by Rita Hestand
She'd grown up overnight it seemed. For the first three months her step-father had grieved for her mother and it was sad. She understood his pain, as she felt it too. She felt sorry for him and for herself. That is until he went to drinking. Her anger that he could so easily turn to a bottle for help, when she had nothing to turn to, hurt even more.
She shook herself, she couldn't think on that. She couldn't afford to fall in love with Moon either. Although after that kiss she was sure it wouldn't be that hard to. She couldn't let herself dwell on it. She couldn't lose another love in her life. Moon was a good man, even though he was an Indian. But the reality hit her front and center. Moon was liable to get killed trying to protect her, and if she fell in love, how would she get over him. Her life seemed in turmoil now. If anything happened to Moon, what would happen to her. They were so connected, and in so many ways. She made up her mind, she would protect him too as he had done for her.
"What do you plan to do with me?" she asked as she stared at the flickering firelight.
"Do with you?" he frowned.
"When we get to where we are going, what will become of me?" she asked. "I mean, should I go to town and try to find a job, or keep traveling the way we are now."
"I haven't thought that far ahead, yet. We have to get there first."
She nodded it was sensible logic, but he gave no answers. "Neither have I?"
He stopped and studied her a moment, "Are you sorry you came along now?"
"No, I just don't know where I am going. It's the very reason I never tried to escape. I didn't know where to go. Now I have taken up this journey, I wonder where I will end up? I hope for the better, but I cannot see into the future, so I don't know. And no matter where I go, I'm still a runaway, and there's the murder hanging over us."
"You will be fine, I will see to it." He shrugged, "I guess I have traveled alone most of my adult life and never once questioned such a thing. But you being a woman, I can understand your confusion. Women are nesters."
"Nesters?" she turned her head in question. "Like a bird?" She chuckled.
"Very much so. No matter where a bird flies, the female bird has a nest. Women," he thought about what he was going to say. "Need a home. A place to nest. Men do not necessarily need it."
"Never thought of it that way, but it does make sense."
"I do not know the future. I have no answers for you. What do you want to do?"
She looked away now, then moved to glance around the cave.
"When I left with you, I didn't question, I just left. I guess what I'm saying is now I have time to think about it and I still don't know what to do with myself. But do you know something that is really strange, you worry about being an Indian, while I'm a white woman. But the biggest difference in us, is that you are a man, used to traveling alone and doing for yourself, and I am a woman not used to it."
"There is much truth in what you say."
She looked up at him, "I don't mean to be a burden. I know I seem to bother you or upset you some. It's just that I realized I came without thinking it out first. And I am a thinker. I'm usually not that impulsive. The circumstances and the moment made me make a quick decision. Still, I am a creature that likes to know my future. Of course, I never had a future before."
"Then you will have one, someday." He told her.
"You'll be free to find a husband, make a home, all the things women do."
She sighed and shook her head, "What a dreamer you are." She told him and shook her head.
"Do you not dream?"
"Not much no. Not anymore."
"Look," he turned her chin to stare into her face. "You are free as a bird now. You can fly and make your nest anywhere you desire."
"That's not reality Moon. I'm with you. You're an Indian, I'm white. When one runs away, shouldn't they have something in mind? You have a home, with Jack to go to. I don't. I am a burden as long as I am with you. I just need to figure out what to do about myself. In some ways it's exciting. In other ways it's terrifying."
"This is not the time to discuss it." He insisted. "You do not understand men. Men are more logical. We go from point A to point B, and so on. We do not have to have the final destination and future life plans."
She laughed. "You have this issue about time." She came to stand in front of him, "When will be the right time?" she asked.
"Lady, you are safe, you are free. Is that not enough?" His sarcasm stung.
"I don't mean to sound ungrateful," she turned away with tears in her eyes. "I guess I'm a little afraid of what might lie ahead. They'll catch us, hang you and defile me."
"Would you rather go back?" he asked.
"No, there is nothing for me there, especially now."
"I have ruined your life?" he asked with concern.
"You have done nothing but save me from facing an irate father, and Earl."
She looked at him turned away, and whirled around and he was right behind her, and suddenly she went into his arms as though it was where she belonged and when she looked up at him, his head bent, and his lips touched hers.
His lips were soft, full of fire and she couldn't help but move hers to meet him. The kiss went on for a long time, both of them giving to each other something more powerful than anything she'd ever experienced. She smelled his male scent. She felt the powerful arms that held her, and the softness of his lips again. She couldn't breathe and she didn't want to. She wanted the kiss to go on forever, until her soul united with his and took away all the fears. His heartbeat was strong, and his chest came against hers and she was lost in the kiss.
When they broke apart, he almost shoved her away. His glance was as stunned as hers.
Tears sprang to her eyes, but she didn't know why. The kiss was beautiful, it filled her hollow soul. It brought life and hope into her heart once more.
"Go to sleep Lissa." He whispered.
She nodded woodenly. If her kisses were as good as he said, why was he never effected by them. Why was he angry when he pushed her away?
The next morning, she was quiet, and she ate without conversation. He stared at her, knowing she didn't understand him.
