by Sandy Barker
‘Calm down, drama queen. I’ve put the lid on tightly this time.’ I shake my head at her, smiling.
‘So, how is it?’ asks Stevie, ‘Living here all together, I mean.’
‘It’s all right―yeah, pretty good, actually,’ says Kaz, right as I say, ‘Exhausting.’
‘Oh yeah?’ says Stevie, looking between us. ‘You first,’ she says to me.
I’d love to spout off about living a lie―well, it’s a conglomerate of lies now―while missing Mum and Lisa but not wanting to leave in a few weeks with things still fresh between me and Jack.
‘It’s just …’ I decide to lean into the one truth I can share. ‘I get homesick. There’s my mum―we’re very close―and my bestie, Lisa …’
‘That’s understandable,’ says Stevie. ‘They’re the people who know the real you, the people you can be yourself with,’ she adds, getting dangerously close to the truth. It’s like a salve for my heart to feel understood, but I need to steer us in another direction.
‘I mean, I’ve got the girls, of course …’ I smile at Kaz who winks. ‘But it’s …’
‘It’s not the same thing,’ says Stevie, finishing my thought.
‘No, it really isn’t. Oh,’ I say, catching my faux pas, ‘that doesn’t mean I don’t adore you, Kaz.’
‘Ahh, darls, don’t worry about it. We’re good.’ To Stevie, she says, ‘Thing is, I’m not in competition with any of the girls, see, so I can just be myself and chill. So yeah, I mostly love it here. But it does get a little … you know, intense sometimes.’
‘Like a pressure cooker,’ I say.
‘Not surprising, really,’ says Stevie. She leans in and lowers her voice. ‘The professional part of me is fascinated―the dynamics, the relationships …’ She raises her eyebrows and I so wish she and I could have a good natter about all things Stag Manor. It would be great to have a psychologist’s perspective for my piece.
‘Here you go girls.’ Kaz expertly decants our drinks into cocktail glasses and slides them across to us. ‘Don’t wait on me, start drinking. Go!’ she commands, pouring measures into the shaker for her own drink.
Stevie raises her glass towards me and we both say ‘Cheers’ and take a sip. ‘Hoo,’ says Stevie, ‘That’s, uh … potent.’
‘I told you,’ I say with a smile. It’s delicious, though, and after today, it’s going down a treat.
‘And you, Kaz? Are you missing home?’
Kaz pauses and looks at Stevie thoughtfully. Eventually, her face breaks into her signature smile and she belches, ‘Nah!’ Stevie and I chuckle. ‘But for reals,’ she says, resuming her cocktail making, ‘I have a high-pressure job, which I love, but needed time away from. I have an awesome family―Mum, Dad, and my brother, Daz’ ―Daz is short for Darren, and I’m not proud of how much I laughed when I first learnt about the Karen–Darren/Kaz–Daz name thing― ‘but I’m the timid one in my family and time away was much needed. Just like in here, family life can get a little intense, especially because my brother’s just gotten engaged and now it’s all wedding, wedding, wedding. And then there’s my ex …’
My ears prick because Kaz has never once mentioned her ‘ex’. Most people have them, of course, but when someone refers to an ex as ‘my ex’, then that’s the one that matters, the one that moulded them, or broke them, or possibly both. Let’s just say, I have never once referred to Angus the cheating Scot as ‘my ex’.
‘Partner or spouse?’ prompts Stevie, her tone schooled in gentle inquisition.
‘Spouse―husband, now ex-husband,’ says Kaz. I’m shocked to discover that Kaz has been married―and that this is the first we’ve heard of it―but Stevie nods serenely like the pro that she is and I do the same. ‘Seven years, no kids, one dog―Lola,’ Kaz continues. ‘I just love her little face so much,’ she adds, her voice switching to baby talk. She lifts her eyes to us, ‘I miss Lola like mad, but I’m kinda used to it now, being apart from her. I only get her on weekends.’ I’d not heard of shared pet custody before.
‘And you get along okay?’ asks Stevie. ‘With your ex?’ I sense that Kaz wants to call ‘cut’ on this conversation and I’m proven right when she smiles brightly and says, ‘Yep. Anyway, that’s me.’ She decants her cocktail and, surprisingly, starts wiping down the bench. Usually, it’s one of us who cleans up after her, so this conversation must have unnerved her more than she’s letting on.
‘Do you think I could have one, please?’
