Dangerous Creatures: Crazy Stories from Wattle Creek Primary School

by Ronald Hart



  DANGEROUS CREATURES:

  CRAZY STORIES FROM WATTLE CREEK PRIMARY SCHOOL

  by

  Ronald Hart

  * * * * *

  PUBLISHED BY:

  Dangerous Creatures

  Copyright 2011 by Ronald Hart

  Cover Illustration Copyright 2011 by Craig Smith

  * * * * *

  CONTENTS

  Dangerous Creatures

  The Swimming Carnival

  The New Girl

  Furry Soft Things

  Say Cheese

  Gassed

  Paper Mache

  Paul’s Talk

  Beans

  The Gold Star

  DANGEROUS CREATURES

  “The master has arrived!” Joshua announced loudly as he flung his school bag onto the port racks.

  “Oh, goody goody,” a voice said sarcastically behind him.

  Joshua turned to see a tall, slim girl looking at him like he was a lump of dog poo that she had just stood in.

  “So your mum didn’t leave you behind in Koala Lumpoo on the holidays?” he said, pretending to sound disappointed.

  Tiffany sighed dramatically. “It’s Kuala Lumpur, not Koala Lumpoo. If you’d pay more attention to Miss MacDonald instead of mucking around all the time, maybe you wouldn’t sound as stupid as you are.”

  “Miss MacDonald’s away today,” Shaun, Joshua’s best friend, said from a large group of kids who were staring through the classroom window.

  “She’s not away!” Tiffany snapped loudly. “I’ve been telling you all morning that she’s left!”

  Joshua pushed his way to the front and peered inside to see a tall, slim, youngish looking lady with blonde hair half way down her back writing sums on the board. “Cool. I love relief teachers.”

  “She’s not a relief teacher,” Tiffany said, exasperated, shoving in beside him.

  “What else would she be?” Joshua said. “An alien?”

  Tiffany sighed dramatically. “Would a relief teacher put all of those posters on the wall and those cushions on the floor?”

  “Maybe,” Joshua said.

  “Hey, there’s fish in the fish tank!” Andrew, a small boy hardly taller than the window ledge exclaimed suddenly.

  “Well, that proves it then,” Tiffany said. “Mrs MacDonald hates anything that’s alive, and a relief teacher wouldn’t put fish in the tank for just a day.”

  “I wonder where she went?” Andrew asked.

  “Maybe she died,” Joshua said.

  “Yeah, the thought of coming back and seeing you again was too much for her,” Tiffany said.

  The kids laughed.

  “At least I knew she didn’t like me,” Joshua said.

  Tiffany frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Work it out for yourself.”

  Just then Tiffany spotted Kimberly, her best friend, walking slowly along the verandah towards her, bag over her left shoulder, brown hair tied up in two pigtails, freckled face a pasty grey colour.

  “Hi, Kimberly! Guess what?”

  “What?”

  “We’ve got a new teacher! Come and look.”

  Kimberly groaned. “That’s made me feel a lot better.”

  “What’s wrong with you today?” Tiffany asked.

  “I feel sick,” Kimberly said. “I always feel sick when I’m nervous.”

  “Nervous?” Tiffany exclaimed. “Why would you be nervous?”

  “I’m always nervous on the first day of school.”

  “But we’ve only been away for two weeks!”

  “I know,” Kimberly said. “But I’m still nervous.”

  “I’m not nervous,” Tiffany said. She grabbed her arm and pulled her over to a spare spot in front of the window. They peered inside the classroom.

  “She looks nice,” Tiffany said.

  “She could be really mean,” Kimberly said.

  “No way,” Tiffany said. “Have you ever met a young lady teacher who wears jeans that was mean?”

  “No.”

  “There you go then.”

  Kimberly didn’t look convinced.

  “Girls, can you move those bags onto the port racks please?” a gruff voice suddenly asked behind them.

  They jumped. That voice could only belong to one person in the school.

  “Yes, Mr Barker,” Tiffany said, and kicked the closest bag under the port racks.

  “With your hands,” Mr Barker said.

