by Max Walker
Tonight had only been confirmation on how badly I wanted Fox.
The need burned me, like a hand pressed and left on a hot stove top.
I wanted to hold Fox’s hand down the street, wanted to steal kisses from him whenever I could, wanted to be able to call him mine, publicly, not just behind the safety of closed doors.
No, I was done with that. My feelings for Fox had exploded at an exponential rate. I knew that this was way beyond anything I’d experienced before, or would ever experience again.
Fox was my one. The one. He was it. My heart was full in so many different ways with him in my life. And lately, waking up in his arms or him in mine, holy shit, I’d never been happier. It was a profound shift in my life, one I felt down to the bone marrow, a shift that happened because of how deeply I felt for Fox.
How much I loved him.
I was way too scared to say the L-word out loud, but damn it, I was feeling it. I knew I was because I’d never felt something like it before. Not with Wendy, not with anyone.
This was the kind of love movies and books always talked about, the kind I figured I would never really feel. The type of love that made colors seem brighter and songs seem sweeter, made reality feel like a dream.
So why the hell was I so scared of saying something? I thought I’d conquered fear when I stared death in the face as I was lying on the concrete floor, bleeding out from a bullet that had almost shredded my brain.
Turns out, I traded one kind of fear out for another. No longer was I as scared for my physical well-being as I used to be. As a young police officer, I had been terrified every time I got a call, and that fear never really went away, it only diminished. After getting shot, that changed. I wasn’t as fearful over the physical, but my emotional well-being?
That was an entirely different gauntlet.
And I was ready to run it for Fox.
30 Gabriel “Fox” Morrison
“A kid,” I said, the smile on my face hurting my cheeks. “Zane and Enzo and… too soon for names, right?”
“We’ve tossed a couple around.”
“And?”
“Fox for a boy, or Foxina for a girl.”
I snorted at that one. “You’re so thoughtful.”
“If it’s boy we’re thinking Alessandro, after Enzo’s dad, and if it’s a girl, we really like the name Lily,” said Zane. “I love those names. Lily especially. My mom’s name.”
Zane looked to me, his eyes carrying a wealth of understanding. Zane and I became friends when I had finished with my deployment, about seven months after my mom passed, so he had never met her, and for most of my life, it had been too painful to talk about her.
But since Jonah burst into my heart, things were different. I had a newfound courage I hadn’t realized I was lacking.
“So what’s going on with you, huh?” Zane’s amber eyes pried me open. He had a way of doing that. I figured that’s what made him such a good detective; people wanted to spill all their secrets to Zane. “You’ve seemed a little preoccupied, and now that I see you and Jonah together…”
“We’re just friends, Zane.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Coworkers.”
“Right.”
“Comrades in arms.”
“Fox…”
“I’m fucked, Zane. Royally. I’m head over combat boots for that guy out there. From the second we shook hands, it was like an earthquake. Everything changed from one second to the next. I don’t know what to do.” There it was, the break in the dam.
“I think you know exactly what to do.” He smirked playfully. “You have to go have a meeting with HR.”
I laughed in surprise. “Workplace romances aren’t allowed at Stonewall? That wasn’t in the handbook.”
“We have a handbook?”
“Andrew made me read something when I was hired.”
Zane shook his head. “I think that was his fan fiction. He’s been trying to get everyone to read it.”
“Ah, of course.” We laughed, the moment with my close friend setting me at ease. I hadn’t seen Zane in months, so it was more than refreshing to have this chat with him. We had one of those kinds of friendships that could go years without talking, and then on the day of a reunion, it’s like no time had passed whatsoever.
“He’s as taken by you,” Zane noted. “I can see it in his eyes. And those big blue eyes of his can’t hide anything, I’m telling you now.”
“Nothing.” I would know—I’d spent a long time staring into them. A deep fear of mine came bubbling up to the surface then. I’d never vocalized it before, so the words almost sounded foreign to me. “He only recently came out. I’d be his first serious relationship, that’s… I’m scared. I’m scared he’ll always wonder what else is out there. That maybe I’m not good enough. That maybe he settled for the first guy who came along. I’m scared I’d be robbing him of a dating life.”
Zane gave me a look, his head tilted. “Fox, dating life sucks. It’s filled with disappointment, regret, and occasional heartburn. You’re saving him from it, if anything.” He leaned closer to me. “Once you find your person, you stop wondering, Fox. Trust me. Regardless of sexuality, regardless of how many one-night stands you’ve had, or how many dates you’ve been on. When you find that one person, you forget about all the rest.”
