by E. M. Moore
Johnny grabs the back of my head, forcing me to look at him. “You’re always showing me the way things should be.” He peers down at my lips, and I know he’s referencing the change in him mid-sex. He drops his forehead to mine. “I wanted to be the bad guy in case you leave. I wanted to tell myself that I made you do it. That I forced you into fucking me so it would hurt less when you decide against me.”
I pull his hand to my chest, settling it between my breasts where my heart thumps a mile a minute. “That, right here? That proves otherwise, and I don’t want you to forget it.”
Johnny bends, kissing me where I’d just put his hand and then pulls me to him, both of us settling against each other. I pull his arm around me and marvel that the world is still standing in the aftermath of Johnny Marx and I coming together.
That has to be a good omen, right?
16
Johnny threads his fingers through mine as we make our way back into the Heights. Even though I’ve only been in the log cabin for two days, it was a much-needed sanctuary. A place to forget. A place to have a moment of peace. A place where Johnny and I coming together felt like the most beautiful thing in the world...instead of something wrong. Or disallowed. Or unforgivable.
Don’t get me wrong. It was beautiful. It’s what I’ve been wanting, but at what expense? He promised me important things, and I turned around and made the same promises back to him. We both need to hold up our end of the bargains.
Neither of us speak very much on our way back, but our fingers twined together is the only reassurance I need. If Johnny can’t forgive what’s going on at the end of this, I, at least, have this memory to take with me. I’d been hoping to enjoy the aftermath for longer in our little haven, but Johnny received a call from his dad hurrying us back. Apparently, matters need to be discussed. Right now. Though, it seems as if there are always matters to be discussed that calls Johnny away from me.
The look in K’s eyes when he saw me on the balcony. I shiver, even now, remembering the hard look in his gaze. I shouldn’t provoke him because I know what he’s capable of. At the same time, what I’m doing shouldn’t be annoying him. I’m loving his son. That should never be a crime.
My stomach tumbles over itself, squeezing as I wonder what this meeting is about, considering my presence was requested. Actually, requested is too nice of a word. It was demanded, and I could tell by the stiffness in Johnny’s shoulders when his dad told him he wanted me there that Johnny didn’t like it at all.
We pass the sign welcoming us into the Heights. The scenery isn’t bad yet. We’re in the suburbs section, mostly. The houses aren’t great, but they’re not quite as dim and disheveled as the inner city of the Heights. We’re in the calm before the storm. The shroud before the maggots eating away at dead, putrid flesh.
Johnny squeezes my hand, then peeks at me from the driver’s seat. It’s nice to be together, just him and me. I can be myself without worrying over who else is around, who’s allowed to see what I truly feel. I have a feeling my happy place is about to get smashed to bits though. He licks his lips, dribbling his free hand over the steering wheel. “I need you to say as little as possible while we’re at the meeting, okay?”
I nod.
“I mean it,” Johnny urges, his icy blue eyes intense. “I don’t know what my dad is going to say, but it must involve you. No matter what it is, stay quiet. If it’s something we don’t like, I can work on him later, but disrespecting him in front of a group is never wise.”
“Neither is disrespecting him when you’re alone apparently,” I counter. Unease skitters up my spine, but so does a healthy dose of injustice. “So, you’ll work on him later, and he’ll just hit you again.” His jaw ticks, and I sigh, some of the fight leaving me. It’s not Johnny’s fault his father is a lunatic. “I’m not going to say anything to get you in trouble, and I don’t need you to fight my battles for me, Johnny. Whatever your dad has planned for me, I’ll do. Okay? You’re not getting hit again because of me.”
Johnny slips his hand from my grasp and thuds it heavily on the steering wheel. “You don’t understand the shit he could ask you to do. You’re one of us now because of me. He owns you. The stories I could tell you—” He breaks off, swallowing as if he’s willing all the terrible things he’s seen and done back into a corner of his mind that he never has to face.
