by Simon Archer
Finally, I had to figure out what was going on with the Destroyer King stuff. I’d acquired two pieces, the Sword and the Gauntlet, and while I wasn’t sure how many pieces there were, the drawing let me know that there were at least a few more. Like those sweet pauldrons.
“Is there anything else we can get you?” Zemia said, and I’ll be honest, the sound of her voice shocked me back to reality because I’d been lost in my own thoughts for the entire walk back.
“I don’t think so,” I said with a smile as we entered the village. “Just a heartfelt goodbye.”
“We’re definitely going to miss you,” Elephelie said as she hugged me. “You better come back.”
“Yes,” Zemia added as she joined her sister in hugging me. “I will wait for your return. Hopefully, it is sooner rather than later.”
There was no question we would be back, but there was also no question that it was time to go. Still, I was ready to get back to work and get focused on the next few tasks I needed to do.
Back on Earth, I would have done that during my late-night runs where I would look up and see the stars sprawled out above me. Now, I was among those stars and could traverse them with ease. It was kind of incredible when I thought about it.
“We’ll let Jodie know you’re returning,” Zemia said as I contacted Gobta and my Hudson over our link and let them know they would be going back into my Auric Pocket until I could resummon them on the other side
“Thanks. I appreciate that.” I looked back at Queenie and nodded. “You ready?”
“As ready as I ever am,” Queenie said with a slight frown. “I don’t much enjoy the Pocket.”
“It won’t be for long,” I said. Then I stepped through the portal and had my composite particles ripped apart and reassembled in the Halls of Research. After quickly summoning Queenie, Gobta, and Hudson back from the Auric Pocket, I looked at them in turn.
“You know, I don’t say this a lot, but thanks for all your help on Amorphie. I couldn’t have done it without you guys.” I smiled at them.
“I am just happy to be of service, master,” Queenie said though her cheeks were pink.
“As am I.” Hudson nodded fervently. “Being around you is all the reward I could ever ask for.”
“It’s okay.” Gobta shrugged. “Better than being dead, that’s for sure.”
“I suppose that is true,” I said with a laugh. “I’m going to go check on Melanie and Veronica. So, you guys are free to go do whatever you like for now.”
“Thank you, my liege,” Hudson said as he turned toward Queenie. “What shall we do--”
Hudson’s words were cut off as Gobta grabbed both him and Queenie by the arms. “Come on. We’re going to train in the training room.” He began dragging them away. “We all need to get stronger if we’re going to help our liege face Zaxcs. Besides, I want to try out my new ring. And you,” he glanced at Hudson, “need to test out your teapot.”
Leaving them to their devices, I made my way toward Melanie’s laboratory. It wasn’t a far walk, and as I traveled through the now pristine Halls of Research, I couldn’t help but feel like it was good to be back. After all, while this wasn’t my system, it still felt like it was my home base.
But maybe that was just because the people I cared for lived here. Speaking of which…
“Hey, Melanie, long time no see,” I said as I knocked on the open door to her lab, which had the opposite effect of what I’d wanted because she leapt straight into the air and her tail poofed up.
“Janus, Garrett, you scared the nightlights out of me,” she said as she whirled to face me, one hand clutched over her heaving chest. The blonde catgirl was a bit disheveled, and if I didn’t know better, I’d have almost thought she’d slept in her lab coat or eaten in it because I swore those looked like ketchup and mustard stains.
“Sorry,” I said a bit sheepishly. “I actually tried to not do that.”
“Well, it didn’t work.” She laughed. “But since you’re here, I suppose you want to know where we stand on the protozoa.”
“That is exactly what I came to find out.” I grinned as I moved beside her.
“It’s nice to know you like me for my brain,” she said as she swept a lock of blonde hair out of her face and tucked it behind a cat ear. “Anyway, this is where we’re at.” She waved a hand, and a darkened screen to my left turned translucent, revealing what looked like several Petri dishes with glowing text above them. Unfortunately, while I could understand basic biology, chemistry, and whatnot, this text was written in a language I couldn’t understand.
