by R J Nolan
Jess crossed her arms over her chest and scowled at Sam. "I'm not." She's such a pain in the ass. Despite her grousing, Jess knew there was truth to what Sam was saying. "I'd like to date someone... just not someone I work with."
"Okay." Sam stared at Jess for a moment, then a little half smirk appeared on her face. "Just one thing..."
Ah shit. Jess braced herself. She knew that look, and it always meant trouble for whoever it was aimed at. "What?" Jess asked, unable to keep the trepidation out of her voice.
A full-fledged smirk danced across Sam's face. "Just where do you plan on meeting a woman if not at work?"
Jess racked her brain and quickly came up blank just as Sam apparently knew she would. She hadn't realized how cut off she had become from people in the last two years. She worked long hard hours at the ER. Most of her free time was spent in San Diego with Sam when Sam wasn't on duty. The rest of the time she spent with Thor or working at home, preparing lectures for residents and assorted ER administrative work. She couldn't remember the last time she had gone out to a movie or dinner with anyone other than Sam.
"Well?" Sam asked with a satisfied grin.
Jess's defenses kicked in. "Is this your way of telling me you're tired of my company?"
Sam stiffened and rounded on Jess with an angry glare. "Don't even think about trying to put this off on me. You know damn well that's not true."
Jess's shoulders slumped. "I know. I'm sorry." That had been a cheap shot. She knew Sam was just concerned about her.
The tension drained from Sam's face and she smiled. "Look, if you're worried, then don't ask her out on an 'official' date. Make it something casual, like lunch in the cafeteria or... what's the name of that place across the street?"
"Charlie's."
"Yeah. Ask her to Charlie's. Just a friendly dinner between colleagues. Get to know her better."
Jess shook her head. "That would set the gossip flying. I never go to lunch with anyone."
"Fuck 'em. Maybe it's time you started. You deserve to have a life."
"Sam," Jess said in a reproving tone.
"Come on, Jess. What do you care about what a bunch of people with nothing better to do say anyway? People are going to gossip no matter what you do."
"I know. I just don't want my personal life bandied about at work." Any more than it already is. Hell, big mouth Cindy is still talking about something that happened almost two years ago.
Sam's frustration at the impasse was readily apparent. She picked up her coffee and took a sip. "What about if you asked her to do something outside of work? It doesn't have to be a date. Ask her to go jogging with you or go Dutch treat to a movie. Even if you don't want anything else, wouldn't it be nice to have a friend to do things with?"
That's the real problem. I want a lot more than friendship. But I know I could never be what someone like Kim deserves in a lover. Hell, she's a psychiatrist. She'd head for the hills faster than Myra once she found out the truth about me.
"Jess?"
Jess shook away the troubling thoughts. "I don't know, Sam."
Sam's expression turned pleading. "I've never heard you talk about anyone as much as you have Kim in the last two weeks. And how you described her... Wow. That must mean something," Sam said. "You said yourself you felt good just being in the same room with her. Do you really want to just let that go without even trying to see what might come of it?"
Fear and longing warred within Jess.
"Just think about it. That's all I'm asking," Sam said.
Jess looked over and met Sam's earnest gaze. "Maybe you're right. I'll think about it. I promise." Jess already knew in her heart what she wanted. She had known all along, she admitted. It just helped to hear Sam say the same things. Now she just had to convince her head to go along with the idea.
Thor, who had fallen asleep at Jess's feet, chose that moment to awaken. He stood and shook himself, then headed directly to the apartment's front door. He looked back over his shoulder at her.
Jess laughed. "Duty calls," she said as she stood. "After I take him out, do I have time for a shower before your game?"
Sam glanced at her watch. "Plenty of time. Why don't you go ahead and get a shower. I'll take him out."
"Thanks, Sam."
"Anytime," Sam said.
Jess watched as the duo headed out. She turned and made her way toward the bathroom feeling more light-hearted than she had when she arrived. For the first time in a long time she allowed a bit of hope for the future to fill her.
