by Inara Scott
The realization sent a shiver down her spine, and she had to rest her head against the seat. When Connor glanced over as if waiting for a response, she realized he’d asked her a question.
“Oh, tomorrow, right. No, I really do have a reservation.” She’d spent a more than a few miserable years by herself at home, eating leftovers or takeout Chinese, so once she had the money to escape the city, she’d done so. She could make peace with a lot of things about her life, but spending a holiday alone in her apartment wasn’t one of them.
“You could still come,” he said, pulling out of the driveway.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” she said quietly.
Not now, with the enormity of her realization weighing on her heart. She’d made some mistakes in her life—getting engaged to the wrong man, for example, and then breaking his heart. But this?
This really took the cake.
Silence fell over them. Zoe considered trying to make conversation, but words escaped her. Had she really done it? Fallen for the guy who’d made her promise not to fall for him? What kind of idiot did something like that?
“Have you heard back from Aims yet?” Connor finally asked.
“No, not yet.” She tried to keep her voice normal, but it fell flat.
He gripped the steering wheel with both hands and shot her a look but said nothing else. When they were coming off the bridge, Connor asked, “Do you have time to swing by my place for a minute before I take you home? I have something I want to give you.”
“Sure. But just for a minute. I’m pretty tired.”
“I understand.”
Connor’s apartment was partly illuminated by the city lights as they entered. He hit a few switches and then got a package from his bar cart that he handed to her with a flourish.
“Just a little something to celebrate your success with Aims,” he said. “No matter what happens, you should be really proud of getting this far.”
Zoe opened the package. It was a scotch she hadn’t heard of—GlenDronach. Looked expensive.
“It’s one of my favorites. This is the eighteen-year-old Allardice. You had it once before, the first time we took the ferry to Sausalito.” He flashed a quick smile. “Aged in sherry casks, so it’s got some fruit and sweetness to it. It’s a perfect for the holidays.”
“You didn’t have to do this,” she said, wishing it didn’t feel like her heart was ripping in half.
“You’re a whiskey drinker now. You need to start building your collection.”
She rolled the bottle around in her hands. It was like holding a goodbye. “Your mother asked me this morning if you’d sent me to spy on her.”
He froze for a moment, then gave a regretful chuckle. “Well, I knew she’d probably figure it out. What did you say?”
“I told her yes, but that I clearly wasn’t a very good spy, because I’d been completely unsuccessful at getting any information out of them. And I said that I wanted to keep playing bridge with them, if they’d have me. They’re all a little crazy, but they’re some of the loveliest people I’ve ever met.”
“Well, I hope they said yes. They’d be lucky to have you.”
She turned toward the front door. “Look, I’d really better go. Are you sure you want to take me home? I can always get a car.”
“You’re welcome to stay,” he said.
She considered it just long enough to think about how painful it would be the next time he didn’t call. She thought about all the damage her heart had suffered over the years, and wondered if she had enough scar tissue built up to get through this. Or if maybe, she actually deserved a little more.
“Thanks. But not tonight.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Connor threw himself into the usual Thanksgiving festivities, but all he could think about was how wrong it was that Zoe was at a hotel while he was here surrounded by his family—both biological and adopted—and how awkward and stilted their last encounter had been.
On Sunday, he sent her a text wishing her a happy birthday. She wrote back, Thanks!
Nothing else.
Their thing had clearly run its course. She was moving on. He needed to do the same.
On Thursday, she came to the Livend office for their regular strategy meeting. She was her usual gorgeous, talkative, outgoing self, joking with Mason and Nate and giving Luke a hard time about the new woman he was seeing who had apparently left flowers at their office that morning. She barely looked at him, and when she did, it was with that same friendliness with which she treated all the others. And all he could do was stare at her and imagine her in the tub, bubbles on her breasts, a moan on her lips as she rode him.
He tried to keep his emotions out of the office, but he knew the guys knew something was wrong. So he wasn’t entirely surprised to see Nate appear at his doorway Friday evening.
“What’s up?” Connor asked, though he knew exactly what was coming.
“You ready to go?”
He wrinkled his brow, as if trying to remember something. “Go where?”
Nate made a point of sighing loudly. “Today is Friday, that traditional day where many people leave work behind for a short period they call a weekend. We’re having drinks at the Aspen to celebrate Zoe’s birthday, which was approximately five days ago. And don’t give me that I forgot bullshit. I know you too well.”
“Okay,” Connor said, turning back to the computer. “I didn’t forget. I just can’t go. Too much to do.”
“Also bullshit.”
Connor shrugged. He wasn’t really in the mood to be bullied by Nate. “Whatever.”
“When did you two break up?” Nate asked as he leaned against the doorway.
Connor stared at the screen and flexed his fingers, letting the wave of anger crest and fall before he turned toward the man who was both his closest friend and the one who drove him the most crazy. “What do you mean?” he asked pleasantly.