“So, uh, what’s that mean,” I said with a flick of my wrist. “I can’t make heads nor tails of that.”
“Oh, yeah.” Melanie flushed. “I’ve been using Felinese. It’s much more conducive to scientific research than Basic, which was what the system used before.”
“Weird,” I said as I stared at the strange symbols. They almost reminded me of the Asian kanji languages, but, well, different. “You’d think they would auto-translate.”
“Yeah, also my fault. I turned off the auto-translate feature to conserve computing power. I figured I’d be the only one reading it so…” She flushed a bit brighter. “I can turn it back on…?” She left the sentence hanging in a way that made me think she didn’t actually want to do that.
“It’s fine.” I waved it off. “Just tell me what I’m looking at.”
“Nothing too complicated.” Melanie gestured at the Petri dishes. “Basically, I’m slowly changing the chemistry of the dishes so that it gets closer to that of Ares with each generation.” She smirked. “And adding a healthy amount of pixie dust while I’m at it to speed things up. It’s a bit more complicated than last time, though, because I’m sort of trying to create a few different strains so we can mimic what would have happened on a normal planet where several types evolved in the different biospheres. That way, we can try introducing them to the different areas within Ares.”
“Okay, yeah, that makes sense,” I said as I took that all in. “Like what we did with the cyanobacteria to create the atmosphere.”
“Exactly.” She beamed at me. “You aren’t just a pretty face.”
“I try to pay attention.” I shrugged. “So, when will it be ready? Because if it is gonna take a long time, then I’m going to go plant my dungeon core.”
“How long do you need for that?” the catgirl inquired as I saw math spin behind her eyeballs.
“That might take a month or more.” I shrugged. “It’s hard to tell, but it won’t be a short time.”
“This won’t take that long.” Melanie shook her head. “Maybe a week? At most?”
“Oh…” I nodded. “Guess I’ll, um… go find something worthwhile to do until then?”
5
“Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy or Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul?” I asked as I looked at my friends. We stood in our training room in the Halls of Research, only I’d used the console to make it look like a rather quaint coffee shop. It was exactly like the place I remembered being down the street from my house when I was in my teens, and if I was totally honest, it was where I’d also been the subject of many poetry slams. Hey, what can I say? Poetry girls are hot, what with their glasses and poems...
“I know he is speaking words because I understand each and every word he said,” Jodie shot a cautious look at the two other catgirl scientists standing near her, Melanie and a busty brunette named Veronica, “But I’m not sure they fit together in the way he thinks they do.”
“I concur,” Gobta said as he shook his head. “My liege is not making any sense.”
“I prefer tea personally, master. It goes much better with honey than whatever the other thing is,” Queenie said or, well, tried to say because her mouth was so full of honey that her words were more “mmph, mmph, mmph.” I understood her anyway because we had a mental link.
“Now, Queenie, what have I told you about talking with your mouth full?” Jodie shot the Ant Queen
a hard look.
“That it’s not very ladylike.” Queenie shrugged and dug her ladle into the Golden Bear’s Honey Pot. “And I thought about how I felt about that, then realized that my master is the best master ever. He would love me no matter what and he doesn’t care about stupid things like societal constructs that keep you from enjoying sweets at every possible time.” She smiled wide, allowing honey to drip down her teeth like venom. “Also, I’m not a squishy little catgirl, so mind your own fucking business.” Then she pulled the ladle out of the honey pot and shoved it into her mouth.
“Whatever.” Jodie rolled her eyes so hard that I thought they’d slip back into her skull. “So, what the hell are you talking about anyway, Garrett?”
“Okay, so, like when I was in high school, I got really into Douglas Adams. He was an author, and of all the books he wrote, these two are my favorite.” I pointed to the table beside me, which had several copies of the two novels sitting on it. Or was it upon it? Maybe that was just when you left keys? Anyway, it doesn’t matter. “I figured maybe it would be fun if we did, like, a book club thing. We could each take turns picking the books and then meet back every week to discuss them?”
