by Tara Pammi
He’d meticulously planned and executed each and every move, and there was no way back from that. No way out from the hole he’d buried his heart in.
If he stopped now, how could he face the kind of man he’d become? How could he come back from that? How could he open himself up, make himself completely vulnerable at this late stage?
Because that anger, and bitterness, his ambition and his quest for revenge, he was fast realizing were his armor. Armor against hope and vulnerability.
Armor against the crippling knowledge that he had become a man who didn’t deserve the woman lying next to him.
Armor against turning into a man who desperately needed love but didn’t know how to give or receive it.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ALEX STOOD IN front of the marble vanity a few days after they’d arrived back from New York and stared at her naked body in the steam fogged mirror. Something was different. Strange. She ran her fingers over her belly, and then up toward her breasts and cupped them. They felt achy and heavy, just as her entire body did.
Was all the stress of the past few months finally catching up with her? Or was it something else entirely?
No. It couldn’t be. She had been on the pill the entire time—even before she’d met Vincenzo in Bali. After those first few nights together, after they’d been married, they’d stopped using condoms.
She wished she could talk to someone. But Greta was gone. As were the rest of them. All of them. This villa was their home now. Hers and Vincenzo’s.
And it would be Charlie’s, once they’d won custody of him.
And, she was suddenly quite sure, it would be this baby’s too.
She kept her palm on her belly, waiting for panic to set in. For the mother of all freak-outs.
It didn’t come.
Instead, total calm filled her. Even as she was aware that, right at this moment, Vincenzo and Leo and Massimo and Greta were all at the BFI towers in Milan for an emergency board meeting that Vincenzo had called.
He was almost there at the finish line, she knew.
There would be a vote of no confidence against Leo, and she also knew that Vincenzo had control of the majority. That he would be voted CEO of Brunetti Finances Inc. any minute now.
For all that she hated to see Greta and Leo and Massimo leave this villa, this war Vincenzo had waged for so long would finally be done with now. And they didn’t hate her, or him.
Vincenzo would have achieved his goal. He would be finished. And their life could begin. Once they were a family, once he had everything he wanted—Charlie and her and this baby, maybe he would even finally open himself up to understanding what the Brunettis meant to her.
If Leo and Massimo could let his actions go, couldn’t Vincenzo be convinced to let the past go? If he could do that, he would be free. His heart would be free.
Alex smiled at her reflection. Anything was possible. And that hope was a powerful thing inside her.
Vincenzo went in search of his wife upstairs in the villa, a sense of inexplicable dread descending on him.
All of Milan’s financial society was downstairs and out in the gardens, celebrating his victory. Lauding him. Courting his favor. Already catering to him.
He had soundly defeated Leonardo at the vote of no confidence. But of course, he would have enjoyed it so much more if Alex hadn’t disappeared after barely showing her face. Both when he’d returned from the board meeting earlier and tonight at the party.
Any irritation he felt died down as he walked into the terrace and found her looking out at the garden and the lake. The magnificent view did nothing to dim her beauty.
She turned and he drank her in. The soft pink evening gown draped over her curves, highlighting the lithe body. Her beautiful hair flew in the breeze, the diamond choker he’d bought her yesterday glittering at her neck.
And yet, one look at her pinched face told him that for all her standing by him as the perfect wife, she was less than happy.
No, she was miserable.
But it wasn’t just physical exhaustion. The vitality that had struck him like lightning on their first meeting, the joy he’d seen on the day of their impromptu wedding was nowhere to be seen.
Guilt nagged at him like a persistently sharp shard of glass stuck in his skin. He hated having to admit that he was responsible for that haunted look in her eyes. For the first time in his life, he had an emotional obligation to another person and he was fast failing in keeping it.
“Are you happy now?” she asked.
He shrugged, wary of the bite to her tone. “Alessandra, I want to celebrate tonight. I want to take you to bed, bella. Not have a down-and-dirty fight. Not again.”
She nodded, and it was as if there was a brittle wall around her. “I wanted to celebrate your victory with you tonight too. I even thought of it as freedom, you know. Freedom from the shackles you’ve bound yourself with. Freedom from the past.
“So that you could be mine. Only mine.”
“I am yours, bella. I’ve told you that before.”
“Only under your conditions, V. I see that now. And still, I was happy. For you. I wanted to go to bed with you, to be held by you while I told you the most glorious news that I’ve been dying to share all day. I wanted to...” A silent tear rolled down her cheek. “I wanted so much. Everything. It was all in my grasp.”
He walked to her, that sense of dread building inside his chest, choking off his breath. “Alessandra, you knew this was going to happen, bella.”
“I knew it. I begged Leo and Massimo to forgive you. I told them about your mother, about how much you’ve been through. I made my peace with the fact that you’re who you are and that despite it all I...I loved you. So much, V. I love you more than anything else in the world. And that’s why this hurts so much.” She rubbed a hand over her chest and gasped for a breath. “It feels like my heart is breaking all over again.”