Daphne has slipped into the kitchen undetected and climbs onto a stool on the other side of Stevie. Kaz doesn’t skip a beat and behaves like it’s the most natural thing in the world for Daphne to join us for post-Pin Ritual drinks. It isn’t―another first to add to tonight’s tally.
‘How are you, Daphne?’ asks Stevie.
‘Much better―thanks to you.’
Stevie (again) waves off the thanks. ‘Happy to help.’
‘Actually, a big thank you to all of you―Kaz, Abby. You were so lovely to me today, and I …’ Daphne’s voice catches and she blinks back tears. Stevie reaches out and pats her arm. ‘Anyway, enough of all that.’ Daphne shakes out her blonde bob, sniffs, wipes under her eyes with the pads of her ring fingers and composes herself in three-point-two seconds. If it were me, I’d have been a blubbering mess just as quickly. ‘So, Kaz, what concoction are you plying us with this evening?’ she asks.
‘Well, this has vodka and Aperol, but for you, Daph, I’m thinking of something with te-qui-laaa. Oh yeah, margarita, baby!’ She waggles her eyebrows.
Daphne smiles but shakes her head. ‘Oh, no, I don’t―’
‘Hey, bartender’s choice―that’s my rule, your ladyship,’ Kaz insists. Uh-oh, that ‘ladyship’ comment is going to earn Kaz a right dressing down.
I’m gobsmacked when Daphne flaps a hand in the air and says, ‘Oh, all right, then. A margarita it is.’
Kaz grins at her. ‘Look at you! Go, Daph!’ Daphne flashes a chuffed smile, and their little exchange is one of the most surprisingly lovely moments I’ve experienced in the Manor.
‘Hey.’ Becca.
‘Hey, Becs, it’s margarita time!’ says Kaz with cheeky grin.
‘Uh, no thanks. I’m just gonna crash. It’s been a long day.’
The clock on the oven says it’s just gone 8pm. ‘You sure?’ I ask. ‘Top five, all together …’ I add, hoping to cajole her into staying.
‘Nah, I’m good. Thanks anyway.’ She practically sprints to the stairs, then takes them two at a time.
‘What’s up with her?’ asks Kaz.
‘I think she might be falling in love,’ I say.
‘For reals? With Daniel?’ says Kaz, incredulous. ‘Ah, sorry, Daph.’
‘No, no. Not to worry.’ Hmm. I get the sense that Daphne is starting to cool on Staggy, or perhaps she’s cooled entirely. Any moment now, she could start singing, ‘Let It Go’.
‘Well, I guess that makes one of us, then,’ says Kaz, who dissolves into proper ‘bahahaha’ laughter. It’s infectious and in moments, we’re all chuckling with her.
Oh dear. Five Does left and only one wants the Stag.
Chapter Nineteen
And cue the idiot! Sorry, I mean Gordo.
We’re all seated on the (ridiculously long) sofas awaiting news of our fates―or rather, dates―while Gordo the Magnificent (for he is in full flourish mode this morning) flits about waving envelopes in our faces. Two one-on-one dates and a group date are (literally) on the cards and though I already know I’ll be cuddling a koala by day’s end (just like Aunty Lo hoped for), I cannot help but notice the grimaces besetting the faces of Daphne and Stevie. As always, Kaz is ‘just chilled’ (her words not mine), and Becca appears to have ants in her pants.
‘And the first one-on-one date is … Abby!’ I squeal in faux delight while the others faux clap. ‘You and Daniel are off to a wildlife park this afternoon, where you will consort with the local fauna, then have a picnic lunch.’ Yes to the koala cuddling, but I’m happ
y to skip the soggy sandwiches and lukewarm fizz, thank you very much.
Becca turns to me, ‘That’ll be so fun, Abby,’ she says with a tight smile, yet it’s clear she wishes it were her. She’s also stopped calling me ‘Abs’, another indication that the shifting sands beneath our friendship are … well … shifting. Nevertheless, she was my first friend in the Manor and I adore her, so I am desperately trying to keep up my end of the friendship. That includes supporting her (misguided) want of Daniel and staying in our room despite there being six bedrooms and only five Does remaining.
I’m (almost) certain she still believes I want to be with Daniel, so she must be trying to reconcile our friendship and our status as roommates, with us being in direct competition. And if last night is anything to go by, she’s even pulling away from Kaz. Perhaps she’s considering moving into a room on her own. I wouldn’t blame her, but I’d be sad to see her go.