CHAPTER 9
KIM SMILED HER thanks at Darlene, Philip's receptionist, when she waved her toward the inner office. She had asked to meet with Philip to discuss the situation with the ER. After two weeks in the ER, Kim knew right where the majority of the blame for the problems between psych and the ER lay. Philip is not going to be happy.
Philip smiled warmly as she approached his desk. "Hey, Kim. Have a seat. How was the ER? Did the staff treat you well?"
Kim made herself comfortable in one of the chairs in front of his desk. "ER was fine. The staff down there was very friendly and helpful."
Surprise showed on Philip's face. "Well then, you must be the exception. I've heard nothing but complaints from the rest of the psychiatric staff."
I bet Chris Roberts is the chief complainer. Kim decided to keep that opinion to herself. "The complaints are justified."
"Ah. Well, that puts a different light on things," Philip said, clearly relieved. "I knew it couldn't be just our people causing the problems."
Kim shook her head. "You didn't let me finish. The complaints against psych are totally justified. The ones against the ER aren't."
"It can't all be on us," Philip said, his tone turning defensive. "I know for a fact that the residents call for consults for the most inane things. That should be better monitored by the ER staff."
"You're right. It probably should be," Kim said. Tread carefully here. While Philip had asked her to find out what the problems where between psych and the ER, he was the head of the department she was criticizing. "When was the last time you covered the ER?" Kim knew as chairman, Philip didn't cover the ER, but he would have as a staff psychiatrist.
Philip appeared confused by the non sequitur. "I haven't. I've always been the chairman of the department here."
"Well, unless you experienced it, you wouldn't believe the volume of patients that go in and out of that ER in a single shift." Even having worked in other ERs, Kim had been amazed at the number of patients seen every day. "So I'm not surprised some of the residents' requests for consults aren't cleared by one of the ER Attending. But the truth is the inappropriate consults are partly psych's fault as well."
"How do you figure that?" Philip asked, sounding shocked.
"Because psych isn't providing the residents with any lectures to teach them to evaluate patients correctly so they are able to judge when psychiatry needs to step in."
"No," Philip said, shaking his head sharply. "You can't put that off on psych. Those are ER residents. It's not our job."
Kim leaned forward, closer to Philip's desk. "Yes, it is. This is a teaching hospital. Just because there isn't a psychiatry residency doesn't mean the staff doesn't need to teach residents from other departments that interact with ours." Kim gripped the front of Philip's desk. "You hired me as a liaison between psych and the ER because of the staff conflicts. I thought you wanted me to find out where the problems were and try to correct them. So now I'm informing you... this is one of the problems."
Philip's shoulders sagged a bit. "I can't make people give lectures." He cut her off when she started to interrupt. "Oh, I know. I could order the staff to give lectures, but I can't make them teach residents. And you know as well as I do that one without the other is useless. Just reciting a lecture verbatim from a syllabus doesn't teach anyone anything."
"All right." Kim sighed in frustration. "I don't like it but I understand." She relaxed back slightly in her chair. "Just so you know. I've
agreed to provide an extended lecture series to the residents. The first series is for new incoming residents. I've also arranged to give an advanced set of lectures to the more senior residents. I'll need time away from psych floor duties when I'm not assigned to the ER."
"That's fine. I'm sure it will help improve things between the two departments," Philip said. "I'll see if I can find time to fit a couple of lectures in as well." A small smile touched Philip's face. "Maybe if it helps cut down on unnecessary consults, it will motivate the rest of the staff to participate more."
Kim smiled. "It's sure worth a try."
"You're right, you know," Philip said looking somewhat sheepish. "This is a teaching hospital, and it's time I remember that. The program director of the Family Practice residency approached me a while back. He wanted psych to provide lectures to his first-year residents. I said no, but I think it's time to reconsider that decision."
Philip leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. He smiled slightly lessening the defensive nature of his posture. "Okay. What other problems did you find?"
"The teaching issue is a big one. The lectures are only a small part of it. I was more than a bit surprised to see how shocked the residents were when I invited them to work-up the patients with me."