Her words were like punches coming at him, stealing his breath. She loved him. Cristo, she loved him. It rang through his body like a peal of painful truth. Like the ground was shifting beneath him and he didn’t know what to grasp for an anchor.
“Alessandra—”
She jerked away from him. “I always thought I would be able to save Leo and Massimo and Greta from you. I thought... But they didn’t need saving. Even after you took the CEO position from Leonardo, even after you took this house, their home from them, they’re fine. You’re the one who’s lost everything that matters. You’re the one who needs saving.”
He felt as if she’d slapped him. “I don’t need saving.”
She went on, as if he hadn’t spoken. “But that’s the most important thing I’ve learned in the last few months.
“No one else can save us, can they? However much I want to, I can’t save you. From yourself of all things. We have to do it ourselves. We have to want to be saved. The only hope is that someone we love, who loves us, will stand by us while we do it.
“Someone who believes in us even when we don’t. When we’re so blinded by fear that...we can’t see a way forward.”
She clasped his cheek, tears pouring down her own. “You did that for me. You made me realize I should stay and fight. You made me...” She buried her face in his throat, and her tears drenched him. Seared his bare skin. The weight of her love for him burned him.
He wanted to pull her close and hold her. But he couldn’t. Not when he himself felt as if he were drowning. “Alessandra, just tell me what’s happened. Tell me—”
“You know, you were right when you said I didn’t understand the magnitude of the consequences Greta wreaked on you that day. I didn’t truly comprehend the depth of pain you must have felt every time you saw her. To have all this and not even be able to tell your mother that...”
“Alessandra! You knew all this when you made your choice, bella. What has c
hanged?”
She tilted her head up, her gaze crystal clear. Her palm went to her belly and she held it there. “Discovering that I’m pregnant.”
Another punch. Another blinding hit. Vincenzo couldn’t speak for several seconds. His gaze went to her hand on her belly and to her eyes that glowed with conviction. “You’re...pregnant?” He pushed his hand through his hair. “When—”
“Yeah. Can you believe it? I was all set to freak out. But when I saw the test come back positive... I was actually giddy. You and I created this life. I thought this was the universe’s way of giving me what I wanted. A family. A child to love created with the man I adore. I had everything I wanted.”
“Alex, if this is good news, why are you crying?”
“I was overjoyed. I decided magnanimously that I would forgive Greta for what she’d done to you. I...called her. I could tell something was seriously wrong and I made her tell me how you threatened her and that my happiness was the price she had to pay. Her love for me and my love for you was your currency. Do you even realize how wrong that is? Do you—?”
“Alessandra, listen to me. Today’s win at BFI—”
“No! I’ve listened to you enough. I can’t do it anymore, V. You know why?” She wiped her cheeks angrily. “Because the last shred of hope I had that we could salvage this marriage is gone. Whatever you say now, you can’t bring it back.” Fury shone in her beautiful eyes, radiated from her body.
“You promised me you’d never use me against them. You said you’d keep me out of this infernal war you’ve been waging and you broke your word. You used Leo’s and Massimo’s guilt for what other people did to you to drive them out of here.
“You think love is a weakness to be exploited... You will never be released from this poison. You will never open yourself to love. It’s too late. The poison has already festered inside you for far too long.
“And while that might have been okay for me, it’s not okay for this child. It’s not okay for Charlie.”
“So you’re giving up on us again?”
“No, I’m refusing to accept anything less than what I deserve. I deserve to be with a man who will at least acknowledge that love is important. This child and Charlie deserve to grow up with a father who has the capacity to love them.”
He reared back, stung. “I will love our child.”
“Will you? Will you tell him or her about what you did to your brothers? Will you speak about the cousins it has? What is the legacy you’re creating for this child, V? One of love or one of hatred and revenge?”
“Don’t do this, Alessandra,” he said, and a part of Alex melted at the desperation she heard in his voice.
She was the one breaking apart and he looked equally ravaged. “So you’re ready to destroy everything you wanted? You’re giving up on Charlie too?”
“No, I’m not. I will never give up on Charlie. And I will gain custody of him because you will help me do that, V. This relationship is over between us but not in the eyes of the world. Not until I have Charlie, safe with me. You owe me this. I’m hoping you have enough honor left in your body to see that promise through at least.
“As for raising him alone, I do have a family. Leo and Massimo will support me if I need help. Charlie already has a family that will love him, through me.”
“And this child? Our child?”
“I will love our child too. Fiercely. You made me see that.
“I will take on anyone and anything in the world to protect our baby. Including you. But then, you’re not the kind of man that would separate a mother from her child, are you? I won’t lose sleep over that worry, at least.”
“You’re walking out on me and yet you still have such faith in me, bella?”
“I do. Because you’re only punishing yourself, V. I see you watch Leo and Massimo with such an ache in your eyes. You can’t understand the depth of Greta’s love for me. Your support network for close to two decades has been people who were invested in seeing you destroy the Brunettis.
“You have made an island of yourself.
