by Rena Marin
“DROP THE GUN! NOW!”
“Sure,” he laughs as the shotgun hits the ground, and he drops to his knees. “I surrender.”
The sarcasm in his voice tells me exactly what he’s doing. He couldn’t get a shot at me, so he did the worst possible thing he could. He took my Dean. He took my life. He took every chance I’d ever have of being happy again.
“Shoot him!” I cry. “Shoot.”
My begging does nothing. Instead, the deputies ascend on him, slapping the cuffs on and dragging him to his feet. I know my chance at revenge on him is gone at that point. They’ll never let me near him. From now on, I’ll only see him on television or from across a courtroom. He won. He may not have gotten me, but he still won. They won.
I look down at Dean, feeling all the pain and heartache burst through. I gently lift his head and lay it in my lap. I can’t see his handsome face, but I can feel his body. I can feel the lifelessness. He’s gone. He’s already gone.
“Please, Dean. Please, please don’t leave me,” I cry as I lean over and bury my head against him. I cry out in pain as the sounds of the activity around me are drowned out by my own sorrow.
Epilogue
Three Months Later…
I stare at the wall of the waiting room. The paint is intended to keep people calm. I get it. No one enjoys visiting the doctor. I’ve been here so much lately, it’s like a second home to me. Treatments for my injuries, removal of stitches, checkups, and even a pain meds refill have kept me a constant part of this place.
“Sissy Gregg,” a nurse calls out from the doorway in front of me.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Mom asks as she pats my knee.
“Nah, I’m good. I’ll be fine.” I tell her as I get to my feet and follow the smiling, grey haired lady with a clipboard.
“I’m glad you kept your appointment, Sissy. We expected you last week.”
“Sorry, I had things going on.”
It’s a complete lie but I don’t even feel bad for telling it. I didn’t want to get out of bed that morning. That’s a common thing now. Mom didn’t argue with me about it. She simply called the office and rescheduled. She’s good like that.
“I’m sure you have, dear. I heard about that terrible man’s conviction. I’m so glad he got what he deserves.”
“Yeah,” I sigh. It’s the only thing I can say.
Joe Fox was given life in prison without the possibility of parole. The piece of shit District Attorney took the death penalty off the table thanks to Joe’s guilty plea. No huge court case, no need to select a jury, and saving the taxpayers some money kept the piece of shit alive.
“I know it may not feel like it, but he’ll pay for what he did in there,” she continues as we stop at the scale. “Hop on and let’s get your weight. We’ll get your vitals afterward.”
I say nothing, I simply obey. I guess there’s no reason to argue with her. I know the way this goes. Each time I come; they weigh me. Each time they do, I’ve lost a pound or two. I sit in the little room and get lectured on taking care of myself. They attempt to convince me that I need to come to terms with my grief. They don’t care that it’s only been three months. They don’t care that I lost a piece of myself that day. None of it matters. All they care about is what I’m not doing.
“Oh, wow, I’m proud of you. No weight loss this time. You didn’t lose any, but most everything seems to be the same. Let’s get your blood pressure.”
I sit there while she wraps my arm tightly and starts squeezing the bulb in her hand. It’s nice of her to remember my injured arm. Even though it’s fully healed, she still takes enough caution to always use the opposite arm.
“BP is reading a bit low but nothing terrible. I need you to pee in a cup this time, Sissy. The doctor also wants to do bloodwork since it’s been three months. He’s very cautious about another infection.”
I nod my head in answer. That makes sense. I didn’t have the same issues this time as I did before, but with my history, it’s best to be mindful. Fighting such a massive infection isn’t easy. It felt like it was going to do me in a few years ago.
“If you’ll give me just a moment, I’ll draw your blood and get you back to your room.”
I don’t know if she expects me to be phased by the needle. I’ve hurt enough. A little needle prick isn’t going to freak me out. Instead, I watch as she presses it into my skin and goes through the process of filling vials.
“With the weight loss you’ve experienced, Dr. Peters wants your vitamin levels and all that checked out. You may be anemic too. Let’s hope not, of course.”