"Come on, Kim. You can't blame the staff for that. They'll end up being in the ER all day if they have to hand hold the residents too. You know it's much easier and quicker to handle the case yourself."
"Fine." Kim shrugged. "Then they shouldn't complain when the residents request all sorts of unnecessary consults. How are they supposed to know what's necessary and what's not if the psych staff isn't willing to teach them?"
With a shake of his head, Philip chuckled. "You're relentless."
"That's why you hired me," Kim shot back.
Philip laughed. "Okay. I give," he said with a placating gesture. "I'll talk to everyone at the next staff meeting." Philip gave Kim a speculative look. "Is that it?"
Don't push your luck. You've made good progress. Kim smiled. "For now."
A dramatic sigh from Philip was his response, making Kim laugh.
"Hey, stranger. Welcome back." Kim heard as she opened her office door. She had just finished her meeting with Philip. Smiling warmly, she turned to greet Brenda. Just who I need to see. Brenda was the nurse-practitioner she would be proctoring for this week.
"Haven't seen hide nor hair of you in two weeks. I was beginning to think you'd been kidnapped by the ER."
With a laugh, Kim motioned Brenda into her office. "Come on in."
"Seriously, how did it go covering the ER?" Brenda asked as she settled herself on the leather couch in Kim's office.
"Really well," Kim said. She joined Brenda on the couch. "The staff was friendly and helpful. I especially liked working with residents."
Dark eyes wide, Brenda leaned over and felt Kim's forehead. "Nope, no fever. So that's not what's making you delusional." Her disbelief was apparent. "Are we talking the same ER staff that every other psychiatrist complains about incessantly?"
"I can't speak for the rest of the staff. But I found the ER to be an interesting and challenging place to work. I enjoyed my time there. And I look forward to going back."
"You'd be the first, then. Dr. McKenna has a reputation of running roughshod over our staff." Clearly Brenda was skeptical. "She didn't give you a hard time?"
"No. Jess and I worked very well together." Kim smiled as she remembered the night she worked with Jess taking care of the little girl, Tara.
Her eyebrows shot up. "Jess," Brenda mouthed incredulously.
Shit! Kim immediately realized she had made a mistake. No one calls Jess by her first name. "Anyway, enough about the ER. Bring me up to speed on your group. I'm working group sessions this week," Kim said.
"Hold on a sec," Brenda said, unwilling to let the subject go. "There're some things you need to know first."
"About what?" Kim didn't like where she thought this conversation was heading.
"I should've warned you about Dr. McKenna." Brenda sighed. "Don't get me wrong. She is gorgeous. But she's one of the most emotionally controlled women I've ever met. And from all I've heard that —"
"Stop right there," Kim said, allowing her displeasure to leak into her voice. "Unless you have something to tell me about Dr. McKenna professionally, I don't want to hear another word."
Brenda's expression turned stubborn. "You need to hear this."
"If it's about Dr. McKenna's personal life, then no, I don't." It was hard enough working in, as Jess herself described it, a fishbowl. Sure, gossip was inevitable. And sometimes Kim used it to her advantage, like telling Chris she was a lesbian, knowing full well he would spread it around. But Kim felt strongly about talking about a co-worker's personal life behind his or her back. "You know how I feel about this kind of talk."
"I know and normally I'd agree with you, but this is different. It's important you know —"
"No," Kim said firmly, cutting her off. "You don't know any of it for a fact, do you?"
Brenda started to protest. The look on Kim's face dissuaded her. "No," she finally admitted.
"Right. It's just gossip. I'm not interested."
"I don't want to see you get hurt," Brenda said. Her eyes glistened with suppressed emotion. "I care about you."
