Damned If I Do

by M. J. Schiller

  Without speaking she walked to me, putting one foot delicately in front of the other until she was within reach, then she waited for me. I touched her face first, brushed her lips, glided my fingers along her rose petal soft skin, flickering over her nipples and past. Then, seeing her mouth part in response, I brought my fingers back to her breasts to stroke her, tease her. Now it was she who had to reach out for the balcony's support, and I relished it, watching her face as she closed her eyes, hearing the sharp intake of breath meaning I reached her core. I stopped, and her eyes flitted open, almost panicked. Smiling slowly, I lifted her chin again and took her mouth. I placed my hand around her delicate throat and slid my tongue into her until her urgent moan thrummed under my fingertips.

  I moved away and took her hand, trailing it behind me as I crossed to the far side of the balcony to open the slider leading into her room. I found the lamp switch, and we went to the bed where I held the covers so she could slip underneath. She turned on her side, holding my gaze. I swear the room pulsed with anticipation, the walls synching with my heartbeat. I ripped my shirt off. Her gaze meandered down my body and up.

  Her smile widened as she shook her head from side to side. "Mmm." She bit her bottom lip, her eyes dancing, and I almost forgot my suit in my haste to go to her. I stripped it off, and it joined the t-shirt on the floor. I left the light on so I could watch her face, watch what I did to her, enjoy what she did to me. As I lay on my pillow turned in her direction, our positions mimicked those we were in when in the back of the Caddie in Denver. Like then, we didn't touch at first, only stared into each other's eyes. We knew something momentous was about to happen. Something neither of us took lightly.

  I put my hand on her cheek. It was like I needed to check to see if she were real. Was she finally with me, alone, after all of the nights I spent dreaming of her?

  She rose on one elbow, and my gaze followed her. I brushed her hair behind her shoulder, then grazed my fingertips along the creamy skin there. She lowered her lips slowly to hover a breath away. We stole kisses throughout the day, and they were amazing. A zap of electricity that sizzled, then faded away, leaving residual trails of sparks as we gazed into each other's eyes afterward. They were like those mega-bright fireworks that pop and fizz before going out. Only now I knew they were a tame precursor to the pyrotechnics we were about to set off.

  She kissed me. Her tongue glided over my lips and into my mouth, performing a brief tango with mine, but without totally engaging. She changed angles, tasted, but still left a tantalizing sliver of space between us. They were kisses meant to seduce, only no seduction was necessary. Her mere presence was temptation itself, an instant aphrodisiac. I don't know what it was about this woman that drove me crazy, because whenever I tried to contemplate it, I lost track of thought, sensation taking control and emotion barreling along behind it. It was like she sparked something on the surface, a shiver along my skin, and each small stir of arousal bulleted straight into my core, fusing into one strong drive, one need. An urge grabbing my throat, squeezing my chest, and traveling all the way to my toes, awakening every cell of my being. I had to have her. My very existence depended on it. The intensity of my feelings should have scared the shit out of me, but there was no room for fear. Only want. And her.

  I lifted my head, closing the gap on those kisses and coaxing her in deeper. I wanted to go so far into her I'd never find the way out. She shifted to straddle me, her heat against mine. She undulated, rubbing along my length, because I was ready for her. I was more than ready for her. But she didn't take me in. Closing her eyes, she threw her head back, a sexy smile crossing her face, and a purr rising from her throat. I grabbed her hips to better feel the way she rode me, her gyrations, up, down, along, in tantalizing circles... She moaned then changed positions again, driving me to the brink, then retreating. She shifted most of her weight to her haunches, exhaling.

  "You feel so good."

  My thoughts exactly. "Oh, baby. You don't know what you're doing to me."

  She reached below my waist and grabbed me with a smile.

  My eyes widened.

  "Ooh, yes!"

  I gave my head a shake, flattered by the note of appreciation in her voice.

  "Mmm." She began to stroke me. "I think I do."

