by Simon Archer
“I mean, aliens can look different…” I shrugged as I looked around. “Do you think they are here?” I gestured at the hulking Dyson Sphere. “Like maybe they’re in cryosleep or something?” There had definitely been instances in Terra Forma where I’d come across things like that. It seemed unlikely that I wouldn’t sense them, but given that their weird energy shield had actually hurt me a lot while in god form, who knew what else they could do? I mean, they had built a Dyson sphere, after all.
“If they are, I’ll find them.” She tapped her fingers on the seal. “There is no power at all here.” Her ears twitched. “At least nothing my ears can pick up.”
“I agree with the lack of power,” Veronica chimed in. “Also, don’t take the space lizard stuff seriously. There was a Caturday morning cartoon with evil space dragons.” I literally heard Veronica’s eye roll. “Jodie was quite fond of it, and the intrepid hero who battled them.”
“Do not speak ill of Felinus!” Jodie snarled as she pointed at the symbol. “Like, how does that not remind you of the Space Drakon?”
“I’m not saying it doesn’t.” Veronica laughed. “But you should focus on the task at hand. Just because it doesn’t seem to be powered up, doesn't mean there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Pfft… don’t worry about me,” Jodie said with a grin. “I’m fantastic. After all, I never thought I would be standing in a Dyson sphere.”
Jodie smiled at me, and I simply took a moment to take a good look at her beauty. The chainmail bikini always took a second to get used to… not that I was complaining. I mean, I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten lucky enough to be surrounded by so many good-looking people. I felt okay saying that because Gobta wasn’t here, and even though I liked him, Gobta was not a good-looking Hobgoblin.
“Man, I can’t wait to figure this thing out.” She gestured up at the massive structure, built to gather and harvest the sun’s energy. “I mean, I have no idea how you lucked into finding this. My hats are off to you, truly, but we’re going to have to make some upgrades and get this thing going again. And we’re going to need to mine some of these planets for their materials to use. The amount of time we have saved by already having a mostly built one of these is exponential and cannot be overstated, but we still have a lot of work to do.”
“Is there anything you want me to do?” I asked, and Jodie shrugged.
“Not really?” She shrugged again. “I mean, I need to walk this entire thing and check it out.” She pointed at a wall. “I mean, I don’t even know what kind of metal that is.” She paused a beat. “Do you, Veronica?”
“No. The scans are coming up inconclusive.” Veronica sighed. “I think it might actually be some kind of synthetic polymer. Any chance you can bring me some to analyze here?”
“I suppose I could do that. I should probably check on Gobta as well.” I glanced at Jodie, who was already breaking out her kit and busily scanning the hallway around us. “Are you sure you will be okay here by yourself?”
“Actually,” Jodie looked over at me, “could you send me your Hudson? That way, if I need someone to do something dangerous, he can do it instead of me?”
“That, I can do.” I took a moment to reach out to the Amorphie Priest, who was back in the Halls of Research. “You busy?”
“No, my liege. How can I be of assistance?” Hudson’s voice was cheery even through the link. “Do you need a back rub? I’ve been perfecting my technique, after all.”
“No, thanks,” I said. “I’ll be fine without a backrub. I actually have something else for you to do.”
“What is it, my liege?” He practically bounced from foot to foot with excitement.
“Are you busy?” I asked, even though I could have just told him what to do. Something about that felt like a dick move.
“I am not. Queenie and I were just working on our fist bump.” There was sound, and I realized he was talking to Queenie. “But it is not yet ready.”
“Right, okay. I’m going to summon you to me.” I did just that, and a second later, he appeared next to me.
“Hello!” he gushed as he looked around. “What is this place, my liege?”
“The remains of an advanced civilization,” I said with a shrug. “I think.”
“It’s the greatest technological find of the, well, ever,” Jodie said with her hands on her hips.
“Right, which is why we need your help.” I gestured at Jodie. “Stick with Jodie here. Do whatever she tells you to do and, most importantly, keep her safe.” I gave him a serious look. “I’m counting on you.”
“You can count on me, my liege!” Hudson looked over at Jodie and went for a fist bump. “Jodie, would you like to fist bump me? Queenie and I have our own fun one, but I bet we could make our own too.”
Jodie rolled her eyes and begin walking to another part within the sphere. “No, I’m good.”
“I’ll be back faster than two shakes of a cat’s whisker,” I said as she rolled her eyes again. Then I teleported back outside, ripped off a chunk of the shell from the ragged bits by the star, and teleported to the Hall of Mirrors so I could deliver it to Veronica in the Halls of Research.
9
Gobta
Poseidon. The blue planet. “The god of the Sea,” was what my liege had named it after. He was smart and unfairly revered sometimes by women, though, since they were all so hideous, it was hard to be jealous really. After all, I wouldn’t want to touch any of them on pain of death… just the thought… ugh.
Still, Garrett was the kind of guy who, when he walked into a room, his dick had already been there for fifteen minutes, and I supposed that even ugly girls wanted a piece of that now and then. It really was a kindness that he helped them in that way.
