by Max Walker
It was good, couldn’t deny that. “I’ve never… I’ve still got a lot to sort out, Fox. I don’t want to… I can’t kiss you again.”
“I get that.” His hands still held my hips, fingers gently pressing into me as the ocean’s current insisted on pushing us even closer together. “Can I kiss you again, though?”
“Well…” The smile on my face was answer enough. He pushed back in, lips finding mine, my breath leaving me once more. Again, I was instantly transported to that fantasy land that consisted of just me and Fox, nothing and no one else. We were surrounded by infinity.
Our tongues danced, my hands back to gliding over Fox’s body, feeling the hair, feeling the muscles, feeling his hardness. His tongue licked under my top lip, blasting shivers of pleasure through me. My hands had gone around to his ass, groping him through his thin, wet briefs, feeling the firm globes of muscle.
I moaned again. This one louder, surprising me. A manifestation of the intense need rising through me. One of his hands passed over my crotch, over the rock-hard bulge I’d been rocking since Fox had stripped down to his underwear back at the shoreline.
I was pulled to reality. Pulled back to the fact that we were two men clearly fondling each other on a stretch of public beach, which was empty now but could easily be populated from one second to the next.
“I can’t.” A deep sense of regret filled me then as I pulled back, breaking from the kiss again, this time pushing my entire body back through the water and putting some space between us. Fox looked surprised but didn’t seem upset, something I thought he would be. I felt like I was leading him on in a way. As much as I wanted his kiss, his touch, I was still so unsure of myself. Was I gay? Was I bi? Did I ever see myself going back to women after Fox allowed me to be truthful and experience the side of myself I’d always been denying?
The answer was… well, no.
No, I don’t think I would. The idea of dating women again, it didn’t feel like something I wanted anymore. I couldn’t fully explain it, I just knew that the girls I’d been with in the past felt like a facade, and that I don’t think I ever connected with any of them, not on a real level. Not even with Wendy, who I’d been with for years.
No, I wouldn’t date women again, which…
“That’s okay,” Fox said, bringing me back to the here and now. I shelved my inner-chaos to deal with later. “Maybe I should apologize. I didn’t mean—”
“No, no. The same rules apply to you. Only apologize for toe stubbing and hallway bumping. I’m… it’s a lot. And we’re in public. Kind of… I don’t know, scares me?”
“I get it. Completely. I’m normally not big on PDA either, but with you, well, I get swept up.”
As if Mother Nature herself was in on the conversation, a particularly strong wave rolled over us, sweeping us up and taking us closer to land, closer to each other.
“Maybe we should head out… Want to grab something to eat?”
“Sure, let’s do it, then I can help you pack up your stuff.”
“You really don’t have to,” I said, as we started taking big strides through the water toward the shore, where our clothes were still sitting neatly piled.
“But I really want to.”
I didn’t have many answers to the questions floating around in my head then, but I was sure of one thing in that moment as we made it to the ankle-deep water: Fox was someone to keep around.
20 Gabriel “Fox” Morrison
“All right,” Jonah said, standing outside of his apartment door with a key in a slightly shaky hand. “This is a rip-and-dip situation. An in-and-out mission. If you need backup, just shout out my name, all right, Fox? You hear me?”
I couldn’t hold back the laugh. “Yes, sir,” I said, going along with it.
“Seriously, though. I think Wendy’s home, so this could end up being even more dangerous than our little warehouse escapade from earlier today.”
“I think we’ve proven we can handle the tough shit.”
Jonah nodded. He went to put the key in the lock, but his hand started shaking pretty bad, causing him to miss it the first few times. I heard him curse under his breath, and I could see red start flushing up the back of his neck. I didn’t want him to feel like I was bothered by this at all, or like he should be embarrassed.
I took a step forward and put a hand on Jonah’s. He looked at me, and I smiled. We put the key into the lock together and turned, the heavy click echoing through the dimly lit hallway.
“Thank you,” Jonah said, his voice low.
