by Shae Banks
“Don’t cry,” he said pulling back, wiping them away. “Please. I can’t bear to see you sad.”
“I’m not sad,” I said pulling him closer. “I can’t be when I’m with you.”
He got to his feet, taking me with him, and led me to the bed. My legs were unsteady, the strain of maintaining my balance having taken its toll, and I lay on top of the bedclothes, watching him undress.
When he joined me in bed, he pulled me into his arms and kissed my throbbing shoulders. “I’ll get you something for the swelling. Do you need anything to eat?”
I shook my head, stroking the back of his hand where it rested on my stomach. “No, I’m just tired.”
Pushing up onto his knees and kissing my cheek, he rolled me onto my back. I hissed as the cheeks of my ass and shoulders rubbed against the cotton sheets. “Get into bed. I’ll be back with arnica cream and ibuprofen.”
I lay gingerly on my side, tugging the duvet up over my shoulder and stared at the flogger still laying on the floor. The whole thing baffled me. How could something cause so much pain but lead to the most intense orgasm I’d ever had? But was it really pain? I was tender. My body ached, the dull throb on my shoulders and buttocks was certainly uncomfortable, but as I focused on them I noticed tiny spasms low in my gut, just like the ones I experienced when I was aroused.
Was I turned on by the memory?
He came back into the room and my stomach turned over.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, concerned.
I couldn’t speak so I nodded my head, accepting the two pills and a glass of water he offered and took them straight away.
With the glass placed on the nightstand, Callum got into bed and said, “I assume you don’t mind if I stay?”
I shook my head and swallowed as he kissed the back of my neck. “Thank you. I hate leaving. I’m going to rub some of this cream on your shoulders and bottom. Hold still.”
My stomach churned as his hands smoothed the cream over my sensitive skin. It was soothing, but the pressure of his hands was painful. I tried to empty my head, to ignore the pain, but the sensations brought back vivid memories of our activities, stirring an all too familiar emotional response. I closed my eyes, willing it to go away, but it didn’t. I should have known. I couldn’t just have casual sex with someone and not end up feeling something. That wasn’t how I worked. It ended up with me feeling, and falling, and then I got hurt. Last time in more ways than one.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I wasn’t supposed to fall for him. I was supposed to get Johnathan out of my system and pick up the strands that were left of my life. I didn’t want to risk my working relationship with Callum.
He was such a nice guy. Kind. Considerate. He turned up out of the blue and saved me from myself with no expectations. He hadn’t asked for anything from me. Okay, so he’d taken me to bed, but that was mutually beneficial. But now? Now I was falling, and if I took him with me I knew we’d both suffer.
“Bekah, please, tell me what’s wrong,” he said, laying down beside me. I shuffled back, laying my head on his arm as he held me close. “If I’ve gone too far—”
“It’s not that. You haven’t done anything,” I said in a hoarse whisper. “I’m scared I’ll… I can’t help being like this, and I don’t want…”
I couldn’t speak past the tears.
“There’s nothing to be afraid of, Bekah. Not from me. All I want is to love you.”
“No.” I shook my head, pulling away but he held me tighter.
“Why?” he asked close my ear. “What’s so wrong with me loving you?”
“I can’t be what you need, Callum. I’m not—”
“Don’t. Bekah, you’re everything and more. You’ll never know the difference you’ve made in just a month. Please, don’t cry. I want to make you happy.”
I turned over, ignoring the discomfort. There was enough light from the street outside to see his face clearly, and I searched his eyes.
He stroked my face and kissed me.
“Can you let me love you?”
I nodded, burying my face in his shoulder. “I’ll try not to let you down.”
Kissing my forehead, he held me close and whispered, “You’re the one person I know I can rely on. Get some rest.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
With the final box carried up to the flat above the hotel, I flopped onto the sofa and sighed. My boss at the gas station had been great when I handed in my notice and offered to let me take my remaining leave so I could start at the hotel sooner. I’d been moving my things out of Johnathan’s flat with lots of help from Callum and getting things ready for work to start on the renovations.
“Shall we go out for lunch?” Callum asked, sitting down beside me. “We can look at getting some new things for the bedroom?”
I smirked. “Such as?”
He raised his arm, inviting me to move closer and, I snuggled into his side. “Pillows. Sheets. Any artwork that takes your fancy. The other items I tend to buy online.”
“Oh?”
He laughed. “Not for a long time until recently.”
“That stuff is all new?”
“Yes, of course. I ordered everything new after you came to me that Monday morning. I’ve had the massager a while, but it hadn’t been used except for a few months ago when I pulled my shoulder bringing in a delivery.”
“You knew I’d see you again?”
“Not for certain, I didn’t know anything for certain, but I wanted to be prepared.”
“Sunday night,” I said, trying to maintain a conversational tone, “when you came back early.”
He looked down at me. “Yes?”
“Did you mean what I thought you meant or was that just heat of the moment stuff?”
“It was heat of the moment, but I meant every word of everything I said on Sunday night,” he said, turning in the seat to face me.
