by A. K. Evans
Despite multiple attempts to get her to tell me what was wrong, she never shared.
I’d lost my best friend, and it was the single most painful thing I’d ever been through. Because somewhere along the way, Marley hadn’t just become my best friend. She became someone who meant so much more to me.
I fell in love with her.
And I realized it a moment too late. When she cut me out and I no longer had her around, it hit me just how much I needed her in my life. How much I wanted her near.
I guess, in a way, I still had her near, but it wasn’t like it was before. I had a feeling it never would be, either. I had no idea why, and that made it so much more difficult to cope with.
Hell, I’d even tried to get our mutual friends to help me figure out what went wrong. They had no luck because Marley insisted that I knew what I’d done and refused to talk to them about it.
So, it had been years.
Years of knowing I’d somehow screwed up while not knowing exactly how. At first, it hurt. I was beyond sad about it. But when I took the time to think about it, I started to get angry.
Marley knew me, she knew how important our friendship was to me, and she didn’t seem the least bit fazed by the whole situation. Did our friendship really mean that little to her?
For a long while, she stopped coming around. And just when I thought I’d gotten used to it all, she showed up again. She started being in the same places as me with our mutual friends, and it only served to make things more difficult for a bit longer.
I tried to hold out hope that things would improve, but they never did. The worst of it all hit me when, about two years after it all went down, I learned that Marley had gotten a boyfriend. Months and months had passed, and I kept telling myself that I’d moved on. Hearing that she’d gotten a boyfriend sent me right back to square one. It took me a long time to get over it.
Eventually, I did. I’d moved on and dated. And even though I’d had a few longer relationships, nothing ever felt quite right. As much as I wanted it to happen, I never felt the same connection with anyone else that I’d had with Marley.
For that reason, I eventually decided it wasn’t worth trying to date anyone seriously. Nobody compared to her, even if I was angry at her for destroying the friendship we had.
It sucked, but I finally accepted that this was how it was going to be for the rest of our lives. I hated it; I missed what we had, but there wasn’t anything I could do to change it.
That’s why I was now wondering what I’d been thinking when I spoke to her. All this time had gone by, and she was still just as angry and bitter toward me as ever. Maybe I was a fool for believing that time would have healed something. That maybe, in a worst-case scenario, she would at least be civil with me.
Nope.
Not Marley.
I had a feeling I could be drowning out in the middle of the ocean somewhere, and she wouldn’t even stop to pick me up in her boat if she had one. I never thought it would be possible to feel someone’s emotions like I did with her, but I couldn’t escape them. The disdain she felt for me was all too powerful. It was both devastating and frustrating.
I’d tried.
It had been years. Too many years.
And if whatever had happened was still this fresh in her mind, I couldn’t continue to do this to myself. I couldn’t continue to hold out hope that one day things would be better.
I did all I could do.
Fifteen years had passed.
But with nobody around and the worried look on her face, I thought I could make some progress. Break the ice and try to ease into something new, even if it was just a mutual respect for one another.
Clearly, Marley wasn’t interested.
So, I was done, too.
On that thought, I pulled off my jacket, hung it on the hook just inside the front door, and sunk my hand into the pocket of my pants. Pulling out my phone, I walked over to the far corner of the room and sat down, my gaze focused on the snow falling outside.
A moment later, Ryder answered, “Hey, man. What’s up?”
“Are you close?”
“Not exactly,” he replied. “There was a massive pile-up on the highway. Easton, Beth, and Faye are stuck somewhere behind that. They gave me a heads up, so I started taking back roads. Not only are there a lot more people on the back roads now because of that, but everyone is moving slow due to the storm. And I’m wondering if this was even a wise idea because these roads are getting pretty nasty.”
“Shit,” I hissed. “What about Ben and Dakota?”
“They’ll be the last ones there,” he returned. “I had already been on the road for an hour and they hadn’t even left yet.”
I should have assumed as much. As soon as those two gave in and admitted their feelings for one another, they couldn’t seem to control themselves long enough to get anywhere on time.
“Fuck.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I got here a while ago, and after I brought some of my things in and the food I picked up from the store down at the bottom of the mountain, I ran out for a few minutes to check out what was happening at the lodge,” I shared.
“Okay. Did something happen?” he asked.
“I wish it would have,” I muttered. “I got back here and hadn’t been in the house for more than a few seconds when I heard someone coming up the stairs.”
“Shit. Marley?” he guessed.
“Yep,” I confirmed.
“What happened?” he questioned me.
I let out a half-hearted chuckle. Nothing felt funny about any of this, but laughing felt better than the alternative.
“She still fucking hates me,” I informed him. “I tried to be nice and explain why I hadn’t arrived with you, and she said all of two words to me.”
Ryder audibly sighed. “I wish I knew what was going on with her.”
