“But hell,” he roared, “it’s all good now. Hear that? The rain in the ditches, the standing water in the pools, it’s all good now. You should have been Lonely Man back when the going was bad, fella, when the bullhorns still came over and the stiffs shook when they did and Lonely Man didn’t die but he wished he could . . .”
This time the storm took him unaware and was long in passing. His hands were ragged from flailing the-broken concrete and his eyes were so swollen with weeping that he could hardly see to shoulder his sack of cans. He stumbled often that morning. Once he fell and opened an old scar on his forehead, but not even that interrupted his steady, mumbling chant: “Tain’t no boner, ‘tain’t no blooper; Corey’s Gin brings super stupor. We shall conquer; we will win. Back our boys with Corey’s Gin. Wasting time in war is sinful; black out fast with a Corey skinful.”
* * *
They landed.
Five thousand insects of each “life” heaved on fifteen thousand wires to open the port and let down the landing ramp. While they heaved a few hundred felt the pangs of death on them. They communicated the minute all-they-knew to blank-minded standby youngsters, died, and were eaten. Other hundreds stopped heaving briefly, gave birth, and resumed heaving.
The three Visitors swarmed down the ramp, three living black carpets. For maximum visibility they arranged themselves in three thin black lines which advanced slowly over the rugged terrain. At the tip of each line a few of the insects occasionally strayed too far from their connecting files and dropped out of the “life” field. These staggered in purposeless circles. Some blundered back into the field; some did not and died, leaving a minute hiatus in the “life’s” memory—perhaps the shape of the full-stop” symbol in the written language of a planet long ago visited, long ago dust. Normally the thin line was not used for exploring any but the smoothest terrain; the fact that they took a small calculated risk was a measure of the Visitors’ slightly irked curiosity.
With three billion faceted eyes the Visitors saw immediately that this was no semi-deserted world, and that furthermore it was probably the world which had colonized the puzzling outer planet. Entities were everywhere; the air was thick with them in some places. There were numerous artifacts, all in ruins. Here the entities of the planet clustered, but here the bafflement deepened. The artifacts were all decidedly material and ponderous—but the entities were insubstantial. Coarsely organized observers would not have perceived them consistently. They existed in a field similar to the organization field of the Visitors. Their bodies were constructs of wave trains rather than atoms. It was impossible to imagine them manipulating the materials of which the artifacts were composed.
And as before, the Visitors were ignored.
Deliberately they clustered themselves in three huge black balls, with the object of being as obstreperous as possible and also to mobilize their field strength for a brute-force attempt at communication with the annoying creatures. By this tune their attitude approximated: “We’ll show these bastards!”
They didn’t—not after running up and down every spectrum of thought in which they could project. Their attempt at reception was more successful, and completely horrifying. A few weak, attenuated messages did come through to the Visitors. They revealed the entities of the planet to be dull, whimpering cravens, whining evasively, bleating with self-pity. Though there were only two sexes among them, a situation which leads normally to a rather weak sex drive as such things go in the cosmos, these wispy things vibrated with libido which it was quite impossible for them to discharge.
The Visitors, thoroughly repelled, were rippling back toward their ship when one signaled: notice and hide.
The three great black carpets abruptly vanished—that is, each insect found itself a cranny to disappear into, a pebble or leaf to be on the other side of. Some hope flared that the visit might be productive of a more pleasant contact than the last with those aimless, chittering cretins.
The thing stumping across the terrain toward them was like and unlike the wave-train cretins. It had their conformation but was material rather than undulatory in nature—a puzzle that could wait. It appeared to have no contact with the wave-train life form. They soared and darted about it as it approached, but it ignored them. It passed once through a group of three who happened to be on the ground in its way.
Tentatively the three Visitors reached out into its mind. The thoughts were comparatively clear and steady.
When the figure had passed the Visitors chorused: Agreed, and headed back to their ship. There was nothing there for them. Among other things they had drawn from the figure’s mind was the location of a ruined library; a feeble-minded working party of a million was dispatched to it.