“This sounds suspiciously nerdy,” Gobta said and harrumphed even though I caught him giving The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul the side-eye of intrigue. “And that says it’s book two. How can you expect us to begin with a book two?”
“Oh, trust me. It will be totally fine.” I laughed as I rubbed the back of my neck. “I actually started with book two for that series, so I wanted you guys to have the same experience I did.”
“You know,” Melanie said as she moved closer and then picked up a copy of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, “I think this is a really sweet idea. I would love to be part of it.”
“I agree, my most extraordinarily brilliant liege,” Hudson said as he picked up a copy of the Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul. “But how am I to choose between the two books if you like them both? They must both be truly wondrous tales.”
“I agree with Hudson,” Queenie mmphed around a mouthful of honey. “I cannot possibly pick between them, master.” She made big bug eyes at me, which was, oddly enough, strangely endearing. “Which do you think we should read?”
“I don’t really have a dog in this fight,” Veronica said before I could respond, “but I’m a catgirl, and I love reading.” She picked up a copy of both books. “Like, I bet these don’t even last me an afternoon.” She smiled brightly. “I’m warning you now though, I read so many books that sometimes I don’t remember them, so I always appreciate when authors put a little thing at the start of sequels so that I remember what the hell happened in the previous books.”
“You mean to say that if this was a book,” I smirked at her, “you’d want the author to say something like: Garrett Andrews, Earth’s greatest video game champion has been tasked by the Goddess Rhapsody to save the universe from Zaxcs, so now he must terraform an entire planet, build alliances with alien races, and grow as strong as possible in the shortest amount of time?”
“Not really.” Veronica shook her head. “That’s more like the blurb of a book. What I’d more want is something that’s like, ‘Last time, our intrepid hero Garrett Andrews successfully unlocked the Halls of Research, conquered the Amorphie dungeon world, and returned home with a dungeon core. Let’s see what happens next.’”
“Don’t forget that he also banged two hot alien fish women,” Gobta added helpfully. “They were sisters and princesses.”
“I’m not sure we need to know that to enjoy Garrett’s story,” Jodie said with a shrug.
“We do if it is my kind of story.” Gobta laughed as he picked up a copy of both books and casually flipped through them. “So, do these have like… sex scenes?” He looked at me. “I really enjoy books with lots of gratuitous sex scenes, especially if the main character has sex with lots of hot alien women.” He rubbed his chin. “Or maybe civilization building?”
“Those don’t have anything like that really,” I answered. “Also, I wasn’t sure if that would appeal to everyone in the group.”
“I appreciate that,” Melanie said as she hugged the books to her chest. “I’ll be honest, I really prefer stories where the main character is a normal girl, and she somehow manages to catch the eye of a fanciful billionaire scientist fairy king.” She got a dreamy look in her eyes. “And he takes her away to his tower and forces her to do stuff for him, only the whole time he’s really mean to her, but she just keeps trying to persevere and eventually the mean ol’ dark king realizes that he has fallen madly in love with her.” She grinned brightly. “Those are just the absolute best.”
“Sounds like a tale as old as time,” I said with a laugh.
“More like Stockholm syndrome,” Jodie said as she elbowed Veronica in the side. “Am I right?”
“I think they can be sweet,” Veronica hedged. “Honestly, though, I really like dungeon core books. Especially when they have a ton of statistics.” She looked down at the two books. “It’s actually sort of like civilization books, but around killing people.” She glanced at Gobta. “You’d probably like them.”
“Sounds like something that would have elves,” the Hobgoblin King snorted, “and elves really serve no purpose at all. Why, if I saw an elf, I’d just punch him right in the face.”
