by Allie Castro
When Heather saw the pile, she dove toward it, collapsing, sobbing anew. “Oh my God,” she wailed. “Oh my God, you’re kicking me out? Please, baby, please, don’t kick me out,” she babbled, hugged her things against herself. “I’m sorry, Will, I’m sorry, I swear, please, baby, don’t leave me...”
“I’m not leaving you,” he sighed, rubbed his forehead, still mad, but crushed seeing her so devastated and hurting. They’d been everything to each other for so long.
“Don’t kick me out, please, okay...?” Her face turned toward him now, her eyes bloodshot, wide and wet, lips thick from crying, her cheeks stained with tears.
He dropped, cupped two hands around her neck, said, “I’m not, Heather. I was going to...”
“Baby,” she sighed, “I deserve it...” She gathered some winter sweaters, hugging them over her breasts. “I deserve it. I really do. But I swear to you, I’m so sorry...”
“It’s okay,” he said, “come on, let’s lay on the bed...”
“You’re not kicking me out?”
“No,” he said, holding out a helping hand.
“You’re not?” she said, worried that he was jesting.
“Come on, Heather,” he said and wagged his hand.
“Are you serious?” she blubbered.
He took her hand and pulled her up to stand, guided her toward the bed.
And discovered another thing he forgot about.
Scattered over the unmade sheet-tossed bed where he’d spent most of his time over the last five days was an array of her colorful panties. Hot red, robin’s egg blue, cotton candy pink... Probably five pair that he’d put on and masturbated into. “Shit,” he hissed.
Heather saw them, dove onto the bed, snatched them to herself like they were twenty-dollar bills blowing around in a breeze. “Oh baby, I’m so sorry...”
She gathered up her panties, fell onto the bed, rolled to her side and curled into a fetal position with her underwear clutched against her chest.
He lay next to her, curled up behind her like a spoon. He hooked an arm around her, looking to hug her, but wanting to get the awful evidence out of her grip. He put his hand over top of hers. She had a clutch on the panties.
“I’m not kicking you out,” he said.
“You should,” she said, “but please, please, I’ll do anything...”
“I’m not,” he said, pushing an index finger through her grip, trying to pry her hands off the evidence-crusted panties. She released her grip, and he took some of the panties, pulled them away. Heather tried to pass them to him, but noticed something awry. His heart sank as she opened up a crumpled ball of cotton obviously streaked with a crusty patch of semen. His heart pounded, and shame blossomed red on his cheeks.
“What’s this?” she asked thickly.
He was silent for a long moment, mind racing for a suitable answer. He provided: “I missed you...”
She let one go, took more from him, opened up three of them to see his dried load against the cotton. She began to cry.
“Sorry,” he said, “I’m so sorry, I just missed you so much, my heart hurt. I’ll buy you new ones...”
“I’m not crying because of that,” she said and rolled toward him. They were face-to-face, and he rubbed her shoulder, kissed her forehead, ashamed and embarrassed but hopefully forgiven.
She whispered, “I must’ve hurt you so bad.”
“You don’t even know.”
She looked at the balled panty in her hand, and he knew her mind tried to comprehend how he would put on her undergarments and then masturbate into them. He was profoundly embarrassed.
But Heather showed him no shame. “I’m so sorry I did that to you, Will.”
He plucked her underwear out of her hand and tossed it away. Reached behind her, flicked them all to the floor. “You have no idea how you hurt me.”
“I have an idea,” she said softly.
“No. Maybe you have the tiniest idea, but you can’t know hurt like that.”
“No, I can’t,” she agreed, looked down between them. He kissed her forehead again, right on her sweet hairline at the small chestnut widow’s peak.
“I can’t believe I did it,” she said.
“You want to work it out?”
“I can’t even hope for that,” she murmured, squirming to be closer to him.
He slipped an arm underneath her neck, wrapped his arm around her, the other one going to the small of her back pulling her close. “There’s hope,” he said.
38
Together, embraced on the bed, they napped in the afternoon. Heather slept restlessly. He did as well, awake or at least semi-awake more than he was asleep. But the feel of his Heather in his arms had him breathing deep relief. It was unbelievable. The fact that she returned to him was an unbelievable gift.
Around three, he caressed her hair, asked her if she’d eaten. She shook her head no.
He left her on the bed, went to the kitchen. When she’d arrived, he’d been on his way out. The first time in days he would go out in public, feeling he had the strength. Now with Heather back, his legs were stronger. But the idea of going out to pick up food frightened him. When he returned with an armload of eats, would he find the apartment empty again? Heather filled with shame, running off to her parents. Heather filled with lust, on the first bus down to Sudo, hoping she could reunite with her big dick lover. Or would he come home and find out he dreamt the whole thing? Heather’s return was just a fantasy, something he conjured in his mind, the apartment was empty, he was alone, and Heather was still getting fucked by Kyle on a distant king-size bed.
