I don’t know if it would have changed things if she was honest up front, but it definitely changes things if she lied about it…
“So, tell me about the house. How are things going?” Anna changed the subject, which I was thankful for, but it was hard to get the previous one out of my head.
“It’s probably easier if I just show ye.” I stood and motioned for Anna to follow me.
I had to keep it together. The turmoil inside me needed to be quelled for the time being. I couldn’t let Anna see that I was falling apart. I led her through the house and showed her everything I had been working on. Technically, Madie had been a big part of it, but I couldn’t talk to my daughter about it. Any discussion that I wanted to have about her best friend was sealed away until I addressed what Anna told me. I wished I could do it immediately, because it was just going to fester if I waited—but that was the only choice I had. Anna had just gotten home, so I couldn’t leave. She wouldn’t understand.
“You’ve made a lot of progress.” Anna looked fairly impressed. “Are you still planning to sell the house once you get it fixed up?”
“Aye. Nothing has changed with that.” I nodded. “I’ve still got a lot of work to go before that happens though.”
I turned down the opportunity I had—maybe I should call the real estate agent and see if the offer is still good. I turned it down because of Madie. That might have been a mistake.
“You haven’t thought about staying here? You’re putting all of the work in—maybe you should just keep the house once you’re done.” Anna turned towards me.
“I have my inheritance, but that won’t last forever. It’s really expensive to live in Los Angeles. I would prefer somewhere with a lower cost of living.” I shrugged. “Unfortunately, it comes down to economics.”
“So, you’re still planning to go back to Scotland?” She tilted her head slightly.
“Yeah, I think so.” I nodded.
Especially now that I realize my relationship with Madie may fall apart. I was rethinking things before I realized that…
“I kept hoping you would meet someone new.” She sighed and looked down at the floor. “Someone that would change your mind…”
“Relationships are complicated.” I shrugged. “Ye can’t base your whole life around them.”
I’ve come to realize that—for the second time.
“I know most children of divorced parents always hold onto the hope that their parents will get back together, but I’ve never wanted that.” Anna lifted her head and she forced a smile. “I never expected that to happen. Neither one of you were happy when you were together—but that doesn’t mean you have to be unhappy forever.”
“I wasn’t unhappy…” I shook my head back and forth. “I made a commitment—and ye were the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“You weren’t happy.” She walked closer to me. “I hear it in your voice now. You don’t sound miserable all the time—you aren’t even trying to suffocate your accent like you used to do.”
“I won’t deny that it was difficult, but I would never say anything bad about yer mother. We were kids…” I sighed. “We did the best that we could.”
“I love you both—I really do. I appreciate how hard you tried to make things work, but what happened was inevitable. You’ve buried yourself in this house, and I’m afraid to say this, but I think you’ve turned it into a tomb.” Anna seemed conflicted by what she was saying, but she didn’t hold back. “You deserve better than that. I could understand it if you were fixing it up for yourself, but you’re just wasting time—and if you go back to Scotland? Then what? I’ll never see you…”
“This isn’t a tomb.” I shook my head in disagreement. “Yes, I’ve used it as a distraction for longer than I probably should have, but that doesn’t mean I’ve given up on life. I’ll always be your father, and I remember how much ye loved those trips we took to Scotland when ye were younger. You’ll be able to do that anytime you want.”
“You know it won’t be the same.” She turned towards the door. “Deep down, you know that as well as I do…”
Anna went to her room and closed the door. I stood where I was for a few minutes—just completely stunned by what she said. I knew that I was getting lost in my own turmoil while I was fixing up the house, but it kept me sane. It let me focus on things that didn’t hurt as much as my divorce—but four years was a long time. Maybe I had just turned into a fool—a fool that was so lonely I managed to fall into Madie’s trap. The house was never meant to be a tomb. It was a means to an end, but that end was going to send me to another continent—far away from one person I didn’t want to hurt. Anna’s words brought more clarity than she realized.
Madie lied to me and that has to be addressed, but I need to fix things with my daughter first.
* * *
A few hours later
I gave Anna the space she needed to cool down. At the end of the day, she still had Mackenzie blood in her veins, and we could be an ill-tempered lot when we were upset. We were also good at keeping the worst of it inside until something pushed us over the edge. I didn’t know how long Anna had been holding her feelings in check, but if she finally confronted me with them—then she had reached the point where she couldn’t stifle them any longer. I made dinner and prepared to eat by myself if she didn’t join me, but her bedroom door finally did open once the food was on the table. She walked into the kitchen, fixed herself a plate, and brought it into the dining room.
“Anna, I’m sorry.” I leaned back from the table and looked up at her. “I didn’t mean to upset ye.”
This wasn’t how I expected to upset her, at least—I thought it would be the news about Madie that brought out her anger.
“It’s okay.” She sat down across from me. “It’s not my place to tell you how to live your life. I just want you to be happy, and I don’t think you’re going to be happy if you leave.”