  Her hands were sure, creating a rolling, ebbing and flowing, crazy good rhythm. I closed my eyes and sucked in air. My body was tense with anticipation, pushing forward, urging, straining like a stallion against a bit. I couldn't let this end too soon. I had to control it. I had to—oh, sweet lord! This woman!

  "Stop!"

  "What?"

  But her hands still moved. Those beautiful hands. In a panic I raised my torso and grabbed her wrists. "No, Dani. Stop." I clenched my teeth.

  "Oh. I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong? It was—"

  I fell onto my pillow, panting, flinging an arm over my eyes as I struggled to reel things in. "Incredible. Absolutely incredible." I opened my eyes with a shaky laugh. "You did nothing wrong."

  "Oh."

  She blushed and dropped her head and, in that moment, my heart surged forward with the strength my libido did seconds before. And I knew. I loved this woman. And it didn't matter that I couldn't figure out why. I was a goner.

  But right now I needed to do something to work out this raw energy she'd created in me. I kicked my hips and flipped her onto the bed, swinging on top of her. She giggled and I nuzzled her neck, making her squirm. She smelled sinfully good. She must have sprayed perfume on her neck at some point during the afternoon. "It's my turn."

  Taking my cues from her teasing kisses, I trailed my hands slowly along her neck, enjoying every curve on the way until I feathered my fingertips over her nipples. She moaned and closed her eyes, arching her back, trying to push into my hands. I kept my distance, which—if I could judge by her writhing and the unintelligible, desperate sounds she made—drove her wild.

  "Danielle," I said distinctly, though my voice was strained. "Watch me. Watch what I do to you."

  I don't know why it suddenly became so important for her to watch me, other than the fact I needed to feel connected on all levels. I wanted her to know this was about more than satisfying our bodies, although my desire to please her was keen. I knew it was too early for me to express the things I felt for her. She was still coming to terms with moving beyond her relationship with Darren. But I longed to show her how I felt.

  I lowered my head to kiss my way to her chest and swirled my tongue around her nipple before taking her into my mouth. She let out a long, breathy moan, so I knew I got to her at least on the physical level. I teased her other nipple gently and wondered how long I'd be able to hold on. Her skin was insanely soft and fragrant, her belly button and flat stomach were hella-sexy, the hollow of her neck, the grace of her arms, her fingernails, as they reached to graze my scalp... it was all combining to make me as tight as someone who's used too much Botox. Somehow one rational thought made its way into my brain.

  "Oh, Tucker. I need you."

  Her voice was fired with desire, and added kindling to my own. I knew she ached for me to be inside her, and I meant to soothe that yearning and at the same time relieve my own. It almost caused me to lose my thought, but I grasped it right before it slipped away. "We have to be quiet or the kids will hear."

  It wasn't really like I was telling her, I was reminding myself, but she nodded rapidly. I shifted my hips and thrust into her, slowly, sensually at first, but with ever-increasing strength and depth until she clutched at me, the sharp stabbing pain of her nails electrifying. A little shivery sensation told me she was close, and I knew I was not far behind. She whimpered, and it drove me crazy. We lost it, one after the other, creating one long, mind-blowing sensation for us both. We collapsed, side by side, in the bed, panting, and sighing with relief and bliss.

  "We... can't... do that... again," she breathed.

  "No... we don't want... the kids... to... catch us."

  She turned to
look at me across her pillow. "That was really good, though," she whispered with a giggle.

  I laughed, raising on one elbow, and kissing her on the forehead, feeling the wet tendrils of hair. "That's the understatement of the year." I looked into her lovely face, and my smile left me. My heart was full, and I couldn't hold it back. "I know you may not want to hear this yet... I know it's too soon... but... I love you, Danielle."

  She placed a tired hand on the side of my face. "And..." her eyes flickered between mine, her words resonating with emotion. "I love you, Tucker. Being with you makes me happy. I feel like I've been waiting for you for a long time."

  Her declaration struck me speechless. I kissed her softly, then fell onto my pillow, exhausted. We closed our eyes, threading our fingers together under the covers.

  We accidentally fell asleep.

  Somewhere in the middle of the night, we both woke to the door opening. Danielle flew up, clutching the sheets to her chest.

