Damned If I Do

by M. J. Schiller

  Kyle stepped up beside me, and I sensed he struggled to bite his tongue.

  Ryan turned his attention to him. "You're as big a horn-dog as my old man. Can't keep your hands off her for one second, can you?"

  I put my hand on Ryan's arm to try and calm him. In his anger, he pushed me away a little too hard, and I lost my balance and stumbled into the wall with a loud THUD. In a flash, Kyle grabbed him by his t-shirt and pushed him against the wall next to me. "Listen. You can say what you want to me, but if you think I'm going to sit here and let you hurt the woman I love..."

  I blinked, astounded by what he said. And, even more so by the fact that I liked it. I should've had that whole protective-momma-bear thing going on when he grabbed Ryan, but I was too astonished, and I knew Kyle wouldn't hurt him. And he'd said he loved me.

  "Maybe you're confusing love with lust," Ryan taunted.

  "No, son. I'm not." He released him, rubbing a hand across his face and exhaling, seeming disgusted with himself. He turned his back to Ryan, his jaw still tight, fuming but obviously trying to control himself. He swung around. "I know the difference between love and lust. Maybe I learned it late in life, but I know the difference all right. Do you? Do you understand how much this woman loves you to work every day to feed some snotty-nosed kids and lift things twice the weight of your damn book bag, and..." He grabbed my arm, holding it out. "...burn her skin so you can race around in your little roadster..." He must have noticed Ryan's dad's Saturn out the window, "while she drives around in that piece of shit Trailblazer. No offense," he said as an aside to me.

  "None taken," I responded flatly. "It is a piece of shit."

  "M-mom?" Unbeknownst to us, Jake had stepped out into the hall, and we all turned at his voice. He trembled and tried to fight off tears. He hated it when Ryan and I got into it, and to have Kyle's voice added to the fray...

  "Oh, geez," Kyle muttered under his breath.

  "Come here, Jaky," I said reassuringly. He came to me, and I put my arm around him.

  "It's okay, buddy," Kyle added. "I'm leaving." He glared at Ryan for a second, then turned to me, rubbing my arms and looking into my eyes, unaware of the fire it sparked in Ryan's. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stepped in. It wasn't my place. It's just when I saw him..." He shook his head. "Maybe I am prone to violence," he murmured, more to himself than anyone else. I opened my mouth to protest, but he swung to face Ryan again. "I'll leave, but I want your promise you won't lay a hand on your mom."

  I searched Ryan's face and saw remorse. I knew he didn't mean to hurt me, but in Kyle's eyes, especially from the angle he had behind me, things looked different. He didn't know him well enough to know he would never hurt me intentionally. But Ryan wasn't about to back down.

  "You really think I'd hurt my mom on purpose?" he screamed, stepping into Kyle's space again. It was so unlike him to act like this; he must be really upset by the idea of us together. And to even dream of going after an adult... He was tall all right, maybe a little taller than Kyle even. But he was a bean pole, and Kyle was built. All of that physical action on the ice seemed to keep him in great shape.

  Kyle stood as if chewing Ryan's response over and judging the weight of the level of anger he displayed. He must have decided Ryan was still in control of himself, because he agreed, although I could tell he wasn't happy about it. "Okay." He turned and forced a smile, holding out his hand to shake Jake's, his voice softening. "Bye, Jake. Thanks for playing Clone Wars with me."

  Jake seemed to have recovered from his earlier fright. "Yeah, sure. Nice meeting you." Kyle spun around to leave, and Jake hurriedly added, "You might want to work on those shooting skills."

  Kyle turned back and ruffled his hair. "I might just do that. And you'll be in trouble next time."

  Jake grinned. "Yeah. We'll see," he answered cockily, taking some of the tension out of the room. I gave his shoulder a squeeze.

  "I'll walk you out," I told Kyle.

  He slid his arm around me when we got outside. "I'm sorry, Sam. I really messed that up."

  "It's not your fault my son was being an asshole," I said plainly.

