by Hope Ford
She blows a breath out. The silence fills the room and I don’t know what to say to her. She’s tried to relieve my guilt, but even that makes me feel guilty.
She claps her hands together softly. “Let’s talk about you and Jane.”
I tilt my head to the side. “What about her?”
I slide to the end of my seat.
I can hear the smile in her voice. “Did you not see her when we were hugging?” But then instantly, she’s apologizing. “Oh my God, Mack, of course you didn’t. I’m so sorry.”
I wave it off. “No, no, don’t be sorry. I’m still getting used to it myself. What do you mean, did I see her? What did she do?”
She hesitates, but it sounds like she leans closer and she tells me quietly, “I’m sure this is going against girl code or whatever, but she’s totally into you. Her eyes were green with jealousy.”
I interrupt her. “Are her eyes green?”
For the next thirty minutes, I have April tell me everything about Jane—well, at least everything about the way she looks.
When it’s finally time for her to go, I walk with her to the front door, passing by the kitchen. April leans in close. “She’s listening to music if the way she’s dancing in the kitchen is any indication.”
I nod my head and bring my finger to my lips, telling her to be quiet. I follow behind her, trying to quietly walk with my cane. When she walks out the door, I backtrack to the kitchen and just stand there. I may not be able to see her, but I can hear her. I can hear her feet swaying back and forth and every now and then she sings a few words. It’s a popular song, one about love lost.
I slide my feet into the room. Her warmth is pulling me in, dragging me closer to her. I know exactly when she realizes I’m here. She freezes and then turns around, her long hair whipping across my face.
My hands go out and instantly go to her hips. “No, don’t stop.”
“Where’s April?” she asks and I can hear the censure in her voice.
“She left.” I tighten my hold on her and she tries to step back, but I stop her.
Her voice is thick, laced with something that I think is sadness. If April hadn’t told me how she thought Jane felt, would I have even noticed it? “Mack, c’mon, your girlfriend just left and I don’t know what you’re doing, but she seems really nice.”
“She is really nice.” She tries to pull out of my embrace again, but I lock my hands around her. “But she’s not my girlfriend. She’s my best friend’s wife. She’s Allen’s widow.”
My voice almost cracks just saying it.
I feel her breathe in, but I don’t loosen my hold on her. “Can I touch you, Jane?” I hold my hands up then. “Not touch you, but feel your face. I want to know, I don’t know…. Can I?”
She doesn’t answer me. Instead, she leans over and grabs my hands. She holds them for a second before raising them and placing them on each side of her face. I instinctively cup her jaw. Her soft skin under my roughened fingers makes me loosen my grip. I trace lightly over her cheeks, across her small pert nose, on her closed eyelids and her forehead. I trace her puffy lips with my thumb. I wish to God I could see her right now. I tunnel my hands through her hair, bunching its softness between my fingers before cupping the back of her neck.
I’m holding on to her then, gripping her neck possessively. “Can I?”
I don’t know how to ask her. I don’t want to upset her, but I want to kiss her. I want to taste her.
“Can you what?” she mutters huskily.
“Can I kiss you?”
6
Jane
My heart is racing in my chest. I know I should tell him no. I know that even right now, I’m breaking all the rules. I could lose my job… I could lose my license. I blame it on the jealous inferno that was burning inside me when I saw him with April before I knew who she was. I know I should tell him no. I know it… but I can’t.
I nod my head.
I know even though he can’t see me, he can feel my nod since his hot muscular hands are holding my neck.
“No, honey. I need to hear the words. I need you to tell me yes.”
Is this my life? I think. I take a deep breath and know that what I’m about to say could change everything. I breathe it out, low and unsteady. “Yes.”
I stand on my tiptoes and he lowers down. I cup his face, meeting him lip to lip.
It’s a soft caress but his firm lips against mine makes me press up to get closer to him. He angles my face, gaining better access, and when his tongue caresses the seam of my lips, I open to him.
He’s holding on to me, gripping my neck almost painfully, but I don’t cry out because I don’t want him to stop. I slide my hands down his face, down his chest and grip the front of his shirt in my hands. I clench on to him, pulling him against me until I’m standing between his legs and he’s holding my lower body against him. I can’t help but feel his manhood pressed into my belly. His lips caress me one more time and when he finally pulls away, he leaves me breathless. His forehead rests on mine and I can feel his muscles under his shirt ripple with every breath in and out.
When I finally come to my senses, I start to pull away. My hand is touching my lip. “We shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t be kissing you.”
He takes a step forward, but he walks into my raised hand pressing against his chest. “No, Mack. That was completely unprofessional, and I shouldn’t be, well, taking advantage of you or the situation.”
He laughs then. It’s deep and hearty, a big rumble from his chest. “Taking advantage of me? There’s no way you’ve taken advantage of me.”
His hands go to my hips and I have to fight really hard to keep up my restraint. I would give anything to give in to this feeling, but I can’t. I know I can’t.
I take a step back. “I’m sorry, Mack. I can’t.”
