by C. R. Jane
He shook his head. “I think we’re past apologies. I don’t know why we are, but there it is. If you had come back to me, just arrived on my doorstep, I’d have taken you back. Any day. I wouldn’t have missed a beat. Like it or not, you were it for me. Whatever you do, I’ll always take you back.”
Never had I felt such an obligation to take care of another person’s heart. Could I even do this?
“Charlie, I may not be cut out for what you’re talking about. I’m broken inside.”
He rubbed my back. “That’s okay. So am I.”
But only because I’d made him that way. I curled into his side. There wasn’t anything else I could say to him right then. I just needed to cuddle, and I couldn’t remember ever needing to do so before.
Sadness wafted through me. “When I met you, you were ready to meet someone. If I’d left you alone, you’d be with someone else, someone who wasn’t… me.”
“I wasn’t ready to meet someone. But you sort of consumed me. You still do. Don’t worry about guilt. You’re beat to shit. You’ve clearly had some kind of life I can’t fathom. Maybe someday, you’ll tell me about it. I always knew you hid away, and I wanted to take care of you.” He paused. “Old habits die hard, Holly, because I still do.”
He ran his hand up and down my back. It was a soothing movement, and it made my shoulders sag a little. I hadn’t taken care of him, not any of them, but I wouldn’t destroy him again. I’d figure out how to take care of the Elliot Woodard problem without letting Charlie lose his soul.
I didn’t know when I drifted off to sleep, but I woke up when the bed tipped. I squinted. Time had passed, because it was dark outside now. What was happening? Jamie scooted in next to me on the other side from where Charlie held me.
“Going to be a problem?” he whispered to Charlie. Jamie smelled like paint. He must have gone and gotten some and used it.
Charlie laughed. “This whole thing is so fucked. I don’t have a problem with it. I think it’s going to take both of us to get her through this. And when it’s over, we’ll be lucky if she’s with either of us at all.”
They didn’t know I was up. I stayed very still. Gathering information was something I’d been trained to do.
“She told you what she has to do?” He spoke in a whisper.
“Yes, and I know the guy. Been up contemplating things. Anyway, it might take all four of us, and you know…” His voice trailed off.
Jamie was quiet. “Steve will get there. He’s still in love with her. Graham is too, but he’s so lost to that anger. Going to take longer.”
“Longer is what we don’t have.” He scooted slightly.
“She’ll handle Graham. I’m sure of it.”
I wasn’t so sure. This version of Graham they kept mentioning… he wasn’t the Graham I’d known. But it was warm in the bed, Charlie and Jamie were both in it. I didn’t know that I’d get this chance again.
I closed my eyes completely. I’d blame my constant need for sleep on the needing to heal, and not that I’d missed these two with every bit of my soul, never expecting to fill the hole not having them had caused in me.
Sleeping with two men in the bed with me was a novel experience, and not one I’d expected to ever have. I loved the way it was to be scrunched in between them. They were, however, both snoring. I had no trouble tuning out men when they snored. In the case of both of these men, I’d actually not minded the sound. Hearing them told me they were in the room with me, even in the dead of night.
But now? Both of them? It was a little harder.
They weren’t really breathing in unison with one another, so just as I’d anticipate one sound, another would start. My mind could be funny sometimes, and since I couldn’t discern a pattern, I couldn’t seem to go back to sleep. Even though, according to the red numbers on the clock at the end table, it was three in the morning.
I scooted out of the bed, and Jamie made a loud sigh before he rolled over, gripping his pillow. The bathroom called my name, and I went into it, wondering if I should take another shower. I wasn’t dirty or sweaty, and the sad truth was no matter how much I bathed, I couldn’t wash away my sins.
Or my memories.
I’d finished peeing and was washing my hands when the door opened. I glanced up to see Charlie standing there.
He closed it behind him. “For a second, I thought you’d left.”
I stared at him in the glaring fluorescent light of the bathroom. Without giving it more thought, I jumped on him. He caught me, and soon, our lips were fused together like we were magnetic and couldn’t stay away from each other. I did this because I might just leave him.
