by Drew Hunt
“We’ll be there in a minute,” Steve said. “But I think I’ve changed my mind on that soda if it’s okay?”
Mr. Brockwell belched quietly, scratched his chest through his worn T-shirt, and shrugged. “No worries. Shoulda pulled more of them to the front. Hang on.”
The fridge door opened again and the amazing ass was back on display.
Milton heard JJ’s chair scrape against the tile and Steve let out a muffled “ouch.”
“Perv!” JJ growled softly.
Steve sent his friend a brilliant smile. Even though it wasn’t aimed his way, the smile still managed to melt Milton’s insides.
“Here you go, champ.” Mr. Brockwell placed the can on the table in front of Steve.
“Thanks.”
Milton’s and Steve’s eyes locked once again on Mr. Brockwell’s rock-hard glutes as he and they left the room.
Steve groaned.
“What?” JJ asked, snagging Steve’s can. He opened it, took a couple of huge gulps, and put it back in front of Steve.
“Those shorts. They should be, like, illegal or something.”
JJ rolled his eyes. “Not you, too. Calvin’s had his tongue out all morning.”
Steve snickered, then took a drink from his can. “Hey, there’s only half of it left.”
“You didn’t really want it anyway.”
“True,” Steve sighed.
“Dad was painting the ceiling of the entry hall this morning, so put on some old clothes and Calvin persuaded him not to change.”
Steve nodded.
“You haven’t said much today,” JJ said, turning his attention to Milton.
“Yeah.” Milton let out an unsteady breath.
It was true, he’d spent much of the afternoon—if not most of the previous couple of days—worrying over what Steve had told him about JJ and Maggie’s possible motives for befriending him. Finally he plucked up enough courage to say something.
“Did you and Maggie just make friends with me so you could find Steve a friend?” He wanted to say “boyfriend,” but doubted Steve would think they were that.
“What?” JJ looked puzzled. “No.”
“Sorry, I…” Milton closed his eyes. He wished he hadn’t said anything now.
He opened his eyes to see Steve scoot out of his chair. “Want me to leave?”
Milton shook his head and reached for Steve’s hand.
Steve squeezed Milton’s hand and put an arm over his shoulders. “Milt was worried that you and Maggie had an ulterior motive when you started hanging with him. I said you weren’t like that, but I know he needed to find that out for himself.”
Steve gave Milton’s shoulder a rub. Milton leaned into Steve’s side, unable to meet JJ’s gaze.
“No, man, no. We, Maggie and me, wanted to be your friend because we could see you were a cool dude.”
Milton snorted.
“Milton, look at me,” He felt a touch on his hand and raised his eyes to meet JJ’s.
“Maggie knew you from art class. I confess, before that incident with the basketball morons and your comic, I didn’t know you. But once I started spending time with you, I found out that there’s a really great guy hiding behind those walls you’ve put up.”
“I don’t know about that. The great guy I mean.” Milton knew all too well he’d erected barriers to keep others out and himself safe.
“I do,” JJ insisted.
“JJ and Maggie helped you come out of your shell, and they also helped me to embrace what I am. I’m gay.” Steve kneeled by Milton’s chair. “Before last weekend, no way could I have said what I did about Mr. B and his hot ass.”
“Gross,” JJ groaned.
“Shut up,” Steve fired back. “Your dad is smokin’ hot. You agree, Milt?” Steve’s arm moved to Milton’s waist.
Milton blushed. “Mr. Brockwell is kinda, uh, striking.”
“Shit, man, he’s, like, a mega hunk.”
“Oh, God,” JJ protested. “I’m leaving if you’re gonna keep on with this shit.”
“See, Milt, before, me and him could joke around about lots of stuff, but never about sex. But JJ and Maggie helped me to do that. And they helped you, too, I know they did.”
Milton nodded. “I’m sorry I doubted you, JJ. I should have listened to my instincts.”
“That’s okay,” JJ smiled.
“And my instincts,” Steve said, “are telling me to give you a big, soppy kiss.”
