Damned If I Do

by M. J. Schiller

  "Text the girls and call me when you get a response. I'll look at a map."

  Tucker

  Once the idea was planted in my head, it took off without need for fertilizer. A day with Dani. Just her and me. Sure, I'd have to do some work. We were only a week away from trial. But even lunch with her would be worth the three or four-hour drive. Standing in my underwear, my shirt still on but unbuttoned all the way, I began rooting through my bedside table for a map. Shoving aside pads of yellow legal paper, a few pictures Scott and Zoe drew for me, and some unused condoms too old to be safe, I scavenged around for my AAA freebie. Then I remembered my phone. I snatched it up to ask Siri the distance between Lincoln and Des Moines. She gave me three articles on Abraham Lincoln. I flopped on my back on the bed, holding the phone over my head, and tried again.

  Ten minutes later, I'd figured out Iowa City should be our meeting place. It was four and a half hours for me, about three for Dani. I didn't want her to have to drive too far, and Des Moines took the split the other way, four and a half for Dani, three for me.

  So, Iowa City it was. I began researching the town. I mean, this would be like our first official date, so I needed to make it a memorable one, right? Something special for Danielle. She deserved that. My thumbs raced over my keypad.

  Iowa City. The home of the Hawkeyes. Birthplace of such notables as Brian Bell, guitarist for the alternative rock band Weezer, and Mary Eunice Harlan, daughter-in-law of Abraham Lincoln. Not to mention the chocolatier Russell Stover and American Gothic painter, Grant Wood. Iowa City. Surrounded by corn and dissected by the Iowa River. Sigh. What the hell was I going to do with Dani in Iowa City?

  Chapter 3

  Kyle

  Samantha pulled into the driveway of a typical two-story house. It didn't seem to suit her. She was anything but typical. She opened the garage door, so when she got out, I worried she'd run inside and barricade the door. But instead, she immediately walked to mine. I slid out, and she attacked me, lips hot and searching. Sharp fingernails ran through my hair, as she sought to destroy me with the rest of her.

  She detached herself from me, took my hand, and dragged me forward. I loved her rashness. The way you never quite knew from what direction she'd come at you. I'm sure it would drive some men crazy, but for me it was a complete turn on.

  Sam opened the door and hauled me across the threshold. "This is my house."

  "It's n-nice—" I hardly had time to look around as she towed me through a small living room and down a hall, into a bedroom.

  "This is my bedroom." She grabbed me and kissed me again, her hands running over the back of my jeans as I fought to clear my head.

  I put my hands on her arms and straightened my elbows to force some space between us. "Wait a minute." I tried to catch my breath. "If you think you can use me for sex—" Her lips covered mine. I struggled with my willpower. No other woman made me feel so wildly out of control. I disengaged myself with effort. "I want more than that from you, Samantha," I got out.

  She yanked her t-shirt over her head. When she walked out of the school, she wore an over-sized blue t-shirt, pale green sweats, and these crazy stained boots. But I thought she looked amazing. Now, as her shirt hit the floor, followed by her boots and pants, and she stood only in a lacy black bra and panties, I thought she was beyond amazing. She pushed me on to her unmade bed and climbed on top of me on all fours.

  As I gazed in wonder into her deep brown eyes—mesmerizing eyes, so brown they were almost black—she said, "This is not about the sex. It was never about the sex with you. But I've thought about the things you did to me in that hotel room in Denver for weeks, and I need to get this off my mind before I can talk to you. Okay?"

  "I-I'm good with that," I said weakly, and she smothered my mouth with hers. We took each other fast and hard and screaming to the edge, and tumbled over it together with wild abandon. We were lying in each other's arms panting when the front door opened.

  "Oh, shit!" Sam screamed, flying out of bed. She hopped on one leg, yanking on her pants and knocking against furniture.

  I don't know if it was the tumultuous sex, my sitting so fast, or the idea of getting caught, but I had to grab my head to keep dizziness at bay. "It's okay. As soon as they're inside, I'll crawl out the window."

  "No!" she shouted, working her bra on. Then, more quietly, "No. If I'm going to do this, I'm doing it right. I want you to meet them."

