CHAPTER VII.
The author's great love of his native country. His master's observationsupon the constitution and administration of England, as described by theauthor, with parallel cases and comparisons. His master's observationsupon human nature.
The reader may be disposed to wonder how I could prevail on myself togive so free a representation of my own species, among a race of mortalswho are already too apt to conceive the vilest opinion of humankind, fromthat entire congruity between me and their _Yahoos_. But I must freelyconfess, that the many virtues of those excellent quadrupeds, placed inopposite view to human corruptions, had so far opened my eyes andenlarged my understanding, that I began to view the actions and passionsof man in a very different light, and to think the honour of my own kindnot worth managing; which, besides, it was impossible for me to do,before a person of so acute a judgment as my master, who daily convincedme of a thousand faults in myself, whereof I had not the least perceptionbefore, and which, with us, would never be numbered even among humaninfirmities. I had likewise learned, from his example, an utterdetestation of all falsehood or disguise; and truth appeared so amiableto me, that I determined upon sacrificing every thing to it.
Let me deal so candidly with the reader as to confess that there was yeta much stronger motive for the freedom I took in my representation ofthings. I had not yet been a year in this country before I contractedsuch a love and veneration for the inhabitants, that I entered on a firmresolution never to return to humankind, but to pass the rest of my lifeamong these admirable _Houyhnhnms_, in the contemplation and practice ofevery virtue, where I could have no example or incitement to vice. Butit was decreed by fortune, my perpetual enemy, that so great a felicityshould not fall to my share. However, it is now some comfort to reflect,that in what I said of my countrymen, I extenuated their faults as muchas I durst before so strict an examiner; and upon every article gave asfavourable a turn as the matter would bear. For, indeed, who is therealive that will not be swayed by his bias and partiality to the place ofhis birth?
I have related the substance of several conversations I had with mymaster during the greatest part of the time I had the honour to be in hisservice; but have, indeed, for brevity sake, omitted much more than ishere set down.
When I had answered all his questions, and his curiosity seemed to befully satisfied, he sent for me one morning early, and commanded me tosit down at some distance (an honour which he had never before conferredupon me). He said, "he had been very seriously considering my wholestory, as far as it related both to myself and my country; that he lookedupon us as a sort of animals, to whose share, by what accident he couldnot conjecture, some small pittance of reason had fallen, whereof we madeno other use, than by its assistance, to aggravate our naturalcorruptions, and to acquire new ones, which nature had not given us; thatwe disarmed ourselves of the few abilities she had bestowed; had beenvery successful in multiplying our original wants, and seemed to spendour whole lives in vain endeavours to supply them by our own inventions;that, as to myself, it was manifest I had neither the strength noragility of a common _Yahoo_; that I walked infirmly on my hinder feet;had found out a contrivance to make my claws of no use or defence, and toremove the hair from my chin, which was intended as a shelter from thesun and the weather: lastly, that I could neither run with speed, norclimb trees like my brethren," as he called them, "the _Yahoos_ in hiscountry.
"That our institutions of government and law were plainly owing to ourgross defects in reason, and by consequence in virtue; because reasonalone is sufficient to govern a rational creature; which was, therefore,a character we had no pretence to challenge, even from the account I hadgiven of my own people; although he manifestly perceived, that, in orderto favour them, I had concealed many particulars, and often said thething which was not.