  Tiffany knew better than to argue with the principal, especially when he was frowning so hard that his two eyebrows joined together to make one long threatening bushy one. She noticed he’d had a perm on the holidays to try and hide his growing bald spot, but wisely chose not to comment on it right at that moment.

  As she and Kimberley began picking up school bags and shoving them unceremoniously amongst the others on the port racks, Mr Barker went into the classroom, closing the door behind him.

  A moment later the door opened again and his curly head with the bald patch on the top poked out. “Year five, it’s time to line up now. Move away from the windows, get what you need from your bags and be lined up nicely in two lines before I come out again with your new teacher.”

  There were some gasps and then loud excited chattering.

  “Quietly!” Mr Barker shouted.

  The noise level dropped, but increased again as soon as the door closed.

  Tiffany looked smugly at Joshua. He poked his tongue out.

  “I think I’m going to be sick,” Kimberly said.

  As the class was trying to see what was going on inside the room and prepare for class at the same time, Mr Barker and the new teacher talked a bit, then laughed. Mr Barker patted her on the shoulder, then led her outside.

  “Year five, where are the two nice lines I asked for?” he shouted. “Hurry up!”

  The class lined up quickly and stared at the new teacher.

  Tiffany noticed that she didn’t look terrified. That was a really good sign because maybe she could keep Joshua and his friends under control.

  “Year five, I’d like to introduce you to Miss Strickland,” Mr Barker said. “Say good morning.”

  “Good morning, Miss Strickland,” the class chorused. There were a few giggles.

  Mr Barker glared at the offenders. “I hope I won’t be seeing either of you in my office today,” he warned.

  Joshua and Shaun shook their heads.

  “Where is Miss MacDonald?” Tiffany called out, desperate to know.

  “That’s none of your business, Tiffany,” Mr Barker said. “All I will say is that Miss MacDonald will not be returning to school this year and Miss Strickland will be your teacher. I hope you will all show her the best manners you can and make her feel welcome here at Wattle Creek Primary School. Is that clear?”

  “Yes, Mr Barker,” the class said.

  “I hope so,” Mr Barker said. “Now, listen to Miss Strickland.”

  Everybody did.

  “Have a good morning,” Mr Barker said before he turned and walked away, hands folded behind his back.

  Miss Strickland gazed over the two lines of children for a few seconds before she said anything. “I really hope we can line up nicely like this all the time, grade five. I also hope you can remember to bring in everything you need because one thing I really hate is a parade in and out all morning. Are you sure you have everything?”

  “Yes, Miss Strickland,” the class said.

  “Good. When you go in you will find that you are sitting in the same spots you were last term.
However, I may do some swapping around later today once I get to know you a bit better. Now, forward in quietly please.”

  She stepped aside to let them in, then closed the door and positioned herself on the edge of her desk and waited until everyone was sitting down. “Well done, grade five. Before we begin today I would like to find out a little bit about you all. We’ll go around the class and I would like each of you to tell me your name and then tell me a little bit about yourself, like where you went on holidays or what sorts of things you enjoy doing. We might start at the back over there.” She pointed at a short, plump girl with stringy black hair and large front teeth. “You can go first.”

  “Um,” the girl began nervously. “Um, my name is Bethany Grainger and I like electronic pets.”

  A few kids made groaning noises.

  “That’s enough of that,” Miss Strickland said. “What did you say your name was, dear?”

  “It’s Bunky Beaver!” Joshua said loudly.

  The class laughed. Bethany looked down into her lap, blushing.

  “Stand up!” Miss Strickland shouted, eyes flaring.

  Joshua rolled his eyes and stood up.

  “What’s your name?”

  “Joshua.”

  “Now, Joshua, this is the very last time I am going to have to speak to you today,” Miss Strickland said in a deadly voice. “If I need to speak to you again today, you will spend your lunch time doing some work for me. Is that understood?”

  “Yes, Miss Strickland,” Joshua said, fully aware that she wasn’t fooling around.

  “And if I hear about you or anybody else picking on anybody else in this class, there is going to be deep trouble! Now, sit down!”

  Joshua sat down.

  Tiffany smiled.