"We've got to go, make some time, we will be there soon."
"Oh, yes, of course." She nodded, touching her lips to see if they were still hers.
Chapter Five
They traveled for a long time until dark and he shot a couple more rabbits for their supper. He shot them with his bow and arrow that he carried over his shoulder with the blanket. It made little noise.
"You are probably getting tired of rabbit, but there is no time to look for a bigger meal. It would take too much time and effort to clean them and cook them."
"Rabbit is fine, it is a good clean meat."
When they stopped, he still hadn't said much to her, and he made the fire and a spit to roast the rabbits on.
As the rabbits cooked, he went to stare out at the horizon, trying to think of something to say to her. He had no explanations for his actions. He should say something. But what? He enjoyed both kisses, he wanted them, needed them. But he could not tell her that. She was white and she would soon go into the white world and find another. He could not hold her. She wasn't his.
Still, the words didn't come to explain his actions, and he knew she was waiting for him to react first.
The silence was unbearable.
He glanced over his shoulder at her, she was turning the spit and staring out like a lost puppy. His heart turned over in his chest.
Finally, he firmed his lips and nodded his head. "I am sorry. I should never have allowed that to happen back there."
"What are you talking about?"
He frowned and stared, "The kiss of course."
"Oh, that. I'd forgotten it."
"Had you?" his head twisted to stare at her with an air or arrogance.
"Of course, I mean, you’re a man, and I'm a woman and it was bound to happen. We're under a lot of pressure, and not ourselves, right?" she looked
into his eyes. "It sort of broke the tension, wouldn't you say."
How could she explain it so easily when he hadn't a clue how to talk about it?
But he knew she was making light of it on purpose, and his eyes shone with understanding. "You are right about one thing, it was bound to happen."
"We're just testing one another, that's all."
He nodded. "Then we will forget it and not speak of it again."
"Alright, that's fine with me." She nodded.
"Friends?" she asked.
"Friends!" he assured her.
They ate in peace now that they explained their actions. He felt better, only he'd wished he'd said it instead of her.
But before they got too comfortable, someone rode up to their camp. Moon pulled her to the rocks, and they hid while a man came into their camp.
"Hello in camp," the man called.
Moon put his finger to his lips and motioned for her to be very quiet. She nodded.
The man was tall, and big and his expression was one of wariness. The seemed to nose his way around the camp, as though investigating it.
"I know someone is here, you don't go off and leave a fire going." The man yelled.
Moon reasoned the man was right, so he told her to stay in the rocks and he'd take care of it.
He approached the man quietly. "You are right, one does not leave a fire going."
"Oh, you're an Indian, so that's why you hid. I guess I can't blame you." He stared at him, sizing him up quickly. "You speak very good English." The man eyed him curiously.
"Yes, I work with a white trapper friend." Moon explained.
"What tribe you from?" the man asked looking him up and down as he slid down off his saddle.
"Arapaho."
"Could I have some of that coffee?" the man asked.
"Sure… help yourself." Moon watched his every move now.
"Thanks." The man grabbed the other cup that was sitting there in front of him and mused over that.
He had dark unruly hair and piercing dark eyes. "Your partner around or are you by yourself here?"
"He's tending to business."
"Oh, I see. So, happens I'm looking for a woman. We think she might have killed a man. She's got dark red hair, and she's small. Would you have seen her?" The man said, his glance sliding up and down Moon curiously.
"What would a white woman be doing with an Indian?" Moon asked with a slight chuckle to his voice.
"Yeah, it is kind of unusual ain't it? The girl run off after killing her beau. Her father paid me to find her. He wants her back. You wouldn't know anything about her, would you?"
"No, not a thing. Is she a child?"
"Not hardly, they call her an old-maid. She's a real pretty little thing from the picture he showed me."
Moon nodded, "I did not think old-maids were pretty?"
The man studied him a moment.
"Hope you find her. Is he going to turn her into the Sheriff or something?"
"I don't know what his plans are. I only know he wants to find her." The man put his coffee cup down and stared then stood up. "I think she's here. You want to tell me where? Where is she? Don't lie, I saw the extra cup." He looked accusingly at Moon now.
"Yes, for my partner when he returns, he's checking out traps we set."
"The girl. I know you got her here somewhere."
"Do you see a girl?"
"Let's don't play games. Did you get rid of her?"
"Rid of her?"
"Yeah, I figure you had her and got rid of her fast. I mean an Injun with a white girl, that could get you killed, now couldn't it?"
Moon stood at the ready. As the man drew his pistol, Moon threw his knife and cut a gash into his hand. The gun fell and Moon grabbed it and threw it away. "That's all right," The man grabbed his hand and frowned. "I'd like to tear into you myself. Did you kill her?"
"You accuse easily" Moon told him.
"What did you do with her?"
"I know nothing."
"You're lying. I'll tear you apart with my bare hands. Do you know what they do to Injuns that kill white girls?"
"I'm aware." Moon told him. "But you assume too much, sir."
The big man punched him in the gut. Moon bent, but staggered and threw a right punch at the man's jaw.