“Of course.”
I don’t give a shit, lady, but thank you for giving a damn.
“You’re all set. Let’s get you to a room,” she chirps as she drops the needle into the nearby sharps container then throws a generic round bandage on my arm.
I follow her through the hallway, glancing at each closed door as we go. I’m thankful they do that. I hate the stares I’m getting again by locals. None of them are brave enough to ask me anything, but they all want to stare and point. Cowards.
She stops in front of an open door and leads me inside. “Here you go. You know the rules. Kick off your shoes and get settled on the table. She’ll be in shortly.”
“Thank you,” I offer. I hope she doesn’t notice just how insincere it truly is. I don’t have anything against her. It’s just me. I don’t care.
That’s been the biggest issue about being home. It’s hard to show interest in anything. Most days, I stay in the barn, the home Dean and I shared. I stare at the walls while I hold my favorite picture of him. I don’t cry as much. It’s like my tears have literally dried up. I hurt though. That part hasn’t passed. I don’t think it ever will.
If it weren’t for my parents, and Dean’s, I don’t think I would make it. They are constantly checking in, bringing food, and trying their best to keep me taken care of. It can be hard. Seeing the pain in his mom and dad’s eyes is hard to bear. It’s even worse considering those people came after us because of me. He did nothing wrong except love me.
I look at the clock on the wall and realize I’ve been in here way longer than I normally wait. The doctor must be behind or something. Usually, she’s prompt as hell. Just as I’m wondering if an emergency has popped up, I hear the small knock just before the door opens.
Dr. Peters has been my provider since I was a teenager. We have a decent relationship. I don’t really hide stuff from her. She’s good at listening, and it makes things much easier.
“Hello, Sissy. How are you feeling today?”
“I’m fine.”
“Nothing strange to report?”
“Nope.”
“Okay, how about you lay back on the table and let me have a good look at you.”
I do what she tells me as we go through all the same motions. She checks my wounds, spends extra time on my foot, then stands beside me.
“You can sit up now.”
I pull myself up and start to get to my feet. Her hand touching my shoulder stops me. “Sissy, we need to talk.”
I guess I should panic hearing that from a doctor, but I don’t. Honestly, I don’t care.
“Okay, what’s up?”
“Sweety, we did all the basic tests a girl your age gets when she comes by here. Of course, your bloodwork will take more time, but your urine sample tells us a lot. Your blood sugar is slightly low. I would like you to eat a little better. I know that’s hard, but you need to. Especially, now.”
“I’ve been trying,” I tell her then shrug. “I’m just not interested.”
“I know, but you need to change that. You need to change it immediately.”
The urgency in her voice takes me by surprise. “What’s going on?”
She takes my hand and squeezes gently. “I don’t know how you’ll take this, Sissy, but I can’t beat around the bush. Sweetheart, you’re pregnant.”
I stare at her, unsure of what to say. Pregnant
? We had talked about me missing periods before, but we shrugged it off as the trauma upsetting my cycle. Neither one of us ever imagined it was pregnancy.
“We’ll do an ultrasound but I’m suspecting you were at least a few weeks when you lost Dean. I know you’re still reeling. I know you’re still coping, but I need you to realize, you have a baby inside you, Sissy. You have to take care of yourself for your child.”
I look down at my stomach and notice my hand is already cradling it, protectively. She’s right. Everything I do from this point on will be for my baby. For Dean’s baby. They may have taken him from me, but he left me a part of him that will always be with me. I feel the tears well in my eyes and smile.
“Nothing will ever hurt our baby. Nothing.”
See where it all began…
Prologue
Winter 1994
I watch them. Like everyone else, they think they can be on my land without my permission. I hate people who think they’re better than me. Most everybody thinks that way. The woman is a looker though. She likes to show off those big tits even in the cold. She knows what that tight sweater does to them. She wants people to notice. Most women do though. They claim they don’t, but they lie. Women always lie. That’s the biggest reason I like keeping them off my property.