  He chuckled a little, but he wasn't ready to forgive himself yet. "He didn't want to see some strange guy mugging on his mother. I can understand that. I wasn't going to say anything, I swear. Until you fell and... I just saw red. Shit! He's only a kid," he added with self-loathing. "He may look pretty grown up, but he's still a kid." We reached his car, and he leaned against it, his hands on the hood like he was "spreading 'em" for a cop, hanging his head. I ducked swiftly under his arms and came up within inches of his face.

  "You said you loved me." I smirked.

  He paled. "I did?"

  I nodded. "I think the exact wording went something like, I am 'the woman you love.'"

  "Oh, yeah," he consented, with a far-off look on his face as he remembered. "I did say that." His eyes returned to mine. "And how do you feel about it?" he asked slowly.

  "Strangely enough... great."

  "Really?" He wore a huge smile. "Great enough to say it back?"

  "Uhh... not so much," I said still smiling.

  "I can wait then."

  "How about this—" I swung my foot in a circle through a patch of dirt on the curb. "I don't want you to leave... like, at all."

  He grabbed my hips, reeling me in. "I like the sound of that," he purred.

  I clasped his face and kissed him. "I don't want you to leave. I don't want you to leave."

  His hands came around to my backside, and he sighed as he tugged me closer.

  "Do you really have to?"

  He looked toward the house. I turned and caught Ryan moving away from the window.

  "Yeah, I do," he said softly.

  Tucker

  Of course the hearing ran longer than expected. In fact, it was the longest morning of my life considering how badly I wanted to get on the road and on my way to Dani. My timetable thrown off, I had to skip changing at home. I brought my bag with everything I needed for Iowa City in case of such a contingency, and I'd said goodbye to the kids before school, so I hopped in my car and pointed it to I-80.

  Despite the delayed start, I ended up arriving at Burford House Inn only about fifteen minutes later than expected, but Dani still beat me there. As I cruised along the drive in front of the house, I spotted her. She sat in a rocker on the front porch. She wore a silky emerald blouse, which fluttered in the breeze, dark jeans and brown boots. I parked and got out. Since she looked in the other direction, she didn't see me approach. The setting sun, which she appeared to be watching as it sank below the rooftops, bathed her face in its golden glow and she looked more beautiful than ever. Her face was thoughtful, but serene. My bag must have jingled because she turned to look at me. She got to her feet and crossed the porch, her hand wrapping around a post as she came to the edge of the few steps down to the sidewalk. Her smile was wide, and her eyes sparked, but she hung back, leaning against the post with both hands grasping it behind her.

  "Hi."

  I regretted not having changed. She looked so fresh and I was... rumpled. I was tired from the long morning in court, and the tedious drive from Lincoln, but the grin I gave her was automatic. "Hi."

  She made an excited humming noise in her throat, almost a squeal at the end, and launched herself from the steps. I dropped my bag and caught her. Legs wrapped around my waist, arms around my neck, and her lips covered mine.

  Despite her added weight, I felt fifty pounds lighter. She breathed life into me. I cupped her rear, supporting her, but as we took the kiss deeper, I brought one hand to bury it in her hair and guide the kiss more. After way too short a time, her legs released their hold, and she brought them down, dropping to her feet. Her arms loosened, too, and I released her. She took a step back, but her hand lingered on my chest a moment. She dipped her head, giving it a little shake, the hand on my chest fluttering to her heart. "Uhh..." She giggled. "Hi."

  When I could find my voice, I responded, "Hi."
Then we both spoke at once.

  "This place is—"

  "I'm sorry I'm late. I—"

  We both stopped. I took her hand. I needed to touch her. "You go."

  "I was just saying, this place is great. I made good time and already went inside. And... I may have been a touch anxious to see you."

  I lifted my bag, and we turned to head up the steps, my other hand still clutching hers. "Good. I'm glad you like it. And I'm glad you were anxious to see me."

  "Like it? This place is gorgeous. Thank you, Tucker."

  "Thank you for driving all this way." I didn't know what else to say at first. "Are you hungry? I made our reservations for eight, in case one of us arrived late, but I can change them."

  "No." She grinned. "I snagged a candy bar on the road. Eight is perfect."

  "Good," I repeated. Things were going even better than I planned.