I turn in my seat, reaching out to set my hand on his thigh. “And you will tell me someday, but you know me. I’m tough and resilient. Your dad won’t break me. He can’t.”
The look Johnny throws my way says he believes otherwise, but I know what I’m made of. You don’t do what I’ve done to cower at someone’s feet when the time comes.
“Listen,” I try again. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, so don’t worry about me during the meeting. I’m not saying a thing unless he asks me something directly.” Which actually works for me anyway, considering every time I’m in his presence, I want to gouge his eyes out...or my own.
Being around my guys is easier now that I don’t have to hide my distaste of Big Daddy K. Not that I’m going to up and tell Johnny I plan on murdering his father soon, but I also don’t have to watch everything I say. It’s completely normal to hate your boyfriend’s abusive father. I shudder to think about what he’s had to endure his whole life.
Fuck abusers. All they do is start a long line of abuse—mentally and physically. I’m not saying everyone learns the behavior, but it can be learned, and it does perpetuate. Take Johnny, he struggles with it. I now understand his reaction when he threw me against the wall outside the clothing shop. No, it doesn’t make what he did right. It never will. I’m just saying I understand where he got it, and I can see the connections in his mind that he’s made that he can be better than that. He is better than that.
The block the tower sits on looms ahead. As we get closer, I tilt my head to gaze up at the building. Despite the fact that I know I was in this vibrating building the other day, it looks fine. No cracks in the exterior. No missing walls or crumbled rock on the sidewalks. It withstood a fucking bomb.
“I’m positive it’s safe to head back inside,” Johnny says, noticing my stare. “I would never bring you back if I thought differently.”
“I know,” I reassure him. “I’m just shocked the building can withstand what they threw at us.”
“It was made that way. Plus, they were amateur bombs. The noise of the explosion was worse than the damage, and they didn’t even add the charges in the correct places for maximum damage.” I lift my brows at him. When I don’t immediately respond to him, he looks over at me and grins. “What?”
“You know a lot about this.”
“I may have blown up a building or two in my time.” He snickers, and a flash of cruel delight simmers in his gaze. “I even set the school science lab on fire once.”
I laugh, the sound bursting from my chest like I can’t contain it. The sound surprises me, which only makes me laugh harder. First of all, I can barely think of Johnny Rocket in a classroom setting. It seems too lowly for him. Did he sit through lectures dressed in his suit pants and tie? Second, just the fact that he set fire to the school has me rolling.
“To be fair, it was an accident the first time.”
I shake my head at him. “I bet the administrators were happy to get rid of you.”
“Except I keep showing back up.”
My gut clenches as I think of Johnny with the school secretary. He was a little playboy, wasn’t he? Unrepentant, took what he wanted, and gloated about it.
The guard at the station waves us under the building and into the parking garage. While Johnny parks, I ruminate over how far he’s come. At the same time, I’ve gone in the opposite direction. I’ve backslid. Do I even have morals anymore? Did I check them at the city limits of Rawley Heights, only to get them back when I leave this town? Maybe. Hopefully….
Then again, I never claimed to be a good person. I came here to murder someone. In that way, Johnny
and I are the same. We act for our own happiness, regardless of how bad those actions might be.
Now, though, the deeper the guys imbed into my life, I like to think I’m acting with all of them in mind. I just hope Johnny sees that when he finds out the truth.
Magnum steps off the elevator, holding it for us as we close the car doors and step up to him. He eyes me briefly before moving his gaze to Johnny. “Everyone’s upstairs already.”
Johnny checks his watch, but we’re not late. At least not by the vehicle’s clock.
“Heard any rumors as to what this is about?” Johnny questions, taking my hand to lead me to the elevator.
The copper-haired stunner shakes his head. He’s dressed all in black, as usual. At this point, it would be a jolt to my system to see him in any other color. Plus, the black offsets his hair nicely and clings to his muscles, and... I block those thoughts as he answers. “No, nothing.”