Back at the ship they waited, unhappily ruminating the creature’s foreground thoughts: “From Corey’s Gin you get the charge to tote that bale and lift that barge. That’s progress, God damn it. You know better than that, man. Liberty Unlimited for the Lonely Man, but it be nice to see that Mars ship land . . .”
Agreement: Despite all previous experience it seems that a sentient race is capable of destroying itself.
When the feeble-minded library detail returned and gratefully reunited itself with its parent “lives” they studied the magnetic tapes it had brought, reading them direct in the cans. They learned the name of the planet and the technical name for the wave-train entities which had inherited it and which would shortly be its sole proprietors. The solid life forms, it seemed, had not been totally unaware of them, though there was some confusion: Far the vaster section of the library denied that they existed at all. But in the cellular minds of the Visitors there could be no doubt that the creatures described in a neglected few of the library’s lesser works were the ones they had encountered. Everything tallied. Their non-material quality; their curious reaction to light. And, above all, their dominant personality trait, of remorse, repentance, furious regret. The technical term that the books gave to them was: ghosts.
The Visitors worked ship, knowing that the taste of this world and its colony would soon be out of what passed for their collective mouths, rinsed clean by new experiences and better-organized entities.
But they had never left a solar system so gratefully or so fast.
1954
I Never Ast No Favors
In SYNDIC, that wonderfully entertaining recent novel of a future world ruled by a benevolent despotism of gangsters, C.M. Kornbluth gave the professional criminal, for the first time, his rightful place in science fiction. Now Mr. Kornbluth takes another criminal pro, younger and less exalted than the lords of the Syndicate but no less shrewdly practical, and confronts him, not with the science of the future, but with the witchcraft of today and all the ages past. Result: an uninhibited and uproarious story in the best tradition of madly logical fantasy.
Dear Mr. Marino:
I hesitate to take pen in hand and write you because I guess you do not remember me except maybe as a punk kid you did a good turn, and I know you must be a busy man running your undertaking parlor as well as the Third Ward and your barber shop. I never ast no favors of nobody but this is a special case which I hope you will agree when I explain.
To refresh your memory as the mouthpiece says in court, my name is Anthony Cornaro only maybe you remember me better as Tough Tony, which is what they call me back home in the Ward. I am not the Tough Tony from Water Street who is about 55 and doing a sixer up the river, I am the Tough Tony who is going on seventeen from Brecker Street and who you got probation for last week after I slash that nosy cop that comes flatfooting into the grocery store where some friends and I are just looking around not knowing it is after hours and that the groceryman has went home. That is the Tough Tony that I am. I guess you remember me now so I can go ahead.
With the probation, not that I am complaining, the trouble starts. The mouthpiece says he has known this lad for years and he comes from a very fine churchgoing family and he has been led astray by bad companions. So all right,
the judge says three years’ probation, but he goes on to say if. If this, if that, environment, bad influences, congested city streets, our vital dairy industry denuded—such a word from a judge!—of labor . . .
Before I know what has happened, I am signing a paper, my Mama is putting her mark on it and I am on my way to Chiunga County to milk cows.
I figure the judge does not know I am a personal friend of yours and I do not want to embarrass you by mentioning your name in open court, I figure I will get a chance later to straighten things out. Also, to tell you the truth, I am too struck with horror to talk.
On the ride upstate I am handcuffed to the juvenile court officer so I cannot make a break for it, but at last I get time to think and I realise that it is not as bad as it looks. I am supposed to work for a dame named Mrs. Parry and get chow, clothes and Prevailering Wages. I figure it takes maybe a month for her to break me in on the cow racket or even longer if I play dumb. During the month I get a few bucks, a set of threads and take it easy and by then I figure you will have everything straightened out and I can get back to my regular occupation, only more careful this time. Experience is the best teacher, Mr. Marino, as I am sure you know.