  Danielle was right about the inside. The floors and trim were a light, honeyed oak and the furniture a mixture of antique and modern, but it worked together. Since the stairway wasn't wide enough for two, she led the way up the stairs to our king loft suite, really a renovated attic. The designer made use of light, with stained-glass windows everywhere and numerous skylights. Our sloped roof created cozy sitting places, tucked under the eaves. On one side there was an enormous sleigh bed.

  "Wow. This is nice." I scanned the area. "Where's the other bed?"

  Danielle led me around to another alcove where the lower ceilings allowed barely enough room for a double bed. It reminded me of a doll's house. Her bag sat on the floor.

  "Oh, no. You should get the big bed."

  "No. That's okay. You're bigger, you get the bigger bed. I like it here."

  I glanced around again. I would be claustrophobic in such an enclosed spot. There wasn't much more to this room than the bed.

  "Are you sure?"

  She nodded. "Positive."

  It felt wrong taking the bigger bed, but, with the way the ceiling sloped, I did feel like I might get a concussion if I sat up in this one too quickly.

  "You're sure?"

  "I'm sure. Come on." She took my arm and tugged me out of the room, making her way back to the bigger bedroom. I set my bag down and exhaled. When I turned around, she stood right beside me. "Tucker. I want to say sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you away in Denver." She hung her head, rubbing her hands together, her shoulders rounded. It was about the millionth time she'd apologized, although the first time she could do it in person.

  I put a finger under her chin and gently lifted it until her gaze met mine. "As far as I'm concerned, that's in our past. All I want to think about is spending time with you." I didn't plan to, but she was so close, and her lips were parted, so I dipped my head and kissed her tenderly. She slid her hands around my waist, and I brushed my thumb along her jaw and followed that kiss with another. Each kiss pulled at her lips, drawing her closer to me. And the way she responded, so open and warm... My hands glided behind her, over the back pockets of her jeans, and she rose on the balls of her feet, pressing into me. I wanted to feel her legs wrapped around me again, feel her heat against mine. I wanted to tumble into the bed behind me and take her quick and hard.

  I'm not sure who stopped things. It must have been her, because I sure didn't want to. But her eyes were wide as if she'd been surprised by our parting. We stood there, breathing heavily. My hands explored her ass more, and I tugged her against me, smiling. Her chest, where her blouse parted, was flushed. Her brow creased as she stared into my face. She ran her fingernails under the back of my hair, the sharp sensation they created incredibly arousing. For several seconds she raked her fingers along my scalp, her gaze darting between my eyes. Her lips were moist and swollen from my kiss. She applied enough pressure to tilt my head down until I hovered a breath away, frozen. She skimmed her hand along my jaw and cruised her thumb over my bottom lip before flicking her tongue across it and sucking it into her mouth. She nipped, her eyes still open and searching. I closed mine, completely lost in her.

  She slid until her heels hit the ground and separated from me. I opened my eyes slowly, not wanting the moment to end. We stared at each other for a second, then she laid her head on my chest between where her two hands had come to rest. She turned her cheek to my blue shirt. I'm sure she could hear my heart pounding out of my ribcage. Not knowing what else to do, I wrapped my arms around her, and she burrowed into me. I closed my eyes again and gathered my wits, glad to be supported by the end of the bed.

  She pushed off me and out of my arms, tottering backward a few steps. "Uhh... we should probably get going if we want to make those reservations."

  I glanced at the clock on the bedside table. There was still plenty of time.

  "Uhh." I cleared my throat so my voice could come out stronger. "Yeah. Yeah. You're right." I ran my hands through my hair but didn't move. I wasn't sure I could. "I probably should take a quick shower and change."

  "Well, I'll give you some privacy then." She retreated faster.

  "Danielle. You don't have to leave."

  She hesitated slightly, then pointed to the door. "It's such a nice night. I'll wait for you on the porch." She left before I could reply.

  I blew out a breath. A whole weekend with her. I would internally combust.