  "Tabitha!" she said breathlessly, with a terror equal to one sighting a seven-headed monster. I pressed myself flat, hoping she wouldn't see me around Dani in the dark. Then footsteps came down the hallway, and Zoe's voice floated in.

  "It's okay, Tabby. I'll take you to the bathroom, and you can come to bed with me so your mom can get some sleep."

  I hoped and prayed Zoe didn't see me, but I knew, as only a father does, by a hint of something in her voice, she did. Dani laid back, her heart beating so loudly I could hear it, and waited. After a second or two she whispered, "Do you think they saw us?"

  "No," I reassured her, though my voice was grim.

  "Oh, God!" she said, near tears. "I think Zoe knew. I do."

  "Shh. Dani, it's okay, honey."

  "Oh, but now she'll hate me. I should have never done this. Never."

  "You didn't do this. We did this. And we'll handle any repercussions together, okay?" She nodded. "All right. I think it would be best if I returned to my own bedroom for the rest of the night." She nodded again. "You okay?"

  "Yes, I'm fine."

  "Good. No matter what, Dani, I don't have any regrets."

  After a few seconds, I could see her lips lift in the dark. "Neither do I."

  "Okay, then. Good night," I murmured, kissing her once more.

  "I don't want to let you go." She tightened her grip around me and minutes passed, but I had to leave before I fell asleep again, and she must have felt the same. Her arms relaxed. "See you in the morning."

  "Yes." I rose, pausing at the door to listen before sneaking off to my own bed. I figured our headboards had to be against the same wall, so really all that separated us was a few feet of dry wall and two-by-fours. That thought kept me awake for hours.

  Chapter 13

  Tucker

  I stumbled out of my room and shuffled to the kitchen in just pajama pants for some coffee. Zoe was eating a bowl of the Lucky Charms Danielle brought with her, among a plethora of other groceries.

  I waited a few seconds—until the coffee percolated to my brain—before addressing my adolescent, who steadfastly ignored my presence. Another day in Paradise.

  "Good morning, Zoe," I said pointedly.

  "Is it?" she returned, her voice like ice. She stormed past me to put her bowl in the sink.

  I made an attempt to remain pleasant. "Well, I thought so—"

  "Oh, I bet you did!" she spat, trying to move past me into the hall.

  I grabbed her arm. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

  "You know what it means."

  "Maybe. But if you have a problem with me, I'd like for you to tell me. That's what adults do, Zoe. They discuss things."

  "Oh, is that what you and Dani were doing last night in her bed? 'Discussing things?'"

  The dig hurt more than I would have cared to admit. "Zoe... what happens in my bedroom, or Dani's bedroom, is our business. You—"

  "It is until Tabby walks in on you," she parried.

  "Okay," I said slowly, "I regret that. I should have locked the door or something."

  "Yeah, well..." Her voice became tremulous. "Did you ever think I might not be ready for that either, Dad?"

  I reached out for her. "Oh, honey." But she dodged my grasp, trying to keep her superior footing with me.

  "Geez, Dad. You hardly know her. Are you going to create another child by hopping into the sack with someone? Another child who is never loved by their mother?" Her voice choked, and my heart broke for her. It was the only thing keeping me from strangling her.

  "Zoe—" I had to stop. This killed me. And I wondered if Dani could hear it on the other side of her door. "This is not like that, Zo," I said emphatically. "I love Danielle. And... she is not your mom. You've seen how much she loves Tabby."

  "I know, I know," she said reluctantly. "And I think she's great. I do. I just... I wasn't ready for that." She looked up with tears in her eyes, her shoulders slumping as she finally let go of her anger.

  I pulled her into my arms, and she didn't resist. "I know, Zo, and I apologize. We should have waited."

  She automatically relaxed in the safe circle of my arms. Her voice came muffled from my chest a few seconds later. "No. I'm being stupid. Don't feel guilty. You haven't been with each other in a long time, and it's obvious how much in love you guys are."

  "It is?"

  She laughed. "Yes, Dad."

  I patted her hair. "I forgot how observant you are."