  As if by magic, the anger vanished from Miss Strickland’s face.

  “Now, let’s try again,” she said in the pleasant voice she had used earlier. “What was your name, dear?”

  Bethany looked up, face red with embarrassment. “Bethany Grainger,” she said.

  “And what are electronic pets, dear?” Miss Strickland asked.

  Bethany’s face lit up slightly with the prospect of somebody else actually being interested in them, “Well, they are little electronic things with a screen that show you pets, and you have to look after them like real pets. If you don’t then they die and stuff.”

  Miss Strickland blinked, not quite comprehending. “Oh, I see. Thank you, Bethany.”

  She nodded at the next person, a small freckly girl with bright orange hair.

  “My name is Sally, and on the holidays I went to Sydney.”

  “Thank you, Sally,” Miss Strickland said. “We’ll skip you, Joshua. I already know who you are. Next.”

  Joshua frowned and folded his arms.

  Shaun stood up. “My name is Shaun and I went to the movies on the holidays.” He looked down at Joshua and grinned.

  Miss Strickland made a mental note to move him somewhere else in the classroom. “Thank you, Shaun. Next.”

  Tiffany stood up and glanced around the class to make sure everybody was listening. “My name is Tiffany. On the holidays I went to Kuala Lumper because my sister got married there. She had the most beautiful dress on. My mother made it. She made all the bridesmaids’ dresses too. She is a really good sewer. I was a flower girl. I looked very beautiful. I had my hair done up with small white roses and I had a white dress that came down to my ankles. It was so beautiful. My mother said that I looked like a princess and that I should be a model when I grow up. I want to be a model. My mother says that I will be tall and beautiful enough to be one.”

  Joshua smirked.

  “Joshua,” Miss Strickland warned in that dangerous voice again.

  “Yes, Joshua,” Tiffany said, and poked out her tongue.

  “Now, we didn’t need that, Tiffany,” Miss Strickland said curtly. “You can sit down now.”

  “But I’m not finished yet,” Tiffany complained.

  “Yes you are,” Miss Strickland said.

  Tiffany sat down, pouting.

  “Next,” Miss Strickland said.

  After everyone had a turn, Miss Strickland went through the usual list of classroom rules, then handed out a photocopied page of maths to do before morning tea.

  As she sat at her desk, she glanced across the room at the working children and smiled with satisfaction. Her fist day was progressing quite well.

  Sally put up her hand.

  “Yes, Sally?” Miss Strickland said.

  “Um, can I go to the toilet please?”

  Miss Strickland looked at the clock. “No, it’s almost morning tea. You’ll need to wait.”

  Sally looked worried.

  “She has trouble holding on, Miss Strickland,” Tiffany said.

  “Tiffany, we don’t call out in this classroom,” Miss Strickland said.

  “Sorry,” Tiffany said. “But she does. Last term she could go to the toilet whenever she needed to without asking.”

  Miss Strickland looked at the pained expression on Sally’s face. “Is that true, Sally?”

  She nodded.

  “Alright then,” Miss Strickland said. “But sooner or later you’re going to have to learn to go when everybody else does. Off you go.”

  As Sally left, Miss Strickland suddenly noticed something unusual going on at the back of the room. Joshua and Shaun were whispering to each other and looking at something on Joshua’s lap.

  “What have you got there, Joshua?” Miss Strickland asked, standing.

  The boys looked up, guilty.

  “Nothing,” Joshua said.

  Miss Strickland held out her hand. “Well, let’s see what nothing is.”

  Joshua pulled a face and held up a tall slender spray can.

  Miss Strickland held out her hand. “Bring it out to me please.”

  Like an old man, Joshua got out of his seat and went to the front of the room. He dropped the can into his teacher’s hand.

  Miss Strickland frowned and studied it. It was covered in Chinese writing and had a drawing of a large pink bubble on one side. “What is it, Joshua?”

  “Spray bubble gum,” Joshua said. “My uncle bought it for me in Hong Kong.”

  “Bubble gum is banned at school!” Tiffany called out.

  “Thank you for reminding me, Tiffany,” Miss Strickland said. “Is that true, Joshua?”