I nodded. “Right. I just…”
“Bekah, has that been bothering you?” he asked, taking my hand. “I had thought it was too soon, but once I’d said it there was no going back.”
I shook my head. “No. No, I just… I didn’t respond then, and I didn’t want you to think that I”—I swallowed, trying to slow my thoughts and get the words out in the right order— “I feel the same. I didn’t say anything because of the mess I was in at Christmas, and it all seems to be happening too fast, but I’ve had a couple of nights to think and really sort things out in my head. It’s the only way I can describe how I feel. I didn’t know what your expectations were. I didn’t know…”
“If I were just using you for an easy lay?” he asked evenly. “No. I wondered if that was what you wanted. If that was what you needed. But I’d wanted you for so long that was never going to be possible for me.”
I remembered what Lee had said when Callum presented him with the expansion idea. That it was about time. I had no idea Callum had noticed me, he was always so professional.
“Why did you have a drink with me at Christmas?”
“Curiosity. I didn’t know you had a boyfriend. I’ll go as far as to admit I was pleased you were having problems. It gave me a way in. But I didn’t offer you the room for those reasons. That was basic good manners and responsibility for your well-being.”
“And on the pier?” I asked.
“I’ll admit to mixed emotions there. Mostly I was angry, but my priority was your safety. You weren’t safe. That night, I thought back and realised I’d watched you become miserable and nervous, but I hadn’t known why and had never dared to ask. When you gave me some vague indication, followed by the soup debacle, I pieced things together on New Year’s Day. I wanted to take you away from it, but it wasn’t for me to make those decisions. I was nothing to you, then. It’s your life. So, I stepped back and allowed you to lead, making myself available and hoping you would come to me when you were ready.”
He’d dropped everything to help me, dedicated days to simply being there
when I was at my lowest and struggling. He’d even faced down Johnathan, allowing him to think he was his replacement.
“It’s all so sudden…”
“We’ve known each other for four years, I wouldn’t say it’s sudden at all. More like it took us slightly longer than one would expect to come together.”
He had a point. I nodded. “I suppose so.”
“Tell me,” he said brushing my hair back from my face, “Are you happy?”
I pulled in my brows. “Yeah, god yeah. It’s just been a difficult few months, and it’s ending with this,” I said, looking around the room. “You’ve taken my ideas and ran with them. Nobody has ever trusted my judgment like that. And I’m terrified it’ll end badly. I mean, what if it doesn’t work? What if I’ve overestimated?”
He smiled and shrugged his shoulders. “Well, if that happens there are a number of options, none of which I’m prepared to explore because I have complete faith in you.”
I sighed and looked away.
“Bekah,” he said seriously, “this isn’t you. The woman I noticed was spirited, happy, and had just a little bit of sass in her. Your confidence is why I employed you. Your spirit is what drew me to you, although I tried to ignore it. That died when you met Pierce. I want you to get it back. I want you, the real you. I know you need time, and I have the patience, but please stop doubting yourself. You’re brilliant. Your understanding of the industry, right down to keeping a customer so happy they book every Sunday for four years, is far beyond anything I can achieve. It’s a gift. Recognise it.”
I gave a self-conscious laugh and shrugged one shoulder. “We’ll see. Where do you want to go for lunch?”
I couldn’t really afford anything new for my bedroom, but I could look. Getting out was probably a good idea.
“There’s an excellent little fish and chip shop up in town.”
I nodded. “Sounds good. Give me five to get ready.”
I kissed him and took off to the bedroom, leaving him on the sofa.
Town wasn’t very busy and we took a walk along the harbor and up to the local department store after lunch. Callum was browsing aftershaves when I turned around and came face-to-face with my sister.
She was pushing a buggy that held a chubby-faced baby with a few blond curls asleep in a fleece muff. He looked so much like her it was scary, except for the blond hair, that came from his father. I’d never met him, he was born the previous February after Ruth had stopped talking to me.
“Ruth…”
She looked me up and down then glanced over my shoulder. “This one married, too?”
I don’t know where it came from, I didn’t usually have the balls with her, but I said, “No, actually, this is my boss. I fuck this one on Mondays. How’re the kids?”
Callum places his hand on my shoulder, and she sneered at me and turned the buggy around. I watched her storm off into the shop, taking a deep breath.
“What was that about?”
“She doesn’t forgive me for her husband groping me at mums,” I said, turning back to the perfume I’d intended to test. “She blames me, even though I was sober and just in from work. Haven’t seen her in… God, it must be a year? I stay away from her, she stays away from me.”
“But she knew about…” he didn’t say his name.
I smelled the perfume and put it back on the shelf. “She saw me with him once. Clocked the wedding ring, told me I was disgusting.”
“Siblings,” he said, picking up another perfume. “Try that.”
I took a whiff. It was sweet, quite light, perfect for daytime. I nodded and handed it back. “That’s nice. Do you have problems with your siblings, too?”
He put the bottle back on the shelf and said, “Yes. My older brother ran off with my girlfriend. It was years ago, and I hold no animosity, but he doesn’t speak to me. After eight years, he really should let it go.”