“Poseidon.” I rolled the name around on my tongue as I passed a few of its moons on my way in, and I remembered that Queenie and I had logged ten moons, and I was happy to see that there were still ten of them. “The blue planet.”
The name made sense, I guess blue was what water was colored, and the sea was blue. The truth of why I had originally chosen it was more of a simple process of elimination. I liked eliminating things with my hands, though. Or with Sparkle and Burningdeath. I just liked the big floating blue ball. And when I set my mind on something, it was what it was. No tricks, nothing to change it. I had changed my mind one time in my life, and that, of course, was to serve my liege when I’d originally meant to kill him but to be fair, there were extenuating circumstances involved.
Not that it mattered. Here I was, serving him, and floating in the void of space as I headed toward the rotating planet.
The skill that he had gained to allow my free jaunt to Poseidon had helped me exist in another dimension or on another world like him. This was useful and probably necessary as there were a lot of things trying to kill us all over, and even a god needed some help now and then. It also meant that, although we would still be tethered telepathically, he wouldn’t necessarily be able to come to my aid, especially if he were in another system.
That meant I had a little more freedom than I’d previously had, and part of me was strangely pleased that he trusted me so much. After all, we had started out as enemies, and now, here I was, about to become a Dungeon King-Lord-God.
Lightning bolts lit up the side of the planet as I approached, and I was now close enough to see into the planet’s atmosphere. I imagined the crackling storms and all the unbearable elements that would exist there and was hoping not to run into too many problems on the natural disaster end of things. My goal was just to get this dungeon core in and then begin turning the planet into a place of unparalleled doom.
I turned and looked at the planet. Most gas giants didn’t really have a surface on their planet in the traditional sense. They mostly just had a super-heated solid core that made things rather difficult. Poseidon seemed an exception. Atmospheres become denser towards the core of the planet, and although ice giants are not the same as a normal gas giant, they were supposedl
y similar in that they don’t usually have a defined surface.
I had noticed a frozen surface on this planet, though, but there would be no liquid water around. It was far too cold for that. Poseidon’s mass was only made up of around twenty percent hydrogen and helium, while it was mostly made up of the heavier elements of oxygen, carbon, nitrogen, and sulfur.
Man, was I thirsty. Black Hells, I hadn’t had a drink since the last time I had a drink. And that had been a while ago. Nothing about this planet screamed refreshing cool drink either. A lot about this planet screamed cold, ice, and supercritical fluids.
“How about there, Mr. Core?” I pointed at the south pole of the planet which, compared to the crackling electricity of some of the other parts of its “surface” and other extreme areas, looked relatively tame.
As I slowly ascended up through the cold, liquid-like atmosphere, I couldn’t help but feel as if I was in some sort of gooey quicksand. It was thick and thin at the same time, the pressure building as we moved further in. Beings were not meant to explore this planet or maybe any planet. Beings were not meant to conquer the stars either probably, but then again, here I was, Gobta the Space Hobgoblin Necromancer King.
I needed to get to the core of the planet, the rock and ice underneath everything. The dungeon core was a water dungeon core, so shoving it deep into the planet was required. But it was going to take a while, and I was likely to just continue going, and going, and going.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” I shouted into the elements as I moved ever downward.
Black Hells, was it cold. Despite being made of pure Aura, I could feel the hydrogen and helium interacting within and around me, and I could feel the carbon and nitrogen, sulfur and oxygen all around my face. I had to squint my way down to twenty-twenty vision.
I clutched the dungeon core tightly to my chest as we continued moving deeper through the planet. My visibility was decreasing as I didn’t feel so much as if I was falling, but rather just being spun around in a tank of frozen goo.
THWACK!
Ow. That hurt. Ouch. I’d finally hit the surface. No surprise that it was cold and frozen. But what a world! I stared out in amazement at the world I would rule with an iron, dungeony fist.
It was perfect. Stark and filled with peaks and valleys that were covered in layers and layers of ice. The ice was a sort of opaque light blue and green, rather than translucent, but I found I rather liked it. A steady, battering wind disorientated the senses, and powerful storms brewed far off in the distance. It was a little like being on that ice planet Hoth that my liege always talked about, only way more cold and deadly.
Speaking of my liege, if he hadn’t infused me with so much godly Aura, I wouldn’t have been able to descend onto this surface without splattering into pieces. Now, though, after I had also used the little bit of extra meat on my bones to cushion myself, I couldn’t help but be happy for the opportunity to be here.
A loud WHOOSH came around a large mountain of ice behind me right before a massive gust of wind sent me flying onto my rear end.
I stood back up and looked around again. There was a small sort of opening underneath the mountain that was behind us.
“Well, looks as good of a place as any to plant a dungeon core,” I said to the core which didn’t respond.
I took that for agreement and began to trek through the elements. It was a bit strange because even though Queenie and I had gathered a bunch of our ice from here when we had cataloged its resources and moons, the place felt untouched and natural, which was absolutely perfect. The less here when I planted the core, the less there would be to fuck with it before I’d completed my project.
I approached the base of the mountain and found that the clearing opened slightly. It wasn’t very big, you could probably fit, eh, let’s say, hmm, three shields across. Which meant that I could easily get by.