“But I can’t bear to see you in pain. I can’t bear to see the loneliness in your eyes, the need for connection. I refuse to stand here and watch it eat away at you, month after month, year after year. I refuse to let the corrosive shadow of your grief and guilt consume me and two more innocent lives.
“You wanted this empire, V. Well, you got it. But you haven’t got me.”
Anger raged in his eyes, and a stillness came over him. “At least don’t lie to me that you love me, bella.”
“I do love you. With all my heart. I truly understand what it means to love someone so much that all you want is their happiness. Their well-being. But it’s not a weakness, V. Despite all the pain in my heart, I can’t call it that.”
And with that, she walked away from him, head held high. Out of his life.
Leaving him standing empty-handed on the grounds of the very empire he’d built.
Alessandra’s words haunted Vincenzo as he walked around the hallowed halls of his ancestors, with a bottle of Leonardo’s fine Scotch hanging from his fingers.
For the first time in his life he was filthy drunk, his self-control shot to hell. Apparently, there were a lot of those happening currently—these first times in his life.
He walked from room to room—he couldn’t bear to be in the bedroom he had shared with her for more than a few minutes. He walked from the vast kitchen that had rung with laughter only last week when Natalie’s younger brother had visited and Neha had screamed that the babies were playing soccer in her belly to the conservatory, where every piece of silk reminded him of his wife’s skin; to the lounge that housed the ancient piano; to the arched hallway with portraits of his ancestors hanging there, looking down upon him with, it seemed, approval.
All my life, our father constantly told me that I wasn’t good enough to belong with them. That I would never be good enough. But then it took Natalie to make me see that it was okay to not belong with those monsters.
Massimo had told him that during one of their midnight chats weeks ago, those long nights where more than once he’d found himself wandering the villa and run into his younger brother doing the same thing.
Just thinking of the brilliant tech genius as his younger brother, as the man who had Natalie’s hard-won loyalty and love, sat like a boulder in Vincenzo’s throat, jammed in there to force him to acknowledge the connection, the affection he had developed for the irreverent genius, despite himself.
What did it say that when Vincenzo looked at those same faces of Brunetti ancestors, he saw their approval? Was he truly Silvio Brunetti’s legacy then—a legacy of cruelty and hatred and destruction?
He had hated this family for so long. He had used that hatred to propel himself to incredible heights. He’d thought there would be victory once he had achieved his ambition, his revenge.
Suddenly, the consuming force of his life was gone and he felt as empty as this damned house.
He even walked to the state-of-the-art tech lab that had belonged to Massimo. The underground lab that had once been a wine cellar, Alessandra had told him with a twinkle in her eyes.
She’d been happy here and he had taken it away.
He punched in the entry password and walked around the now-empty lab. Then he made the trek to the greenhouse that Leonardo had renovated for himself.
The greenhouse, he’d learned, had once belonged to Leonardo’s mother. Silvio Brunetti’s first wife—a woman who had run away in the dark of the night, leaving her five-year-old son with the monster, the very monster she had run from.
The damp air inside the greenhouse was a warm blast against his chilled skin as he walked around, touching the parts here and there, imagining Leonardo and his very pregnant wife, Neha, in here, making plans for their children.
And now because of him, this was
empty too.
Leonardo had given up ownership of this house, a real estate asset, two centuries of legacy that should have gone to his children, to Vincenzo far too easily.
He slammed the door of the greenhouse behind him and walked up the pathway back to the house. He had no idea how many times he’d made that trip recently—a sort of pilgrimage from the villa to the laboratory to the greenhouse to the conservatory, and then back around again.
Everywhere he looked he saw Alessandra laughing, crying, kissing him, teasing Massimo, hugging Leonardo.
He felt like a forlorn ghost, a cursed specter, haunting these halls, the very hallowed halls he had once wanted to belong to. He had everything he had ever wanted.
And yet he had lost the one thing he desperately needed. The one thing he couldn’t live without—Alessandra’s love, her laughter, her smiles, her kisses, her tears, her joyful presence.
He hated admitting it, but there it was.
All his life he had been alone, so he shouldn’t have minded this so much. But this loneliness was different. This was deeper, harder, felt in a place he hadn’t known existed within him. Felt by a different man. A man who should’ve stopped long ago, but hadn’t because then he’d have had to face what he’d become. How empty he was inside.
And he stood in that place of emptiness now anyway.
The sound of footsteps had him prowling into the lounge, his heart thudding so hard in his chest that its beat roared in his ears. Hope oozed out of his every pore, coating him with a layer of desperation so thick and rabid that he couldn’t shake it off. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt, almost felling him to his knees.
The moon outside painted two dark silhouettes through the open archway. He blinked as the crystal chandelier overhead burst into life, throwing dazzlingly painful light over the room. The black-and-white-checkered marble swam in front of his eyes, and he instinctively reached for the grand piano to steady himself.
He looked up then and cursed out loud.
Massimo burst out laughing. Leonardo remained serious, but there was a twitch to his mouth that Vincenzo wanted to rip off with his bare hands.
