by Crowe, Liz
“I can’t.”
“You can’t what? Open a box?”
She shifted up so her back was against the headboard and the box now in her hand. Her whole body shook. The word “yes” was on her lips. She opened it and smiled at the sight of a gorgeous emerald pendant, framed by two diamonds, all set in an art deco design of platinum. A tear dropped onto her leg. Damn the man.
She looked up, and held it out. He fastened it around her neck and the beautiful gems settled onto her chest. “It’s perfect,” she whispered, touching it like a talisman. “You’re perfect.”
“Huh, about damn time you figured that out.”
She grinned and grabbed his hand. “You’re right. Now, bring that perfection over here mister and do what you will to me. Quick. Before I explode.”
He grinned and crawled up between her legs, lapping at every inch of her skin starting low and ending with her lips, shoving his tongue between them, sweeping inside at the exact moment he penetrated her with a long, luxurious stroke of his hips. She wrapped her legs around him, took him even deeper, her body stretching to accommodate him.
“Look at me, Suzanne,” Craig whispered as he propped himself up. She put her hands to his face, ran her thumb across his lips, tilted her hips making him blow out a breath and groan. “Good God woman you are enough to make a man lose control.”
“Lose it, Craig. Don’t hold back. Please.” She cried out in pleasure when he shoved into her, pulled out then went even deeper. “I…oh…” She arched up, tightened her grip.
His thrusts got faster, but he held her gaze, then, at the last moment when her own release teetered on the horizon, threatening to bowl her over, he kissed her so hard the orgasm roared up from her core. And she finally realized all the fuss about “seeing fireworks.” Her body pulsed, spasmed and clutched at him.
He tore his lips from hers. She put her hands on his face, loving the intensity of his release.
“I feel you inside me Craig. I can feel you coming." A powerful vision flashed across her mind just then, making her heart stutter. Her body rolled through the climax, milking him, but her head ached as images of a child, a baby she would never be able to carry made tears leak from her eyes.
“Holy hell.” He sucked in deep breaths, leaned down to kiss her neck as his hips kept moving.
“That was…hey.” He stopped, seeing the tears. “You okay? Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head, furious with herself for ruining an incredible moment and determined to salvage it.
“No, no, you know, girls. We cry at the strangest moments.”
Later, after they’d shared the Imperial stout he’d been chilling and eaten more of the candies, he’d rolled over, tugged her close, curving his body around hers. But the clear as day images of a baby with a shock of blond hair and hazel eyes, looking up at her as she held it to her breast made her breathless. She finally had to slip out of bed and sit in the chair to stop the sobs racking her body.
She watched Craig sleep as she accepted two very important things at that moment. One, she did love him. Second, that she could never be his wife. He deserved someone whole, who could give him a family. He would be the most amazing father. And she could never be a mother.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Craig groaned and hit the alarm, but the damn thing kept wailing, making him clench his jaw and sit up. The familiar anger settled between his eyes, took hold of his chest as he took in the empty bedroom. His empty bedroom. His empty life.
Dammit. What was that fucking noise?
He rolled out of bed in search of the phone that must be in the other room.
He ran a hand down his rough face, noted blearily the ED number and answered.
“Doctor,” his colleague chirped into his weary brain. He dropped into a chair and listened to her, recalling the moment he realized she had the hots for him and had been flirting her ass off for months trying to get his attention.
Lynn Park was a slight woman but not one to be underestimated. She had more innate smarts, common medical sense and energy packed into her small frame than an entire department full of grown male doctors. He’d learned that the hard way.
He put a hand over his eyes, remembering their quick encounter a few nights ago, after a long, stressful shift. He’d been staring at the wall, barely seeing anything for the exhaustion coursing through him. She’d put a hand on his shoulder, and he’d snapped. Completely lost it, yanking her close, kissing her like a crazy person but stopping short of doing anything more.
Things had been a mess ever since. She kept her distance and he felt like a shit. Made for a very nice work atmosphere.