  “Yeah, but I wasn’t eating it,” Joshua said, and cast an evil look in Tiffany’s direction.

  Tiffany smiled smugly.

  “I’ll look after it until three o’clock,” Miss Strickland said. “And we won’t be seeing any bubble gum at school again, the spray kind or otherwise. You can sit down now and finish your maths.”

  Joshua returned to his seat, folded his arms and frowned angrily.

  Miss Strickland put the can on her desk. She glanced at her watch. “Since I’ve still got all of your attention and it’s almost time to go out for morning tea,” she said, “I may as well tell you what we’re going to do when we come in again. Pencils down please.”

  There was a clatter of pencils.

  Miss Strickland sat on the edge of her desk. “This term in Science we are going to be learning about Australian animals. As part of that I have invited somebody to come in today and tell us about some of the more dangerous ones. He will be bringing some of them along for us to have a closer look at.”

  There was an excited chatter around the room. Mrs Mac Donald would never have done anything like that!

  “Like snakes and stuff?” Tiffany called out.

  “Yeah, your relatives,” Joshua said.

  “Joshua,” Miss Strickland warned. “Yes, Tiffany, like snakes and stuff. You’ll see after morning tea.”

  Andrew put up his hand.

  “Yes?” Miss Strickland said.

  “Can I sit at the back? I’m scared of snakes.”

  “You’ll be okay,” Miss Strickland said. “They’ll be in cages.”

&nbs
p; The tall Chinese boy sitting next to him put up his hand.

  “Yes, Paul wasn’t it?” Miss Strickland asked.

  “Yes,” Paul said. “I’ve got a snake at home.”

  “You do?”

  “Yep. Dad ran over it on the way back from one of his inventors’ conferences and put it in a bottle. I can bring it in if you want.”

  “Thank you, Paul,” Miss Strickland said, not at all sure if she wanted a squashed snake in a bottle in the classroom. “When the bell goes after morning tea, everyone, it is really important that you line up quickly so that we can get started on time. Paul, Joshua and Shaun, you can stay behind for a few minutes to help me move some desks around.”

  Joshua groaned.

  When the bell went at the end of morning tea everyone was back at the classroom really quickly, keen to see what sorts of dangerous creatures had arrived during the break.

  There were two tables at the front of the room packed with an assortment of wooden and plastic boxes. Several charts of snakes, spiders and jellyfish were blue tacked onto the white board. Miss Strickland was standing at her desk chatting with a bearded man who was wearing blue jeans and a t-shirt with a picture of a redback spider on it.

  “I can see a snake,” Andrew said, spotting a large dark shadow in the corner of one of the plastic crates.

  “Hey, Tiffany!” Joshua cried. “Andrew just saw one of your cousins!”

  “Ha, ha, very funny,” Tiffany said.

  “It wasn’t a joke,” Joshua said.

  Tiffany poked out her tongue and Joshua’s friends laughed.

  Miss Strickland stepped outside. “Grade five, let’s see two nice lines ready to go in please.”

  The class lined up.

  “Show our visitor how nicely you can go in,” Miss Strickland said.

  The class forwarded in quietly, or as quietly as they could just before something really interesting was about to happen.

  When everybody was ready, Miss Strickland introduced their guest.

  “Grade five, I would like to introduce you to Mr Paulson from the Wattle Creek Reptile Park. He has come today to tell us all about some of the dangerous creatures that we can find around Wattle Creek and the rest of Australia. Thank you, Mr Paulson.”

  “Gidday,” Mr Paulson said, standing. “Thank you for that nice introduction, Miss Strickland.”

  Miss Strickland smiled and sat on the sink at the side of the room.

  “Hands up if you can tell me one of the dangerous creatures we find in Australia.”

  Several hands shot into the air.

  “Yes, son?” Mr Paulson said, pointing.

  “Butterflies?” Joshua suggested.

  The class laughed.

  Miss Strickland shot him an evil glare.

  “We have a clown in the class,” Mr Paulson said. “There’s always one. No really, who can tell me what one of our dangerous creatures is?”

  Andrew put his hand up.

