“That’s impossible.” Anna collapsed against the pillows and threw her forearm over her eyes. “I’m barren.”
“Who told you that nonsense?” Leah shook her head. “I can assure you they were quite mistaken.”
“I visited specialists in Philadelphia.”
“Anyone can call themselves a specialist.” Leah huffed. “That doesn’t mean they are. I encounter this sort of thing all the time. I once had to counsel a woman after a so-called specialist convinced her that drinking rum each evening would cure infertility. Rum! Can you imagine?”
Anna had been given the same advice, but she couldn’t abide strong spirits. “Actually, I can imagine.”
“You poor dear. I’m sorry you didn’t encounter a doctor with more sense.”
Anna took a moment to think. The nausea, the fatigue... All these recent symptoms might indicate a pregnancy, but they were also symptoms of the flu and effects of the stress she’d suffered. Could she actually be pregnant?
“But I was married for two years. I’ve never had a regular cycle. I can’t get pregnant or I’d have had children by now.”
“Not necessarily. The human body is a delicate balance.” Leah asked a few more questions and patted her hand. “Judging by your symptoms and your answers, I’d say you’re due in November.”
“How can you be so certain?”
“Dr. Mason suspected as much, as well.”
“Dr. Mason? But she didn’t say anything.”
“She asked me about a rather unusual case. No names were mentioned, of course, but I’m not a complete fool. When you visited her after the shoot-out, she suspected a pregnancy.”
“But why didn’t she say anything?” Anna replayed their encounter in her head. “She did mention the possibility, but I discounted her suggestion.”
“Dr. Mason is an excellent physician, but she’s sometimes baffled by deeper, conflicting emotions. She’s very practical, you see. She didn’t understand why you weren’t acknowledging the pregnancy. I thought perhaps grief had colored your thinking. Mourning takes a great deal of energy, after all. Dr. Mason simply assumed that events would work themselves out. That your advancing pregnancy would eventually force you to confront the issue.”
“She was right.” Joy and confusion together in a confusing tangle of emotions. Anna was excited and terrified all at the same time. “What do I do now?”
There was a child to consider now. A new life inside her. She pressed her hand over her stomach, and a growing sense of wonder filled her heart.
Tears burned behind her eyes and she choked back a sob. Why now? Why after all this time, when she had no means to support a child, had God finally granted her the gift?
Anna blinked rapidly. “I don’t know what to do.”
Her future had changed in the blink of an eye. She wasn’t just looking out for herself, she was solely responsible for the innocent life of a child. From this moment on, all her decisions hinged on what was best for the baby.
“You’re recently widowed,” Leah said.
“Yes, three months.”
“I understand if you’re overwhelmed, but I’m here to help. I don’t know Russ well, but Daniel and Will trust him.”
Anna didn’t have to question Leah. She knew what the woman was leaving unspoken. It seemed everyone in town was playing matchmaker between her and Russ. Her throat tightened with emotion. “He asked me to marry him.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him no. I told him that I couldn’t have children.” She brushed at the blanket Leah had draped over her. “He was being kind. We knew each other in Philadelphia.”
“He’s a good man. He wouldn’t have offered otherwise.” Leah plucked a handkerchief from her sleeve and extended her hand. “It’s all right if you want to cry. Pregnancy has a way of muddling our emotions.”
“I don’t cry,” Anna insisted, her voice trembling.
“And you don’t faint either.” Leah offered an indulgent smile. “I know it’s a lot to think about, but you’re not alone anymore. You have another life to consider.”
A sense of wonder and hope filled her. The sentiment was quickly followed by a shaft of abject terror. Anna pressed her hand against her belly where her child was growing. She had no money to care for herself. How was she going to care for a child?
“Russ is extremely worried about you,” Leah said. “I’d best assure him that you’re all right. He’s pacing divots in the carpets.”
“Would you mind sending him in?”
“Are you certain? Take as much time alone as you need. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like. We’ve got plenty of space. You’ve had quite a shock, and I’m sure you have a lot to think about.”
“Russ has been very kind to me. I don’t want him to worry unduly.”
“If you’re not ready to talk about your condition, your secret is safe with me. I’ll only assure him that you’re not dying of some terrible disease.”
“It’s all right. I don’t mind telling him myself.”
“I think you’re making the right choice.” Leah stood and swept her skirts aside. “I’ll be right back. Would you like me to bring you some dessert?”
“Not just yet.”
Russ appeared a moment later, his hair disheveled as though he’d run his fingers through the strands dozens of times. His tie hung loosely from his collar, and he’d unbuttoned his vest.
“Are you all right?” He took the seat beside the bed. “You gave us all quite a fright. I wanted to send for Dr. Mason, but Leah said it wasn’t necessary. Are you certain you don’t want the doctor?” He stood again and jerked his thumb over one shoulder. “I can fetch her.”
“I’m fine, Russ.” She drew in a deep breath, knowing there would never be a better time than the present to share her secret. “Remember when I said that I couldn’t have children?”
Russ frowned. “Yes.”
