by Holly Miller
I raise the screen so Hope can see. She blinks at it, and then at me, wriggling a little.
“That’s your daddy,” I whisper, so she knows. “He loved me so much. And he would have loved you so much, too.”
Three years ago, I took a chance on Max. And though it didn’t pay off with the lifetime of happiness I’d hoped for—or our beach wedding, or four children—I know I have a different lifetime of happiness waiting for me now, with our beautiful daughter.
Tears are spilling from my eyes, so I press Hope to me and let them fall. She doesn’t stir as I shudder. Perhaps she’s used to my ever-changing tide of emotions. I need to do something about that, I think. I don’t want my baby to grow up sad.
As the night deepens and Hope sleeps, I reflect on Caleb’s e-mail. And I think perhaps—lovely as the sentiment was—that he wasn’t quite right. Max and I weren’t meant to be. We chose to be.
I used to believe in soulmates. In fate, and destiny. Now? Being with Max has taught me we’re actually the sum of our choices. Loving Max, and Max dying, and Hope arriving—weren’t all those things down to the decisions we made? Paths we took, or ignored? Nothing is predetermined, I’m pretty convinced of that now.
I wouldn’t have it any other way, of course. I’d choose Max again in a heartbeat. But as for the future? I really have no idea. All I can do is work hard, and be the best mum that I can to Hope, and everything else should fall into place.
I open my e-mail, and write Caleb a heartfelt thank-you. I feel sure—I’m not exactly sure why—that Jools will choose him to be her wedding photographer next spring.
And then, when I see him, I can thank him again in person.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I’d like to thank my agent, Rebecca Ritchie, for your stellar support and guidance, as always. And my editors, Kimberley Atkins and Tara Singh Carlson, for your endless effort and expertise in helping to shape and coax this book through its many iterations. Thanks also to Amy Batley and Ashley Di Dio. A big thank-you as well to everyone at Hodder & Stoughton and Putnam Books: writing fiction for a living never fails to feel like a privilege, and I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done and continue to do. To all the amazing bloggers who champion books so tirelessly and passionately. To my friends and family, with a special mention to Mark. And finally, to our rescue dog Meg, who was by my side during every word of writing this novel. I miss you.
What Might Have Been
HOLLY MILLER
A Conversation with Holly Miller
Discussion Questions
A CONVERSATION WITH HOLLY MILLER
What Might Have Been is your second novel. What inspired you to write this story?
I have a milestone birthday coming up this year, which has meant I’ve arrived at a natural period of self-reflection in my life. This planted the seeds of inspiration for a novel about choice, following one character along two different paths after she’s made a life-changing decision. I’ve certainly experienced moments in my own life where I’ve looked back and wondered how a different choice might have panned out—so it felt very satisfying to indulge this curiosity by writing a novel that explores more than one outcome for my main character.
Was it difficult to essentially write two love stories, both within Lucy’s overarching journey of self-discovery? Do you have a favorite part of the writing process?
I really enjoyed creating two completely different love stories for this book. Characters falling for each other is always such a fun part of writing a novel, so to be able to do this twice for Lucy felt like a real treat! In fact, I would say that coming up with my characters and deciding how they are going to interact, and what drives them, and what they will come to mean to each other is my very favorite part of the whole process.
How did you come to craft Lucy’s character? Are any of the characters inspired by real people?
Certain elements of Lucy’s character—in particular, her love of writing—were definitely drawn from experiences I’ve had in my own life. My career path after leaving university wasn’t linear, so Lucy—a character who knew where she wanted to be but couldn’t quite get there—already felt familiar to me. And choosing between a more rural home and the lure of the big city is also a dilemma I’ve personally felt. All my characters probably contain elements of people I know and have known—though that might only be as minor as the way they laugh, or their taste in music. I would never want to model an entire character on an actual person, as that would take much of the joy out of creating them!
When it comes to love, do you believe in fate or chance? Do you feel that personal sentiment comes across in What Might Have Been?
When I started writing this novel, I probably believed much more in chance than fate. But during the creative process, I found myself tuning in a lot more to stories about love—online, and on TV, and in magazines—and the real-life experiences of people who seemed “meant for each other” were pretty hard to argue with! So maybe I could be persuaded now that fate has more of a role to play than I previously thought—something that readers will probably be able to detect as Lucy’s two stories progress . . .