It’s the kid with her that really catches my attention. Not his momma. He reminds me of Beau when he was a boy. He smiles like Beau. He walks like Beau. He could be Beau in the right light. His dark hair and blue eyes seem innocent enough, but I know better. No little boy is completely innocent. All of them have thoughts of getting into trouble and doing things they shouldn’t. I can help him with that.
Making my way through the dead field, I know they haven’t noticed me. They’re too concerned with their flat tire. It’s a shame she doesn’t have a man with her to take care of changing it. That’s why she needs me. I can show her what it’s like to have a man in her life. For a while, anyway.
“Bobby, check the trunk. Hopefully, we have a spare in this piece of shit,” the woman calls out as she runs her fingers through her light brown hair. I can tell she’s annoyed.
“I don’t see one, Momma.”
“Dammit!”
I know then how this is going to play out. I’ll be the hero. I’ll swing in for the rescue. “Do you two need some help?”
The look of shock on her face when she turns around tells me I scared the hell out of her. That’s good. A woman dressed like that needs to be scared.
“Uhm, no, we’re fine.”
She answers my question quickly, and then turns away. That’s how it normally happens when I come around. I’m used to people being afraid of me. I kind of like it.
“Well, I don’t live far down the road. If y’all need anything just let me know,” I tell them turning away.
“Momma, what’s wrong with his face?”
I smirk. I knew that question would be coming. It always does.
“Bobby!” she shrieks. “Don’t say things like that. Just keep your mouth shut.”
I turn around, and eye her from behind. I don’t like the way she talks to the boy. I would smack the taste out of someone’s mouth for talking to Beau like that. I’m not gonna stand around and let it happen to this kid.
I pull the blade out of the sheath hooked to the back of my belt. I move quickly, placing the blade against her throat while my other arm slips around her waist pulling her to me. “You shouldn’t talk to that boy like that. Beau is a good kid.”
Her breaths are ragged, and her body stiffens when she pants out the boy’s name again. “Bobby. His name is Bobby. Please don’t hurt him.”
“Oh, I’m not going to hurt him. I’d never hurt Beau,” I tell her as I slam her against the car. “You, on the other hand, are going to suffer for mistreating him,” I add as I run the blade down her back, letting it cut both her flesh and the fuzzy wool of her sweater. I glance over at the boy. I don’t see fear in his eyes like I expect. Instead, I see curiosity. “I’ll be done with her soon, then we’ll head home, Beau.”
With big eyes, full of confusion, he nods his head, yes. I smile as my attention turns back to the one who claims to be his momma. I lean close to her, letting her feel what I’m about to give her. “Don’t worry. I’ll take good care of the two of you. I have the perfect place for the two of you once I finish up here,” I laugh as her screams echo through the abandoned, dying field.
Chapter One
The Summer of 1995
Peering out ahead of me, I try to find the old backroad Dalton told us about yesterday. He isn’t the smartest guy in town, but there aren’t many places in the mountains he hasn’t visited. One thing is for sure though, he sucks at giving directions. Twice we’ve turned off on the wrong dirt road, only to find ourselves rolling up on unsuspecting old folks who didn’t take kindly to the intrusion.
“There,” Crystal calls out as she points to a barely visible dirt path off to the left. “Or at least I hope this is finally it.”
“Wow, he wasn’t kidding when he said it was hard to find,” I mumble as I shake my head.
Slowing so I don’t miss the patch of dirt, I eye the small trail then shrug. If my truck can’t handle it, I’ll have to back out through the overgrown weeds. That won’t be fun at all. Still, we’ve heard so much about the hidden swimming hole from Dalton and his friends there’s no way we can put off going any longer.
“Are you sure about this?” Jessica asks me from her seat by the passenger side window. She’s been quiet most of the drive. She isn’t a fan of driving around areas she doesn’t know. That’s why she doesn’t go with me and Crystal too much anymore. We like to explore too much for her taste.
“Yeah, I can handle it. If not, we’ll throw it in four-wheel drive and come out of here backward,” I tease.