  "You always said I would make a great detective."

  I gave her a long hug, both of us silent for a while. "So we're good now?"

  "Nah." She grabbed my hands as she stretched out of my embrace and gave them a squeeze before dropping them. Then she took off down the hall, walking backward, with a glowing smile. "I'm gonna torture you for a while yet."

  I chuckled. "I wouldn't expect anything less." I watched her leave, then flopped on the couch, put my feet on the coffee table, and sipped my coffee as the sun began its slow climb outside the window. A quietness descended. Tabby and Scott were still asleep, I presumed, or watching cartoons. And if Dani had as restless a night's sleep as I did, she probably slept in.

  Lying awake in my room the night before, I thought about her endlessly. Sometimes, when you meet someone, you know right away. It was that way for me with Dani. I loved her. I loved the way she acted with friends—recalling her impassioned fight with Samantha on the stairwell after our tennis match. She was loyal, despite whatever faults her friends had. She would laugh with them freely, and fight, and make-up. If Dani sensed something was wrong, she was the first to lend an ear and a heart. I liked the way she treated my kids. She didn't talk down to Zoe and Scott. In fact, she talked to them pretty much as she would any adult. Some of the few women I dated over the past years either talked down to the kids, or ignored them altogether, as Gina did. But Dani was genuinely interested in them, and comfortable enough to carry on a relaxed conversation with them, too. And I loved the way she was with Tabby, soft, patient, loving, funny. When the two of them talked, a certain glow surrounded them, almost as if they were encased in a bubble of soft, white light. Their eyes twinkled, and laughter was quick, warm, and musical. And I liked the way she was with me, temptress, lover, companion...

  I wanted it all. Wanted it forever.

  Kyle

  I was in an awful mood for a guy who'd been told he could get his cast off.

  "You should be able to return to work right away," the doctor said cheerily.

  "Are you sure, Doc? Don't you think I may need to rehab this leg for a while before I hit the ice?"

  "No. It's as strong as ever."

  "But my muscles must be weak from all the lying around on my butt."

  "From what you told me about how you got that black eye and split lip," he commented, referring to my run-in with the punks on Samantha's front lawn, "I'd say you haven't been doing too much sitting around on your butt." He studied me a minute, his head cocked to one side. "What is it that you want, Kyle?"

  "More time... I
need more time. To recover," I added hastily. Seeing the come-clean look in his eyes, I confessed. "All right. I don't want to leave my girlfriend and go back on the road."

  "The blonde in the waiting room?"

  I nodded. "Only a couple of weeks," I begged.

  "One. One is all I can give you in good conscience." He scribbled something on a piece of paper and handed it to me.

  "You're a prince of a guy, Dr. Holley."

  He chuckled. "Yeah, yeah. Sure. Right. That's what they all say."

  "No. I mean it," I yelled after him as he walked out the door.

  I slid off the exam table and gingerly put weight on the leg. It was a tad sore, but, all-in-all, it wasn't half-bad.

  So I had a week. It would have to do.

  Tucker

  Our day at the water park was fun-filled, but exhausting. By four we were waterlogged and ready to head back to the condo to relax. We decided we would order pizza and an in-room movie for the kids. Dani and I would eat a late dinner at the steakhouse on the premises. Zoe and Tabby insisted this meant dressing nicely, and spent over an hour helping to get Dani all dolled up.

  All I required was a shower and time to slip into a shirt, pants, and suit coat, so I flopped on the couch with Scooter and watched ESPN. We were well into a Cardinals game, Scoot's favorite team, when Danielle came out. We both rose of one accord.

  "Wow. You look incredible," I managed to spit out.

  Somehow, the girls wrestled all of Danielle's thick hair onto her head in some sort of elaborate, figure-eight style knot, and it looked both sleek and stylish. She wore an ice blue, short dress setting her eyes on fire and matching shoes showing off the long line of her legs. The dress was tight-fitting and shimmery and absolutely oxygen-depriving. I should be used to the way my heart raced every time she walked into the room, but I wasn't, and I hoped I never would be.