“I was wrong. According to Leah, I’m expecting a baby.”
She felt as though a tremendous weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Hiding her pregnancy from Russ served no purpose. He was her closest friend in town, and she needed all the help she could get.
Russ bolted from his chair. “A baby?”
“Yes. I’d been told by the specialists in Philadelphia that I couldn’t have children. I guess they were wrong.”
“Are you certain?”
“Yes. Leah is certain, and when I think of all the symptoms I’ve been having, everything makes sense. The fatigue, the illness, the cravings. Everything fits.” She rested a hand on her stomach. “Leah thinks the baby should be born around November.”
“That’s a marvelous time to have a baby.” He took the seat once more and folded his hands in his lap. “My offer still stands. I’ll take good care of you.”
All her doubts came rushing back. Deep in her heart, she’d known he’d renew his offer. He was a good man, and he wouldn’t let her face this alone. But there were other considerations. “What about the baby? Can you love the baby?”
“Yes.”
She hesitated. “I don’t think you should make any hasty decisions.”
Hiding her past was more important than ever. The life growing inside her deserved a future untainted by the sins of the father. Sadie had proven she could be trusted. This far west, there’d been nothing in the newspapers she’d seen, and she reasoned that as the story faded into the past, there were no doubt other scandals crowding the front pages back east. Perhaps with a new name, she’d be shielded from any rumors that might travel this way. Dare she hope?
At her momentary silence, Russ seemed to grow unsure. He leaned back, and his eyes seemed to darken. “You know, Anna, you don’t have to settle,” he said. “If it’s not me, there are other men in town, good men. Any man would be blessed to have you as a wife.”
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“I fear you’d be the one who was settling.”
What did she have to offer? Another man’s child? He was far better off with someone else, but a selfish part of her wanted him all to herself.
“I don’t want you to feel trapped.” He stood and turned toward the window, appearing almost boyishly uncertain. She could picture him as a child, smooth-cheeked and whip-thin, his eyes still that enticing shade of hazel. After a moment, he turned back to her, and she saw the tentativeness in his eyes. “You’ve had quite a shock. But I think we’d suit. We get along well enough, don’t we? And you used to like my jokes.”
Her heart ached at his uncertainty. “I still like your jokes.”
She should be the one trying to convince him, yet it was he in that role. She found it endearing. If she wasn’t careful, she’d fall hopelessly in love with this man. She feared she was already balanced on the precipice. It was best, though, if she protected her heart.
“What do you want Anna?” he asked, a heartbreaking note of doubt in his voice. “What’s best for you?”
“I don’t care what’s best for me anymore. I have a child to think about. I have to do what’s best for my baby. You understand that, don’t you?”
He leaned closer, and she fought the urge to collapse in his arms. He was strong and powerful; he’d keep her and her child safe. She wanted to lift this incredible weight from her shoulders, if only for a moment.
“I think so.” He took her hand, his thumbs turning comforting circles in her palm. “Tomasina was trying to tell me something at supper the other night. She kept saying that life was different for a woman. That your choices were harder. I think she suspected. About the baby.”
Snippets of conversations came rushing back. “It seem everyone knew but me.”
Perhaps Dr. Mason was right. Perhaps she’d been denying the truth to herself because she didn’t want to face it. These past few months had been uncertain chaos. Her future had crumbled. But now...this was her chance to start over. This was her chance to erase the past.
Russ cupped her cheek. “Sometimes we’re simply too close to the problem.”
Her skin tingled beneath his hand, and her gaze dropped to his lips. Loving this man would be very dangerous, indeed. He could hurt her worse than Edward ever had. She’d walled herself off from her late husband and built a barrier around her heart.
Russ’s kindness had the potential to wound her far more than Edward’s cruelty. She couldn’t bear being a disappointment to him. “I won’t be able to work as much after I have the baby.”
“You don’t have to work at all. You never did. Let me take care of you. Let me take care of you and the baby.”
She desperately wanted to say yes. She wanted to hand over her burdens for a short while. She wanted to share the weight of all her worries. She wanted to be free of this aching loneliness, if only for a short time. But if she said yes, she risked ruining everything Russ had worked for in Cowboy Creek. He wanted a career. What if he followed Will into the Senate? A sharp pain radiated through her chest. Philadelphia was too close to Washington, D.C. There were too many people who ran in the same social circles. She’d never be able to hide.
Then again, maybe he wouldn’t even want her to accompany him to Washington. Perhaps he hadn’t thought that far ahead. She glanced at him, and her heart sank. Of course he’d thought that far ahead. Much as her late husband had done, he was building a path, stone by stone, paver by paver. But that was a path she couldn’t walk beside him. If he decided to go to Washington, could she stay behind in Cowboy Creek?
“I need to think,” she said. “I want to do what’s right for everyone, not just me and the baby.”
“You don’t need to make a decision right away, but you haven’t been feeling well. The sooner you’re able to rest, the better.”