  “Yes?” Mr Paulson said.

  “Snakes?” Andrew said, glancing nervously at the large shadow in one of the nearest crates.

  “Right on,” Mr Paulson said. “Did you know that Australia has some of the deadliest snakes in the world?”

  Andrew looked even more worried.

  “But most of them are more scared of you that you are of them,” Mr Paulson said.

  “I don’t think so,” Andrew mumbled.

  Paul put up his hand.

  “Yes, son?” Mr Paulson asked.

  “I’ve got a snake in a jar at home,” he said. “My dad ran over it.”

  “That often happens to snakes,” Mr Paulson said. “They like to lie on the road and warm themselves.” He glanced around the room. “Do we know of any other dangerous animals?”

  “Redback spiders?” Tiffany called out.

  “Yep.”

  “Jelly fish?”

  “Yep.”

  “Crocodiles?”

  “Yep.”

  “Funnelwebs?”

  “Yep.”

  “Cows?”

  “Cows aren’t dangerous, Joshua!” Tiffany called out.

  “They are if you get stood on by one,” Joshua said. “My cousin got stood on by one once and broke three ribs.”

  “Well, in that case they would be dangerous,” Mr Paulson said. “But I really don’t think we can put cows in the same group as Redback spiders and snakes. Speaking of snakes, I’ve brought somebody along with me today who would like to say hello to you all.” He took the lid off the crate that Andrew had been staring at since they’d come in from morning tea. “I’d like to introduce you to Gertrude, a carpet python from North Queensland.”

  Andrew pushed his chair back as far as it would go as Mr Paulson lifted out the largest snake he had ever seen. Its body was as thick as an arm and almost two metres long.

  There were a few gasps and groans from the class.

  Mr Paulson held it up so everyone could see it properly. “Now, Gertrude isn’t poisonous and not terribly dangerous. Most snakes are just like her and we should leave them be. We’ll have a look at some of the more dangerous ones in a minute. Now, I’d like a volunteer to come out and give Gertrude a cuddle.”

  There was an explosion of excited chattering and a sea of waving hands.

  “Miss Strickland,” Mr Paulson said. “Would you like to be our volunteer?”

  The class laughed.

  “Oh no, no, no,” Miss Strickland said.

  “Yes, yes, yes!” the class cried loudly.

  Realizing that she couldn’t escape, Miss Strickland grimaced and stood up.

  The class cheered loudly as she walked to the front of the room.

  “Now, some people think snakes a slimy,” Mr Paulson said as he draped the large snake around Miss Strickland’s shoulders. “But they’re not, are they Miss Strickland?”

  “I guess not,” Miss Strickland stammered, standing as straight and stiff as a tree trunk.

  Tongue flicking, Gertrude began to wind her way around Miss Strickland’s waist.

  “Now, if Miss Strickland was a mouse or a rat, she would be would be in trouble,” Mr Paulson said. “Carpet pythons are not poisonous. They squeeze their prey to death.”

  “That’s a comforting thought,” Miss Strickland said, trying to look behind her to see where Gertrude’s head end was.

  Mr Paulson patted the terrified teacher reassuringly on the shoulder. “But people are quite safe. In fact, it is quite useful having one living in your yard as they eat all of the rodent pests.”

  “Fascinating,” Miss Strickland said as Gertrude’s head appeared over her shoulder.

  “Snakes are cold blooded,” Mr Paulson continued. “Gertrude likes nothing better on a cold day than to find a cosy spot to warm up.”

  As if Gertrude had been waiting for the cue, she suddenly slithered alarmingly quickly down the front of Miss Strickland’s top.

  “Oh no!” Miss Strickland cried, rapidly losing her composure.

  The class laughed loudly.

  Calmly, Mr Paulson grabbed the tail end of the snake before it could disappear and tried to pull it gently out again, but the snake had coiled itself around Miss Strickland’s waist.

  “She likes you,” Mr Paulson said.

  “Get it out before I scream,” Miss Strickland hissed into his ear.

  “No worries,” Mr Paulson said and reached down the front of Miss Strickland’s top.

  “Oh,” Miss Strickland said, shocked.