‘Aaand, the next one-on-one date is for …’ Gordo pulls a card out of the second envelope. ‘Becca!’ Oh, thank god! Becca squeals in delight and laughs, clapping her hands softly under her chin. Across the room, Daphne and Stevie visibly relax and Kaz bites off a cuticle and spits it on the floor. ‘Becca, you and Daniel will take a helicopter ride over Sydney Harbour.’ Her eyes widen with delight.
‘And for you lucky ladies on the group date,’ says Gordo, retrieving the card from the final envelope, ‘you’ll be off to the theatre to see Cate Blanchett in Medea!’ At that, Daphne perks right up.
‘Sorry, did you say we’re going to the theatre? To see Cate Blanchett in Medea?’
‘That’s right! With drinks beforehand at Bar One overlooking Sydney Harbour. Oh, won’t that be nice!’ Gordo adds, laying it on extra thick. But really, other than having drinks with Daniel, which should be easy enough to pretend their way through, it’s a terrific date for three women who don’t give a rat’s arse about the Stag―even if it is an odd choice for the show. It’s not like Tim and his camera will be allowed into the theatre, and even if he were, it’s hardly compelling to watch four people sit side by side in the dark. No doubt, footage from the cocktail bar will be the real star of the show―so to speak.
‘What’s Madaya?’ asks Kaz.
‘Medea is an ancient Greek play by Euripides,’ says Daphne. I studied it at university―not my favourite Greek play, but I’m a little green about missing Cate Blanchett on stage. ‘Koalas!’ I remind myself.
‘Hmm. But it’s not in Greek, is it?’
‘No, no, it will be in English. You’ll like it, I’m sure. It’s about love and revenge, and at its core is an extremely strong woman.’ It’s the first time I’ve seen Daphne’s eyes lit up like this and even Stevie and Kaz seem to be gaining interest.
‘Right,’ says Gordo. ‘I’ll leave you to it. Have a spectacular day, ladies, and I will see you soon.’ Daphne doesn’t even seem to realise he’s left, launching into a detailed description of the play.
‘I’m going to get ready,’ says Becca, excusing herself.
Harry circles his finger in the air, signifying that Tim should keep rolling on Daphne, then catches my eye. With a surreptitious cock of his head, he signals for me to go to the Control Room, and I slip out while Daphne has a captivated audience. ‘Oh, cool,’ says Kaz as I leave the room.
I make my way out to the annex and knock on the Control Room door. Jack opens it, takes my hand, and pulls me inside. His lips are warm when they press against mine and I snake my arms around his neck. His arms wrap around my waist and a thousand million sparkles of light bounce around inside me as I inhale his cotton-sheets-drying-in-the-sunshine scent. I want to kiss him like this forever.
Eventually, though, the kiss ends and we regard each other from the confines of our hug. ‘Hello,’ I say quietly.
‘Hi,’ he replies and we share a smile.
‘I’m so glad we decided to keep our distance, and that we haven’t snuck in any alone time or kissed or anything,’ I tease.
‘Yeah, I should have known that was a terrible plan. It’s been harder than I thought …’
‘But we still need to be careful.’
‘I know.’ Jack drops his hands from my waist and I reluctantly let go of him. He crosses to his desk and starts tidying, something I do when I’m worried or stressed.
‘What’s wrong?’ I ask.
He stops tidying. ‘Look, I know how you feel about Daniel, but …’
‘Our date later?’
‘Yep.’
‘I won’t let anything happen,’ I say, though I’m not sure if I’m reassuring myself or Jack.
‘I know you don’t want anything to happen, Abby, but it’s a one-on-one date with only five Does left in the Manor. He’s going to expect―’
‘Right. Of course. A kiss.’
‘Yeah. I mean, won’t it seem weird otherwise?’ He fidgets with three pencils, lining up the tips, then the ends, and then the tips again.
My mind and my heart are at odds. ‘It’s just a kiss,’ says my mind, ‘for your job―for research.’
‘But I only want to kiss Jack from now until the end of time,’ says my heart―the drama queen.
‘Look, do what feels right in the moment, okay?’ says Jack. His lips flatten into a line and he needn’t say anything more.
We’re in a pickle, as Lisa would say. ‘What feels right’ is to flee from this ridiculous situation―taking Jack with me, of course―and avoiding the decision of whether to kiss Daniel altogether. Oh Cadmus, if only.