This might be a controversial question, but which love interest do you like more—Caleb or Max—and why? Which one did you like writing more?
Personally, I love Caleb and Max equally—I don’t think I’d have been able to do both stories justice if I didn’t! Max, at times, is harder to like, of course. But equally, he is Lucy’s first love, and I wanted to test the power of that within their journey together. Caleb and Max each have elements of their personalities I adore, and they were both so fun to write, even though they are such different people. I have to say, I’m very curious to find out which character readers will feel more drawn to!
Who is your favorite character in the novel, and why? Do you have a favorite scene of theirs?
My favorite character would have to be Lucy. The story follows her through one of the most pivotal times in her life, and I love how bravely she decides to pursue each path, despite her moments of self-doubt. Without giving too much away, there is a scene with Lucy and Caleb toward the end of the novel that takes place well out of Lucy’s comfort zone, and this was such a joy to write—it felt like the most fullhearted expression of love she could have made.
What Might Have Been takes you down two storylines that both lead to Lucy experiencing an array of emotions and experiences. What do you hope readers will take away from her journeys?
I think when we have regrets, particularly about chances or opportunities we might not have made the most of, it’s tempting to think we made the “wrong” choice. But while one decision may not have led to a particular desired outcome, perhaps it would have led to something else equally wonderful instead. We hear this all the time when we’re talking to people—“I didn’t take that job—but if I had, then I wouldn’t have met my partner, and had my children . . .” I love that idea of one decision unfolding to become a whole different life instead. It’s such an inspiring and exciting thought, which I hope readers will be able to relate to.
What do you feel is the most authentic definition of love, and do you think Lucy was able to experience that feeling in both storylines?
I’m not sure I’m brave enough to offer up one overarching definition of love, as it means so many different things to different people . . . but I definitely think there is something in the idea that loving a person is sometimes about doing things that don’t always feel easy, which this novel explores (as did my previous novel, The Sight of You). I think Lucy absolutely experiences that with both Max and Caleb, albeit in very different ways.
Without giving anything away, did you always know how the story would end?
I broadly knew how I wanted Lucy’s two stories to conclude—but during the editing process, this was explored in many different forms, contexts, and settings! For me, probably the hardest part of writing a novel about choice was d
eciding how best to draw the two storylines together at the end, as the possibilities seemed infinite at times. But we finally got there, and I’m so happy with the finished result.
What’s next for you?
I’m in the early stages of planning my third book, which I’m very excited about. The story explores a topic I’ve wanted to write about for years, but haven’t found a way to make work—until now. I can’t say too much at this point other than it’s a love story with a twist, and is very much shaping up to be a tearjerker . . .
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
If you were Lucy in the beginning of the novel, what path do you think you would have taken—Stay or Go—and why?
Have you ever been in Lucy’s position to possibly revisit an old flame? If so, did you choose to pursue that relationship again, and what did you learn from that experience?
What was your favorite scene in each storyline, and why?
Do you believe in fate or chance when it comes to love and life? After reading What Might Have Been, did your opinion change?
What did you think of Tash and Lucy’s sibling dynamic in each storyline? Did you relate to their complex sisterhood?
Are you Team Caleb or Team Max? What do you think each person contributed to their respective relationships with Lucy? What do you think was each man’s biggest flaw?
If you had to choose between finding your soulmate or landing your dream job, which would you choose, and why?
In What Might Have Been, a past trauma is revealed that puts certain characters and events into perspective. If that trauma had not happened, where do you think Lucy would have been at the start of the novel? Do you think she would have ended up with Caleb, Max, or a different person altogether?
Discuss one or more choices you’ve made in both love and life that led you to where you are today. Knowing what you do now, would you have still made those same choices?
What do you feel are the three most important aspects of love? How did you come to this opinion? Do you feel you have this type of love with a person now?
Were you surprised by the ending of either storyline?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
© Mark Crossfield
Holly Miller works as a copywriter and lives in Norfolk, England. The Sight of You was her American debut.
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