  I sat with my mouth opened, stunned. Then a smile slid across my face. Her own gorgeous face smiled back at me, and she knelt on the edge of the bed on one knee, still in only her pants and her bra. She grabbed my face and gave me a quick, exuberant kiss. Then she found her shirt and slipped into it as well. She opened the door and went out, then stuck her head in again. "Oh. You may want to get dressed, though. Elise is only ten."

  I grinned. "I think I can manage that."

  She beamed at me, more relaxed than I'd ever seen her. "Come out when you're dressed, and I'll introduce you."

  As the door closed, I bit down on my urge to whoop for joy. She was letting me in. It took a sledge hammer, a crow bar, and a wrecking ball to break through, but she was letting me in. I never experienced a moment of pure happiness like I did then.

  When I walked in, the three kids sat on the couch with thunderstruck looks, and Sam perched on the coffee table in front of them, bending forward with her arms on her thighs, hands clasped. But when she turned to look at me, the tension left her face, and she smiled again, standing and coming to lead me into the room.

  "Kids, this is my friend, Kyle. Kyle, this is Elise..." I reached to shake her hand. A definite cutie, blonde hair, a quick and easy smile, and glasses over eyes that scrunched when she laughed. "This is Jake..." The middle kid sat up a little and stretched for my hand, smiling also. With dark skin and an olive-complexion, he must look more like his dad. But I could see in the oldest son's eyes he had us pegged. We weren't getting anything past him, and he was none too happy about his mom getting it on with the likes of me. He had long, dark hair and was paler than Jake, a cross between his mother and father, I guess. "And this is Ryan," she said, gesturing to him. He shook my hand reluctantly, his face hard, oblivious to Sam's eyes pleading with him to behave.

  "It's nice to meet you." I looked at them in turn, but concentrated on the youngest two. I could tell I had a lot of work to do with the older son.

  "He's a professional hockey referee," Sam added.

  "Awesome!" Jake and Elise said simultaneously.

  Ryan jerked to his feet, hefting his backpack. "Yeah, that's cool and all," he said dryly, "but I have a lot of homework to do." He glared at me with ill-concealed contempt before turning and walking away.

  "Ryan...!" Sam chided. She started to follow him, but I gently laid a hand on her arm.

  "Let him go. It's okay."

  "No, it's not. He needs to come back and apologize to you."

  "Please, Sam. Let's give him some time to adjust to the idea." I frowned, considering my strategies. "I'll win him over eventually."

  "Of course, you will."

  "Uhh... Mom. Did you forget about gymnastics?" Elise grimaced.

  "Oh, shit. I mean, shoot. I've got to take Elise to gymnastics. Do you want to ride along? Or...?"

  "No. I'll stay here and hang out with Jake, if that's okay with you?"

  "Sure..." she said slowly, as if it was anything but. "Are you positive, because Jaky could come with all of us—"

  Jake studied me, sizing me up. "No, Mom. We'll stay here until you get back."

  I smiled at him. At least somebody didn't see me as the devil incarnate.

  Elise lugged Sam toward the door. "Come on, Mom. We'll be late."

  "Hold on a minute, Elise. I've got to..." She looked at me with a sort of helpless expression as she grabbed on to the door jamb to halt her movement outside.

  "It's okay. We'll be fine," I reassured her, but she still looked pale and uncertain as I watched her pulling out from the window.

>   This relationship would take some work. But if she was willing to open herself to me, I was damn well willing to fight for her. I turned to Jake. "Do you have a game system?"

  Danielle

  Pick up time at the elementary school required you to be at least fifteen minutes early if you wanted to be in the first wave of cars dismissed. Tabby had swim lessons tonight, so getting out of the swarm of cars in line quickly was imperative. It was our routine. The same thing every Wednesday.

  But it didn't feel the same today.

  I went to bed the night before excited about seeing Tucker somewhere in Iowa. But by the clear light of day, the decision to meet made me anxious, and the feeling hung on all day. Something gnawed at me, and I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Sitting in the mass of cars in the school parking lot, my Chase Hatton music, which never seemed to fail to put me in a good mood in the past, wasn't cutting it. I'd be singing along, then find myself staring out across the field on the other side of the parking lot, several verses behind.