You know she's not being malicious. She acts like a mother hen with all the staff. Kim had told Brenda early on that she was a lesbian, and Brenda had kept it to herself. She was not normally a gossip. Allowing her expression to soften, Kim offered a slight smile. She gave Brenda's forearm a quick squeeze. "I appreciate your concern. But there's nothing to worry about. Dr. McKenna and I are colleagues, nothing more." And even if we were more than that I still wouldn't want to hear it. Jess will eventually tell me anything I need to know. "I enjoyed working with her just like the rest of the ER staff."
Brenda eyed Kim, looking for any signs that she was being less than truthful.
Kim met Brenda's stare and carefully kept her expression neutral. It's the truth. No matter how much you wish it wasn't.
With a resigned sigh, Brenda gave in. "Okay. My group this month is all young adults dealing with situational depression," Brenda said.
Kim forced her thoughts away from Jess and to the business at hand as Brenda continued to fill her in on the individual patients in her group.
CHAPTER 10
JESS GLANCED AT her watch. She was surprised to see Terrell still at the nurses' station waiting for Dr. Kapoor. He had been paged over an hour ago. Although not as prompt as she would have liked, he still usually appeared more quickly than some of the other psychiatrists. Unbidden the thought popped into her head, Kim would have already been here.
"Page Dr. Kapoor again," Jess said as she approached the waiting resident. She sighed to herself. Over the past week dealing with Dr. Kapoor, she had come to realize how quickly she had grown to depend on Kim's ready presence in the ER. Dr. Kapoor never stayed in the department any longer than he had to, which on busy days led to repeatedly having to page him.
"He's in the room with the patient," Terrell said, a dissatisfied look on his face.
Dr. Kapoor was good at treating patients, but he had shown no interest in teaching the residents. Although she suspected the answer, Jess asked anyway, "Why didn't you go with him?"
"He wouldn't let me. Told me I would be too distracting to the patient." Terrell scowled. "Dr. Donovan let me observe and even help with patient evals," he muttered just loud enough for Jess to hear.
Jess understood the resident's frustration. Now that they all knew how much better things could be with Kim covering the ER, the problems with psych seemed worse than ever. She had heard people complaining all week.
"Well, hopefully Dr. Donovan will be back in a few weeks," Jess said. A strange, but not unpleasant sensation skittered across the back of Jess's neck.
Terrell's attention was drawn to something behind Jess's back. A bright smile lit his face. "Hey, Dr
. Donovan. When will you be covering the ER again?"
"Haven't seen next month's schedule yet. So I can't say exactly."
Jess willed away the automatic brilliant smile that wanted to grace her own face at the sound of Kim's voice. While she admittedly respected Kim professionally, Jess had been unprepared for the fact that she had missed her on a more personal level this past week. She turned to face her. "Dr. Donovan," she said, offering a brief nod and a subdued smile.
Jess had not expected Kim to continue her lecture series until she returned for her next rotation. As was becoming par for the course, Kim surprised her. Jess had arrived Monday morning prepared to give a replacement lecture to the residents. When she reached the conference room, Kim was already there talking to several of the residents. Kim had made it clear then that she planned to continue with the lectures she had promised even while not assigned to the ER.
"Good afternoon, Dr. McKenna. Could I talk to you for a few minutes?" Kim asked.
Now's your chance. Ask her! Sam had called several times to find out if she had asked Kim to go jogging or see a movie. Jess had struggled with this decision all week. Her brain insisted on presenting all the things that could go wrong, but one thing Sam said had stayed with her. Everyone, no matter how self-sufficient could use a friend. Jess was tired of being lonely. It was time to take a chance.
"Sure. Let's go to my office." Jess motioned for Kim to follow her. This was her opportunity to talk to her privately.
The words had barely left Jess's mouth when the ambulance bay doors swung open and a man staggered in. His chest and arms were covered in blood.
Jess yelled for a gurney and a gown. After a quick apologetic glance at Kim, she sprinted for the patient.
Kim nodded in greeting to several staff members as she made her way to Jess's office. She had finished her lecture and hoped to have the conversation with Jess that had been interrupted earlier. Remembering Jess's discomfort the last time she had come to her office made her hesitate. This is different. It's business. She knocked on Jess's door.