This was me. Even I couldn’t predict just how low I would go. But I could almost guarantee I was going to hurt Charlie. The only thing I could do was love him hard right in this second and hope it was enough to last a lifetime.
I kissed him like I needed him to breathe. I could never be like this with him in the past. There was too much to lose, too much of a chance I’d break and tell him my truths. It was too late now. He might not know the details, but he knew enough to see my darkness. If he still wanted me—here, in this hotel bathroom with Jamie snoring in the other room—then so be it. He could have me.
Even though I was so completely broken.
I threw my clothes off onto a heap on the floor. His eyes widened at my swift movement, and his smile was fast. “Anxious?”
“Like you aren’t?” I clawed at him, feeling every bruise on my aching body but wanting it all the same. But if we were going to do this, we were going to do it hard and fast.
He winced. “Holly, you know how badly I want you. You have to know. But I don’t want to hurt you.”
Fuck his good intentions. I wrapped my arms around his neck and ground myself against his cock, already hard through his pants.
He grinned at me. “I would have preferred candles and flowers.”
Charlie had always been into the romance. I shook my head. Time for some truth. “I never needed that stuff.”
He moved his mouth so it was close to mine. He breathed against my own. “Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have it.”
Still, I’d obviously convinced him. He kissed me hard. It was a claiming, bruising, almost punishing kiss. I loved it. I leaned against him and let him have at me. I wanted this from Charlie. The tenderness, the longing, but I deserved the anger in him, too. He pulled back, silently devouring me with his gaze, and then pulled his shirt off.
“Put your hands on me, Holly. I want to feel you on my skin.”
I wanted that, too. I scraped my fingers down his chest, digging them in. Harder than I would have dared before, but he wanted truth. This was my truth. I didn’t always make sense, and I couldn’t explain my real self if I had to save my life. I just liked what I liked.
Kissing his chest, I tasted the salt on his skin, the essence of Charlie. He squeezed my nipples, and I threw my head back. Yes, like that. I wanted it just like that.
Charlie let go of me, only long enough to take off his pants. I let my gaze fall down to admire his cock as it pressed against his briefs. Even through the fabric, he was hard and throbbing in my hand.
I met his gaze, and heat from his dark eyes moved through me. Catching my breath proved hard to do. As I fought to control my excitement—and pretty much failed—I thumbed his briefs down his legs. They were muscular. Charlie was a runner, fit and lean. I loved his body, always had. The good doctor hiding his hotness under all his suits and ties. The geek who was really an adorable sex god.
I shouldn’t have said what I did next, but I couldn’t keep the words from tumbling out. “I missed you.”
“Good.” He lifted me up, scooting my ass onto the small bathroom counter. It was cold and dug into my skin, but I didn’t care. I wrapped my arms around his neck. This wasn’t going to be just us having sex. No, it was clear what Charlie wanted from this. He was going to reclaim me.
And I was going to let him, even though it was a tot
ally irresponsible thing for me to do.
At least this time, he knew what he was getting into. He pressed two fingers inside of me. I cried out, my muscles clenching around him.
Charlie’s smile was fast. “You’re so wet.”
He pulled his fingers out and placed them in his mouth, sucking hard. I gasped as he moaned loudly. His hips jolted against the counter. “You taste like mine.”
I kissed him. I could taste myself on his lips, but that wasn’t what made me so turned on. No, it was seeing his response to me that made me so needy. He pressed against my clit, swirling it in a circle with one finger, and I panted. Heat hit me fast. It was not going to take me long to come, and I was entirely at his mercy. If he stopped now, I might beg. I’d get down on my knees and…
It didn’t matter. I came like it had been years since I’d done so. I grabbed onto him, throwing my head back as I writhed in pleasure and called out his name so loudly, I was sure I’d wake the entire hotel, including Jamie in the other room. I didn’t care. Let the whole world know.
I’d break all the rules for these moments.