  I watched the kids getting in a last swing at kick ball before heading inside, the music droning on in the background. It was one of those cooler April days. It rained in the early morning hours, and I guess the kids were out this late to make up for having indoor recess earlier in the day. My window was rolled down, my blue-jean jacketed elbow resting on the frame. The breeze revitalized me as the sun beating through the windows warmed me and made me sleepy. It smelled fresh, if a bit wormy, and gently lifted the hair off my face, giving it a refreshing kiss. I lowered my arm to drum rhythmically on the side of the car, out of synch with the music. I caught my reflection in the side view mirror. What was eating at me?

  My phone rang from my purse, which sat in the seat beside me, the noise jolting me out of my funk. I stuck my hand into its depths, digging through lipsticks, coupons that would expire before I used them, and various instruments meant to tame my perpetually wild hair. My fingers met the smooth cool side of the vibrating rectangular shape I searched for, and I brought it out into daylight. Seeing the number, I hurried to connect before it went to voice mail.

  "Hey."

  "Hey. Sorry to call at an odd time, but I had a few minutes walking from the courthouse to my office."

  As always, Tucker's voice made me smile, but I caught my reflection in the mirror again, and my lips turned down to a frown, my stomach souring. "No problem." An obnoxious bell buzzed in the distance, and the kids on the playground hustled to line up and head indoors. "What's up?"

  "I wanted to let you know I did the math, and Iowa City seems to be the best place to meet."

  I tapped the steering wheel. "Okay."

  "I got reservations at the Burford House Inn. It's like a b&b, close to the University of Iowa campus."

  Suddenly the confines of the car seemed stifling. I opened the door and got out, closing it so I could lean against it, one booted foot crossed over the other, a hand stuck in my back jean's pocket. I glanced around to see if any parents I recognized were near, but saw no one. "Uh-hah," I murmured, licking my lips.

  "It looked like a nice place. Highly recommended."

  "Oh. Good."

  He hesitated. "Is something wrong?"

  I tapped my foot against the asphalt. "No. Nothing's wrong."

  "Maybe you don't like b&bs. I know some people feel uncomfortable with that sort of communal living."

  I looked at the cars behind me, the ones farther back, in the driveway, unlucky enough to have missed the first dismissal. "No. That's fine."

  "Dani. Something's bothering you."

  I shrugged, although he couldn't see me. "No. I've just been out of sorts today. Maybe I didn't sleep well. It rained."

  The other end of the phone turned quiet. "Have you changed your mind about meeting me?"

  "No. Alex and her husband are going to watch Tabby. Tabby idolizes their daughter, who is a lot older than her, and thus cooler." I shifted my weight, turning over a discarded pull tab from a soda can with my boot.

  "So Tabby is taken care of, but you haven't said how you feel about meeting me."

  Damn lawyer. "I want to meet you, Tucker. I really do. I haven't been this excited about anything in a long time."

  He seemed to relax. "Okay. Then what's troubling you? Would you rather I book a hotel? It's only... none of them seemed very special, and I thought—"

  I glanced down and kicked a pair of pebbles at my feet. "No. The b&b is fine."

  "But...?"

  "But... I don't know. I feel sort of uncomfortable, I guess."

  Doors squeaked open all along the building. I straightened and turned toward the sound, feeling guilty for some reason. I searched the faces pouring out of the one-story, brick building for the one belonging to me, along with about sixty-five other parents.

  "Yes. I get you are uncomfortable. What I don't understand is what you are uncomfortable about."

  I spotted a pink backpack with a huge daisy on it. Tabby was turned with her back to me, speaking to a friend, but she spun around and lifted her head to search for me. I waved and, when she finally saw me, a huge smile broke out over her face, and she began walking toward me. I took a few steps forward.

  "Is it the arrangements? Because you don't have to worry. I reserved a large suite with two beds."

  I froze. A giant wave of relief hit me hard, and my shoulders eased for the first time all day. "Oh. Great."

  He sighed. "I'm not going to lie. I'd hoped one of those beds would be unused."

  Tabby drew nearer, and I knew my privacy would come to an end.