“That’s it, I’m outa here.” JJ stood and headed for the door. “I see enough guy-on-guy crap with my dads.”
Steve moved in and claimed his kiss. “Feel better now you asked him?”
Milton nodded. “Thanks…for being here with me.” He gave Steve a squeeze to emphasize his point.
“You’re welcome.” Steve claimed another kiss. “Come on, we’re missing the game. Wanna see the Packers get trampled into the dirt.”
“It’s okay, you go and watch it. I’ll sit here for a minute.” Milton had a hard on, but didn’t want Steve to see it. “And then I think I might go talk with Mr. Hamilton.”
JJ’s other dad had ducked out some time earlier, saying he needed to work on something in his office but had told Milton that if he got bored he was welcome to join him. Milton, who had been sitting on the couch next to Steve—the big jock’s arm loosely draped over him—hadn’t wanted to move.
“But you’re really okay now?” Steve touched Milton’s cheek.
Milton smiled and leaned into the caress. “I’m feeling a lot better now.”
* * * *
“Mr. Hamilton? Okay if I come in?” Milton asked, knocking on the partially open door of the man’s home office.
The last time Milton had visited the apartment, he and Mr. Hamilton had gotten on really well, and Milton hoped the older man could offer him some advice.
“Sure, bud, c’mon in,” Mr. Hamilton said, looking up from his laptop. “And it’s Calvin, remember?”
Milton nodded, smiled, and entered the room, softly closing the door behind him.
“Take a seat.” Calvin gestured to a futon that was folded up into a couch. “Just give me a minute to save this, and I’ll be with you.”
Milton sat and took in his surroundings. The room was surprisingly large—about twice the size of his bedroom. All the rooms in JJ’s apartment were generously sized. The high ceilings added to the sense of space, too. Milton had seen places where large apartments had been divided—the rooms were small but looked odd because of the high ceilings.
Over in one corner of the room were a treadmill and a machine Milton guessed helped with lifting weights. He supposed with an athlete in the family, plus a guy who obviously still worked out, they’d need some home gym equipment. Milton pictured JJ and his dad working out together in here, male bonding at its most primal. Milton’s dad had left when he’d still been in elementary school. Milton didn’t know all the details, except that another woman was involved. Milton got gifts and cards at Christmas and birthdays, plus the occasional phone call. His dad had offered to fly him out to California one summer, then his stepmom had given birth earlier than expected, and the offer was withdrawn. It had never been repeated. Milton guessed his dad, now he had a new family, didn’t want much to do with his old one. He knew from the occasional comments his mom had made that his dad had managed to get a judge to reduce his alimony payments, forcing her to get a second job.
Calvin closed the laptop’s lid and turned in his office chair to face Milton. “So, what’s up?”
Milton started to get cold feet about having this conversation. “If I’m disturbing you I can—” Milton started to rise.
“Not at all.” Calvin smiled and gestured for him to retake his seat.
They heard a roar from the other room, followed by clapping and good-natured shouts.
“I can only stand so much jock testosterone before making my escape.” Calvin smiled.
Milton grinned. “Yeah, but some of those football players ha
ve great bodies.” Or at least what he could see of them because of all the padding.
“True.” Calvin chuckled. “But then I live with Brock, and he has a pretty fine body.”
Milton blushed.
“Sorry, that isn’t the kind of thing I should be saying to an impressionable fifteen-year-old. Happy belated birthday, by the way.”
“Thanks.”
Milton was touched that Calvin had remembered, or even knew about it in the first place. JJ must have told him. Yet again, Milton knew he had been wrong to misjudge the guy.
Calvin wasn’t the first to offer birthday wishes that day.
Milton and Steve had just exited the subway at 7th Avenue and 14th Street when Steve had said he wanted to check something out. They’d walked up to a second-floor comic shop, a place Milton had visited a few times, but most of the stuff was out of his price range.
Steve picked up a Batman comic, leafed through it and took it to the counter. From the friendly-looking exchange with the owner, Milton guessed Steve was a regular customer.
