Because I knew she was running from something. Given what had happened to our friends, and what she never spoke about when it came to her past, seeing me bruised would only bring back the horror of what neither of us wanted to talk about.
I was going to hell, and it was my own damn fault.
“Nothing. Just a long day.”
“At work? You’re saying a dog or a cat did this?”
“I do work with large animals sometimes if I have to go out to a farm and one of the other vets I know needs help.” It wasn’t a lie, but not the truth today.
“So, a cow did this, then?” she asked, and I shook my head.
“I’m fine, Dakota. Don’t even need stitches.”
“And because you’re a vet, you can tell that?” she asked.
“Yes, I guess that’s a good reason for me to know,” I said, knowing I sounded like an asshole.
She shook her head, her glasses falling down her nose. I wanted to reach out and move them back. I didn’t.
“What the hell, Macon? Who did this to you?”
“Nobody. I said I’m fine. Let’s not talk about it.”
She studied my face for a long moment before shaking her head, disappointment plain. “Why are you fighting?” she asked, and I wanted to curse.
“Dakota.”
“No, I see your knuckles. You’ve clearly hit someone. And you want to hang out with Joshua?” she asked, her voice sharp even as she kept it quiet so nobody else could hear.
“Dakota.” I needed to fix this. Somehow, I had to remedy this.
“No. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you better stay away from my son. And me.” Then she turned on her heel and went back to the office, leaving me sitting there, wondering what the fuck was wrong with me.
Nate came back with two to-go cups, a sad expression on his face.
“I honestly didn’t know she would be here.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not.”
“It is. Come on, let’s just go.” I took the coffee from Nate, nodded at him, and then left the building. The bell over the door echoed in my head, sounding like a fucking gunshot. I tripped over my feet, the coffee sloshing out of the cup, and cursed, not even feeling the heat.
“Fuck, are you okay?” Nate asked from behind me.
“I’m fine. Let’s just go. I’ll take you home.”
“We still need to talk.”
“You know, I think I’ve had enough talking for the night.”
“Macon.”
“No, you got what you wanted. Everyone’s going to know that I’m a fucking asshole, and that’s fine.”
“That is not what I wanted. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine. As you can see, everything is just dandy. I’m scaring women and children, to the point where she’s never going to talk to me again. But it doesn’t matter, does it? Because it’s not like she ever wanted to before.”
“Macon.”
Sweat covered my body as my hands went clammy, and I did my best to catch my breath, the sound of the gun cocking filled my ears again, the taste of blood in my mouth as if it just happened, the scream echoing in my head as Hazel shouted my name.
“I need to get home.”
“Okay, I’ll get you there.”
“I need to go home,” I repeated.
“I’ve got you. I’m driving. We’re going.”
He led me to the truck, and I got in, making sure the coffee was in its holder before covering my face with my hands and trying to catch my breath.
“I’m sorry,” my little brother whispered.
“Not your fault. I’m the asshole.”
“You’re not.”
“Then why does it feel like I am?”
“You’re not,” he repeated. “She’ll talk to you again. She’s just had a tough couple of days.”
“Why?” I asked, giving him a sharp look. “What happened?” I hated that I was so protective of Dakota. She didn’t want me in her life. She’d made that perfectly clear. Only I needed to help her fix things despite that she hated it when I tried. That was on me, and I was usually better at giving her space.
“It’s just busy with the café, I think. I don’t know for sure. It’s just what I overhear from the girls. We’re all one big group. We’ll make it work. She’s not going to take Joshua from you.”
I snorted, ignoring the pain in my heart at my brother’s words. “He’s not my kid, Nate.”
“That kid worships the ground you walk on.”
“He shouldn’t. Look where I am.”
“You’re with your brother, and you’re going home. And you’re going to stop making stupid decisions. I think that’s a pretty good place to be.”
I didn’t say anything else, knowing there was nothing to say.
I deserved the looks she gave me, any ounce of hatred she threw my way. I was doing things that weren’t good for me, even though I was supposed to be the nice guy.
There was nothing nice about me. Part of me had died the day I was shot, the day I had thought would be my last. There was nothing left of me for Dakota or her kid. And she saw that better than anybody. It didn’t matter that the others thought there could be something more between us.
There couldn’t be.
And tonight’s meeting had been the final nail in the coffin of who we were. Too bad it’d taken my blood and her fear to make it happen. I might want Dakota more than my next breath, but wanting was good for nothing. She would never be mine. And the only people that didn’t seem to understand that were those outside the two of us.
Because Dakota sure as hell didn’t want me.
There wasn’t much of me left to want.
Chapter 2
Dakota
* * *
“Mom, I can’t find my backpack.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and looked over the kitchen island to where my son was on his hands and knees, looking under the couch. Apparently, for a backpack that I knew full well could not fit underneath.
“Joshua Bristol. You know that backpack is not there. It’s in your room. The same space I told you to clean.”
“But, Mom. I did clean it.”