“Stay with Kyla,” Johnny orders. “She’s been instructed not to say anything, but—”
I pierce Johnny with a look, and Mag smirks. “But you’re not sure she’ll listen?”
“Basically, yes,” Johnny deadpans.
These assholes. I do have some restraint. “While we’re giving out orders, no one comes to my defense if shit starts to go down in there,” I tell both of them. “Also, I promise I won’t say a word unless spoken to.”
“Still,” Johnny says to Mag. “I don’t want her left alone.”
The worried look in Johnny’s pale blue eyes alarms me. Does he think Big Daddy K will do something to me right now? Does he know? I shake that thought out of my head immediately. If he knew K was going to do something to me, there’s no way he’d be bringing me here right now. “How worried should I be?”
Johnny presses his lips closed and all of us step into the elevator.
“I’m just saying,” I continue. “I’d like to know so I can prepare myself, but in the same token, if he does do something, neither one of you step in his way. I mean it. I’ve seen what happens when that goes down.”
Johnny’s Crew mask has completely taken over him. His voice is even harsh when he answers. “You should always be worried when you’re in my father’s presence, and you’re delusional if you think we’d just sit there.”
Magnum’s look tells me more of the same, and I don’t miss the warning implied in Johnny’s words. Big Daddy K may not do anything to me today, but the chance is always high. Not that I didn’t know that already, but it’s a good reminder. I’ve seen how trigger-happy he is—literally.
The elevator stops at the top floor, and we step off. Magnum’s fellow bodyguards move forward, but Johnny waves them off. “She’s one of us now.”
My steps falter for a second. This is big. This is huge. If the guards are told not to check me, I could get a gun up here or a knife. Some sort of weapon I can take K’s life with. Thoughts fire in my brain. I need K’s schedule to figure out when he’s alone. I need the key to his door. I need to figure out when I can sneak into his suite and just get it over with without the threat of getting caught. I need—
But I can’t do any of that, can I? Not until I’ve pulled Johnny to my side.
Jesus. It sounds like I’m some mad scientist with evil plans for tempting the innocent, but all I really want for Johnny is to have a life worth living. And we all know Johnny is far from innocent.
The guards nod, and I notice Trey, the one I accidentally got in trouble before when Glo came to kill me. Seeing him is a reminder that actions have consequences.
Johnny threads my arm through his as Magnum opens the door to K’s suite. Mag’s presence is another balm to the quickening pulse at my wrists. Even though I said I wouldn’t want them to stick up for me—and I mean it—I’m glad they’re both here. The only time I would want them sticking up for me is if I was in Dunnegan’s position and K’s about to put a bullet in the back of my skull. Then, all bets are off. I’m not dying for the fucker. That’s always been at the top of my list of things not to do.
K stands when he sees us enter the room. “There they are.” His smile stretches the width of his face, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything so fake. He moves forward. Johnny has to drop my hand as his father pulls him into a hug. I stiffen, my heart sinking into the acidic bowels of my stomach as I wait to go completely dead inside. As I feared, K releases Johnny and turns toward me. Instead of a hug, he picks up my hand like Johnny always does and brings it to his mouth to kiss my knuckles. His lips linger a little too long, and I nearly crack teeth trying to keep the smile on my face.
Enemies close, enemies close, enemies close, I repeat to myself. One of these days, this will all be worth it.
If it isn’t, I’ll just hack that hand off. No big deal.
He lets me go, and I take in a shaky breath. Mag moves closer to me for comfort. He can’t touch me. He wouldn’t dare with everyone around, but he stands as close as he can without arousing suspicion. I want to hug him for it.
Actually, I’d love to do a lot more than that to the red-headed, mature hottie, but that is definitely a thought for another place and time.
I glance around at all the players in the room. Instinctually, I find Oscar first. We share a short staring match, emotions beaming between us before I sit next to Johnny. Magnum stands behind us, and even though it’s stupid, I’m glad to have him there. I don’t want anyone sneaking up behind me.