“Ye may be right,” I sighed. “I need to think about this a little more.”
“I want you to be here when I get married—and if I have children…” Her words trailed off for a moment. “I want them to know their grandfather.”
“Aye, I would definitely love to spoil yer bairns—but there’s no rush. Yer still young.” I tilted my head suspiciously. “Unless there’s a lad ye haven’t told me about…”
“Maybe.” A grin formed on the edge of her lips. “Don’t start planning a wedding or anything—we’ve only been out a few times.”
“Does he make ye happy?” I narrowed my eyes and tried to read her expression.
“He does.” She nodded and her smile got a little wider. “He’s a doctor—a little older than me.”
“How much older?” I felt a twinge of concern.
Not that I could really judge her—considering that I’ve been sleeping with her best friend.
“He’s twenty-nine.” She looked up at me. “He just finished his residency and started working at the hospital near my college.”
“If he makes ye happy.” I reached across the table and took her hand. “Then I don’t see a problem with it.”
“Like I said—we’ve only been on a few dates.” She nodded. “But I really like him.”
“Then I can’t wait to meet him—and tell him what happens to men who upset a Mackenzie lass.” I chuckled under my breath.
“No!” Her eyes got wide. “Dad—seriously!”
“Don’t worry. He’ll figure that out on his own.” My chuckle turned into a laugh.
I wasn’t ready to make any promises to Anna, but I was definitely reconsidering my options. I tried to be a good father, but my duties wouldn’t end when she graduated from college. That was just the beginning of her life. If she had a bairn or two, I wouldn’t want to be so far away that I never got to see my own grandchildren—not that I was entirely comfortable with anyone referring to me as grandpa. Maybe I had been foolish in other ways too. Anna was in the same position Madie was in. She was looking forwa
rd to her life—and that included children. Madie wanted that too, and I wasn’t a young lad anymore. Even if Madie hadn’t lied to me, the relationship was complicated because of our age difference.
How could I even think about becoming a father again at my age?
“I might have to run out and pick up few things in a little bit.” I walked into the kitchen with my plate after dinner was over.
“Want me to come?” She looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
“Nah, ye can stay here and get settled. It won’t take long.” I shook my head back and forth. “I should have gone out earlier, but I wasn’t sure what time ye would arrive.”
“Okay.” She nodded. “I’m a little tired after the drive anyway. I might go to bed early.”
“A college student going to bed early?” I tilted my head slightly.
“I don’t have a test to study for this weekend and I have a couple of weeks before I have any big assignments due—so yes, I might want to get some rest.” She smiled and nodded. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been to bed early on a Friday night—and even longer since I got to sleep in on a Saturday.”
Me too, but I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep after I talk to Madie. I have a feeling this conversation is going to haunt me for quite some time…
14
Madie
I was incredibly nervous when I got back to my apartment. I wanted to be a part of the conversation with Anna, but Declan was her father—I might have been her best friend, but they were family. I felt a little guilty that I hadn’t really talked to Anna much since I had to come back home. It was hard enough to face everything that was directly in front of me—intentionally putting myself out there was impossible. I found solace in the shell of misery I created because I felt like I was in a prison of my own making. I could languish there while I fought for my survival—until Declan came along and changed everything.
I hope Anna doesn’t hate me. I believe that what I have with her father is real, but she has every right to be suspicious—I just don’t know who she’ll be angrier at.
I tried to put myself in Anna’s shoes, but I just couldn’t see the situation from her perspective. My father was a religious tyrant, and I would have been impressed that anyone could care about—I often thought that the only reason my mother did was because she was his sadistic equal. I was done living in their world. I had a brighter future, despite being abandoned by them in my time of need. The truth would be tough for Anna to hear, but Declan was willing to fight for what we had. I felt the same way—I just didn’t have a foe in front of me that was prepared to challenge my feelings.
I’ll prove I’m not just some young girl that’s confused—I know what I want. I’ve never had this much clarity before about anything.
I was aware that some would look at our relationship and wonder what we saw in each other. Our needs were complicated. I wanted the man instead of a Daddy, but it took a trip into the depths of my darker issues to realize that. Declan needed someone too. He was in his own version of hell when we found comfort in each other’s arms. Our embrace was strong enough to pull us away from the fire and brimstone. I didn’t care what anyone thought about our relationship except for Anna. She needed to see the truth in what we had—especially if we were still laying the foundation for a beautiful future.
I know it’s too soon to be thinking about those kinds of things, but I just can’t help it. Declan has opened my eyes to things I never imagined…
* * *
A few hours later
I spent the day organizing stuff in my apartment and working on my finances. I was mostly just trying to keep my mind off things. I wouldn’t be free from my lease for nearly eight months, but I could shut off a few utilities. It was best to save money, especially if I wanted to go back to school at some point. I wasn’t even sure how that was going to work. I planned to help Declan with the house every day—but he was wanting me to go back to school as soon as possible. There was still a layer of uncertainty about where he would go once he was ready to sell the house. He had mentioned returning home to Scotland—and if I had to choose, then I would go with him. We had a few years to figure that part out. There was no anchor left in Los Angeles for me.