He wasn’t the only one. I wasn’t exactly rich, but I was willing to go out and say that there wasn’t any amount of money I wouldn’t have paid just to get an explanation for her. At least I could feel like the anger was justified if there was a valid reason. But considering this came out of left field all those years ago, it seemed completely unnecessary.
“It doesn’t matter anymore, man. I’m done. I’m done thinking that things could ever get better between us. It sucks, but I can’t keep doing this. Honestly, if this is what she wants, let her have it. She can live in this misery.”
Part of me couldn’t believe I was actually saying those words. Never did I think I’d get to a point in my life where I said I didn’t care about Marley. We’d known each other since before elementary school. No matter how much I might have wanted things to improve, I had to stop torturing myself.
Marley didn’t want things to be better; she couldn’t even be honest with me.
And until she changed her mind and decided that it was worth getting back to what we once had, there was no amount of wishing on my end that could make anything better.
There was a long stretch of silence before Ryder asked, “Did she say anything to you?”
“Excuse me,” I answered. “That was all she said before she went back downstairs. Of course, I got those words along with a death glare.”
“Wow.”
I huffed. “Yeah, I can’t do it anymore. I tried, Ryder. She looked horrified to see me standing here in front of her, and all I wanted to do was try to ease some of whatever she was feeling. But I’m sick of this shit. We’re adults now, and she’s held on to this grudge for years without any explanation. It’s fucking childish.”
“I’m sorry, Mack,” Ryder lamented. “I love Marley like a sister, but I can’t imagine what happened to ruin what you two had. I don’t know what else to say, other than that I’m hoping I’ll be there soon to ease whatever tension is mounting between the two of you. Just steer clear of her for the next few hours.”
“You don’t need to worry about that,” I assured him. “I’m not wasting my t
ime on her anymore.”
“Alright, well, I’m going to go. I’ll let you know when I’m closer,” he replied.
The second he got the words out, I heard the front door slam shut. Twisting my neck around, nobody was there.
Did Marley leave? Had she been listening?
“Mack?” Ryder called.
“Yeah. Sorry. I’ll let you go. Drive safe, Ryder.”
“Later.”
I disconnected the call and sat there, staring at the front door for several long seconds. I didn’t hear any noise coming from downstairs, but I knew I wouldn’t. Deep down, I knew she’d heard me on the phone with Ryder.
I got up and made my way over to the door, but something caught my eye out of one of the windows on the opposite wall of the house. Marley had gotten in her car, rested her head on her hands on the steering wheel, and was crying.
It shouldn’t have bothered me.
But seeing it, seeing her like that, caused something to tighten in my chest.
How had we gotten here? How had we gone from being what we were to this?
In that moment, one thing became painfully true to me.
I was a liar.
Because no matter how many times I’d insisted to both myself and Ryder that I was done with Marley, I knew that would never be the case. Maybe we’d never speak again, but if ever there was a time when she needed me, there was no question I’d be there for her in a heartbeat.
After all these years, despite the glares and the rolling of the eyes, I still loved her. And even though I knew romantic love was out of the question for the two of us, I couldn’t honestly stand there hating her. I’d always care about her. I’d always love her. That was never going to change.
Standing there, unmoving, I watched her and felt that ache in my chest grow deeper.
Eventually, she lifted her head up, wiped away her tears, and took in a deep breath. Then she turned on her car and drove away.
I didn’t walk away from that window or tear my eyes away from the last place I saw her for several minutes after she’d gone.
And for the next two hours, I paced the house, waiting for her to return. I had no intention of approaching her, but the weather was getting worse, and I was worried about her. When the front door opened again, I stood up from the couch and walked in that direction.
Even though I could see the hurt written all over her face, I didn’t say anything. I didn’t listen to the voice inside my head that urged me to apologize. Instead, I pinned my gaze on her through a long period of silence before I turned around and descended the stairs.
It was a long while later—easily another two hours—when I finally heard Marley do the same.
Three
Marley
Vacation.
Something that was meant to enjoyable.
This was turning out to be a disaster of epic proportions.
As though it wasn’t already bad enough that I had overheard Mack talking to Ryder on the phone, I had to witness the disgusted look on his face when I returned hours after storming out of the house.
I hadn’t intended for that to happen, both the eavesdropping and the knee-jerk reaction to get out of there as quickly as possible.
Then again, I guess it was my fault for assuming that Mack wouldn’t be talking badly about me behind my back. And to think he’d been doing that very thing with one of my friends. I could only imagine what Ryder must have thought. Considering Mack was making himself out to be the good guy and me the evil bitch, I had to assume Ryder wasn’t seeing me in a positive light, even if he knew the kind of person I was.
And given the fact that they all knew there was tension between Mack and me, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to think that they had an opinion about it already. If Mack was telling them that I was holding a grudge for no reason, making it out like he was the one who’d been wronged, it was only natural that they’d stand behind him.