“But what if…”
“When I met Enzo, I fought it. The feelings were there from the jump, but I pushed him away. I thought I was fine alone, I didn’t want to try and fill the void Jose’s death had left in me. And you know what?” He looked to the shallow waters of the small duck pond. “I regret it. I regret not just jumping into his arms the second he walked into my office. We both knew, we felt it. And then I wasted precious time resisting. Fighting an impossible fight.” He looked from the water to me. “Don’t fight, Fox. Let it happen.”
The words settled in my chest. Silence cemented them. Zane was right. I had been stopping myself from envisioning a future with the man I was falling in love with, all because of an unfounded fear of being hurt.
“You should take him out, go out on a boat, to the middle of the ocean. Just you two and the open water. Enzo and I did that and it was the most relaxing, serene experience. And we felt so connected after. I think it would be good for you guys.”
“That sounds like a really good idea. Jonah’s said he can drive a boat, too.”
“Perfect. We went out to Pisces Alley last year when we came to visit. That cove was stunning. Beautiful.”
A faint bell rang in the farthest reaches of my brain. I knew I had to reach for it, move toward it. “Wait, what did you say?”
“Pisces Alley? It’s a cool little spot off the coast, about an hour boat drive. There’s a ton of spots like it. Cancer Bay, Gemini Grove. They aren’t well-known places, so they all feel really private. The names come from an old tourist map that went out of print back in the sixties and started getting passed around like it was the map to the Holy Grail or something.”
“Holy shit, I think you helped me crack this Dragon case.”
Zane looked rightfully confused.
I sat up, unable to believe it was all clicking together. “Jonah and I have the head of Dragon narrowed down. We think someone at the top of Club Trinity is responsible for the spread of this thing. Specifically, we think Lucien, one of Dylan Rose’s partners, is the leader behind it. We found a signature in a hacked phone that matches a signature he left on a—pretty shitty— watercolor painting.”
“That’s pretty incriminating.”
“It is, but in the same text message with the signature, there was a cryptic message. We figured it would lead us to the drug drops, but we had no idea what the code meant.”
“What was the message?”
“There were a few. One was ‘June seventh, Grove, Last Sunday at Time Sent,’ so… Gemini Grove on the last Sunday of the month. We thought maybe the dates had something to do with the quantity of drugs. Seven being the weight of the produc
t, and the month being… well, something else. We were lost. You handed us the key.”
“That’s what Stonewall’s about. Teamwork.” Zane grinned in that excited way every detective did when a case was close to closed. “And sometimes some happy coincidences dealing with cryptic messages and old maps.”
“Very happy.” I shook my head and dropped it back, looking up at the dark blue sky, an ocean that stretched on and on.
“What kind of drug boss are you dealing with here, anyway? This isn’t usual for them, even for the smartest of them. Codes and secret messages?”
“Yeah I’m curious about that, too.”
“And what do you think Time Se—ooh, I see what it means.”
“It’s a smart code, Zane.”
“Really smart. Time Sent—so now you know that the drug deal is happening at whatever time that message was sent. It’s the only piece of critical information missing from the initial message. You’ve got the date and place, now time.”
“Ding, ding, ding. Exactly.”
“I’ve got a feeling that there were a ton of mix-ups whenever drug dealers had to go pick up their supply.” Zane chuckled. The image of these skeevy drug dealers getting lost out in the ocean had me chuckling, too.
“Do you have a copy of the map, Zane? Please tell me you do.”
My heart was in my throat.
Zane’s expression drooped. “No.”
My heart plummeted.
“But,” he said, perking up, “Enzo’s got one. One of his clients was a collector of old maps. He passed away and left a ton of his maps to Enzo. That’s how we found Pisces Alley in the first place.”
“Perfect. I need him to get me that map, preferably before the sun comes up. Think he can do that?”
“Yeah, we’ve got someone watching our place; she can send over a picture.”
“You’re a fucking rock star.”
Zane smiled and clapped me on my shoulder as he stood. “You’re the one who’s taking down an entire drug operation before it explodes. I’d say that makes you the rock star, Fox. I know you and Jonah will end this Dragon operation soon.”