“You and Zoe.”
“You’re crazy.”
“You stood her up in Sonoma, didn’t you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You’re a terrible liar,” Nate replied, coming in and sitting on the edge of Connor’s wooden filing credenza.
Connor removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “What do you want, Nate?”
“What I want is for you to not treat our good friend and my favorite lawyer in the whole world like shit.”
“Well, great,” he said. “Because that’s been the plan all along.”
“Yet the plan also involves blowing her off?”
“The plan,” Connor said through gritted teeth, “involves you leaving my office.”
“She’s so much better than this,” Nate said.
“I am one thousand percent aware of that.”
Mason appeared in the doorway. “We ready to go?”
“Connor’s not coming,” Nate said.
“Did you figure out when they broke up?”
Connor swung his gaze to Mason, who raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Hey, when you’re trying to hide a woman in your apartment, it helps to get rid of her glass. The lipstick is a dead giveaway. And why wouldn’t you come to Zoe’s birthday celebration?”
“Because it’s better this way.”
“Because you want to make things worse?”
“Because I don’t. Any chance the two of you can go now?”
Nate stood. “Was it great while it lasted?”
“If I answer your question, will you leave me alone?”
“Probably not,” Nate said cheerfully, “but I’ll consider it.”
“Fine. Yes. Best days of my life. Now will you go?”
“My turn,” Mason said, coming to stand beside Nate. “Who broke it off?”
He grunted. “Not sure. Probably me, but it may have been her.”
“You have no idea,” Mason said, sounding sympathetic for the first time. “Did you talk to her about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about. So now will you leave?”
“Sonoma was a big weekend for her. The least you could have done was called. You didn’t call, did you?”
“No, and thanks for the tip,” Connor said. “That’s very helpful.”
“I don’t think it was Sonoma,” Mason interrupted. “Or at least, it wasn’t just Sonoma. They were together on Saturday night.”
Connor blinked. “How in the world do you know that?”
“On the other hand, she might have just been using him for the tub,” Mason continued.
Connor winced. “I really don’t want to know how you know that.”
“TMI,” Nate said. “And whenever it happened, you know it doesn’t have to be like this. You can get her back.”
Connor stood and pointed to the door. “Out.”
“I think he’s serious,” Mason said.
“Of course I’m serious.”
“Fine.” Nate started out of the room. “But this isn’t over.”
“Oh yes, it is.” Connor followed them to the door and shut it behind them.
He stared at the mahogany wood and felt the darkness settle back around him. Of course they’d known. How could they not?
He was wrecked.
He spent his nights replaying all of their interactions. He remembered how they’d promised this was just about sex and then thought about all the times it had been so much more. He pictured her moving on to someone new and then, finding himself filled with a mix of rage and disbelief, forced himself to think of something else. Or take another drink of whatever whiskey he had in his hand at the time. Or both.
He thought about how honorable she was. How she’d refused to lie to his mother. How she’d charmed the GPGs until he felt the weight of their disapproval every time he failed to treat Zoe as they evidently expected her to be treated.
He thought about her face.
Her eyes.
He thought about going to the bar tonight. Would it really make things worse for him to be there? Maybe Nate and Mason were right. Maybe he could figure out a way to fight for her. Maybe he just needed to try.
He began to pace his office.
It took him the better part of an hour to work up the courage to go. He had his Southcycle bike with him, and in his wildest fantasies, he found a way to offer Zoe a ride on it, now that her cast was off, and somehow fixed whatever damage he’d caused.
He pictured himself, but a better version of himself. Someone who wouldn’t let an incredible woman like Zoe slip through his fingers.
He paused outside the doors to the Aspen, checking out the scene inside. The bar had been decorated with pine boughs, red berries, and twinkling lights for the holidays. Inside, a group clustered around a few high-topped bar tables. He saw Tess and Mason at one end of the group, Cece and Nate at the other, and Zoe and the lawyers in between.
He imagined striding in confidently, laying his arm around Zoe’s shoulders, and kissing her for everyone to see. How would it feel to make that statement? To let everyone know they were together? That she was with him?
There were a handful of other people around the tables as well. He noticed Austin, who had played basketball with them a few times, and few faces he didn’t recognize. Probably people from her firm. Which sucked, because as much as he didn’t love socializing in groups, he really didn’t love doing so with a bunch of strangers.
And then he saw the last person he wanted to see. Weaving his way back from the crowded bar with two drinks in his hands and a smile on his face. Fucking Hugh. He made his way to Zoe’s side and handed her the drink, and everything about it was easy. The way he laughed and stayed attentively beside her. The way he waved to someone and seemed so at ease in the group, even though he’d only just moved to town.
Connor could never be that guy. The guy everyone was comfortable with. The guy everyone invited to their parties.
And didn’t Zoe deserve to be on the arm of that guy?