While I still shook from the pleasure his fingers gave me, he pushed inside of me, filling me up until he was balls deep. I held onto him. I could hardly make a sound. The pleasure of the last moment was everything, and yet, there was already so much more. This was everything. This was life, this was completion. This was Charlie.
It didn’t take long until I panted again. I was close, and by the way he jerked his body against me, so was he. Holy shit. Holy… whatever.
“I’m so close.” I could barely form those words.
He pushed our foreheads together. “I want you to come, Holly. I want you to come hard.”
And so I did.
It didn’t take long for him to follow me, but I was only distantly aware of it, because I still hadn’t come down from the high I was riding. It didn’t matter we were in the fucking bathroom or that everything might fall apart.
Right then, I was just… floating.
Charlie wrapped me up in my clothes, not fully dressing me but covering me. I smiled at him, running my hands down the side of his face. “You’re beautiful.”
He kissed the end of my nose. “It’s like you’re drunk. Come on. I know Jamie snores, but you need to get some sleep. Is your rear end okay?”
I blinked. “What rear end?”
His laugh was fast. “Putting you back to bed.”
“Jamie isn’t the only one snoring.”
His smile was gentle. “Sorry, I’ll try to fix that.”
That was Charlie. He was my fixer.
I came awake slowly. The smell of cheap, hotel room coffee filled the air. Jamie stood over it, pouring it into a Styrofoam cup. He was shirtless and beautiful. I admired the view. Charlie, also shirtless, walked across the room. His hair was wet. He must have showered.
I’d never had a sex dream like this, but I wished I had.
I lay back and stared.
Finally, Jamie looked over his shoulder at me, a smile coming to his face. “Hey there, beautiful. Hope we didn’t wake you. Tried to wait, because Charlie said sleep is the best thing for you right now. But nature and caffeine calls.”
I sat up a bit, yawning. “Is there enough of that for me?”
“Yep.” He poured the coffee into a cup. “Although, I’m not sure any of us are going to want it. I’m nominating Charles to go get better coffee.”
He nodded. “Sure, I can do that. Real breakfast, too. With protein.” The doctor leaned over to kiss me. “Then we’ll talk about what’s next.”
I sighed. He was still thinking that he was going to steal something. “You and I both know that you can’t…”
“Don’t tell me what I can’t, Holly. If I want to steal something, I’m going to fucking steal it.” He kissed my cheek, and I was reminded that I was still naked. I was going to need more clothing. I had brought what I had, but that wasn’t much, considering I’d left most of my shit with the Chef. My uncle hadn’t given me a debrief.
I stared at Charlie for a long second. “Okay. If you want to help me rob a family friend, you can help me do that. And then every time you see him for the next decade or so, you can feel guilty about it. Trust me, it’s not a one time and forget about thing. But fine, Charlie. We’ll con him together. I need some more clothes, and has there been any blowback about the shooting at the Chef’s apartment?”
“None.” Jamie shook his head. “Like the whole thing never happened.”
My uncle had used that level of suppression? God, I was really just as fucked as I thought I was. He was going to make all of us disappear, poof into thin air like we never existed.
Jamie sat on the edge of the bed. “Who are we all robbing?”
The door opened and shut, and Steven walked in. He glanced at the three of us and rolled his eyes. “Really? You’re both already sleeping with her?”
“Jealousy is so unattractive on you, Steve.” Jamie rolled his eyes. “If you can’t be constructive, get out. She’s literally taken a beating and is trying to save our lives. Get over yourself. You want your Super Bowl ring back more than you want your life? If you don’t want to sleep with her, don’t sleep with her. But there’s no need to be a judgy grandmother about it.” He turned to me. “Tell me what we’re stealing and how I can help.”
I would have answered, but I was too busy watching Steven’s mouth fall open. “What did you just say to me?”
“Going to punch me? Going to go that cliché?” Jamie raised a challenging eyebrow.
Charlie got between them. “No one is punching anyone else. This is high pressure. And if Steve wants no part of it, great. That’s frankly easier. But I’m with Jamie. Give her a break until she has at least finished saving your life.”