The man moved back, shook his head and tore into Moon like an angry bear.
Lissa saw it all and it was all she could do to watch. She was panting, she was so concerned. She needed to help Moon. It was her job to protect him now.
The big man got in a few more punches before Moon flipped over and came at him low like, knocking him on the ground. Moon was wrestling with him now, when Lissa came out from the rocks. The man saw her then grabbed the knife in Moon's hand and stabbed him in the arm.
Moon jerked up and suddenly a gunshot rang through the air.
Lissa had used her little gun and killed the man. She was standing directly over them now. She saw the starry-eyed look in his eyes and knew he was dead.
Moon stared at her, "Now you've done it."
"What do you mean?" she shouted.
"I mean they will really be after us if they get word of this." There was a hint of anger in his voice, and frustration.
"They won't, we'll bury him, no one will know."
"They'll know when he doesn't come back."
"But if they can't find a body, they can't hang me." She told him. "Well, I had to kill him!" she cried following Moon's restless steps. "He was hurting you!"
Suddenly Moon looked down at her and stood beside her, taking the gun from her shaking hands. With shocking clarity, he realized she'd done it for him!
"He was going on an assumption. He didn't know you were here." he told her as though her killing the man were nothing.
"You would have killed him if I hadn't." she told him. The tears came down her cheeks in a river. She seemed totally unaware that she was crying.
He held her by the arms now and stared into her face, "Yes, I would have killed him, Lissa. Do not cry, we had no choice. I am sorry. It is only that I worry about the consequences. I want to get you out of danger, and yet it seems danger lurks around us."
She dried her eyes and nodded. "Let me bandage your arm."
He found an old log and sat on it. She sat beside him. She lifted her skirt and tore some of her slip away to bandage him with. He watched her every move.
"That's the first time you called me by my name."
"Is it? Why'd you shoot him?"
"He was hurting you, and then I saw your arm bleeding. All because of me." She told him. "I never meant to put you in such danger! This is all my fault. I told you I would protect you too."
"You worried for me?" He smiled now.
She looked startled at his question. "You are the only witness. The only one that knows the truth of what happened. And I'm on the same path you are."
"Oh! So that's why you saved me?" his smile widened.
"What other reason could I have?" she looked straight into his eyes now, and a shy smile broke over her lips.
He sobered, "Yes," he whispered huskily. "What other reason could you have?"
He pulled her chin around so he could look her in the eyes. "You did right, to kill him then."
"Well thank you, and your welcome." She shot him a smirk. "Are we going on or resting."
"I think we should rest."
"I agree." She nodded. "I never killed anyone before. I didn't realize it would take so much out of you."
As Moon sat, she told him she saw some berries and wanted to pick them. "Fine, call out if you need me." He told her.
But the very fact that she would kill to protect him, made things harder for him. She was a strong woman, she'd never killed in her life, he'd bet on that. And he knew one thing for sure, she killed to protect him. This strengthened the bond that was quickly growing between them. He wanted to break the bond between them so she could be free, but everything that happened just brought them a little closer
to each other. At first, he'd fought the instant attraction he had for her. She was white and it would do no good. But as time went on, and the situation throwing them together, it became impossible to ignore her. In some ways it warmed his heart, in others it made him worry more for her now. She was beginning to mean something to him, and he had tried to protect his heart from her from the beginning. Each day that grew harder. It wasn't just her beauty, it was her heart that was quickly winning him. She was smart, she had a very loving heart although he suspected she intentionally tried to distance herself at times, and at other times she charged right into his life, and heart. Like the kisses they shared, she didn't back away from them, instead, she was a willing participant. He licked his lips in memory. He would never rid himself of the taste of her sweet lips.
She was a funny little lady, and he liked her. He liked her a lot.
His heart was heavy with that knowledge.
She foraged for berries and brought back a skirt full. She saw him sleeping and smiled. She laid the berries on the blanket. She looked at the body. She couldn't just leave him there. She needed to bury him. But what with, the dirt was hard and unrelenting. She saw Moon's knife, then she went to the man and looked him over, sure enough, he had a knife in his boot. She tore some of her slip and wrapped the two knives around a sturdy stick. When she was done, she grinned.
She began digging the man's grave.
It was a long process considering she had no decent shovel. She hadn't made much progress when Moon stirred awake. "What are you doing?" He asked when he saw the dirt flying.
"We gotta bury him." She insisted.
"Give me that," he insisted, she'd made a homemade shovel of sorts from two knives.
"You can't dig with that arm!" she insisted.
"Of course, I can." He told her taking the homemade shovel from her hands.
"You think very well for a woman," he remarked when he saw she'd made the shovel.
"As my father always told me, 'you have to make do'. He was not intelligent like a lawyer or doctor, but he knew how to do so many things to get by. I learned from that because out here, education doesn't seem to mean as much as know-how."
"You are right, a man can be educated in many ways." Moon smiled, "In that he was correct and wise. And, it is sad that a man like him, let whiskey make his future for him. He might have ended up being another Daniel Boone."