A lot can change in a few years anyway.
Declan called me right after I got finished eating dinner and said he would be stopping by my apartment. The conversation seemed—rather abrupt. I tried not to read too much into it, but it left me with some anxiety. I didn’t think he would change his mind about our relationship, regardless of how Anna reacted, but there was no way to know that with absolute certainty until I heard the words come from his lips. I hoped he was abrupt because she was in the room—and if the conversation didn’t go well, then there was a chance he was just trying to be polite. I went through the scenarios and tried to latch onto the best one, but my heart was racing in my chest when I heard him knocking on my door.
“Is everything okay?” I pulled the door open and immediately noticed a scowl on his face.
“No. We need to talk.” He didn’t try to hug or touch me, he just walked straight into my apartment.
“You’re scaring me.” I turned towards him. “Things didn’t go well with Anna?”
“I never got a chance to tell her about our relationship—if you can even call it that.” He growled under his breath as he turned to face me.
“Declan, what is going on?” The anxiety began to overwhelm me—and my heart started beating harder in my chest.
“Let’s talk about those fucking pictures.” He growled a little louder. “Ye know—the ones ye sent to yer fucking professor.”
What? How does he know that?
“Declan…” I blinked in surprise and started stumbling over my words—it felt like my throat was getting so tight I couldn’t speak.
“Or should I even call him yer professor? You liked to call him Daddy.” Declan’s eyes narrowed, and I saw a flood of anger in his eyes.
“I—I can explain.” I got the ability to force words out, but my throat was still tight and tears were definitely on the horizon. “It was—it was a mistake.”
“Aye, I’d say so.” He nodded quickly. “Ye got the bastard fired—I’m sure he deserved it. Ye were his fucking student.”
“It’s…” My head started to spin so much I thought I was going to pass out. “It’s way more complicated than that.”
“Then sit down and fucking tell me.” He pointed at the couch. “Because I sure as hell have a right to know why ye lied to me. I told ye from the beginning—honesty is everything.”
Oh god—this is… this is the end. He’s breaking up with me.
“How did you find out?” I sat down on the couch and looked up at him.
“That ain’t important, lass. The truth—now!” His jaw tightened, and he sat down across from me.
“I don’t know how much you know…” I blinked a couple of times.
“That ain’t important either—anything I don’t already know, ye can fill it in.” His rage practically dripped from his lips.
“He—he was my professor.” I stared straight ahead. “I didn’t know that when I met him. We met—we met online.”
“Ye gave naked pictures to some lad ye met online?” Declan tilted his head slightly.
“I was lonely,” I sighed, and my bottom lip trembled. “I never really had a boyfriend in high school and when I got to college—it didn’t look like things were going to change. I joined a dating website, and I didn’t recognize Josh from his picture. It was a really old picture—the man I knew as my professor had a full head of gray hair and a beard. The guy on the profile picture had jet black hair—no beard—we got matched together and started talking.”
“How long before ye started calling him Daddy and telling him ye needed to be punished?” Declan’s jaw tightened again.
He knows everything—oh god, did he see the pictures too?
“He—liked that sort of thing. We talked a lot.” I
sighed a tried to swallow a lump that rose up in my throat. “I never told him I was a student at Oregon State. He never told me he was a professor there. I’m not trying to make it seem like I don’t have a lot of fault for how things turned out—I definitely do. Our chats got—dirtier as the days went by. He liked it when I called him Daddy and I won’t deny that I liked it too…”
“So any guy that ye like—is Daddy?” Declan narrowed his eyes again.
“It’s not like that…” I shook my head back and forth. “It was different with you.”
“Doesn’t sound any different,” Declan growled. “Sounds like I was just fulfilling some fantasy ye already had with another man.”
“No!” I quickly shook my head back and forth. “It was Josh’s fantasy—even if I did like it. I wasn’t looking for a replacement for him. I sent those pictures one night after we talked a lot and he begged for them—that’s when he realized the girl he was talking to was the same girl that sat in the front row of his class…”
“Then what? Ye extorted him for grades?” Declan tilted his head.
“Never!” I felt tears welling up. “The instant we realized that we knew each other, it ended. Unfortunately, Josh didn’t delete the pictures and one of his assistants found them…”
“Why didn’t ye tell me the truth? I would have been supportive—I’m not upset that ye made a mistake. I’m just upset that we talked about this and ye told me something entirely different.” The rage seemed to settle in Declan’s eyes, and it was replaced with a look that reflected more hurt than anger.
Best Friend’s Daddy: Once Upon A Daddy Page 11