‘I will. Was there anything else? I should get back.’
‘Just … I … is it weird to say that I miss you? I mean, I see you every day, but I …’
‘No, not at all, but we’re nearly there.’
‘I know. But top two, Abby. I don’t know how much longer I can watch him get closer to you.’
‘Top two? But … surely not now, not with Stevie, Becca and Daphne.’ Jack is chewing on his lower lip. ‘What? Jack, just tell me.’
‘Look, nothing’s set in stone, but at this stage of the season, you’ve got to understand that I’m on the phone to Roberta at least once a day, sometimes twice, or even three times. What may seem like little occurrences out there in the Manor, they can have seismic impacts on the storylines.’
‘What “storylines”, Jack? You and Harry and Roberta can plan as much as you want, but those are people out there. They will feel how they feel and behave how they want to behave. Roberta doesn’t have the power of mind control, you know.’
‘Unless we’re talking about her controlling your mind, Jack,’ I think harshly.
‘I know, I do, believe me. But with Daphne cooling on Daniel, she’s no longer Roberta’s top pick for Bride. In fact―’
I interrupt. ‘Oh! Stevie said she might be top three but now that’s with me and Becca, right?’
‘Right. And in Roberta’s mind, you’re still top two.’
‘But that’s just what she wants. I mean, I could completely screw up this date on purpose and then Daniel will send me home. This could all be over at the next Pin Ritual. It’s obvious he’s going to choose Becca, anyway.’ I have mixed feelings about this, of course.
There’s something else Jack’s not telling me; he also seems to be debating with himself whether he should. He forces a smile that drives a stake of unease into the pit of my stomach. ‘It’ll all work out, Abs,’ he says.
He comes back over to me and gazes down. His eyes are darker today, stormier―olive-coloured instead of the vibrant green they usually are. I know he’s carrying a huge weight of responsibility for the success of this season and I don’t want our feelings for each other to impact his ability to do his job.
‘All right,’ I say, conceding. I’ll allow him to placate me because, right now, it seems easiest for us both. ‘I’ll go on the date and do my best to simultaneously keep him interested and at arm’s length.’
He smiles―genuinely this time―and pecks my lips. ‘Not long to go, now.’
‘No, not l
ong to go, now,’ I parrot.
I crack open the door and peer out. There’s no one about, so I slip out and head upstairs to get ready for my date with a koala.
‘When were you planning on telling me?’ I ask curtly.
Harry swivels in his seat. ‘It had to be someone, Abby, you know that.’
We’re watching the episode in which Justine was eliminated and I’ve just made a sickening discovery.
‘Yes, I understand that, Harry, but why Becca? She’s possibly the furthest thing there is from a Villain.’ Not entirely true with some of her recent behaviour, but I am proper cross now. They’ve brazenly thrown Becca under the proverbial bus and in this episode, she’s portrayed as surly and competitive―and she completely monopolises Daniel’s time. Well, I suppose she has monopolised Daniel, but only because the rest of us want nothing to do with him.
Jack’s expression is undecipherable. ‘It sucks, I know, but when I suggested Daphne for the Villain―and, let’s face it, she would have provided a lot more usable footage―Roberta balked. The way she sees it, Daphne’s probably out at the next Pin Ritual. And it’s not just her cooling on Daniel. He’s barely looked her way in a couple of weeks.’
‘Right,’ I say, ‘and Stevie turned out to be lovely and Kaz is too much of a darling,’ I add, throwing gasoline on the ‘Becca as Villain’ fire.
‘Exactly,’ confirms Jack.
‘And that left you and Becca,’ says Harry.
Of course, a solution! ‘So why not me then? Doe Abby isn’t me―not really. Why can’t I be the Villain?’ Harry and Jack share a loaded look.
‘Uh, I’m gonna give you two a minute,’ says Harry, leaping up and exiting before I can comprehend why.
‘Jack?’
He sighs heavily. ‘Roberta did mention you …’ He seems unwilling to finish his point.
‘And?’ I prompt.
‘And I talked her out of it, Abby. I didn’t want to put you in that position―literally. It’s bad enough you were strong-armed into this, but to make you the Villain? I wasn’t going to do that, though’ ―he laughs tartly― ‘if we had gone that route, you’ve certainly given us enough ammo. Do you know how many times we’ve caught you frowning or rolling your eyes on camera?’