  "Especially after last night's conversation," he added, and my body warmed at the memory of our naughty exchange. "And every night since Denver I've dreamed about you."

  I closed my eyes. "I know. I want to be with you, too, in that way. I do. But," I opened my eyes and reached for an explanation. "In Denver I acted more impulsively than I generally do. I'm usually more cautious." I sighed. "I don't expect you to understand. I'm a crate full of paradoxes."

  "I know. That's what I like about you."

  "You do?" Why did the things he said always draw me up short? Catch me by surprise?

  "It keeps life interesting."

  "Oh," I laughed and raised my gaze. Tabby stopped to talk to a classmate by the SUV parked two spots ahead of me. "I want to be with you." I watched Tabby. She gave the girl a flower, dandelion actually, that I didn't notice in her hand before. Then she gave the girl a quick, spontaneous hug. "I just need to be careful. For my sake. And for Tabby's sake."

  "I understand." He sounded resigned.

  "Do you?"

  "Yes." He exhaled. "And it's smart. Neither of us should rush into anything, I guess."

  Tabby reached me, and I laid a hand on top of her head. "I am looking forward to seeing you."

  Tabby looked into my face. "Is that Grandpa?"

  "No, honey. It's a friend of Mommy's."

  She seemed to take my answer at face value and walked around to climb into the back seat. "We're going to have a great weekend, Tucker," I said quietly, my heart finally at ease.

  "Yeah. I'll call you later and give you the address for the inn. Have a good afternoon."

  "You, too. Bye." The phone clicked off, and I climbed into the car, considering what I had to get through for the rest of the evening before I could talk to him again.

  Chapter 4

  Samantha

  I launched my Trailblazer over the speed bumps in my neighborhood so fast sparks ignited each time my muffler grazed the ground. Truthfully, this was nothing new; but my sense of urgency was. When I walked in the door, though, my mouth dropped. Kyle was stretched out on the floor on his stomach, a game controller in his hands, knees bent, feet kicking in the air. Jake lay next to him, a mirror-image. They were so intent on their game, they didn't even notice I returned for over ten seconds.

  "Dude, you shot me again," Kyle said, laughing.

  "Well, don't get in my way, then." Jake elbowed him playfully.

 
"Okay, target that A.T.T."

  "I'll smoke him, all right. Beeerrrw." He made a noise between a gunshot and a spark of electrical current.

  "Hello...?" I asked, finally drawing their attention.

  Kyle jumped. "Oh, hi, babe. We were..." He gestured with the controller, looking guiltier about it than Bill did when I walked in on him and my best friend with his pants around his ankles and her head in his crotch. "You know... playing." He grinned sheepishly.

  "Well, that's fine, but I think Jake may have some homework."

  "Ahh, Mom."

  I placed my hands on my hips. "Listen, young man, you better march on down the hall to your room and start cranking it out. We only have a few more weeks left in school."

  Kyle leaned over and whispered loudly out of the corner of his mouth. "You better do what she says. She sounds like a real ball-breaker."

  He snickered. "She is." Then he caught my not-at-all-amused look and sidled along the hall, making sure he kept his backside to the wall so I wouldn't have a shot at swatting him.

  Kyle's hands came around my waist as I watched Jake's retreat. "He's making damn sure you don't have a target," he whispered, poorly suppressing a chuckle.

  "Of course, he is. He's no dummy."

  Kyle clasped me tighter, burying his face in my hair and tickling my ear with his breath. "You know that whole drill sergeant momma thing is quite a turn-on."

  "And what about you, young man?" I asked slyly. "You got your homework done?"

  He slid his hands down the back of my jeans and nibbled on my ear. "No, ma'am. Do I get a detention?"

  I giggled, and we both looked up as Ryan's door opened. Kyle cleared his throat and removed his hands, retreating.

  "Geez, Mom," Ryan hissed, storming toward me. "Didn't you get enough of it before we came home?"

  I stood stunned for a second. "H-WH-AT did you just say?"

  "I mean, it's bad enough you getting it on in the bedroom." His voice vibrated with rage. He stepped close, his face a few inches from mine. "But do you think you maybe could keep from doing it on the friggin' coffee table?" He'd never spoken to me like that. I was horrified, speechless.