A wrapped package was slid across the counter; Steve looked briefly at it before nodding. He then swiped his credit card at the register, signed, and the clerk handed him a bag with his comic and the mystery package inside.
“You ready, Milt?” Steve called out.
Ever since picking him up that morning, Steve had used the name Milt. Milton had thought it odd at first, but soon grew to like it. Maybe it was a bit less dorky-sounding than “Milton.”
When they arrived at JJ’s, Steve gave Milton the package and asked him to try it on. “Hope I ordered the right size.”
“Of what?”
“You’ll find out when you open it. And happy birthday, sorry it’s so late.”
“Thanks. But you didn’t have to, I—”
“Go into the bathroom and try it on.” Steve made a shooing motion.
So Milton had gone into the bathroom and opened the bag to discover a Northstar T-shirt. He had no idea any had even been printed. However, he guessed the marketing people were making the most of Northstar marrying Kyle, his long-term boyfriend.
“Did you get any cool gifts,” Calvin was asking, “apart from the T-shirt?”
Milton mentioned the comic that JJ and Maggie had bought for him. If Calvin had already known about it, he didn’t let on. “Mom got me clothes for school, and dad sent a check, as usual.”
“Great. I never know what to get Brock for his birthday. Last time it was a western-style shirt and a meal out with JJ and me.”
Calvin smiled wistfully, Milton guessing that Mr. B. had looked great in the shirt; he’d had on a cowboy hat when he’d come home the last time Milton had visited. Milton had been mildly disappointed the man wasn’t wearing it today, but realized Mr. Brockwell wouldn’t be wearing a hat indoors. Milton had seen two matching hats in the entry hallway when he’d come in; he assumed the other belonged to JJ.
“So, you just want to hang out in here, or did you have something specific you wanted to talk about?”
Milton looked down at the interlaced fingers in his lap. Yeah, he had to talk about it with someone and Calvin was the only one he felt comfortable opening up to. “Steve.”
“Aha! How are you two getting along?”
“Good,” Milton said, then fell silent.
“And?” Calvin prompted.
Milton sighed. “He’s great.”
Calvin laughed. “I would agree with you there. I’ve known his family for quite a while, and Steve’s a wonderful young man, but I sense what I think is wonderful about him is a bit different to what you think is wonderful.”
Milton nodded. “I know I’ve only known him for a week, but…” He didn’t want to say for most of that week Steve had refused to even look Milton’s way.
Calvin gave him an encouraging smile, but stayed silent.
“He’s seventeen, I’m just fifteen. But the feelings I have for him are, uh, powerful.” Milton squeezed his hands together. This was embarrassing. “But like I said, we’re teenagers and I know relationships—if I even have a relationship with Steve—rarely last with people our age. And I’ve only known him for a week and…” Milton bit his lip; he knew he was rambling. He bet Calvin thought he was a total dork. “Sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry for,” Calvin said quietly.
Milton shook his head. “I’ve read loads of stories about gay teenagers finding each other in high school and, well, they’re not real. I mean, you and Mr. Brockwell. You didn’t even like each other in high school.”
“Oh, Milton,” Calvin sighed. “Where to begin? If you don’t believe you and Steve will make it, then you won’t.”
“We won’t.” Milton shook his head, knowing there was no way it could ever happen.
“You might. Okay, the odds aren’t in favor of it, but if you both work at it, not easy for two gay kids I know, but you could make it work.”
“You and Mr. Brockwell…”
“…Are together now. And there are many differences between Brock and me compared with you and Steve. Back in high school Brock couldn’t even admit to himself that he was gay. Steve has. Okay,” Calvin put up a hand to stall Milton’s protest. “He isn’t exactly out. That might pose problems, and it might not. But getting back to Brock and me. We went to high school in Texas, not New York City. And it was a different time back then. Being gay is much more accepted now than it was then. Heck, gay men—and comic book characters—can marry in some states.”
“But they can’t in most states.”
