Suddenly, he pulled back and crinkled his nose.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, quickly pulling my hands away.
“Heartburn,” he grumbled, sitting up in bed and placing a hand on his chest. “Oh god, it’s a bad one.”
I let out a sigh of relief when I realized it wasn’t anything more severe, but then Shawn pushed me away and made a foul face.
“It’s really bad.”
“I’ll get you some ginger ale.” I raced downstairs to the kitchen. When I came back to the bedroom with the usual home remedies of ginger ale and plain crackers, Shawn still looked like he was in pain. “Is it… Should we call Maddie?” I asked, my wolf pushing me into protective mode.
“No, no, it’s fine. It’s been worse. Just, wow, bad timing.”
He sipped his ginger ale, and I sat beside him. When he’d finished, I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. He let out a sigh and lay his head on my chest. We stayed entwined together like that until his heartburn subsided, and then we scooted down under the covers, and I spooned Shawn from behind, loving the feeling of him in my arms.
“Remember when we lay on the beach and wished on a falling star?” Shawn asked me with a wistful sigh. “Well, all of my wishes have come true,” he said with a sparkle in his voice.
“And what wishes were those?” I asked.
“I wished I could have a baby of my own, even though I fully believed that would never happen, and I also wished you would never leave me, which you’ve promised not to do,” he said as he wriggled his butt against me.
“Funny,” I said, reminiscing on that night on the beach. “I wished for the same things. I mean, I knew I never wanted to leave you. But I also wished we could have a baby,” I said. Then I sleepily kissed his forehead just before I started drifting off.
14
Shawn
I should have been happy about what Linc said. But I wasn’t. I felt like a boulder was suddenly crushing my heart, and it wasn’t from heartburn. I thought Linc loved me for who I was. I confessed my believed infertility to him early on because I didn’t want our relationship to have any false pretenses. And he told me it was fine with him, that he didn’t need any more kids. Now he’d completely contradicted his assurances. I felt sick. My stomach churned, and breathing felt like bench pressing a huge barbell.
Am I overreacting? I knew my hormonal mood swings didn’t help me emotionally, but I felt too deeply hurt for this to just be a mood. Linc made me believe he loved me exactly as I was, and that clearly wasn’t true. He must have been secretly wishing I could be different, that I would be something more, something closer to an ideal partner who could give him children. He must have been if he was secretly wishing I would get pregnant.
What a jerk!
While I was running through the situation in my mind, Linc was drifting off to sleep, and by the time I had come to the conclusion that he didn’t love me the way he said he did, I heard him snoring. The fact that he could fall asleep right after revealing his dishonesty to me was appalling. It was too much for me to handle. Tears started to fall onto my pillow. I sniffed and wiped my nose, curling up on my side to try and comfort myself enough to get some sleep. It was time, I decided, to just accept what I had suspected all along: no one could love me just the way I was. No matter how open and trusting I tried to be.
The next morning, I got ready for work as usual. Linc had gotten up first and was already downstairs making breakfast, so I took my time getting dressed while I silently nursed my broken heart. By the time I made my way down to the kitchen, Linc and Cole had finished eating. LuLu trotted over to me immediately and jumped up on my leg.
“Hello, sweet puppy.” I tried to keep my tone as loving as always, but she looked at me with worried eyes. She always knew when I was suffering.
“Want some oats, my love?” Linc asked.
“I’m not hungry,” I said flatly. I wasn’t ready to tell him how hurt I was, and I didn’t have it in me to pretend like everything was okay either.
“Morning sickness?” Linc asked as he poured coffee into a travel mug.
I ignored his question and went to get my coat and bag ready.
“Are you nauseous this morning, Shawn?” Cole asked.
“Yeah, a little,” I said, somewhat honestly since my stricken heart was making me feel ill.
“That sucks,” Cole said.
“That stinks,” Linc said, correcting him.
“I can’t say sucks?”
“Do your teachers at school let you say ‘suck’ in class?” Linc asked.
“No,” Cole grumbled quietly, pushing around the last of his porridge with his spoon.
“Exactly. Are you done eating?” Linc replied.
Cole nodded and dropped his spoon in his bowl. He got up and came over to me and hugged my side tightly as I was putting my coat on.
“Have you felt my little brother move today?” he asked me.
“No, not yet,” I answered softly, perfectly happy to talk to Cole even if I wasn’t talking to his father.
“Can I feel?” he asked me hopefully. LuLu trotted over to watch.
“Sure can,” I said, holding my coat open so he could put his little hands on my belly over my shirt. He placed his palms gently on either side of my belly, then started humming a tune.
“My little baby brotherrr,” he sang. “Can you hear me? Tap once if you can hearrrrr me.” He waited in silence for a moment to see if the baby would offer a reply. “Errol?” Cole asked, turning his head to the side as if he would be able to hear the baby inside my belly. Then suddenly, I felt a squirm. Then a wriggle. Then a hard kick! I laughed and Cole’s face lit up with delight.
“I guess that’s your answer,” I said to Cole with a smile. “I think he might be excited to meet you.”
“I love you!” Cole shouted at my stomach.