He edged backward, hoping like hell that he hadn’t been seen. Then, hating himself, he turned and left. He knew Mason and Nate were trying to be inspiring. Optimistic. And yet how laughably absurd was their suggestion.
You could get her back…
He’d never had her in the first place.
…
At first, she was disappointed. She watched the door for a while, waiting for him to show.
Then, just a little heartbroken.
Sonoma was one thing—she could understand how he might have been worried about that scene, particularly when they were still in the middle of whatever they’d been in the middle of. But he couldn’t even stop by her birthday party? Was she contagious now or something? They were just having drinks at the Aspen. It wasn’t like she was going to find some way to pin him in a closet and force him into a relationship while he wasn’t looking.
Eventually, the pain turned to anger.
Who said he was the one who got to decide what happened next? Why did he get to decide not to be there?
People started to leave after a couple of hours. Before he left, Hugh had, in his charming way, suggested she give him a call if she wanted to get dinner tomorrow. She’d turned him down but now regretted it.
She had a lot of regrets.
Tess had given her a fierce hug, insisting on a night out for “just the girls” in a way that made Zoe’s heart want to burst.
Nate lingered at the end of the evening and offered to walk to her to car. Sensing it wasn’t just for safety, Zoe agreed. The air was cold and crisp, and she crossed her arms over her chest for warmth as they walked.
“You know,” Nate began, as they headed down the block, “he was so shy when we first met, Mason had to take him to parties in twenty-minute increments until he got more comfortable with it.”
“Who’s that?” Zoe asked casually, though she was fairly certain she knew whom he meant. And was fairly certain she did not like the suggestion that Nate might be aware there was something between them, and that’s why he was bringing it up.
Nate cocked his head and gave her a wry smile. “Connor. The guy who didn’t show up tonight.”
“Oh yeah.” She shrugged and forced a laugh. “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. Mason must have been pretty patient. Sounds like he’s come a long way.”
“Sort of. But he’s a tough combination of things—naturally introverted, probably would always have been a little shy. Too smart about some things, totally clueless about others. But then there was his mom and dad, and they made everything much worse. Any chance he told you about them?”
She gave a short nod, though she wasn’t sure what she was confirming by doing so.
“Well, good. That isn’t something he does, you know.”
“I got that feeling.”
“Anyway, his dad screwed him over in the most profound way possible, making him feel like the whole thing was somehow his fault. And then his mom went a little nuts, too, especially at the beginning. No one went in or out of their house. She homeschooled Connor until high school. They moved when she got nervous their house was bugged. She’s much better now, but still a little nutty. Hard to develop any social skills in that sort of environment.”
The anger she’d been carefully cultivating for the last hour slowly deflated. “Nate, you don’t have to do this.”
“I don’t know exactly what happened, but you have to understand he cares much more than he knows how to show.”
Tears dotted her eyes. She had to struggle to keep her voice even. “Please don’t.”
“You’ve got every right to give up on him, but as his friend, I’m hoping you might consider giving him one more chance.”
Her heels tapped on the concrete, and Zoe focused on them instead of Nate’s words and all they suggested.
They reached her car, and Zoe stopped and hitched her purse higher on her shoulder. “Thanks for the escort.”
He gave a small bow. “Can’t have my favorite lawyer walking alone in the da
rk.”
“Am I really your favorite, or do you say the same thing to Luke when I’m not around?”
“You’re the only one who really argues with me.” He flashed a white-toothed grin. “That kind of disloyalty does not go unnoticed.”
“Well, you are wrong at least half the time.”
“I’ll give you twenty percent,” he said, dipping his head with a trace of apology.
Impulsively, Zoe put her arms around his neck and gave him a hug. She wasn’t sure she’d ever done so before, and she could feel when it took him a moment to react. Then his big arms closed around her.
“Thanks for trying,” she said, tears returning to her eyes. “You’re a good friend.”
“I’m an asshole,” he told her, “and don’t you forget it.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
She drove around aimlessly for an hour, unwilling to go home. She kept turning her conversation with Nate around in her head, picturing a young Connor at home behind a locked door, blaming himself for the terrible things his father had done. Then imagined a shy, introverted kid trying to figure out how to socialize when so much of his life had been spent in isolation.
It would have been easy to be angry with Leticia for not realizing how she was affecting her son, but that didn’t seem quite fair, given how troubled she was as well. The whole thing had the feeling of a tragedy.
When she found herself pulling into Connor’s garage, she wasn’t really surprised. But when she called him a few minutes later, he clearly was.
“Zoe?”
“We need to talk,” she said. “Can I come up?”
“Right now?”
“I’m in the lobby, Connor. Yes, right now.”
“Okay.” The door clicked open. “Come on up.”
He met her at his front door wearing his pajamas, feet bare. His glasses were low on his nose, and he had an empty glass in one hand. Two different bottles of whiskey were open on the kitchen island, and from the slightly unfocused look in his eyes, she figured it had been that way for some time.