“Come on.” I turned and grabbed the stack of empty cardboard boxes. I didn’t want to make the moment any bigger than it needed to be. Jonah knew I was there to help whenever he needed it, and that was that. “Let’s rip and motherfuckin’ dip.”
Jonah laughed as he pushed the door open, stepping in tentatively and then motioning for me to follow.
Jonah’s apartment was cramped but still homey. There were two chunky tan couches and a pile of shoes and sandals stacked by the door, a couple of heels in the mix. The carpet was tan, with a couple of light splotches where spills had occurred. There was a worn-out bookshelf holding rows of different kinds of books and a tiny desk next to the shelf with a computer that looked to be on its last motherboard. Two windows, both shut tight to keep in the air-conditioning, looked out to the apartment building next door, showing off the pale yellow walls that were in desperate need of a new paint job.
“This is it,” Jonah said, looking around. “We’ve lived here for the last four years… and now I’ve gotta get up and go.”
“Change isn’t always a bad thing, Jonah. What comes next could be leagues better.”
“I hope so.” Jonah walked over to the big glass tank that was sitting on a stand near the television. Inside was a vibrant green jungle, with a dinosaur chilling on a sturdy branch, its head tilted toward us and its eyes following Jonah as he drew closer.
“Check it out, meet my iguana.”
“I thought I already did,” I said, teasing Jonah as I moved for a closer look.
“Ha. Ha.” Jonah shot me a look, his face cracked into a smile. Good. I wanted to make this as easy and carefree for him as possible, even though I imagined Jonah must have been feeling a torrent of emotions and all of them probably negative.
Jonah unlocked the lid and lifted it up, setting it to the side. Chibby didn’t move an inch as Jonah reached in and grabbed him, lifting him up and turning to him.
“He’s a big one, ain’t he?”
“This is nothing; he’ll get much bigger. They get to be around six feet.”
“I’ve seen some even bigger than that roaming around Miami. And when I was deployed, I’d see lizards the size of busses. Crazy shit.”
“So you’re not scared?” Jonah took a step forward, Chibby’s small black eyes now on me, his mouth slightly agape and showing off rows of tiny, sharp teeth.
“No, not at all,” I said, taking a step back.
Jonah laughed. “Come on, give his head a pet. He loves head scratches.”
“That’s okay. I think I’m good.”
“Do it.” Jonah moved closer, I moved farther. My back was against the door, and Jonah was laughing, which was starting to make me laugh.
“Fine, fine. You two can get acquainted later. We’ve got work to do.” Jonah’s smile dropped as he went back to Chibby’s tank, placing him gently back inside. He went around the corner to the kitchen and returned with a small bowl of fresh fruit. He dropped it in the corner of the tank, next to a black rock holding fresh water.
“All right,” Jonah said, clapping his hands together and looking around. He took a moment to let it all hit him.
I wish I could have raised my hand, snapped my fingers, and everything would have been packed and stacked neatly in cardboard boxes for Jonah. He deserved it. Instead, I knew we had a long afternoon ahead of us, rummaging and sorting through memories that would most likely prove painful for him.
“All ri
ght,” he said again, taking a deep breath and rolling his shoulders. “Let’s get started in the living room. I think Wendy might be home; the bedroom door’s shut, and I think I hear music. We’ll leave that room last. I’d only need my clothes from in there.”
“Roger that. Let’s do this.”
We got focused on working our way through the living room and kitchen, throwing in whatever Jonah said was his and he wanted to keep. Anything that was getting donated would go into separate boxes, and anything that was deemed trash had a trash bag to go into. We worked smoothly together and got through packing in around an hour and a half. All throughout that time, Jonah and I managed to keep a light mood and joke around a bit, even though we were going through old photos showing a smiling Jonah and Wendy, both young and having just moved into their new, barely furnished apartment together.