She smiles. It isn’t her normal happy-go-lucky look, but I’ll take it. This is our last outing together and none of us want it to be ruined by some shit road. “Besides, Dalton said once we were through this field the road opens up a bit more. We should be fine.”
“I’m just glad you’re driving,” she laughs lightly. “You’re used to this type of stuff.”
“Well, I get to drive some rough roads around the farm, but not like this,” I tease as I raise my eyebrows for effect then turn the wheel sharply taking us off the gravel road and onto the dirt path.
The first few bumps send me and the girls bouncing off the old leather seats of my Chevy. For a second, I debate stopping and going back. Sure, my truck is old as shit and once belonged to my older brother before he joined the Army two years ago, but I love it. She is my baby. According to my brother, Eric, she’s a lady on the streets, but when she needs to be, she can be a real bitch on a backroad. He’s right. I’m taking the holes, small ditches, and buried rocks of this dirt path like they’re nothing. Before long, we pull off the bouncing insanity and onto a much smoother dirt road where I stop for a minute to make sure we’re heading the right way.
“After we get off the little road, Dalton said to turn right. On the paper here it says to drive for about ten minutes, and then we’ll find the clearing and the swimming hole.”
I look at Crystal and nod. “Let’s just hope we aren’t sneaking out onto private property or something. It would be our luck to be the first people run off from down here for trespassing.”
“Our big blow-out,” Jess smirks. “Hounded by the police for being on an abandoned backroad with a six-pack and a bag of weed.”
“Shh,” I tease. “They may be hiding in the field listening to you.”
“Hey, coppers, we have pot,” Crystal yells from between the two of us, then leans back, cackling like an old hen.
“Seriously guys,” I say as I automatically peer around. “Someone could be out here. The last thing you want to do is advertise us having weed and beer. Our luck some redneck from the backwoods will come rushing out to steal our shit.”
“Him and his new bride, probably his sister,” Crysta
l jokes.
I grin. Around these parts, people let the jokes about rednecks and hillbillies slide. People think it bothers us, but it doesn’t. They laugh and tell the jokes about us Tennessee people marrying our cousins and all that, but we know the truth. We’re just normal people who like to get a little rowdy from time to time and don’t mind kicking back to relax when the opportunity calls for it.
The farther I drive down the backroad, I can’t deny the fact Crystal’s latest boyfriend is right. He says the entire area is secluded and a real sight to see. The place is virtually untouched. The grass is as high as the truck, the trees are monstrous and lush, and the dirt road barely shows signs of driving. It’ll be a great spot to spend our last day together.
I must be going a bit faster than Dalton and his boys drive. I find the clearing almost five minutes after we turn in. Then again, I’m that good. To our left is a pull-off, possibly big enough for two vehicles, but I doubt it. I pull in, and feel my eyes widen at the sight before us. Out in front of the pull-off is a riverbank. From the road, we can’t see the water. I know the river running through Del-Rio is the French Broad. We all do. I just never imagined this place would open to such a secluded part of it.
“Look how deep the water is,” Crystal exclaims as she leans forward to see better. “The guys even have a rope tied in a tree to swing out on.”
She’s right. Near the bank, the water is shallow, but farther out, you can see the darkness of the deep. If my dad knew about this spot, he’d be all over coming out here to do some fishing.
“Let’s unload,” I tell them. “We have a little walking to do if we want to be on the water’s edge.”
Climbing out of the truck, I watch as Jess fiddles with the cooler, and Crystal starts to gather the towels. Just being here with them gives me a feeling of nostalgia. It’s hard to imagine life after high school. Especially, life without the two of them. Jess has big plans and has already been accepted into nursing school. Crystal and Dalton are taking off next week on a big trip to go visit his family in Florida. I have a strange feeling she won’t be back. Me? Graduating last week hasn’t changed anything for me. I’m sticking around to help Dad. With Eric gone and Mom not as able as she once was, he needs all the help he can get. Besides, the mountains are in my blood. I can’t make it anywhere else.