Not.
His frustration at Suzanne’s withdrawal from him over the last half-year had reached a fever pitch. He loved the woman to distraction but was within days of telling her to take her emotional constipation and shove it. He couldn’t take it anymore. Sympathy for Blake bloomed in him a lot lately. The words that Doctor Park spoke broke into his furious recounting of his frustration at his current love life situation.
“It’s Rob Freitag, Craig. He’s in the ER and his, erm, the woman that, ah…”
“Lila.” He started pulling on scrubs he’d just abandoned a few hours before. “Is she in labor?”
“Yeah I sent her up to OB but Rob is here, and he’s in really bad shape.”
“I’m on my way.”
By the time he made it back to the emergency department that had become his second home, the familiar sights, sounds and smells invigorated him. Made him realize why he’d gone to medical school in the first place. He bypassed the triage area and ran back to the curtains, finding Rob in the middle of a horrific coughing fit. Lynn was there with him, her stethoscope pressed to his back her eyes dark with concern.
Nurses had hooked up IV’s and were injecting, what Craig hoped, were painkillers. The guy really didn’t have much hope left unless a donor was found and that was a nearly one in a million shot at this point. He took a set of vitals and made sure he was resting as the morphine slowly eased into his bloodstream.
“The baby. Lila. Is everyone okay?” Rob’s voice was so breathy Craig could barely hear him. He put the oxygen mask back over the man’s mouth and nose.
“I’ll check, I promise, and get right back to you. Leave this on, Rob. You need it.”
Rob nodded, shut his eyes, and Craig watched his chest rise and fall, realizing the effort the man’s body was making just to get at that life giving air. He grabbed his phone and sent Suzanne a text out of habit. Not really thinking she’d make the effort to come here, not after their last huge blow-out fight. But knowing Rob was her friend, she’d want to know what was going on with him.
He walked past the main ER desk without a word to anyone including the attractive, dark haired woman who stared him down. He hit floor seven in the elevator and leaned back against the wall, exhausted in body and mind. The words he and Suzanne had thrown at each most recently other flashed across his memory banks, making him wince.
“Stop looking for another excuse to push me away.”
“I don’t need an excuse Craig. It just won’t work.”
“But I…you…we…Jesus, woman. We love each other. Why is that not enough for you? It’s plenty for me.”
She’d kept her back to him, ignoring him. He’d yanked her around, harder than he meant to. But the look in her eyes wasn’t fear. It was resolve.
“Just go,” she ground out. “You and Blake both thought you could fix me. Well you can’t, okay? I’m damaged. I’ll always be damaged. I can’t have children. I can’t give you anything resembling a normal family life. I….”
He’d gripped her arms, stared into her eyes. “I don’t need kids Suzanne. How many times do I have to say this for you to believe me? Why won’t you listen?”
They’d stood, both of them breathing heavy, the putrid smoke of unspoken words coiling between them. “You say that. But you don’t mean it. I know you Craig. You will be an amazing fat
her. But you can’t with me, don’t you get it?. So go. Here. Take this.” She’d tried to hand him the necklace but he’d stepped away from her, fury blinding him and making him say some incredibly stupid shit.
“You know what, you’re right. You are damaged. Beyond repair, it seems. Or maybe you just aren’t willing to be woman enough to own up the fact that a man loves you for you—not for your potential as a baby maker or for your supposed normalcy. That’s sad and getting old. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Suzanne. And maybe, just maybe, someday someone will stick around longer than me, so you can be happy.”
“Craig,” she’d said, tears standing in her eyes. But he held up a hand.
“I think you should go on living your pity party. I don’t want to hear it anymore. If you can’t see what’s right in front of you—what has been right in front of you for nearly six years now, well, I give. Uncle. I’m done.” He’d stomped out and nearly passed out drunk at a downtown bar. He’d found himself being led out of the place by none other than the estimable and saintly Blake himself.