  The class laughed even louder.

  Suddenly somebody screamed. Miss Strickland glanced up to see the students around Joshua pushing their chairs away. Joshua was frantically pushing at something under his desk and Shaun was almost falling on the floor with laughter.

  With Mr Paulson groping around in her shirt, Miss Strickland found it hard to focus on what was going on.

  “Joshua!” she shouted in a not-so-teacher-like voice. “What’s going on!”

  Above the noise she could hear a
very snake-like hissing sound, but it wasn’t a snake.

  Slowly, a large pink bubble appeared from behind Joshua’s desk.

  Miss Strickland suddenly realised what had happened.

  “Joshua, did you get the can off my desk?”

  “The top’s come off,” Joshua said. The bubble brushed against his chin.

  Mr Paulson let the snake go. “Miss Strickland, are you able to untuck your shirt? I think I can get a better grip that way.”

  Miss Strickland untucked her shirt and lifted it to reveal Gertrude wrapped around her belly.

  She couldn’t concentrate on the situation that was unfolding in front of her.

  The bubble grew and grew until Joshua vanished behind it.

  “Move out of the way, everyone!” Miss Strickland shouted above the chaos.

  Nobody paid any attention.

  They all watched in growing anticipation as the bubble grew larger and larger.

  Certainly there couldn’t be much more in the can? Miss Strickland thought.

  Just then the top of the bubble touched the spinning blades of the ceiling fan, and it popped. It sounded like a bomb going off. The class screamed as sticky blobs of pink bubble gum splattered everything and everyone in the room.

  Surprised by the noise, Gertrude gripped even more tightly. Miss Strickland stumbled and kicked one of the fold-up legs of the trestle table that was holding all of the crates and cages. The table collapsed, lids popped off and an assortment of poisonous reptiles and spiders made a dash for freedom.

  Andrew screamed and climbed onto his desk. Everyone else quickly got the same idea.

  Miss Strickland leapt onto a chair as Mr Paulson forgot about Gertrude and began diving for escapees. “Stay calm everyone!” he shouted above the chaos.

  At the far end of the corridor Mr Barker was showing a small group of prospective new parents around the school.

  “You will find that the students are kept well under control at this school,” he said. “We take great pride in the behavioural standards we have here.”

  Suddenly the sound of screaming reached his ears and he frowned. “What’s going on?” he mumbled. He began to walk more quickly towards the noise, the parents following like obedient school children.

  The screaming was coming from Miss Strickland’s room. Through the windows Mr Barker could see children standing on their desks.

  “What is going on in there?” he mumbled. “Excuse me for a moment,” he said, turning to the wide-eyed parents behind him, and opened the door.

  “Close the door!” Miss Strickland yelled wildly from the relative safety of her chair. “They’ll escape!”

  “Who will escape?” Mr Barker demanded.

  “The snakes and things!” Miss Strickland said frantically, trying to keep Gertrude’s head away from her face.

  Mr Barker closed the door and tried to keep his principally composure under control. “It seems as though there is a little situation that needs to be attended to,” he told his tour party, although judging by the expressions on their faces he guessed they had already worked that bit out for themselves. “Would you mind making your way back down to my office and helping yourselves to some sandwiches? I will be down shortly. Thank you.”

  As the small group left, the composed principally expression drained from his face and he entered the classroom, having no idea of what he was going to do other than to start shouting.

  Much later after all of the snakes and spiders and other creepy crawlies had been captured, Gertrude had been returned to her box, Mr Barker had yelled at the class for about half an hour, Mr Paulson had finished his talk and Joshua had been given a detention he would never forget, the class was let out for lunch and Miss Strickland retired to the staff toilets to recover.

  As she stood in front of the mirror removing bits of pink bubble gum from her hair, she realized that she had learned a valuable lesson from Mr Paulson’s visit. Although poisonous snakes, scorpions, redback spiders and crocodiles were dangerous Australian creatures, they were nothing compared to the most dangerous creatures of all, the 28 children in her class, and she was going to have to face them every day for the rest of the year.

  She closed her eyes and groaned loudly.