LuLu barked, panting happily as she looked from Cole to me and then back again.
“I’m sure the little guy loves you already,” I said. “I’m going to zip up my coat now, though. We don’t want to be late.”
“Yeah, I guesssss,” Cole said with more than a hint of disappointment.
Linc came over and handed me the travel mug with coffee. I took it wordlessly, and he bent down to lace up his boots.
“Alright, we ready?” he asked with a smile when his boots were done up. He didn’t have a clue how much pain I was in. My heart sank yet again knowing he hadn’t noticed I was ignoring him. Cole and I nodded in answer to his question and we headed to the car with LuLu right behind us.
After dropping off Cole and LuLu at their respective schools, Linc turned the car toward the hospital.
“What the hell is eating you this morning?” he asked suddenly as we stopped at a red light.
I looked at him coldly, and then turned to gaze out the window stoically. I let a few moments pass to let him know that he wasn’t convincing me of his love and concern with his aggressive question.
“Shawn?”
I sighed loudly and crossed my arms.
“What is it? Is it something I said?” he asked. He thought for a moment. “Did I put too much milk in your coffee again?”
“The coffee’s fine,” I said quietly even though I hadn’t tasted it.
“Then what?” Linc lifted his hands off the steering wheel in a gesture of frustration. The light changed to green and he looked back to the road.
“Last night…” I took a deep breath to steady myself before launching into my explanation. “You told me you’d wished for a baby—on the falling star we saw that night on the beach. But every time we discussed children, family, and my infertility before that, you said it wasn’t a problem. That we were fated mates and it didn’t matter, and you didn’t need to have more children, and you loved me exactly as I was. That I was everything you wanted and more, but—” My voice cracked and I took a moment to sniff back tears. Linc remained dead silent. “But… If you wished for me to have a baby even thoug
h you knew I was sterile, then I guess I wasn’t so perfect for you, was I? I guess there was more that you wanted. And I just didn’t measure up. And as far as you knew, I never would measure up.”
I was getting angry now, firing words at him like projectiles. He kept driving to the hospital and didn’t make an effort to deny what I was saying. Tears welled in my eyes but that didn’t stop me from telling him exactly how I felt.
“Not to mention you keep postponing the goddamn claiming ceremony! So I know you say you’ll never leave me, and you’ll always care for me, and that all sounds very nice. But do your actions really measure up, Linc? Do they line up with the promises you love to make?”
Linc pulled into the hospital parking lot, and then turned to me as he pulled the handbrake on. He opened his mouth, but I shook my head, stopping him from interrupting my tirade. Linc damn well needed to listen to me.
“I don’t know if I can keep pretending everything is fine and we have a perfect, fated relationship when apparently you don’t actually mean half the things you say to me. I don’t know if I can keep going on like this! I’m ready to throw in the towel. I’d rather be a single father than constantly feel like my heart is going to be broken. I can’t live like this, not knowing where you stand!”
15
Linc
“Wh—what?” I stuttered. “Shawn, you know where I stand with everything. You're my mate. You’re carrying my child.”
Shawn crossed his arms over his chest and glared at me. My heart began to pound as panic set in. What the hell could I say to prove something that was so obvious to me? My wolf was grumbling, my mind was spinning, and I felt like my throat was stuffed full of cotton wool. Even if I could find the right thing to say, I wasn't sure I could get the words out without fumbling over them.
I turned back to the wheel and gazed out of the windscreen as I took a deep breath and collected myself. I realized I was talking to someone whose pregnancy hormones were in overdrive, and I needed to speak to him with some semblance of calm and a whole lot of sensitivity.
“Listen,” I said in a low tone. “I would love you even if we had never become pregnant. I would love you no matter what, and I already knew that. I made the wish because I had a feeling that was what you were wishing for. You wanted to have kids, right?”
I swallowed nervously before I glanced at him. His eyes seemed to soften for a moment, and I felt my shoulders relaxing. I unclenched my fingers from around the wheel and was about to reach for his hand when his face hardened again, he inhaled sharply and threw open the truck door.
“Shawn!” I cried, but he was already out, slamming the door behind him before sashaying across the parking lot toward the hospital.
“Fuck!” My wolf howled and snarled, clawing at my chest, and a brutal anger erupted from my soul. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!”
My tires screeched as I pulled out of the parking lot and flew up Pack Lane, heading straight home. Blood was still racing through me, and I felt hot as hell as I pulled up to the house.
I immediately sent Shawn a text. Are we okay??
It took him all of two minutes to reply. Not even close. Don’t talk to me!!!!!!
My hands were shaking and my legs felt like jelly as I stalked across the yard, heading straight for the woods. I thought a gentle walk would help calm me down, but every step seemed to make me more furious. My mind reeled with frustration, my chest was tight, and my jaw was clenched hard enough to break my teeth. And under it all, my wolf was starting to feel trapped and constricted, and I knew how he felt.
I needed to free both of us.