“Fuck you, get off me,” he’d tried to shake the guy off, pissed but not even sure why.
“Let’s go. I know what you’re going through, man. Believe me, I know.”
“No, you don’t.” Craig had let Blake stuff him into a Lyft. He’d made a valiant attempt to focus on the man’s face as he leaned into the open window.
“Yeah, Craig. I do. But stay with it. She’s worth it.”
The elevator door opened onto the women’s center, jarring him from ugly memory lane. He walked out to the desk, asked about Lila’s condition and was greeted by the man himself. Blake, eyes red rimmed and face haggard, was leaning against the wall outside one of the birthing rooms. The distinct sound of a newborn baby floated out from behind the door.
“Hey.” He’d put a hand on Blake’s shoulder. This whole thing was gonna get way worse before it got better, he knew it. “Well?” He nodded to the door.
Blake’s face collapsed, and he slid to the floor, back against the wall, face in his hands. Craig crouched down in front of him. But Blake looked up at him, smiling through his tears. “A boy,” he whispered. “We have a son.” Craig pulled him to his feet and they went into the room together.
* * *
Jack hustled Suzanne to do the door, his phone to his ear after helping her close on the sale of her Barton Hills house. He ended the call, and grabbed her arm. “Hey, can you come with me to the hospital? I could use some moral support.”
She took a breath. She knew the facts. Rob was dying. Craig had called her late just last night, lifting her heart at the sound of his voice but reducing her to tears with his words. He’d told her everything. Including the fact that Rob and Blake and Lila had decided to take Rob home.
She sighed as she followed Jack over to the U of M medical center. Her heart broke at the thought of what Blake was dealing with. He had been through so much. It was incomprehensible, especially considering the baby—Gabriel Robert, was only two weeks old.
They walked out of the elevator and she saw Craig. He came to her, gave her a squeeze. “I’m sorry honey,” he said into her hair, then let her go.
The feel of his arms around her made the tears she’d been holding back pour from her eyes. She leaned on Rob’s hospital room door, taking it all in. Blake, sitting by Rob’s head on one side, rubbing his lips with ice cubes. Lila, nursing the baby with tears running down her cheeks. She shuddered, and leaned into Jack when he came up behind her.
“Jesus, why is this happening to our friend?” She let her own tears wet his shirt when she turned to him.
He held her until she cried herself out for the time being. She wiped her nose and eyes and spotted Blake. The man who had truly saved her in more ways that one. His amazing green eyes were haunted, but he held out his arms, and she went into them, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“Don’t let him go,” he whispered before releasing her to Craig who had walked up behind them. “He’s everything I wasn’t and loves you. Don’t blow this one.”
He walked away from her. Suzanne would replay that split second in her mind over and over again in the months to come. Wishing it back, wishing she’d said something, anything, to him to remind him that he had been right for her once, too. That she’d released him to his new life with nothing but good intentions, but had never stopped missing him.
She flinched when Craig slipped his arm around her waist. But intense relief rolled through her at his presence. For a moment she forgot. Forgot she’d pushed him away.
She shut her eyes. He kissed her hair, making her shiver. She opened them and saw Jack and Sara at the far end of the hall. Jack had a baby in his arms. Suzanne felt her heart constrict, but she pressed herself closer to Craig. He tightened his grip on her. “I miss you,” he whispered.
They stood, watching as Sara and Blake’s parents joined the group. She forced herself to relax, relieved that Craig kept holding onto her. “Want to go see him?” he asked her. She nodded. Craig took her hand and led her down the long hallway.
She forced herself to smile at the sight of her friend, tried to suppress a gasp of dismay at the sight of his gaunt face and blue lips. He held out an arm and she let him hold her. “Damn you Freitag.” She let the tears fall. Craig fussed around Rob’s IV, listened to his chest, but Rob brushed him away.
“Spare me Doc. Just let me go home.”