Calvin shook his head. “You’re determined to look on the dark side, aren’t you?”
“It’s what I do best.”
Calvin grinned.
“And all this is pointless. Steve and I aren’t boyfriends…heck, we haven’t been on a single date. Like I said, sorry, I’ve said that before. Uh, but Steve and I have only known each other a week. It’s totally dumb that I should be thinking like this.”
“It isn’t dumb. You know that Steve likes you.”
“That’s a long way from him asking to marry me.”
“Yes, of course. But you seem to want to sabotage whatever you might have before you’ve even gone out on your first date.”
“Assuming he even asks me out on a date.”
Calvin harrumphed.
“I’m just being a realist. If I tell myself it won’t happen then—”
“You’ll make sure it won’t. But if you allow for the possibility, then who knows what might happen.”
“I’ll get hurt.”
“You could. And again, you might not. Life is a risk, Milton. There are no guarantees.”
“Yeah.” Milton fell silent.
Calvin had made some good points, ones Milton knew he would have to mull over. But it was easy for Calvin; he was an adult and had a hot guy for a partner.
He didn’t always, a voice reminded Milton. Remember he said he used to get his head pushed down the johns at school and other shit like that? Milton squirmed and twisted his hands in his lap.
“From what I’ve seen,” Calvin said, putting a hand on Milton’s knee, staying his movements, “Steve cares for you a good deal.” He motioned to Milton’s T-shirt. “Try and keep an open mind. Yes, it’s good to be careful, just…be open to the idea that maybe, just maybe, Steve feels the same way about you that you feel about him. The only way you would know for sure is to ask him.”
“No, I couldn’t.” Milton felt dread wash over him.
Calvin nodded. “I know you’re not sure and you’re scared.”
Milton nodded.
“Trust me, I understand. Been there, done that.” He smiled. “Bought the T-shirt.”
Milton laughed.
“Let me take an educated guess at a few things. You probably don’t think you’re good enough for Steve, you think you’re too different from him, and you’re not as physically strong as him. How am I doing?”
“Batting a thousand so far.”
Calvin smile
d and shook his head. “But you don’t know what Steve is thinking. He probably believes he isn’t good enough for you, not smart enough, not…heck I don’t know. But dollars to doughnuts, I’m willing to bet he’s just as unsure as you.”
“What should I do?”
“Give it time. Goodness knows, you have plenty of that ahead of you. If it’s meant to be, and if you two are open to the possibility, then it will happen.”
“When he graduates he’ll be going off to an Ivy League college and I—”
“…could get a full-ride academic scholarship to go to college alongside him.”
“To Harvard or Princeton or…?”
Calvin shrugged. “Why not? Don’t you think you’re good enough? I bet you’re in all AP classes and have a four point GPA.”
“Well, yeah, but…”
“No buts, Milton. You want something, you have to work for it. Is Steve worth fighting for?”
Milton smiled. He was, definitely. “Thank you.”
“All part of the service.” Calvin stretched his arms then glanced at his wristwatch. “Gosh, look at the time. I’d better start supper, the game will be over soon and three hungry sports fans will need feeding.”
“Can I help?” Milton got to his feet. He’d enjoyed helping prepare a meal the last time he’d visited.
Calvin smiled. “Of course. Operation Hearts and Minds begins now. Let the battle commence.”
* * * *
Monday morning at school wasn’t as terrifying as Steve had feared. He certainly felt he had something with Milton, but exactly what he wasn’t sure. Being with Milton was so comfortable; they just…fit, and Steve didn’t mean when they hugged, although he was forced to admit it felt pretty darn good when they did.
Steve experienced a moment of panic when he saw Milton in the main hallway before homeroom. But the guy had merely nodded and carried on walking. Steve was relieved that Milton hadn’t acknowledged him more than that, but seconds later relief turned to shame. Instinctively, Milton must have known of his discomfort. That wasn’t right. Milton had as much right to say “hi” to a friend as anyone else. He was about to go after Milton to talk with him when JJ showed up.