“You know, this reminds me of a time before I even served our lord,” I said to the core.
I wasn’t too far away from the entrance, but I still had a little ways to go.
“It was a magical time in a land far away, but similar to this place,” I explained as I marched forward. “I don’t think it was as cold, though.”
“Anyway,” I told the core, “we had just finished leaving the town of Lorax. Now, that was a proper pillaging. I can still smell the fires burning the town to the ground.”
I looked up and smiled. It was a lovely memory. “That town was shit, and they had a bunch of assholes too. People nobody would miss. Anyway, we were headed back with our armada, watching the city burn behind us. It was snowing when we left, winter was coming. But it hadn’t arrived yet, we figured we still had a fortnight before the heavy stuff hit. And we were out on the water, headed back to a nearby port, maybe a two days’ sail away.”
I approached the entrance to the ice mountain and slowly entered. A small clearing had been carved out by the natural erosion of time underneath the mountain, and a kitchen-sized area that offered protection from the elements had been further chiseled out. The mountain was a massive, gigantic skyscraper that stretched forever into the sky.
“So, we’re out on the water, and these heavy winds kick up,” I continued, my voice echoing a bit in the cave. “Then these big waves started rocking the boats. We’re out there in formation. I’m in the lead boat, and it’s dark outside, so we can no longer see the smoldering city behind us. And snow starts coming down. I mean, it starts really coming down. Now, we’re out there just rocking around, nobody can see anything except white. You can hear the wind, you can feel the waves smashing into the boats, but you can only see white flakes flying into your eyes. We got lost, took us ten days to get back.” I shrugged nonchalantly. “We were the only ship that made it. This wind… well, it’s worse than that.”
The core didn’t respond as I walked around in the small space and looked at the base of the mountain we were under.
“In case you were wondering, Mr. Core, there is a real purpose to the story. You can have a whole fleet of experts and still get lost,” I said quietly as I pulled the core out of my inventory and looked at it. Then I held the dungeon core slowly and carefully several inches off the ground.
I stayed like that for several moments before the thing began to illuminate ever so slightly, a blue light that let me know we were deep enough within the planet for this to work. A moment later, the core began to hover above the ground, and I pulled my hands back.
The core continued to hover in the air, and as I stared at it, I held my hands at my side and said the words inscribed on the core, “Please accept the merging of these two broken entities.” I took a deep breath. “Come heaven, come hell, to all who will pass, we wish you well.”
As I finished speaking, the core began to spin quickly and disappear into the blue fog it was animated in. It was still visible until a small hole opened underneath it, and the fog and the core disappeared. It was silent for several moments.
Then Organus appeared before me. Well, a sort of Organus appeared before me because instead of being a massive squid creature like he had been in the memory my liege had shared with me, he was, instead, about my size and had a bright blue cape wrapped around him.
“So,” the ocean Tartaran said as he turned in a slow circle to survey Poseidon. “This is my new home.” He turned to me. “I approve, hobgoblin.”
“I’m glad,” I said with a shrug. “It was either here, or a collapsing star planet.” I gestured at the surroundings. “Since you’re a giant fish monster, I figured you’d prefer this.”
“You would be correct. The only thing dying stars are good for is to forge weapons.” He met my eyes then, and I got the feeling he saw every ounce of my being. “So, shall we begin crafting this dungeon?” He watched me for a moment. “It is not so hard as you might think. Simply think, and I will do my best to bring your vision into reality.”
“Right,” I said as I rubbed my hands together. “So, what I want is something with lots of spi
kes that drip invisible poison. Something that only someone devastatingly handsome could ever come up with.”
“I am not sure why that’s a requirement,” Organus said as he shut his eyes. “But I will do as you ask.” There was a flash, and then a paintbrush appeared between us, only instead of paint, it appeared like it was filled with golden metal. “Whatever you touch with that brush shall be turned into spikes that drip invisible poison.”
“Devastatingly handsome poison?” I asked as I picked up the brush, and very tentatively swiped it across a small piece of ice. Sure enough, it did produce golden spikes.
“Of course.” He grinned. “Is there any other kind?”
10
“Well, here’s your metal-polymer stuff,” I said as I handed the chunk of Dyson sphere that I’d torn off the structure to Veronica. We were standing in her lab in the Halls of Research, and as the dark-skinned catgirl took it from me, she smiled brightly.
“Thanks, Garrett.” She patted my hand. “I appreciate you playing the interstellar delivery boy even though you’re an actual god of a solar system.”
“Well, being a god has its perks, but so does being a delivery boy from time to time,” I said as she placed the metal in a giant, green, egg-like device that was roughly the size of a small Buick.
“Like what?” she asked as she hit a few buttons on the side, turned some dials, and twisted some knobs before finally pulling a couple of levers. “Like, sometimes the girl doesn’t have money to pay, so she has to pay with… other things?” She turned and looked at me, only she wasn’t really seeing me as she licked her lips. “And you’re a gentleman, so you try to refuse her advances, right? You insist that you need the money, but you can’t be rude because you need the tips, but she has another tip in mind for you, huh?”