If it were only herself she had to think about, she’d refuse. But it wasn’t just her own life she had to worry about now. She had another life to think about. A precious, innocent life. There was a chance her past might never catch up to her, and she had to take that chance. She had to take the risk for the sake of her child.
“Are you quite certain this is what you want?” she asked Russ, her eyes searching his. If he wavered, even for an instant, she’d have her answer.
“I’m marrying a friend,” he said. “What else could I want?”
Love. Passion. Devotion.
All those things seemed like the foolish dreams of a naive girl. She had practical considerations now. She needed a safe place to raise her child. She needed a roof over their head and food in their bellies. Love and devotion were for romantic fools who hadn’t yet learned the cruel ways of the world.
“If you’re certain...”
“Yes,” Russ said, his voice firm. “I’m certain.”
“Then, yes,” she said, her voice growing less tentative with each word. “I accept your proposal. I will marry you.”
Before Russ could speak, she rushed to ask, “What do we do now? How does this all work?”
He reached out and patted her hand. “I can speak with the reverend first thing in the morning. Considering your condition, we should get married as soon as possible. You’ll have to quit your work at the hotel immediately. I can’t have you standing on your feet all day.”
“But I have to give them notice. I can’t simply walk away.”
“I own a ten-percent share in the hotel. Which, technically, makes me your employer. As your employer, Mrs. Linford, I’m officially giving you the sack.”
Events were moving too quickly, and her head was spinning.
Russ turned her hands over in his. “Would you like to meet my mother? Why don’t you have supper with us tomorrow?”
“I would like that,” she said, more to put him off than anything else. “How is your mother going to feel about another Darby sister?”
“She’s going to be delighted.”
Anna wasn’t quite as certain, but she’d come too far to turn back now.
On impulse, she leaned forward and kissed him. It was a light kiss, a gentle brushing of her lips against his. He froze, and she knew he hadn’t expected her to be so bold. She started to move back, but his hesitation only lasted an instant before he pulled her close. He wrapped his arms around her and cradled her against the solid muscles of his chest.
And then he was kissing her, too. His mouth felt sweetly familiar against hers, and kissing him was like falling into a wonderful dream. She buried her hands in the silky texture of his hair, reveling in the feel of him. She could have spent the rest of the evening kissing him and running her fingers through his coffee-colored hair.
Aware they were still guests of the Gardners, she broke the kiss first, though her hands lingered on his broad shoulders. “You could have anyone. Your choice of any girl you want. Why...?” She couldn’t bring herself to say why settle for me.
“If I have my choice of any girl, then I choose you. You’re my first, last and only choice.”
He touched the side of her face and she pressed her cheek into his palm. For a moment, she almost believed him.
For just this moment, she’d pretend his words were true.
* * *
Russ stacked several books in a teetering pile and grasped a handful of papers.
His mother stood on a chair beside him and dusted a wall sconce. “Are you certain this is what you want? I don’t know why you think you need to settle. You’re a handsome, successful man. You can have your pick of women.”
He was drawn back to the sweet, intimate kiss he’d shared with Anna, and a flare of heat coursed through his veins. She was his first, last and only choice, though he sensed she’d doubted his words. For the first time in his life, he felt as though he’d shatter if a woman walked away from him.
He didn’t know why his feelings were this strong, this fierce,
and he feared looking deeper into his reaction to her. He’d told himself the news that she was expecting a child was the reason for his intense feelings, but he’d known the instant she fainted in his arms that he didn’t want to ever let go. He wanted to care for her and protect her in the hopes that someday she’d return even a portion of his affections.
“Let’s face it, Mother, Adam is the handsome son,” he replied.
“Your looks are compelling.”
“That’s very diplomatic of you.” He turned in a half circle only to discover there was no place to set his paperwork. “But I’m not settling. You’ll see when you meet her this evening.”
“I realize she’s expecting a baby, and I’m delighted for more grandchildren, but darling, you don’t have to save everyone. What happened with your father wasn’t your fault.”
“You sound like Seth. He was lecturing me last week.”
“You could do worse than listen to your brother. He’s changed since he and Marigold married. I didn’t realize how much your father’s actions had affected you boys until recently.”
Facing the wall, Russ froze. “If I had been further along in my law studies, he’d still be here. I never would have let him sign those papers.”
A soft hand rested on his shoulder. “You don’t know that. I don’t believe your father made a mistake. I don’t believe he borrowed money from that awful man. I don’t believe he abandoned us.”
“We have the paperwork.” Russ turned and caught sight of the stubborn set of her chin. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
His mother grasped a stack of books and slapped the edges together, straightening them into a rigid stack. “I don’t mind speaking about what happened. Your father would never turn his back on his family. I knew him for twenty years. He wasn’t that sort of man.”
“Then what happened to him? He’s not here.”
“He’s dead. I know it. He wouldn’t sell the ranch, and they killed him because of it.”
Russ loved his mother, but he didn’t like the idea of her believing a lie. She’d never find peace if she was clinging to the past. “Ogden already owned the surrounding land. There was no reason for him to buy our ranch. There was no reason for him to kill anyone.”
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