I finished packing up his lunch and then reviewed the rest of my to-do list.
“You put away one toy and got distracted yesterday. But it was Sunday, and we both said we were allowed to be lazy if we wanted to.” After I got home from a ten-hour day at work and he was with his babysitter—I ignored the pang in my heart at that. “However, Joshua, you were supposed to pick up the rest of your toys at least and find your backpack before bed.”
If I hadn’t been exhausted, doing a hundred things at once and trying to find another babysitter since one of my two previous ones quit, maybe I would have been able to help him.
As it was, I was too tired to focus. And all I wanted to do was go back to bed. However, I had already been up for three hours, working on paperwork for the Boulder Bean and doing a bunch of prep for the rest of the week. Finishing cleaning my house was not high on the to-do list.
“Found it!” my son shouted as he ran back into the living room, and I poured more of my coffee into my thermos, knowing I’d need more at work today.
Thankfully, my staff had a handle on opening and had offered to take care of it for me this morning, even though it was supposed to be my shift. They understood that I was a single mom. And, sometimes, even though I owned the business, my son came first.
No, he always came first.
Then the business, then my friends…then me. Sometimes.
I groaned. Crap. My friends were supposed to show up today for a quick lunch. That most likely meant the inevitable end of any free time I might have.
I loved my friends, the pact sisters as one of the guys had called us. They were the other parts of my soul, the ones that kept me propped up and reminded me that I was human, a woman, and allowed to have some semblance of a life.
Only I did n
ot want to meet with them today, for obvious reasons.
“Where was it?” I asked as Joshua came stomping in, his too-big backpack over his little shoulders, making him look far too adorable for his own good.
“On the peg in my bedroom.”
I barely resisted rolling my eyes. “You mean where it’s supposed to be?” I asked with a singsong tone.
“Maybe,” he said, drawing out the word. “Can I have a muffin?” Joshua asked, rising to his tiptoes.
“The muffins are at the café, and you already had your cereal.”
“But I’m a growing boy. I need muffins.”
“Maybe after school.”
“But after school, that’s the time for cupcakes. You know, muffins with frosting.”
I loved his brain. He was a handful, but he was mine. “That’s not exactly how that works. And after school, you will be eating your fruit snacks.”
“You call them fruit snacks, but it’s just fruit,” he mumbled.
I went to my knees in front of him, brushed his hair from his face, and looked down at the little man I loved more than life itself.
He had so much of his father in him sometimes that I had to focus to see what parts were from me. I had to look to see them. In his smile, the way his eyes twinkled just like my dad’s had.
I loved this little boy with every ounce of my being.
And though his entrance into the world hadn’t exactly gone as planned, his existence in it was everything I needed and more.
I would end the world for him. I would do anything for him.
Sometimes I just wished I didn’t always have to do it alone.
I shook off that thought and stood up, kissed the top of his head, and held out my hand.
“Okay, little man. Let’s get you to school so I can get to work.”
“I’m sorry you couldn’t go to work today.”
I paused as I looked down at Joshua, frowning. “What do you mean by that?” I asked.
“I know you have to open the shop and do all the baking and the cooking. But you couldn’t because you have to take care of me,” he told the floor, his head lowered. I went to my knees again, hugging him close.
“Joshua Bristol. You are the best thing in my life. If I want to take the morning off so I can hang out with my best bud, I will.”
“But how are you supposed to make money and keep a roof over our heads?” he asked, and I held back a wince.
I had no idea where he had learned that phrase, but at six years old, he was far too precocious for his age.
“My staff can help me, and I will be working. You have to go do your job, and I will do mine.”
“I miss Miss Nancy.”
I held back a grimace. Nancy had been a wonderful babysitter until she ran off with the older married man she had been boinking the entire time. The scandal had rocked our little part of Boulder, Colorado, the small town that was anything but small.
Now, I was down one babysitter. While I loved Constance, my other nanny, she was in college and had morning classes all semester. That meant she couldn’t come over and help with Joshua’s morning preparations, which had been part of Nancy’s job.
I would figure it out, find somebody I trusted enough. But until then, my friends were helping me pick up the slack, and I would forever be grateful.
Even Hazel’s man, Cross, had helped out a few times. His brothers had, too.
I held back a wince at the thought of his brothers. I liked them. I loved his sister. But one of their brothers? I just wanted to throw something at even the thought of him.
I didn’t know what it was about Macon, but he set my teeth on edge.
It didn’t help that Joshua had begun clinging to him like a little monkey recently. And Macon seemed to encourage it.
He scowled and growled, but then he became the sweetest man to my baby boy. And if there weren’t something off about Macon that made me hold back, maybe I’d appreciate that my child had someone to look up to.
But Joshua didn’t have a father, not really. And I wasn’t going to let him latch on to the Brady brothers when they weren’t constants in his life.
“Are you okay, Mommy?” Joshua asked, his voice low.
I pushed away all thoughts of Macon, fighting, and that growl of his that did things to me that I’d rather not think about.