Other than a few bodyguards catering to K, there are the usual business gentlemen that must be in K’s inner circle. His right-hand men. One of these days, I need to ask Johnny who they are to understand the inner workings of the gang. Dunnegan used to sit at this very table, and he’s dead. I wonder if any of the rest of them are as scared as I am while they sit here. Do they muse over if today will be their last day?
I guess they don’t have to worry if they aren’t doing anything wrong.
Today, the table is set up more like a business table. The oblong silver stretch of metal we once sat at for dinner is now devoid of plates or silverware. In fact, absolutely nothing sits on the solid surface other than Big Daddy K’s forearms as he addresses us.
“I thought it was a good idea to bring all of us together to discuss the incident that occurred two days ago. Firstly, the tower is completely safe despite the attempts to bring it down.”
A guy across the table from us leans back in his seat. He has slick black hair, and out of everyone else here, he reminds me of the gangsters in the old mob films, complete with a red handkerchief in his suit pocket. “I’m glad we went with the extra reinforcements then,” he chuckles.
“From an excellent supplier,” K says, laughing alongside him. When he finishes, he peers around the room as if dissecting us all one-by-one. “Secondly, there are rumors going around about a recruit who was murdered. I’ll let Bat fill you in on that.”
Oscar sits up straight from his usual lazy position. His eyes widen a fraction before he catches himself. Then, it’s as if I’m staring at Big Daddy K, only a couple of decades younger. He’s all smirks and no nonsense statements. “Farmingham had been a recruit, however, he was just recently taken off our prospects list. The intel used by whoever killed him was old. Farmingham’s death is nothing to us except, of course, the meaning behind it, presumably a message. When Magnum inspected the scene, he found Gregory’s calling card. Candy,” he says, in a tone so derogatory that I have to press my lips together to keep from laughing. Candy—and Runts at that—is the stupidest calling card I’ve ever heard. If it wasn’t real, I’d think it was a joke.
K nods at him. “Rocket is getting a team together to work on this, but if anyone hears anything, let us know.”
Everyone nods their agreements.
“That’s everything I have for updates unless anyone has questions...” Big Daddy K inspects the room, traversing all of us with beady eyes before he starts again. “Excellent. New business.” He looks over his shoulder at Trey with a smile like he’ll enjoy this next part. His enj
oyment and cool demeanor makes my skin prick. “Bring him in.”
Dear God. What the fuck? Who now?
I immediately leap to the idea that I’m about to see someone’s head get blown off again. Maybe Big Daddy’s name should be something more appropriate. Brain Matter Splatter? Skull Destroyer?
Johnny reaches under the table, gripping my thigh with his hand. I make myself relax, but in the next instant, nothing in the world could make me relax.
Trey returns to the room with Brawler in tow.
“We have a matter to vote on,” K says.
I practically leap from the chair. I don’t, really, but my energy, my soul, everything, jumps from my body and runs to the blond-haired giant, throwing myself in front of him.
Somehow, K’s words snake their way through the deafening moment. This is not happening. Brawler? Here? What the fuck could we possibly be voting on?
Fear and nerves rage inside me for a toxic mix. I barely restrain myself to the chair, and I don’t even want to think of what K’s doing with him. Or why? What could Brawler have possibly done to him? This specimen of purity with the light and dark on his shoulders couldn’t hurt anyone.
Johnny’s fingers tighten around me again, and I can imagine the tension I’m bleeding right now. If he only knew it’s taking everything in me to stay seated.
K glances around the table, and I school my features as best I can with every ounce of my strength I have left in me.
“This is Marcus Timms,” he begins. “Some of you might know him as Manning’s little brother, Mack. Still more might know him as Brawler. He’s been helping us run the underground fighting ring our new girl is especially fond of.”
Big Daddy K winks at me, and every cell in my body locks up. My mind goes to things that make my stomach upheave. If they try to hurt him, I’m about to break the promise I just made to Johnny because there is no way on this planet I’ll be able to sit still and not react if Brawler’s in danger. I can’t. I won’t.