  I actually took a longer shower than usual. I needed the heat to relax my keyed up body. I bent my head, one hand on the wall, and let the water slide over my back, the steam building in the room. In my head, I replayed each minute since my arrival. Then I couldn't get out of there soon enough. Out of there and with her. I grabbed the spoked tap handles and spun the water off.

  When I came out to the porch, I caught a fleeting image of her before she knew I was there. She sat in a corner of a wicker sofa with her knees drawn up, arms wrapped around them. The door's creak warned her of my approach and she hurriedly straightened, jamming her heels onto the boards of the porch hard enough to make a loud noise.

  "Oh. Are you ready? That was fast," she blurted out, her words running together as she rose to her feet. Her eyes darted around, and she tugged on the bottom of her shirt.

  "Yeah. I... uhh..." I jammed my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and shrugged, not even sure what I planned on saying. My hair was still a little damp, but I figured it would be dry by the time we arrived at our destination. I could tell she was uncomfortable, or nervous or something, so I tried to lighten the situation.

  I smiled and waved my hand out to the side, inviting her to proceed me down the steps, and she did. I shook my head, suddenly feeling awkward. When we were together, it always seemed like our bodies were rushing forward until our brains caught up and put the brakes on. But it wasn't only our bodies reacting to physical urges. More was happening between us.

  She turned slightly to say over her shoulder, "So, where are we going?"

  I jogged along to catch her. "To a restaurant in the old power station."

  I could see her cheeks lift into a smile in the dim light. "Interesting."

  Warmth flooded through me. At least it seemed I made the right choice in restaurants.

  Chapter 5

  Danielle

  Tucker reached around and opened the door of the white SUV he had indicated, and I climbed inside, settling in while he walked around to the driver's side. Everything appeared pristine, and I breathed in the faint new car smell still clinging to the air. It seemed odd to me that a man working as a roadie to earn extra cash would have such a nice vehicle, but everyone chose to spend their money differently, I guess.

  He slid behind the wheel and started the engine, then twisted, putting his arm across the seat to back out of the drive.

  "Nice vehicle," I ventured.

  "Thanks." He swiveled to face forward, shifting into gear. "I don't think you would have been nearly as impressed with Joel." His eyes twinkled in the dashboard's lights.

  "Joel?"

  His smile widened, but he averted his eyes. "That's what the kids called my old
pickup."

  I stared at him, waiting.

  He glanced at me and huffed. "After Billy Joel, if you must know."

  "Ahh."

  He signaled to change lanes. "Yes. I ran poor Joel into the ground. He was my first."

  I chuckled. "I see. Well you always remember your first." Road ticked away as we talked.

  "Yup. He sported a bit of duct tape on the seats, the antenna was held on with a strand of wire, and he had the cough of a chronic smoker."

  I snorted. "Sounds like Sam's Trailblazer."

  His eyebrows rose. "Girl like her? I figured she'd have some cute little sports car."

  "Not on a lunch lady's salary." His iPod was plugged into the auxiliary and I picked it up. "She just borrows her ex's."

  His eyes widened. "Really?"

  "Really. She has him wrapped around her finger. Whenever she wants something she reminds him he ruined her life."

  "Nice." He glanced in my direction and caught me checking out his music. His gaze went back to the road as he turned the corner. "Joel's aux didn't work." He sighed and ran his eyes over the instrument panel. "Yep. I finally had to put him down. This thing runs like a jewel, but I still miss Joel."

  I put my hand on his on the seat. "I'm sure he was special." I raised an eyebrow at him. "Now. Let's see what you were listening to."

  He grinned. "Okay." Challenge accepted.

  I hit play and Styx's "Renegade" blared through the speakers. He quickly reached to turn the volume down, but I blocked him.

  "It's okay. You aren't at near the decibel level that Sam and I usually are."

  After a few moments I glanced at him and found him quietly mouthing the lyrics while playing the drums on his steering wheel. The streetlights alternately lit his face, then swallowed it in shadow, making his eyes glow intensely whenever he looked my way. I jumped in on the chorus, belting it out. His smile grew wider and he added his baritone to the mix. After "Blue-Collar Man" and a rather humorous rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody," we pulled into the lot of The Iowa River Power Company, parking in front of a non-descript brick building.