We packed it all up and were still in good spirits when Jonah went to go check if the bedroom door was locked. It creaked open as Jonah turned the knob. He peeked in and opened the door farther, revealing a darkened bedroom that looked a little like a college kid’s dorm. There were clothes all over the floor and the bed, with the drawers haphazardly thrown open and spilling out pink lace panties and G-strings.
“Jesus,” Jonah said, looking around. “I’m gone a couple of days and this place turns into something out of a post-apocalyptic movie.”
I noticed the door to their bathroom was shut, the sound of the shower coming through the thin door. We got to work on the bedroom, not knowing how much longer we had to get the bedroom packed before Wendy finished up with her shower. Jonah was in a hurry, and so was I, but I also wanted to see Wendy. I wanted to put a face to the woman who treated Jonah liked dried gum stuck to the bottom of her flip-flop, when Jonah should have been treated like the king that he was.
My phone buzzed, drawing my attention away from the box I was currently packing.
It was a message from the hacker, Ayana.
“Looks like my hacker contact can meet with us in a week,” I spoke out loud after reading it.
Jonah didn’t look up as he rifled through a stack of important-looking papers. “Nothing sooner?”
“Says they’re out of the country until then.”
“Think he’ll be able to figure out what’s in the phone?”
“She?”
Jonah nodded, smiled. “Think she’ll be able to hack the phone?”
“Pfft, she’s hacked into way more intense things. A five-year-old phone should be something she can do in her sleep.”
“How’d you meet her?”
“If I told you that, well, I’d have to… do nothing. It’s not that crazy of a story.”
Jonah laughed as he placed a pile of papers in his “keep” stack.
“I used to work as a bounty hunter before Zane offered me the position at Stonewall. We ended up crossing paths during my work, and we’ve helped each other out ever since. She’s a really cool girl.”
“Bounty hunter, huh?” Jonah stood up and moved his papers into the shoebox he was using to store them. “You’re full of surprises, man.”
“Sorry, did I say bounty hunter?” I shot him a grin. “I meant “booty hunter.’”
Jonah guffawed at that. “Right, must have misheard. Of course. You look like a master booty hunter, that’s for sure.”
“Mhmm,” I said, laughing like a little kid. I went back to moving old DVDs from the stand next to the TV and into the box in front of me. I had a feeling Jonah hadn’t so much as glanced at any of these movies for years, made more clear by the layer of dust that had covered most of them. But still, Jonah asked me to pack them up for him because they were his, and because he didn’t want Wendy to have them. I could understand that.
I understood that very well, actually. This entire situation started to remind me of my parents, and of how their relationship soured until the point of no return. When a gallon of milk goes bad, no one tries to save it. They grab it and toss it in the trash, and that’s exactly what had happened with my parents’ relationship.
It’s what was happening to Jonah and Wendy. A reminder of why I lived my life alone, and why I had been okay with that for a very long time.
Of course… things change. They always do.
Jonah was focused on emptying out a sock drawer. He had no idea my gaze was turned to him, no idea my thoughts had been swirling around him since the moment we shook hands. He was changing me, in the speed of light. He was fundamentally altering the way I thought about others, about myself. I had opened up to him faster than I’d opened up to anyone before, and that scared me. Why was I putty in this man’s hands? Was it that glowing aura of his that drew me in? He had an irresistible way about him, and I’d never met someone like that. Someone who made me forget about all the pain in my past, forget about the lessons I had thought I learned from that pain.
Someone who made me forget they weren’t even gay. There wasn’t a chance between us… maybe that was why I was so drawn to him? Because deep down, I knew, really knew, that this was all only window-shopping. As perfect as Jonah and I could be, it just… well, it couldn’t.
I peeled my eyes off him, already feeling myself getting lost in the curve of his back, his ass, his thighs.
We were throwing in the last of Jonah’s shirts into a cardboard box when the bathroom door opened.
“Wendy, we’ll be out— Oh.”