“Uh, well, these books aren’t anything like that.” I scrubbed my face with my hand, suddenly worried this was a bad idea. “But I look forward to you all picking books to read--”
I’d have said more, but an alarm went off, hitting my thoughts harder than a truck slamming into an isekai protagonist, and as I turned toward the sound in disbelief, I realized my favorite Halls of Research AI was back.
“Greetings, adventurers,” the Doctor said. He was the AI that controlled the Halls of Research, and as his voice echoed throughout the room, a construct of his huge face appeared in front of us. He looked vaguely like an orc pirate. Only he wore a shirt, so he was a lot less badass and a lot more blue, so really, he reminded me of an orcish Zordon. That’s a Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers reference, by the way.
“Let me guess, you need a team of sassy teens with attitude to fight an ages-old evil?” I asked as I raised an eyebrow at him.
“How… how did you know?” the Doctor asked, suddenly confused. “Well, it’s no matter.” The scenery in the Training Room flickered to show a city being ravaged by a giant golden dog beast kaiju thing. “Your job is to complete training sequence K and stop him. Doing so will keep Thrall’s infection at bay, but time isn’t on our side.” A timer with an hour on it appeared in the upper right corner of the room. “Will you help me?”
The Doctor has offered you a quest. Defeat Training Sequence K and stop Thrall’s infection from spreading. Would you like to accept? Yes or no?
“I don’t think we have much of a choice,” I said as I looked around the room and found my friends and allies nodding. “I accept.”
“Thank you,” the Doctor replied, and as he spoke, there was a flash of red light, and I suddenly felt something in my hand. “You have been given the power of dinosaurs to complete your quest. Go now and defeat the monster Greta Grendel has sent forth from the abyss.”
6
The next thing I knew, I was standing on the rooftop of a skyscraper in a battle-torn city with my friends. All around us, I could see various multi-armed gray monsters trashing the place, though they seemed to be led by a giant golden dragon with a wolf face.
“Right,” I said as I opened my hand and stared at the golden coin resting on my palm with the image of an orc with a pirate hat emblazoned on it. “So, uh… how do I use this thing?”
“Like this!” Jodie cried as she held her own coin overhead. “Stegosaurus!”
In an instant, pink light wrapped around Jodie before solidifying into a bright pink mech suit that was both humanoid and stegosaurus-like at the same time, so really, it just sorta looked like Godzilla. Only pink.
/> “Oh-Em-Gee,” Melanie said as she put her hands on her face. “This is just like that show she likes.” She shook her head. “The Flower Sailors.”
“Well, you know what that means?” Veronica said as she held up her own coin. “It’s Flowerin’ time! Woolly Mammoth!”
There was a flash of black light as Veronica transformed into a giant black as night mech that reminded me of the Hindu god Ganesha because it was an elephant-headed humanoid. Though, I couldn’t help but note that this mech still had both tusks.
“Smilodon!” Melanie cried as well. Like the other two catgirls, she transformed, only Melanie’s mech, while bright yellow, looked almost exactly like her because it was a giant catgirl wearing a miniskirt, only with saber-toothed tiger fangs.
“That one feels like a cop-out,” Gobta said as he looked at the three catgirls, who immediately began posing, and the strange thing was that as I watched Jodie strike a pose where she put two fingers by her temple while putting the other on her hip, I saw a strange Auric glow surround them… almost like they were powering up.
There was a loud crash beside us, and as I turned my head toward it to see one of the gray monsters heading right toward us, Jodie leapt into action.
“Die, foul fiend!” she cried, her voice somehow magnified to a booming crescendo as her mech landed on the ground beside the building and seemed to grow in size until it was also the size of a skyscraper. “Know the power of my true love!”
Then she made a heart with her hands around where her own heart would be before thrusting it forward until her arms were outstretched. There was a crack of lightning as bright pink sparks began to ripple off her hands an instant before an immense shimmering heart of pure pink energy exploded outward. The blast hit the creature like a Special Beam Cannon and tore a hole straight through it before blasting off into the ether.