“Mommy is just fine.” I shook it off. “Okay, we better go, little man.”
“I’m almost a big man. Look how tall I am.” He puffed up his chest, and I held back tears.
How was he already six? And going to school with a backpack that was too big for him and little shoes he constantly grew out of?
Life was running away from me. Though, somehow, I was trying to keep up.
My meeting with my friends later today would not help matters. I was not ready for our lunch date. But I didn’t think I had a choice.
I got Joshua off to school, waved at his teachers, and did my best not to speed on my way to the Boulder Bean. I had spent a considerable chunk of my savings and had taken out a loan that I knew I’d probably be paying off for the rest of my life for this café. I had worked at the former iteration of the place when I was a teenager. When the old owners needed to sell but wanted me to change the name to make it mine, I had leaped at the chance.
I had put my literal blood, sweat, and tears into its design, the process, and I loved it. I loved coffee, all kinds, and continually tried to find perfect versions of old favorites. I also dug baking and cooking and was able to do a few of those things every time I opened the doors.
I loved every inch of the Boulder Bean and the fact that it had become a hub for my friends and me. Myra, Paris, Hazel, and I couldn’t be more different from each other. But, somehow, we had all met up at the Boulder Bean and became friends.
They didn’t look down on me because I didn’t have the kind of money Hazel and Myra had. Nor the education the three of them had. But they were my friends, and I never truly felt inferior. That didn’t mean I wanted to see them today, however.
“Hey, boss,” Jason said from the front of the shop as he handed off a large double shot, double whip mocha with extra chocolate shavings.
My blood began to jitter just thinking about the amount of sugar in that, but I didn’t judge.
Sometimes, I needed that boost, too.
The man in the high-end business suit who gave me a sly wink didn’t seem to fit the usual mocha with chocolate shavings type, but people and coffee came in all sizes, and I loved trying to match them up.
“Hey there, Jason.” I looked around to see if there was anything I could do right away before I went to the back.
“Things are in tip-top shape here. Pop’s in the back.” Jason grinned at me, his dark eyes dancing with happiness. He’d pulled his black hair back into a braid that went down to the middle of his back today and had a bandage on his inner arm that I knew covered his new ink. All of my employees were allowed to openly wear all of the ink they wanted, but Jason’s was still healing. I couldn’t wait to see it looking vivid against the light brown of his skin.
Pop was a twenty-five-year-old woman who liked to go by the name Pop and was as cantankerous as an old grandpa set in his ways. It made me laugh most of the time. And she was a great baker, so I went with it.
I did most of the baking at the shop with Pop and Jason in the front, but some days, I didn’t have time to do it all myself. Hiring Pop meant I didn’t have to come in every morning, especially with my babysitter issues.
Both she and Jason worked for me full-time, though I had a few part-timers that rotated in and out, too. We were situated between two universities, as well as many of the businesses of Boulder, and that meant we had a steady stream of customers.
Boulder was weird. That’s what the city was known for. Franchises came and went, especially the big green machine that I attempted not to think about. But Boulder liked its quirky and unique, and the Boulder Bean tried for that.
“Seriously, thanks
for opening today,” I said, hating that I hadn’t been able to be here.
“No worries. It’s what we’re here for. Though as soon as you can replace Nancy, the better.” He winked. I could tell he was annoyed with the woman. Nancy had been a great babysitter. She just liked a married man more than she enjoyed watching my son.
I was not going to harp on that, though, because I would only get cranky, and I didn’t have time for that.
I waved at a few of my regulars, made a couple of coffees, then went back to the kitchen to work on baking for the late morning and afternoon crowds.
“Hi, Pop,” I said, looking over at the woman with the literal pop of color on her head. Today, she was bright pink with a purple stripe that went through her natural curls. Her two nose rings and Monroe piercing shone brightly against the dark brown of her skin and made me feel like I would never be anywhere near as cool and trendy as her.
I’d had a nose ring all of four days before I sneezed and lost the jewelry down the drain. And while I wanted to add color to my hair, it tended to wash right out after a minute. And I wasn’t a fan of bleaching because then the curls got all dry and I ended up with a rat’s nest on the top of my head.
“Hey, Dakota. Joshua, okay?”
“He’s doing great. Thank you for opening today.”
“No prob, Bob.”
The idea that my staff cared about my son warmed my heart. It was odd, being a business owner and a single mom. I knew that it was a little too much work, and that I would burn out eventually if I didn’t find some balance. But Joshua was loved. And that was all that mattered.
I got back to work, focused on baking and getting things ready for the afternoon, and also worked a little bit up front. The Boulder Bean was busy, and the steady pace let my mind focus on work and not wander to the fact that I still had four loads of laundry to do and that Joshua needed a loving mom who paid attention to him and played with him and made sure he got his chores done.
It also kept me from thinking about meeting with my friends to get over precisely what was blocking me.
Far From Destined: A Promise Me Novel Page 2