I walk away then, muttering to him that I’ll be back and going into the other room. I know I’ve disappointed him. Hell, I’ve disappointed myself.
The rest of the day is quiet and awkward. When Josh gets here, I tell them both bye and rush out the door. I know Mack probably thinks I’m heartless but I’m not. No, it’s killing me, because I would do anything to have a man like Mack. Even before I met him, I had heard of him. Him and all the other firemen at ladder forty-nine. He has saved countless numbers of people but one that stands out the most to me is the handicapped boy that almost died in a fire last year. Mack went in when he shouldn’t have. He came out with burns to his arms, but he saved that little boy. He not only is a hero, but he’s an all-around nice guy. Getting to know him yesterday and today, well, it just makes me like him even more. The way he was with April, the way he’s grieved his friend, the way he’s handled everything that’s being thrown at him. Well, he’s a man like none I’ve ever met.
When I get to my car, I take a deep breath and try to calm myself before pulling away… knowing that I’ll be spending the rest of the night thinking of him and what could have been.
Mack
Fuck. She left and there’s nothing I can do about it. I know she’s worried about her job, but I think what we could have is bigger than that. One kiss and I know she’s the one. I know it’s crazy. We don’t know anything about each other. Hell, I don’t even know what she looks like except for what Josh and April told me.
It’s a good thing that I don’t give up. No. When there’s something I want, I go after it. I’ve done it all my life. I may have started from nothing, but I made it my life mission to become someone. Thinking about it, maybe this is what I need. Instead of worrying about my lack of sight, I need to be focused on Jane. I still don’t know a lot about her. But I can fix that.
Maybe today I came on a little too strong.
“Hey, Josh,” I call into the living room.
I walk into the room and stand in the doorway, holding my phone in my hands.
“Yeah?” he says when I walk in.
He sounds out of breath. “What are you doing?”
<
br /> “Cleaning.”
I laugh. “Aww, bro. It’s not your job to clean.”
I hear him spray something and the scent of lemon hits my nose. The sound of him wiping the glass coffee table fills the room. “Jane is all over teaching you everything you need to know, so I figure I can at least help by cleaning up the place a little.”
“Hmmm… well, thanks. Uh, speaking of Jane, she gave me her number but I must not have saved it right. Can you give it to me?”
He’s quiet for a second and then I hear him say, “Hey, Siri. Call Jane.”
It’s then that it hits me. I mean, I knew he had her number, but hearing him say her name hits me right in the gut. When I hear her voice answer the phone, I can tell she’s worried. “What’s wrong? Is Mack okay?”
I smile, because I can hear in her voice how much she cares for me. I wonder if it’s hit her yet. I wonder if she’s discovered how she feels for me.
Josh’s deep timbre fills the room. “Yes, yes, everything’s fine. He is asking me for your number and before I give it to him, I thought I should check with you first.”
She hesitates, and then I hear Josh say, “I know you’ve given patients your number before. I just always want to ask first.”
“Yes, I mean, of course. That’s fine. Give him my number and please tell him he can call me if he needs something.”
Josh says, “Will do” and disconnects the phone.
He takes mine and enters the digits and saves it. “There you go. Saved under Nurse Jane.”
I start to walk out of the room before I remember to thank him. I walk slowly down the hallway, using my cane to help me find the way to my room. As soon as I get there, I lie down on the bed.
I probably should just text her, but I can imagine what that would be with autocorrect and it possibly not understanding what I’m saying. Instead, I call out, “Siri, call Nurse Jane.”
I don’t realize it, but I’m holding my breath until I hear her sweet voice on the other end. I fumble with it, but finally get it off speaker phone and put it to my ear.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Jane.”
She quietly asks me, “Mack, are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m fine, but I had to call you. I had to apologize for today…”
She stops me midsentence. “No, no apology necessary. I know it didn’t mean anything. I know you have a lot going on and well, we just got caught up in the moment.”
“I’m not apologizing for kissing you. I’m apologizing for letting you leave. We didn’t get caught up in the moment. I know exactly what I want from you, Jane.”
Frustration flares in her voice. “I can’t give that to you.”
I just laugh, because she sounds so serious, but what she doesn’t realize is I felt her reaction in my arms today. I know that she’s as attracted to me as I am to her. “That doesn’t stop me from wanting you.”
She’s quiet for a minute and when I think she might give in, her next words floor me. “Mack, look, let’s just put the brakes on here. You’re in a tough situation and there’s no reason we should make it any cloudier. Plus, you haven’t even seen me. You don’t know what I look like, and well, I have to be honest, I really don’t think I’m your type.”
I smirk then and I’m glad that she’s not here to see it. “Oh, you’re definitely my type.”
She sounds like she wants to argue, but she doesn’t. “I’ll see you in the morning, Mack.”
The phone clicks and I turn it off, laying it down on my chest. It’s a long while later before I finally fall asleep, but when I finally drift off, I dream of a curvy Jane in my arms.