Suzanne held back a sob. Craig put a hand on Rob’s shoulder. “All right, I’m trying to facilitate it. But the protocols….”
“Yeah, yeah.” Rob kissed Suzanne’s cheek then pushed her away. Her knees shook so hard she thought she might fall over.
“I’ll go check on the paperwork.” Craig tugged her out of the room with him. Lila went back in with the baby.
Blake was crouched down on the floor right outside Rob’s room, his head in his arms. She could tell that he was about to come apart at the seams. His natural tendency was to be high-energy, never sitting still, and she realized he must have used up so much of it fighting for the man he loved, trying to find solutions, cures, anything. She joined him on the floor, kissed his cheek and kept her mouth shut. She’d long ago relinquished her right to give him advice about anything.
“Thanks,” he said, rubbing his hands briskly across his face before rising and going back inside the room. Craig pulled her up and led her to a seat, gave her a quick brush of his lips before heading off to the nurse’s station. Jack sank in the chair nearby, jiggling his mewling infant. She smiled and held out her arms without a word. The tiny boy flailed around in his thoroughly newborn way before she touched his cheek. He flinched, then treated her to such a brilliant, blue-eyed grin her heart pounded.
“Jesus.” Jack ran a hand down his face. She looked down the hall, catching sight of Sara talking with her parents. When the Doctors Thornton joined them, Blake’s mother’s eyes were red-rimmed, but she was holding it together. Matthew on the other hand seemed utterly undone. He demanded to talk to oncologists, kept trying to wrangle the potential, non-existent transplant.
Beth put a hand on her husband’s shoulder. “Matthew you’re not helping. Just be quiet.” He leaned on his knees, then jumped to his feet when Blake strode down the hall.
He stopped in front of his parents and sister. “I’m gonna head over and pick up the Katie and Maddie. I’ll take everybody home and get them settled. Lila will come with Rob in the ambulance.” Suzanne had never seen him look so helpless. She focused her gaze down at baby Brandis to keep from bursting into tears.
“Okay honey. We’ll be by later. Maybe spell you guys with Gabe,” Blake’s mother said, her voice steady. Suzanne watched Blake’s father grip his arms then pull him close for a fierce hug. Blake’s eyes shone with emotion as he pulled away.
“Thanks,” he said, then turned and headed for the elevators. Jack took the now sleeping baby from her arms and settled him into his seat. She looked around for Craig but he’d been called back to the ED acco
rding to a nurse who had passed by. She fiddled with her phone, sent Evan a text update and drank some really dreadful swill they claimed was coffee and waited some more.
She must have dozed off, and woke to the sound of Sara’s aggravated voice.
“Where the hell is Blake? Julie just called, he’s not there yet.”
Jack tried to talk to her but she jerked out of his grip. When she answered another call, her eyes darkened with concern and she stalked away from the group. The whole thing unrolled before Suzanne’s eyes like a silent movie montage the split second before disaster—and a sense of eerie dread settled deep in Suzanne’s chest.
She sighed and stretched her legs out on an adjoining seat. No wonder, really. They were about to lose a good friend and they all had to watch it happen.
Craig dealt with the myriad crises demanded of him as second in command of a major university emergency department, but his mind remained upstairs with Suzanne. She’d felt so good to him. And damn him if he weren’t glad something had forced her back to his side. God he was such a fucking sap. He missed her so much it was a physical ache.
She sent him a text to ask about Rob’s transport home. And then a second time, telling him that Sara was starting to freak out because no one had heard from Blake. He realized it had been nearly two hours since the man had left, ostensibly to pick up his niece, Katie and Lila’s daughter, Maddie and get them home ahead of Rob.
He ignored the worry and focused on the facts. A gunshot wound call came in on the intercom. He rallied the staff, did his usual prep. But let Lynn take the lead, something in him starting to panic when Suzanne sent him another “where’s Blake” message. He fiddled with paperwork and hung out by the radio.