I frowned. “That must have been awful. But why is he the one holding the grudge?”
“It was,” he said, “and I wouldn’t say he holds a grudge, more he can’t live with his betrayal. I loved her, deeply, and she claimed to love me. Then she took off with him, and I assume had told him the same. He fell in love, she broke my young heart, and she soon left him for someone else. We both had a lucky escape. One thing I’ve learned from it is to look for the positives in a situation and learn from them. Now let’s have a look upstairs.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
I spent Friday tidying up the office and setting up social media profiles for the hotel, booking in with a graphic designer for the branding, and contacting some local companies who made organic bath products. I had a specific one in mind, I’d used her products before, but had some backups if she couldn’t provide what we needed.
At around four thirty, Callum knocked on the door. “Still at it?”
I nodded, draining my coffee mug. The contents had long since gone cold, but I was too engrossed in what I was doing to get a fresh one. “Yeah, nearly done, though. I had a decent quote from a graphic designer for the branding so I booked it. I’ve already discussed a few ideas with him. It looks promising,” I said, thumbing through a stack of paper.
“I don’t need to see it, just pay for it on the card I gave you and file the invoice. I got something in for tonight. Come through.” He points toward the kitchen.
I put down the papers and followed him into the kitchen.
“What time do you expect your friends?” he asked, placing the bags on the kitchen counter.
“Umm, six thirty, they said. If they show up.”
He kissed me, then shrugged off his jacket and went into the staff changing room. I frowned when he returned wearing one of his chef’s tunics.
“What are you doing?”
“Preparing something for you all to eat. Where do you plan to entertain?”
I hadn’t even thought about it. “I dunno. The flat, probably.”
He shook his head. “Use the lounge. I’ll light the fire when I’m done here. You go and take a bath, get ready.”
“There’s no need—”
“There’s every need,” he said, taking a large wooden board from the cupboard behind him. “You’ve plenty of time. I’ll come up when I’m all finished down here. Oh, almost forgot, the white bag. That’s for you.”
I opened it and frowned. “Callum, you shouldn’t have.”
He walked over and kissed me. “I wanted to. You liked it.”
“Yeah, but…”
“But nothing,” he said, kissing my forehead. “Go get ready.”
I smiled, nodded, and took the bag and went upstairs to draw a bath, all the while feeling uncomfortable.
I loved how attentive he was, but he’d bought everything for my evening in with friends, and the perfume he noticed I liked. Collectively, it had easily cost a hundred pounds. Not to mention he was doing the work preparing food for us.
With the bath still running, I got in and closed my eyes.
I didn’t want him to think I was with him for the money. He’d been so generous, but I didn’t need gifts. He spent enough time on me, and that really was all I needed.
It would be the first thing Ruth came up with when she found out. I knew she’s already asking around. Which boss? My family didn’t know I’d left the gas station. I hadn’t told anyone about my new position at the hotel. The only person who knew was Lee, and he didn’t know I’d already moved into The Georgian.
I washed my hair and got out. Wrapped in a towel, I started digging through the boxes with the few belongings I had to find my hairdryer.
I was combing through my hair when Callum knocked on the bedroom door.
“Why are you knocking?”
He came into the room and paused by the boxes. “I didn’t want to presume… What’s this?”
He picked up a small box wrapped in black and gold paper, a gold bow stuck to the top.
“Nothing important,” I said, turning back to the chest of drawers I’d pl
aced my mirror on and resumed combing my hair.
He sat on the edge of the bed, still holding the box. “It doesn’t look like nothing.”
“Open it,” I said.
“Whose is it?”
“Nobody’s now. I bought it for… him, but he didn’t stay long enough for me to give it to him. I meant to throw it away.”
I turned on the hairdryer and got on with drying my hair while he unwrapped the gift.
He waited until I was finished, sitting silently on the bed. When I was done, I looked at him and half-smiled. “Cost too much to toss it out.”
“This is a five-hundred-pound pen, Bekah.”
I nodded. “Saved for three months for it. The discount he gave me on the rent gave me some free money.”
“Did you keep the receipt?”
I nodded. “Yeah but going into the city wasn’t on my mind.”
“Do you want to return it? I can take you.”
I could do with the money. I needed more clothes and food to see the month out. What little money I had from wages owed would be spent on finalising bills at the flat. “I don’t want to take your time up, Callum.”
“It’s no trouble. I haven’t been through for a while and there are some things I could pick up while we’re there.”
I nodded, and he held out a hand.
I went to him, allowing him to pull me down on the bed.
Propping his head on one hand he looked down at me and said, “If you want to keep it, keep it. If you want to return it, I’ll take you. Whatever you want. All of this is down to what you want.”
“I just want to get on with my life, Callum. Everything changed so fast I haven’t been able to just deal with it. I’ve moved in here, I’m broke until I start working again, I have you spending money on me, giving me expensive gifts, and—”
“A bottle of perfume isn’t an expensive gift,” he interrupted, lacing his fingers through mine.
“It is to me. It’s different for you. You come from…”
“Ah.”