Well, we arrive at this town Chiunga Forks and I swear to God I never saw such a creepy place. You wouldn’t believe it. The main drag is all of four blocks long and the stores and houses are from wood. I expect to see Gary Cooper stalking down the street with a scowl on his puss and his hands on his guns looking for the bad guys. Four hours from the Third Ward in a beat-up ’48 police department Buick—you wouldn’t believe it.
We park in front of a hash house, characters in rubber boots gawk at us, the court officer takes off the cuffs and gabs with the driver but does not lose sight of me. While we are waiting for this Mrs. Parry to keep the date I study the bank building across the street and develop some ideas which will interest you, Mr. Marino, but which I will not go into right now.
All of a sudden there is a hassle on the sidewalk.
A big woman with grey hair and a built like Tony Galento is kicking a little guy who looks like T.B. Louis the Book, who I guess you know, but not so muscular and wearing overalls. She is kicking him right in the keister, five-six times. Each time I shudder, and so maybe does the bank building across the street.
“Shoot my, dawg, will you!” she yells at the character. “I said I’d kick your butt from here to Scranton when I caught up with you, Dud Wingle!”
“Leave me be!” he squawks, trying to pry her hands off his shoulders. “He was chasin’ deer! He was chasin’ deer!”
Thud—thud—thud. “I don’t keer if he was chasin’ deer, panthers or butterflies.” Thud. “He was my dawg and you shot him!” Thud. She was drawing quite a crowd. The characters in rubber boots are forgetting all about us to stare at her and him.
Up comes a flatfoot who I later learn is the entire manpower of Chiunga Forks’ lousiest; he says to the big woman: “Now, Ella” a few times, and she finally stops booting the little character and lets him go. “What do you want, Henry?” she growls at the flatfoot and he asks weakly: “Silver Bell dropped her calf yet?”
The little character is limping away rubbing himself. The big broad watches him regretfully and says to the flatfoot: “Yesterday, Henry. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to look for my new hired boy from the city. I guess that’s him over there.”
She strolls over to us and yanks open the Buick’s door, almost taking it off the hinges. “I’m Mrs. Ella Parry,” she says to me, sticking out her hand. “You must be the Cornaro boy the Probation Association people wired me about.”
I shake hands and say, “Yes, ma’am.”
The officer turns me over grinning like a skunk eating beans.
I figure Mrs. Parry lives in one of the wood houses in Chiunga Forks, but no. We climb into a this-year Willys truck and take off for the hills. I do not have much to say to this lady wrestler but wish I had somebody smuggle me a rod to kind of even things a little between her and me. With that built she could break me in half by accident. I try to get in good with her by offering to customize her truck. “I could strip off the bumpers and put on a couple of foglights, maybe new fenders with a little trim to them,” I say, “and it wouldn’t cost you a dime. Even out here there has got to be some parts place where a person can heist what he needs.”
“Quiet, Bub,” she says all of a sudden, and shields her eyes peering down a side road where a car is standing in front of a shack. “I swear,” she says, “that looks like Dud Wingle’s Ford in front of Miz’ Sigafoos’ place.” She keeps her neck twisting around to study it until it is out of sight. And she looks worried.
I figure it is not a good time to talk and anyway maybe she has notions about customizing and does not approve of it.
“What,” she says, “would Dud Wingle want with Miz’ Sigafoos?”
“I don’t know, ma’am,” I say. “Wasn’t he the gentleman you was kicking from here to Scranton?”
“Shucks, Bub, that was just a figger of speech. If I’d of wanted to kick him from here to Scranton I’d of done it. Dud and Jim and Ab and Sime think they got a right to shoot your dog if he chases the deer. I’m a peaceable woman or I’d have the law on them for shootin’ Grip. But maybe I did kind of lose my temper.” She looked worrieder yet.