"He was the more confirmed in this opinion, because, he observed, that asI agreed in every feature of my body with other _Yahoos_, except where itwas to my real disadvantage in point of strength, speed, and activity,the shortness of my claws, and some other particulars where nature had nopart; so from the representation I had given him of our lives, ourmanners, and our actions, he found as near a resemblance in thedisposition of our minds." He said, "the _Yahoos_ were known to hate oneanother, more than they did any different species of animals; and thereason usually assigned was, the odiousness of their own shapes, whichall could see in the rest, but not in themselves. He had therefore begunto think it not unwise in us to cover our bodies, and by that inventionconceal many of our deformities from each other, which would else behardly supportable. But he now found he had been mistaken, and that thedissensions of those brutes in his country were owing to the same causewith ours, as I had described them. For if," said he, "you throw amongfive _Yahoos_ as much food as would be sufficient for fifty, they will,instead of eating peaceably, fall together by the ears, each single oneimpatient to have all to itself; and therefore a servant was usuallyemployed to stand by while they were feeding abroad, and those kept athome were tied at a distance from each other: that if a cow died of ageor accident, before a _Houyhnhnm_ could secure it for his own _Yahoos_,those in the neighbourhood would come in herds to seize it, and thenwould ensue such a battle as I had described, with terrible wounds madeby their claws on both sides, although they seldom were able to kill oneanother, for want of such convenient instruments of death as we hadinvented. At other times, the like battles have been fought between the_Yahoos_ of several neighbourhoods, without any visible cause; those ofone district watching all opportunities to surprise the next, before theyare prepared. But if they find their project has miscarried, they returnhome, and, for want of enemies, engage in what I call a civil war amongthemselves.
"That in some fields of his country there are certain shining stones ofseveral colours, whereof the _Yahoos_ are violently fond: and when partof these stones is fixed in the earth, as it sometimes happens, they willdig with their claws for whole days to get them out; then carry themaway, and hide them by heaps in their kennels; but still looking roundwith great caution, for fear their comrades should find out theirtreasure." My master said, "he could never discover the reason of thisunnatural appetite, or how these stones could be of any use to a _Yahoo_;but now he believed it might proceed from the same principle of avaricewhich I had ascribed to mankind. That he had once, by way of experiment,privately removed a heap of these stones from the place where one of his_Yahoos_ had buried it; whereupon the sordid animal, missing histreasure, by his loud lamenting brought the whole herd to the place,there miserably howled, then fell to biting and tearing the rest, beganto pine away, would neither eat, nor sleep, nor work, till he ordered aservant privately to convey the stones into the same hole, and hide themas before; which, when his _Yahoo_ had found, he presently recovered hisspirits and good humour, but took good care to remove them to a betterhiding place, and has ever since been a very serviceable brute."
My master further assured me, which I also observed myself, "that in thefields where the shining stones abound, the fiercest and most frequentbattles are fought, occasioned by perpetual inroads of the neighbouring_Yahoos_."
He said, "it was common, when two _Yahoos_ discovered such a stone in afield, and were contending which of them should be the proprietor, athird would take the advantage, and carry it away from them both;" whichmy master would needs contend to have some kind of resemblance with oursuits at law; wherein I thought it for our credit not to undeceive him;since the decision he mentioned was much more equitable than many decreesamong us; because the plaintiff and defendant there lost nothing besidethe stone they contended for: whereas our courts of equity would neverhave dismissed the cause, while either of them had any thing left.
My master, continuing his discourse, said, "there was nothing thatrendered the _Yahoos_ more odious, than their undistinguishing appetiteto devour every thing that came in their way, whether herbs, roots,berries, the corrupted flesh of animals, or all mingled together: and itwas peculiar i
n their temper, that they were fonder of what they couldget by rapine or stealth, at a greater distance, than much better foodprovided for them at home. If their prey held out, they would eat tillthey were ready to burst; after which, nature had pointed out to them acertain root that gave them a general evacuation.
"There was also another kind of root, very juicy, but somewhat rare anddifficult to be found, which the _Yahoos_ sought for with much eagerness,and would suck it with great delight; it produced in them the sameeffects that wine has upon us. It would make them sometimes hug, andsometimes tear one another; they would howl, and grin, and chatter, andreel, and tumble, and then fall asleep in the mud."
I did indeed observe that the _Yahoos_ were the only animals in thiscountry subject to any diseases; which, however, were much fewer thanhorses have among us, and contracted, not by any ill-treatment they meetwith, but by the nastiness and greediness of that sordid brute. Neitherhas their language any more than a general appellation for thosemaladies, which is borrowed from the name of the beast, and called_hnea-yahoo_, or _Yahoo's evil_; and the cure prescribed is a mixture oftheir own dung and urine, forcibly put down the _Yahoo's_ throat. This Ihave since often known to have been taken with success, and do herefreely recommend it to my countrymen for the public good, as an admirablespecific against all diseases produced by repletion.