I pulled the covers up to my neck. I wanted my clothes. Steven must have seen the movement. He took his shirt off and handed it to me. Nodding my thanks, I did feel better having this conversation with some clothes on. Even if they weren’t my own.
“I kept Graham away for the night. But you’re probably going to see him in the next ten minutes. He’s getting suspicious he hasn’t seen Charles or Jamie in so long. Anyway, that’s yours to deal with, Holly.”
I wasn’t afraid of Graham. I got that, for some reason, Graham intimidated them. Or maybe that was the wrong word. They were wary of him. Charlie and Jamie were clearly treating me differently than anyone expected. I wouldn’t have believed it myself, if I wasn’t still feeling them this morning.
Charlie shoved on a t-shirt. He looked over his shoulder at Jamie. “Don’t let Graham go too hard at her.”
Jamie nodded. “Wasn’t going to.”
“Guys.” I held up my hand. “I lived with Graham. I’m not afraid of him. I can talk to him. I… I don’t expect forgiveness. Not from any of you. I am grateful that you guys are willing to help me with this problem I have to solve. I’m not certain how I’m going to deal with it, but…”
Charlie opened the door and turned to meet my eyes on his way out. “Actually, he’s a huge fan of Steve’s. Just throwing that out there for con-woman purposes. And for the record, I’m not that nice. I just want what I want, which is you, Holly. It was always you. Sharing you with Jamie… we’ll figure out how to deal.”
Jamie snorted. “We’re going to have to.”
Steven cleared his throat. “Do you think I could speak to Holly for a second?”
Shaking his head, Jamie picked up his own shirt. “Not if you’re going to be a dipshit.”
I rubbed Jamie’s arm. “I can talk to Steven. It’s okay. I…”
Steven rounded on Jamie so fast, I never saw him move. “You don’t get to say who she talks to and who she doesn’t talk to. She was mine before she was yours. Careful I don’t take her from you.”
Jamie laughed. “As though you could.”
“Boys.” I got to my feet. “Stop that. I don’t need you fighting, and I’ll talk to whoever I want to whenever I want to.
That’s how this works. I’m not a child to be dictated to.”
Jamie scowled, but nodded before he slammed out of the room. I rounded on Steven. “If this is another treat-me-like-shit interlude, you can save it. I’m not in the mood. I get it. I’m a terrible person. I did terrible things. I am sorry for them, that changes nothing, and I’m probably going to get us all fucking killed. So what is it? Because I do have to get started on trying to figure things out, and I can’t do that if you’re coming in here to vent your spleen and yell at me.”
His smile was fast. “No. I… Look, I have lots of reasons to hate you. But how I acted yesterday isn’t me.”
“Do you? Hate me?” I didn’t know why I tormented myself with questions that were only going to cause me pain.
He leaned against the bed. “No, actually.”
“What did you want to talk about?”
Steven was so quiet, I thought he might not answer. “I don’t know. I just wanted them away from you for a minute.”
I smirked at him, amusement filling me. “Steven, I thought you were all friends now. I’d not have put the four of you together. Seemed like a little team there for a while.”
“We are friends. I don’t think any of us considered that we’d all have to share you here. Or that we’d be here at all. I thought we’d kind of… demand our stuff and explanations. By now, I’d be back in Texas, licking my wounds.”
I walked toward him. He still smelled the same, and because I was feeling all sorts of sentimental, I let my hands travel over his strong abs. “You know you sort of broke me, right?”
He furrowed his brow. I forced my hands back to my sides. I’d somehow managed to get back in bed with Jamie and Charlie. I wasn’t trying to seduce Steven. Not that I wouldn’t want to. He was just as handsome as always, and falling back into a routine with him would be ridiculously easy.
“How so?” He chewed on his lower lip. “How did I break you?”
I cleared my throat. “You made my heart wake up. You, with your sweet nature, your pain, and the way that you bought that land.” I still thought about that land. The place he’d wanted to have babies with me. Not that I should ever do that. I’d pretty much be the worst mother in the world. No, the world did not need me to fuck up a child. “It was… it was the first time I ever really felt something in my whole adult life.”