Was I going to lose all of my friends?
Did I deserve that?
I didn’t know. But for now, I knew that things were about to get worse. Because Mack and I were still the only ones here, and I’d talked with a few of my friends again when I went out earlier.
After hearing the brunt of the conversation Mack had with Ryder, I simply needed to get out of there. It was too much, too overwhelming.
I’m not wasting my time on her anymore.
I was content to never speak to Mack again, yet hearing him say that sent me spiraling. I managed to grab my purse and ran outside before he noticed I was there. And then I burst into tears the moment I was in my car.
For a long time, I sat there and cried as I asked myself a million questions. At the forefront of it all, the question I couldn’t seem to stop asking myself, was how Mack and I had gotten to this point.
When I thought back to how it had been between us when we were kids—walking to the bus stop together every day, watching cooking shows with one another, and celebrating all the good things in each other’s lives—it didn’t make any sense that we didn’t even speak now.
But then I’d remember what he did, how he betrayed me, and it would all make sense. I couldn’t let go of what he did, especially when he always pretended like he didn’t know what he did wrong.
I eventually pulled myself together enough so I could drive away, but I didn’t go very far. The road was already pretty bad considering the storm. I didn’t want to risk driving back down the mountain, so I made the two-minute drive to the lodge.
Normally, I would have preferred to cook for myself. Getting food from the lodge wasn’t something I would have imagined I’d do, but the last thing I wanted was to risk having to face Mack because I needed sustenance.
So, the lodge food was going to have to cut it.
When I sat down to eat, even though I wasn’t particularly hungry, I allowed the conversation I’d heard Mack having with Ryder to replay in my mind. And as I recalled it, I wondered if it was normal. Was it common?
Was Mack only talking about me now because of what had happened between us today, or did he do it frequently with them? Were all of my friends talking about me behind my back? I didn’t want to believe that was the case, but it wasn’t as though I’d been very forthcoming with them either. Considering Mack was their friend as well, maybe I should have assumed he’d discuss the situation with them.
I did my best to rid myself of those horrible thoughts and decided to reach out to Faye via text message. I wanted to see if traffic had started moving for them.
Me: Hey, are you still stuck?
Almost immediately, those three little dots popped up, indicating that she was typing out a response. I didn’t take that to mean good things.
Faye: We still haven’t moved. This is the worst.
Me: Are you serious?
Faye: Yep. All I can say is that I’m glad I’m with Easton right now. He’s always prepared for the worst to happen, so we’ve got plenty of food and drinks.
Me: I’m so sorry. Any idea how long you’re going to be stuck there?
Faye: No idea. Consider yourself lucky right now.
She had no idea. Once I told her what was happening, she was going to lose her mind. In fact, I had a feeling that Beth and Easton would too.
Me: I don’t know. I think I’d rather be there with you.
Faye: Trust me, you wouldn’t.
Me: Ryder and Mack didn’t drive up together.
There was a brief pause before she started typing out a response to me.
Faye: Really? So, who is there with you now?
Me: Just Mack.
Faye: Wait. It’s just the two of you there in the house alone with one another?
Me: Yes. Although I’m at the lodge right now. I was hoping to wait it out here until you all arrived.
Faye didn’t respond. More than a few minutes had passed without an answer from her, so I simply sat and ate my food. Well, I did that and started thinking about what I’d heard Mack say to Ryder on the phone.
Just as I could feel my emotions starting to get the best of me, my phone rang.
“Hi, Faye,” I greeted my friend.
“Are you okay?”
What had I been thinking? How could it have even crossed my mind that my friends could be so easily turned against me?
Yes, I believed they had a level of loyalty to Mack, too, but they’d remain neutral when it came to anything involving this situation with the two of us.
“I’m okay,” I assured her. The last thing I wanted to do was worry her, Beth, and Easton by sharing what had happened a little while ago.
“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Marley, but I think it’s going to be hours before we get there,” she shared.
“Really?” I asked.
This was the last thing I wanted to hear.
“Yeah. And before I called you, I reached out to Dakota to see where she and Ben were, since we warned them all not to go the same way we had,” she said.
“And?” I pressed.
There was a long pause. I grew concerned because I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like what she had to say.
“With the highway shut down and the weather being so bad, Dakota and Ben decided they’re going to wait until the morning to leave,” Faye finally revealed. “I guess they didn’t want to risk traveling in the weather on back roads in the dark.”
“Oh no,” I murmured.
“Beth just called Ryder,” she added.
I tensed at hearing his name.
“What did he say?”
“The back roads are horrendous. He’ll be there sometime in the middle of the night if he’s lucky,” she said.
More like, if I’m lucky, I thought.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. Truthfully, any other scenario would have been better. I hadn’t been kidding with Faye minutes ago. If I could have been stuck there with her, I would have preferred it.