“Is something wrong, ma’am?” I ask. You never can tell, but a lot of old dames talk to me like I was their uncle; to tell you the truth this is my biggest problem in a cathouse. It must be because I am a kind of thoughtful guy and it shows.
Mrs. Parry is no exception. She says to me: “You don’t know the folks up here yet, Bub, so you don’t know about Miz’ Sigafoos. I’m old English stock so I don’t hold with their foolishness, but——” And here she looked real worried. “Miz’ Sigafoos is what they call a hex doctor.”
“What’s that, ma’am?”
“Just a lot of foolishness. Don’t you pay any attention,” she says, and then she has to concentrate on the driving. We are turning off the two-lane state highway and going up, up, up into the hills, off a blacktop road, off a gravel road, off a dirt road. No people. No houses. Fences and cows or maybe horses, I can’t tell for sure. Finally we are at her place, which is from wood and in two buildings. I start automatically for the building that is clean, new-painted, big and expensive.
“Hold on, Bub,” she says. “No need to head for the barn first thing. Let’s get you settled in the house first and then there’ll be a plenty of work for you.”
I do a double take and see that the big, clean, expensive building is the barn. The little, cheap, rundown place is the house. I say to myself: “Tough Tony, you’re gonna pray tonight that Mr. Marino don’t forget to tell the judge you’re a personal friend of his and get you out of this.”
But that night I do not pray. I am too tired. After throwing sacks of scratch feed and laying mash around, I run the baling machine and I turn the oats in the loft and I pump water until my back is aching jello and then I go hiking out to the woodlot and chop down trees and cut them up with a chain saw. It is surprising how fast I learn and how willing I am when I remember what Mrs. Parry did to Dud Wingle.
I barely get to sleep it seems like when Mrs. Parry is yanking the covers off me laughing and I see through the window that the sky is getting a little light. “Time to rise, Bub,” she bawls. “Breakfast on the table.” She strides to the window and flexes her muscles, breathing deep. “It’s going to be a fine day. I can tell when an animal’s sick to death, and I can tell when it’s going to be fine all day. Rise and shine, Bub. We have a lot of work ahead. I was kind of easy on you yesterday seeing you was new here, so we got a bit behindhand.”
I eye the bulging muscles and say “Yes, ma’am.”
She serves a good breakfast, I have to admit. Usually I just have some coffee around eleven when I wake up and maybe a meatball sandwich around four, but the country air gives you an appetite like I always heard. Maybe I didn’t tell you there was just the two o
f us. Her husband kicked off a couple years ago. She gave one of her boys half the farm because she says she don’t believe in letting them hang around without a chance to make some money and get married until you die. The other boy, nineteen, got drafted two months ago and since then she is running the place on her own hook because for some reason or other it is hard to get people to work on a farm. She says she does not understand this and I do not enlighten her.
First thing after breakfast she tells me to make four crates from lumber in the toolshed, go to the duckpond and put the four Muscovy ducks in the crates so she can take them to town and sell them. She has been meaning to sell the Muscovy ducks for some time since the word has been getting around that she was pro-communist for having such a breed of ducks when there were plenty of good American ducks she could of raised. “Though,” she says, “in my opinion the Walterses ought to sell off their Peking ducks too because the Chinese are just as bad as the Roossians.”
I make the crates which is easy and I go to the duck-pool. There are four ducks there but they are not swimming; they have sunk. I go and tell Mrs. Parry and she looks at me like I was crazy.
“Yeah,” I tell her. “Sunk. Down at the bottom of the pond, drownded. I guess maybe during the night they forgot to keep treading water or something.”
She didn’t say a word. She just strides down the path to the duckpond and looks into it and sees the four ducks. They are big, horrible things with kind of red Jimmy Valentine masks over their eyes, and they are lying at the bottom of the pond. She wades in, still without a word, and fishes them out. She gets a big shiv out of her apron pocket, slits the ducks open, yanks out their lungs and slits them open. Water dribbles out.
Collected Short Fiction Page 192