"As to learning, government, arts, manufactures, and the like," my masterconfessed, "he could find little or no resemblance between the _Yahoos_of that country and those in ours; for he only meant to observe whatparity there was in our natures. He had heard, indeed, some curious_Houyhnhnms_ observe, that in most herds there was a sort of ruling_Yahoo_ (as among us there is generally some leading or principal stag ina park), who was always more deformed in body, and mischievous indisposition, than any of the rest; that this leader had usually afavourite as like himself as he could get, whose employment was to lickhis master's feet and posteriors, and drive the female _Yahoos_ to hiskennel; for which he was now and then rewarded with a piece of ass'sflesh. This favourite is hated by the whole herd, and therefore, toprotect himself, keeps always near the person of his leader. He usuallycontinues in office till a worse can be found; but the very moment he isdiscarded, his successor, at the head of all the _Yahoos_ in thatdistrict, young and old, male and female, come in a body, and dischargetheir excrements upon him from head to foot. But how far this might beapplicable to our courts, and favourites, and ministers of state, mymaster said I could best determine."
I durst make no return to this malicious insinuation, which debased humanunderstanding below the sagacity of a common hound, who has judgmentenough to distinguish and follow the cry of the ablest dog in the pack,without being ever mistaken.
My master told me, "there were some qualities remarkable in the _Yahoos_,which he had not observed me to mention, or at least very slightly, inthe accounts I had given of humankind." He said, "those animals, likeother brutes, had their females in common; but in this they differed,that the she _Yahoo_ would admit the males while she was pregnant; andthat the hes would quarrel and fight with the females, as fiercely aswith each other; both which practices were such degrees of infamousbrutality, as no other sensitive creature ever arrived at.
"Another thing he wondered at in the _Yahoos_, was their strangedisposition to nastiness and dirt; whereas there appears to be a naturallove of cleanliness in all other animals." As to the two formeraccusations, I was glad to let them pass without any reply, because I hadnot a word to offer upon them in defence of my species, which otherwise Icertainly had done from my own inclinations. But I could have easilyvindicated humankind from the imputation of singularity upon the lastarticle, if there had been any swine in that country (as unluckily for methere were not), which, although it may be a sweeter quadruped than a_Yahoo_, cannot, I humbly conceive, in justice, pretend to morecleanliness; and so his honour himself must have owned, if he had seentheir filthy way of feeding, and their custom of wallowing and sleepingin the mud.
My master likewise mentioned another quality which his servants haddiscovered in several Yahoos, and to him was wholly unaccountable. Hesaid, "a fancy would sometimes take a _Yahoo_ to retire into a corner, tolie down, and howl, and groan, and spurn away all that came near him,although he were young and fat, wanted neither food nor water, nor didthe servant imagine what could possibly ail him. And the only remedythey found was, to set him to hard work, after which he would infalliblycome to himself." To this I was silent out of partiality to my own kind;yet here I could plainly discover the true seeds of spleen, which onlyseizes on the lazy, the luxurious, and the rich; who, if they were forcedto undergo the same regimen, I would undertake for the cure.
His honour had further observed, "that a female _Yahoo_ would often standbehind a bank or a bush, to gaze on the young males passing by, and thenappear, and hide, using many antic gestures and grimaces, at which timeit was observed that she had a most offensive smell; and when any of themales advanced, would slowly retire, looking often back, and with acounterfeit show of fear, run off into some convenient place, where sheknew the male would follow her.
"At other times, if a female stranger came among them, three or four ofher own sex would get about her, and stare, and chatter, and grin, andsmell her all over; and then turn off with gestures, that seemed toexpress contempt and disdain."
Perhaps my master might refine a little in these speculations, which hehad drawn from what he observed himself, or had been told him by others;however, I could not reflect without some amazement, and much sorrow,that the rudiments of lewdness, coquetry, censure, and scandal, shouldhave place by instinct in womankind.
I expected every moment that my master would accuse the _Yahoos_ of thoseunnatural appetites in both sexes, so common among us. But nature, itseems, has not been so expert a school-mistress; and these politerpleasures are entirely the productions of art and reason on our side ofthe globe.
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