As soon as my boots hit the edge of the forest, I shifted, sprinting into the woods in an effort to release some tension. As I ran, I tried to push aside the pain Shawn’s words evoked. His lack of trust in me hurt, but the fact he was also in pain kept haunting my wolf, and as we came to a clearing he threw back his head and howled in mourning for the loss of his mate. Suddenly, I heard an answering howl coming from the direction of the homestead. I stiffened, waiting to hear if it a warning or an alarm. A crash through the underbrush made my fur stand on end. And then I smelled Jaxon and Gavin on the wind and realized they had heard me and were racing to my aid. I growled and looked around for an escape. The last thing I wanted to do was share my grief. I ran off deeper into the woods, determined to be alone.
Unfortunately, I'd already burned through most of my energy, and the other wolves quickly caught up to me. I sprinted down well-worn tracks in the hopes of out-running them, but they nipped at my heels. My lungs burned. My muscles felt weak and numb, and as the path turned sharply to the left, my paws gave out and I skidded to the right. I fell onto my side and slid for a moment before I thumped heavily against a moss-covered tree trunk. Spring growth floated down like green rain all around me. I lay there, panting and staring out at the path as eight long legs came into view.
Jaxon nudged my belly with his snout as though urging me to get up. I covered my face with my paw and grumbled. Gavin growled and nipped at my haunches and I immediately shot up onto four paws from the shock of it. I growled at him. He snarled back at me and pawed at the ground in warning. I lowered my head and bared my teeth. Most of me didn't want to fight him, but if he pushed it, I’d take him down. Just as Gavin was lowering his head and peeling his lips back aggressively, Jaxon lunged and nipped at my neck. I spun around and he leaped back, then lunged again and nipped me harder. I yelped, and before I had the chance to respond, he shifted into his human form.
I reluctantly followed the lead of my pack alpha and shifted. Gavin followed close behind. I sat on my ass in the forest, resting my back against the tree I'd hit, panting hard as I looked up at the canopy.
“Fuck,” I groaned.
“What the hell is going on?” Gavin demanded as he stood with his hands on his hips. “I was in the middle of important work when I heard you yapping away in the forest and had to come after you.”
“I didn't ask you to. I was just blowing off some steam.”
Jaxon cleared his throat and crouched down in front of me. “What's going on?”
“Nothing,” I snapped, then clenched my jaw. He waited, and it didn't take long before my defenses softened. “Had a fight with Shawn.”
“Well, obviously.” Gavin rolled his eyes, and then knelt down next to Jaxon and looked at me seriously. “What's going on?”
“He thinks I need him to be someone he's not.”
“Do you?” Gavin asked.
“No! God, that's what I'm saying!” I groaned and covered my face with my hands. “But how the hell am I supposed to talk about my feelings if all he does is misunderstand me? I feel like it doesn't matter what I say—he's made up his mind that I'm a jerk and that I don't want to be with him.”
Jaxon let out an understanding hum, and Gavin sighed.
“Did he break up with you?” he asked.
“I don't know,” I said honestly. “He told me not to talk to him.”
“Give him some time,” Gavin said, putting a hand on my knee in support.
“You’re fated. It will work out,” Jaxon said.
“Not all fated mates ends up together,” I grumbled.
Gavin nodded. “But most of the time they do. You have to work on it, and you have to trust that it’ll work out. I’d kill to have your opportunity, Linc. Don’t blow it.”
I took a deep breath and sighed. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Just give him time.”
“Gavin,” Jaxon said, motioning to the trail. “Keep tabs on Shawn. Make sure he's safe while all of this is going on. And the baby.”
“And LuLu,” I added.
Gavin nodded, shifted, and sprinted off down the trail while Jaxon moved closer to me.
“I feel like this is bad karma for breaking up with Nicole,” I said. Jaxon looked at me with wide eyes and then let out a sharp laugh. I jumped and then glared at him. “What?”
“Karma, huh? You find your fated mate and you think it's some kind of
punishment? Get over yourself, Linc. You and Nicole weren’t right for each other, and you both knew that.”
I couldn’t argue his point, but that still didn’t change the fact that I’d loved her and yet I still left her. Was Shawn right after all; that I said I loved someone only to leave them when things didn’t turn out the way I wanted? But I was getting what I wanted with Shawn—I was getting him.
“You'll get him back,” Jaxon said as he stood and brushed off his pants.
I stood also, but I didn’t have the same confidence Jaxon did. Jaxon hadn’t seen the look of devastation on Shawn’s face.
16
Shawn
My heart shattered the moment I slammed Linc's truck door behind me. At first I thought it was from the anger that bubbled inside me—all I could think about was how dare he postpone the ceremony without talking to me about it. But my anger burned out as I stormed across the parking lot, and it was barely an ember by the time I made it inside the hospital. All that was left was an ache in my chest, and a serious desire to sob my heart out.
I did my best to make it through my shift without crying, and failed. I cried when my supervisor said good morning to me, and I cried when the snack machine wouldn't accept my dollar bills. I had to excuse myself from the break room to sob outside, and I constantly sniffled as I made my way through my rounds.
“You okay, Shawn?” one of my favorite patients asked me as I checked on her in the morning. She was the mother of the young girl I’d met in the dog park months ago, with the black poodle who loved LuLu. She’d just had another baby, this one just as cute as her daughter.
Surprised Daddy Page 15