He ordered pizza. It came twenty minutes later. Heather washed her face in the bathroom, brushed her hair. She came out to the kitchen, looking timid, both hands stuffed in the front pockets of her shorts. He pushed out the chair opposite him at the table with his toe. She sat. They ate together. When they were done, and he’d washed the plates in the sink and put away the leftovers, he asked her if she needed anything.
“You’re so amazing,” she said.
“I’m just glad you’re home,” he said.
“Will, why did I do that?”
“I have no idea. I don’t know how you could do that to me.”
She looked down at her bare feet. “I wasn’t even myself.”
“I hope not. I’d hate to think that was the real you.”
“Can you ever forgive me?” She looked at him with innocent eyes, desperate for forgiveness.
“I don’t know,” he said, “but I think we can work it out.”
“Really? Do you really think we can?”
“I love you, you know.”
“Will,” she said, “do you know how much I love you?” Her features tightened as tears threatened to burst.
“No,” he said coldly.
She was offended but understood his answer. She darted from the kitchen chair to where he stood at the sink, embraced him, fell against him, her clinging weight bringing both of them down to the kitchen floor where they sat and hugged. “Will, I won’t beg for your forgiveness because I don’t even deserve it, but I want you to know that I do love you.”
He chewed on his lip, gripped her by the hair, pulled her face back so he could look in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry,” she said.
He still chewed his lip.
She said, “What are you thinking? Tell me, please...”
“I’m not gay, you understand?”
She frowned. “What we did?”
“I don’t like guys.”
She said, “I know…”
“Those things I did, I did them for you.”
“I know that, Will,” she said. “I never thought anything else.”
“You sure?”
“Will, I’ve known you forever.”
“I’ve known you forever too, but you sure surprised me.”
That wounded her. She crumpled, couldn’t even form a defense. He stroked her neck, rubbed his thumb on her jawline. He
said, “I worried that that was why you left me.”
She started to cry again.
“I worried that I’d lost your respect. I worried that when I did those things with Kyle, you didn’t know why I did them. Maybe you thought I failed you in bed, failed you because all this time I was gay and it just took a night with... him... to find myself.”
“You thought that? You thought that’s why I left? No way, baby, oh no. I lost your respect, I’m the bad one. It’s all me, all me, none of this is on you. I don’t know what happened to me. I wasn’t even myself...”
“I thought a million awful things when you were gone. I worried so much... I thought it was me...”
“It’s not you.”
“I thought it was those things I did with Kyle, I thought it might be... might be the size of my penis...”
“It’s not,” she said, but her words were constricted. Doubt worked at him. It was the first time since her return he thought she might be lying or at least concealing a fuller truth.
“Am I enough for you?”
“You’re everything,” she said earnestly, “you really are. If you only knew how much my heart is breaking for what I did...”
“If you only knew how much you broke my heart.”
She looked up at him again, caressed his cheek. “I’m lowlife nothing trash for what I did, I can’t even imagine what it was like you here alone in this apartment, and you were thinking it was your fault...”
“I did,” he said, holding her wrist.
“Sorry, Will, I don’t know what happened, I don’t know how I’m even here in this apartment with you now and that you can even stand to put your arms around me I’m such dirt...”
“You’re not dirt. I’ve got you, I love you...”
She hid her face in his shoulder. “And I did it in front of all our friends...”
“Yeah,” he said.
“What must they think of me?”
“They’re not big fans.”
“You talked to them?” Her head fell forward, her hot cheek against his neck. She cried into his shoulder.
He rubbed her back, said, “Yeah, they’re not too happy...”
“I embarrassed you so bad,” she sobbed.
“I know,” he said. Her hot breath against his skin and the reliving of that humiliation had his heart beating fast and strong in his chest. His cock had grown hard now, and he couldn’t believe it. But it came with a weird happiness. With Heather in his arms, the two of them sitting on the kitchen floor, they were complete again. The idea of her with Kyle was awful, but it came with odd stimulation. The humiliation brought by their friends’ knowledge of Heather’s transgression did the craziest things to him. For the first time in five days since she’d been gone, he felt an exciting electric spark inside him.
He whispered, “You want to go to the bedroom?”
39
Back in the bedroom, he sat Heather down at the foot of the bed and kneeled between her open legs. She smiled softly at him, warmly. She pulled up her shirt and tossed it aside. Sat there in just a bra and her shorts. He caressed her knees, undid the first two buttons of his shirt and stopped.
She frowned, asked him, “Are you okay to do this?”
“Tell me what happened,” he said.
“I don’t even know...”
“No, I mean literally what happened. When did you come to your senses?”
“Oh,” she said, looking away and down.
“Heather, I was in our bank account. I saw our card. I know you rented a room...”
Her face crumpled again, sadness returning. “I’m so bad,” she whimpered.
“You are,” he said. “Tell me about it...”
She sighed, chewed her plump wet lower lip. “We got off the river,” she said and looked up. Her shoulders slumped. “I can’t tell you this, Will.”
“You have to.”
Eyebrows pinched, she exhaled, knowing he was right. “I just wanted more.”
“You didn’t get enough on the river?”
She sniffled, sobbed once. “Sorry...”
“Tell me,” he said.