7
Jane
A Week Later
The next week is tense. Mack goes out of his way to get to know me. He knows everything now. Everything from my favorite color to my deceased grandparents’ names. He’s wormed his way into my heart. I’ve tried to keep my distance but it’s hard. He’s still grieving and I catch glimpses of it every now and then. He’s told me about being raised in foster care and how the only family he has are the firemen he works with. He calls them all his brothers.
It’s the day of his MRI and I can tell he’s nervous. We have a few hours to kill and I’m trying to keep him occupied and his mind off of it.
He’s surprised me every day. Usually having breakfast ready before I even get here. The first day, Josh stayed and ate with us. Every day since, Mack has had a bacon biscuit bagged up for him to take on the road. I’m learning that he doesn’t like sharing my time.
He’s breaking me down. He’s one hundred percent attentive to me. His whole focus is on me. I can’t help but wonder if it’s a good idea for him to be this way, but I have to admit it’s better than the few times I’ve witnessed his sad face grieving.
And when I’m here, he doesn’t let me out of his sight. Even the numerous times his ‘brothers’ or April have come to visit, he still tries to make me stay. But I always give an excuse and go to the other room.
It’s getting harder and harder to resist him.
“So what do you want to do today?” I ask him.
His face is grim. “You don’t want to know. It’s the same thing I want to do every day.”
Confusion hits me. “What is that?”
He corners me then, each of his arms against the countertop, boxing me in. “You, Jane. I want you in my arms. Every damn day.”
His head falls, hanging down between his shoulders. I can’t see his face, but I can feel the worry for later today filling him.
I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t hold back. Not anymore.
“Okay.”
His head raises up. “Okay?”
I grab his hand, putting the cane in it and wrapping his palm around it. I grab his other hand and pull him from the kitchen. I lead him to his room and shut the door behind us.
I’m used to talking it out, explaining everything as I do something it, and I don’t stop now. “We’re in your bedroom and I’m getting undressed.”
“No!” he says and I stop instantly. Was I reading him wrong?
He pulls his shirt up over his head. His hands clumsily grip my shoulders. “I want to do it. I can’t see you, so I want to undress you.”
I let my hands fall to my sides. “Okay.”
He takes his time. The brush of his hands across my skin as he grips the waist of my T-shirt and pulls it over my head has me breathing hard in anticipation.
His fingers tread lightly to my back, unhooking my bra, and when he pulls the material off my shoulders, I let it fall to the floor.
His hand grazes the slope of my breast and I gasp at the contact. His warm fingers cup me and I can’t stop myself from looking down at his large hand holding my breast. His thumb caresses me and when he gently touches my nipple, I gasp. He rolls his thumb around it, tweaking it between his fingers.
My heart is beating wildly. He bends down and guides his lips to my cheek before whispering in my ear.
His voice is husky. “I would give anything in this world to be able to see you right now.”
I tremble. A part of me wants that too. Of course I want him to get his sight back. But what would come of us? No matter what he says, I know I’m not like the women he’s used to. I know that nothing is promised tomorrow. I’m determined to enjoy my time with him today.
Shaking off the feeling, I wrap my arms around him and hold him against me. My breasts flatten against his firm, hair-roughened chest.
He reaches around me, pulling me closer to him. His hands gripping my ass tightly and I can feel his hard length press into my belly.
He nuzzles my neck, and I groan at all the feelings coming over me. It’s pure attraction and it’s built up over this past week to where I can no longer control it… and I don’t want to.
His hand slides down my belly and I suck in my breath, as if doing so is going to somehow flatten my stomach. He grabs on to me, rubbing every part of me like he’s trying to find his way or commit it to memory
.
He unbuttons my jeans and I help him pull them down my wide hips. He falls to his knees before me and the sight of this big beautiful man at my feet has my pussy wet and wanting more.
With his fingers on each side of my underwear, he pulls them down and I step out of them. His hot breath hits me at the apex of my thighs and I can barely stand still while he strokes his hands up and down my thighs. He grips on to my meaty flesh.
“Spread your legs for me, Jane.”
I kick my legs apart, wanting this, wanting him.
His hands are everywhere, learning every curve of my body under his fingertips. The anticipation is killing me until I feel his mouth on my skin. Everywhere his hand touches, his mouth follows. I should be proud that he’s using what I taught him about his hand guiding him, but all I can focus on right now is his mouth on me.
His hands spread my lips apart and he strokes my swollen clit with his fingers. My knees want to buckle but I don’t. I don’t move, because I don’t want him to stop. His tongue laps at my opening and he pulls back. “You are sweet as honey.”
I don’t respond. I don’t think he expected me to because he buries his head between my legs, kissing, caressing and loving the core of my sex.
My hips jerk against him. I’ve never been one to come quickly, but he’s bringing me to it faster and faster. I get close to the edge and he slows down. Then his tongue sucks on my clit and before I know it, I’m coming, screaming his name as my release slides down my thighs.
I pull him up then, helping him to the bed. His chin is glistening with my juices and when he licks his lips, I about come again.
I tug off his pants and underwear until he’s lying there, naked and completely vulnerable.