I turned from my spot next to the closet. Steam was spilling out of the bathroom, creating a soft cloud in the air, hovering over Wendy and the man who stood next to her. Wendy had a towel wrapped around her chest, a look of shock on her sharp, pointed features. The man had his hands over his junk, water falling off his fingers, pooling on the carpet underneath him. He was an older guy with a belly that looked to be full of beer.
“Jonah!” Wendy screeched first. “What are you doing?”
“We talked about me coming over to pack up my shit, Wendy.” Jonah looked from the man to Wendy, then back to the man. His blue eyes looked torrential. “You’re already with Hector?”
“What did you want me to do, Jonah? Sit here and cry over you for the rest of my life?”
“No, but getting with our downstairs neighbor? How long has he been coming over?”
Wendy crossed her arms, pale face turning cherry red. “Don’t insinuate I cheated on you. I’d never.”
“Wen—”
“Not now, Hector.”
“Right.” Hector turned and disappeared back into the bathroom, his bare ass jiggling away through the cloud of steam.
Wendy’s attention turned to me. She lifted a hand in the air, water drops flying across the room. “And who the hell is this? What are you doing in my room?”
I wanted to give her a piece of my mind. She deserved to know how much her apathy had hurt Jonah. How she had deprived him of the love I could see he was crying out for. It was cruel and unfair. If Wendy knew there wasn’t a spark there, she should have done something about it sooner. I had a feeling that if Jonah never broke up with her, Wendy would have continued on with her apathy and kept Jonah locked into an empty relationship.
I wanted to tell her all of that, but Jonah took some steps forward and stopped right next to my side.
“You mean Fox?” Jonah looked to me, and his crystal-blue eyes told me what he was about to do before his lips did.
“This is my fucking boyfriend.”
He grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me, hard and wet and holy fuck was I blown away.
21 Jonah Brightly
“I’m so sorry. I still can’t believe it.” I wanted to bury my head in the dirt and suffocate myself. I grabbed a taped-up cardboard box from my back seat and started the short way back into Fox’s house, Fox right behind me with another box.
“Stop apologizing, Jonah, for real. I don’t care. You could have dropped my pants and sucked me off right there in front of her and I would have understood.”
I managed to scrounge up a laugh for that. “Maybe a l
ittle excessive, but thanks for letting me know my plan B was viable.”
“Always have a plan B.” Fox, with a heavy-looking box in his arms, looked to me and smiled. “Well, that sounds more like a plan D if you ask me.”
“You’re ridiculous,” I said, laughing even harder. My cheeks were still pink, and my embarrassment was still strong, but Fox was managing to make me feel better and better by the second. “I really don’t know what came over me, Fox. I went full soap-opera mode. I should have introduced you as my friend.”
Friend. That title makes me want to gag for some reason.
“A boyfriend is technically a friend. So there you go.”
I dropped the box holding some part of my life next to a small tower of others that leaned on the couch. I would have bought some kind of storage for them, but I didn’t want to make it seem like I was setting up for an extended stay at Casa de Fox. This had to be a purely temporary situation, one that lasted a couple of days and that was it. I already felt like I was intruding, even though Fox constantly reassured me that I wasn’t.
Hell, I was already calling him my fake boyfriend for Christ’s sake.
“I was just so… so taken by surprise. And not that I feel like she needs to wait any predetermined amount of time. I… I don’t know.”
“You don’t have to explain it to me, Jonah. I get it. Seeing your witch of an ex walking out of the bathroom with a guy is shocking.”
“I know, it’s… I don’t feel so bad, you know? About the relationship ending. It’s weird to say, but it’s also letting me breathe a little easier… so I don’t know why I reacted the way I did. Honestly, I could have seen five guys walk out of that bathroom behind her and it wouldn’t have really bothered me…”
“So…” Fox’s smile slanted across his tanned face, his beard growing in. “Are you saying you made us boyfriends because you wanted to say it?”
“That’s… shit. That is what I’m saying, isn’t it?” I felt a lump in my throat. It stopped any more words from forming.