“We got off the river, we were in Sudo, everybody was gone and I didn’t even care. The cars weren’t there. Mickey, Emma, Rachel, Matt, Sully, Megan... all gone. It was just me and Kyle and I didn’t even care,” she said and punched her legs with both fists.
“And so you got a room with him?”
“Yeah,” she said, “I had to figure out how I was going to get home. I needed to rest, to think...”
“Kyle went with you?”
She nodded.
“You guys were in that hotel room for a couple days?”
“Yeah,” she said, her face scrunching closed, clasping her hands at her crotch and leaning forward. A tear fell from her eye and landed on his wrist.
He stroked her waist, said, “Keep going, Heather.”
“We stayed in the room...”
“And you fucked him?”
She nodded, squeezed out another tear.
His stomach squeezed. “When did you decide to come home?”
“Yesterday,” she said, her voice garbled with the tears of sadness in her throat.
“What happened?”
“I woke up, and it was gone. The feelings... Whatever I thought was there was gone.”
“Between you and Kyle?”
She nodded. “I missed you so bad. Missed you so, so bad...”
He rose up on his knees, hugged her. His erection pressed the edge of the mattress. His heart bloomed in his chest. “Tell me…”
“I was empty. So empty without you. I looked at Kyle laying in bed and I didn’t even know who he was. I don’t even know him at all. All those days together and he was a stranger to me. I got scared, like, scared at what I’d done. I just went to the bathroom and started hitting myself, saying What are you doing, what are you doing? Hitting myself, and hitting,” she said, thumping him on the back now to imitate what she’d done. He shushed her, smoothed hands on her back.
“It all came crashing down, Will. Everything we did, it wasn’t the same...”
“You and me?”
“No,” she said, “me and Kyle.”
“It wasn’t the same as what?”
“It wasn’t the same without you.”
“Then why did you leave me?”
“I have no idea what I’m doing, Will, I told you that—I don’t even know what happened. Who am I?”
“You’re still my Heather,” he said, hugged her tighter.
“My God, baby,” she said and hugged him. She kissed his neck and his heart swelled too big for his rib cage. She said, “God, Will, you’re so strong I can’t believe it. You’re so incredibly strong. How could I ever leave you?”
He rose higher on his knees, got over top of her on the bed, kissed her mouth. This mouth that had been kissed by Kyle for five days. He knew she’d sucked his cock too. That big cock had been in this mouth that he tongued right now. The guy had definitely come in Heather’s mouth. There was no doubt about it. He didn’t even need to ask.
He pushed his erection between Heather’s legs, ground his cotton bulge against her cotton crotch. She felt him, ran her hands over his back and kissed him in return. She unbuttoned his shirt, and he slipped a hand behind her, unsnapped her bra. “I can’t believe we’re doing this,” she gasped.
“I need you so bad, Heather.”
“I need you too, Will.”
They undid their pants, wild eyes staring at each other; he got off the bed, dropped his trousers.
Then it was the two of their naked bodies pressed together, awkwardly shimmying up the bed till their heads were on the pillows. He held her against him, kissed her forever.
It was Heather who wanted him first. She opened her legs, her hand coming between them, finding his dick—his smaller dick—and guiding it to her opening. He pushed himself inside her, completely on top of her, and Heather embraced his neck and hooked her ankles behind his
thighs.
Just like she’d done with Kyle. Big dick Kyle.
His Heather was changed. Could she even feel him?
How many times had she fucked Kyle in that hotel room? How many times had she fucked him on the river? They’d drifted right past the special spot—Heather and Kyle in a canoe slipping below the crag where he’d intended to get down on one knee…
“Fuck,” he grunted and withdrew from her.
“Baby, come on,” she said, “please... Don’t stop, please don’t stop...”
“I just can’t, Heather...”
“Baby, please,” she said, her eyes pleading with him. “Please make love to me...”
“You’ve been with Kyle.”
“Don’t talk about him,” she said. “Don’t even think about him.”
He folded his hands in his lap, his smaller penis beginning to lose its hardness; he looked down.
The truth was he couldn’t not talk about Kyle. It was all he wanted to talk about. It was all he could think about.
Heather scrambled to sit, getting cross-legged across from him; she leaned, kissed his neck, kissed his chest. And then her mouth was on his cock, slipping up and down, wanting him hard again.
He looked down at her familiar hair swaying in his lap as her head worked up and down. Sucking on his small cock.
He pulled her up to sit, looked in her eyes but couldn’t say what he wanted. She knew there was trouble, and she touched his face. “Tell me what you want,” she whispered.
He got over her again; she lay back, eager to accept him. He slipped inside her, told her what he wanted.
40
“You want that?”
He said, “Please, Heather…”
She looked in his eyes, caressed his face and his neck. She said, “Fuck me with your little dick.”
His heart riled. Blood surged through him. She could feel it. Her eyes widened.
“Fuck me with your tiny little dick,” she said more firmly, eyes studying his. He thrusted into her; she gasped. “I can hardly feel it now,” she said, watching, biting her lip, hooking arms around him.
