around the head, sucking and licking my way down until he was hitting the back of my throat.
I pulled my mouth off of him and went for it again, bobbing my head with the motion of fucking my dragon mate. My eyes were closed through it all, but I imagined that both men were as enraptured in the experience as I was. Matias kept his hand fisted in my hair while Xan’s hands moved from my hips, to my breasts, to my throat and back again. They were everywhere and I loved every second of it.
Matias’ movements had become more rigid and I knew he was getting ready to cum, shooting his load down my throat. He roared as he did and I swallowed every drop. I was so close to mine and I knew Xander was too, so I sped my movements up while Matias pulled his cock from my mouth. He then went down on his knees in front of me and wrapped his hand around the back of my head, tilting it to the side. He sunk his vampire fangs into my neck and I screamed as my orgasm tore through me, triggering Xander’s behind me.
My entire body sagged back against Xander’s and I began to giggle as all of my nerve endings were lit up in pleasure, especially with his teasing kisses along my neck. My eyes found Matias’ and he leaned down to kiss me before pulling away and holding out his hand to help me up. I turned around and gave Xander a long, slow kiss and a smile before turning back around.
I stood on shaky legs and padded toward the bathroom to clean myself up before climbing into bed with the two men that rocked my world in every possible way. When I got back into the bedroom, both men were slipping on their boxers and then stood, waiting for me to get in first.
I smiled and picked up my button-up shirt from the floor, slipping it on and buttoning it up as I walked toward Xander’s side and kissed him before climbing under the sheets. Matias slid in and I curled up on his chest and tangled my feet with Xander's.
My heaven. The only thing that would make it better… No. I closed my eyes and willed myself not to go there. We would find him. We had to. And when we did, I’d make him mine, just like I’m supposed to, with or without the prophecy.
“Get some sleep, little one. We have a busy morning ahead of us,” Matias told me. I picked my head up and looked at him with confusion.
He glanced over at Xander then back to me, realizing they had forgotten to tell me something because the only thing I had on my agenda for the next day was trying to figure out where Ronan was and how to fix my caster problems permanently.
“The rebellion is sending a group to investigate the holding facility my father told us about,” Xan said. “We’re teleporting to another rebel cell about a hundred miles from the location, then we’re going to travel to the facility and break in, gathering as much information as we can and freeing anyone who's being mistreated there.”
“We?” I turned my upper body, looking at Xander now with one eyebrow raised. “I’m surprised they’re letting me go.”
Both men looked at each other then back to me again. They were doing that a lot. I didn’t know if I liked it or not. I mean, I liked they were becoming friends and were familiar enough to have silent conversations, but not when it felt like they were trying to decide what to tell me and what to keep quiet about.
“They know you would insist on going, so yeah, they included you.”
“Even though I’ve been an unreliable mess?”
“Yeah, even with that.” Xander kissed me. “They know who you are and what you’re capable of, baby. They believe in you, even if you don’t. Besides, the leaders also knew Matias and I would be going too and you seem to be better with us than without us…”
“That’s because I am,” I replied quickly and snuggled back into Matias’ arms. “I’m always better with the two of you.”
“Make sure you keep telling yourself that whenever you think you need it,” Matias smiled and kissed my forehead. “Now, go to sleep. We’ll talk more about the plans when you wake.”
Exhaustion won over and I fell asleep quickly. The thought of a raid should have kept me up, but with my caster magic dormant and the fact I’d have my mates beside me, well, I knew I was in good hands, even if I didn’t trust the mission to go to plan.
* * *
“You ready, bitch?”
Camille walked around the corner and into Amos’ office, her eyes fixed on me. Since the fireball debacle, she had cut off what was left of her black to red locks. It was just above her shoulders, and as I watched her saunter into the room, I thought the look suited her more than her long hair did. Maybe it was me just trying to feel better about what I did, but she was rocking the new look like she meant to do it.
“I didn’t know that you were coming,” I smiled at
her.
“Someone has to help your destructive ass,” she smirked and hip checked me before making herself comfortable in a chair around the large table in the middle of the office.
There was no one in the room yet besides Amos, Matias, and me. The two men were filling me in on what I’d missed with my memorable exit the day before.
Chei Yun gave them the plans of the facility, along with the general numbers and locations of guards present. He also said the majority of the guards were casters when he last visited, which tipped him off to the fact that something was different. He had pretty much everything we needed to get in and out of the facility easily and although I appreciated it, it all felt… too easy, just like I said the day before.
“Once we have the information we need, you are all to teleport back to the mansion. No stops, no detours, nothing. Do you understand, Emelia?” Amos stared at me authoritatively.
“Yeah, I understand. No detours.”
His expression changed to one of skepticism and all I could think was that he knew me a little too well. It wasn’t that I planned on deviating from the plan very much, but I wanted to know if Ronan was there. Or if he had been there. I needed to know he was alive and that I was on the right track to finding him.
Xander walked in, yawning, with two glasses of blood in his hands. He gave one to Matias and the other to me before plopping himself down in a chair.
“Thank you,” I smiled and looked at Matias. His eyebrows were raised in shock at the kind gesture and I wanted to laugh out loud. “Just drink it,” I told him and looked at Camille, who was silently watching us.
Since Grayson’s death, Camille had become hardened, confrontational even. I was having an argument with her when the fireball incident happened, so even though it was a complete and total accident, she took it as me attacking her. If it didn’t freak her out so much, she would have retaliated, for sure.