I stood, feeling pride in being able to help Zane further his mission with Stonewall. “Well, if we’re right about the code, then this all might end tomorrow.”
Our Uber was driving down mostly empty streets, heading away from the crowded South Beach and taking us to the more chill North Beach. Jonah still wasn’t telling me what we were doing other than spending the night outside of my house, which sounded exciting enough, so I couldn’t even really picture what else Jonah was planning. A camping trip maybe? I’d never heard of camping on the beach, but hey, if Jonah wanted to do it, I was down.
There was an electric buzz in the air as we talked over the Drake song filling the car, a strong scent of Febreze and cigarettes in the air. I lowered the window, swapping out some of the Febreze with fresh ocean air.
“What do you think we should do?” Jonah asked. “If there’s a drug drop going on tomorrow, and we know where it is, then we’ve gotta let the authorities know.”
“I can talk to the DEA tomorrow, but they normally don’t react unless they have solid leads. All we have are cryptic messages that may line up with a couple named locations on an old map.”
“So what are you suggesting?” Jonah was grinning, knowing exactly what I was suggesting.
“Let’s go out there ourselves. Get pictures of the people involved in this and bring that straight to the police. They’ll be in cuffs by the end of the day.”
Jonah looked out the window. I wondered if it was to hide the smile that had sparked on him. “It’s risky, Fox.”
“It’s our only shot. If we wait any longer, they could catch on that their code is cracked. They could switch it up. If it really is Lucien, then we need to get him on that boat, leading the drug deal.”
“You think he’s really the one behind this? The guy pointed a BB gun at us. Not exactly the most drug-dealer move to pull.”
“You’re right.” I shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s him. Everything we have points to one of them. So we boat past the drug drop tomorrow and find out who, taking pictures of the fucker in the process.”
“That sounds like a crazy idea, Fox.” Jonah smiled even wider. “I love it.”
The rest of the drive consisted of us trying to figure out how best to get close to the drug deal without getting noticed. At some point, our hands had gravitated to each other’s, meeting in the center, our fingers lightly locking together.
The driver pulled up to our stay for the night, and my jaw dropped.
We were staying at the Palm Cabanas, famous for their private and romantic vibes, and also famous for constantly being booked up. “Jonah, you’re ridiculous,” I said, looking around as we pulled into a small parking lot, near the two tower palm trees that marked the entrance to the beachside cabanas.
“And we’ve got the private section of the beach, too.”
“How?” I asked.
“I know a guy.” Jonah laughed and shook his head. “I stalked Expedia for days waiting for something to open.”
“Crazy. You’re crazy.” I squeezed his hand a little tighter in mine, my heart singing out a song that felt louder than the song playing on the radio.
After checking in, we were led to our secluded cabana, a fire pit glowing orange outside of the entrance. And these weren’t the typical hotel cabanas with four posts and a sandy white cloth as a cover. These were more like small, deluxe villas that faced out to the beach. It was one room, the bedroom, with an adjoining bathroom, everything inside of it a beautiful white marble with pops of blue and reds, huge seashells up on the wall.
The bedroom was glorious. There was a California king-sized bed that felt like a damn cloud, with pressed white sheets and a fort of fluffy-looking pillows. The wall that faced out to the water was just one big sliding glass door, allowing us to sleep tonight with the ocean right next to us.
Although, with the smolder in Jonah’s eyes as he came out of the bathroom, I started to think we weren’t going to be getting much sleep in the first place. He had changed into a pair of (very short) black shorts and a light-blue T-shirt that made his eyes pop like sapphire-blue fireworks.
“You like it?”
“I love this, Jonah. You really didn’t have to, though.”
“I know, but I wanted to.”
He had crossed the space, stopping in front of me. The glass door to the beach was open, the fresh salt-filled air coming in and filling the cabana.
“Jonah…” The kiss that followed stole the words from my lips.
The kiss grew, stealing more words, stealing my breath. Our bodies pressed together, mine on his, his hands reaching around and gliding over my ass, squeezing and kneading before his hands moved upward, over my shoulders, moving to cup the back of my neck.
The kiss lasted longer than most that we shared. When we parted for breath, I could tell the air was alight with the electricity between us.
I could see something else, something in Jonah’s ocean eyes. Was it worry? Was it fear?
“What’s going on?” I asked, reading him like one of my birding books. “You look worried?”
“What? No, I’m not… I’m just thinking, that’s all…”
“Remember, you wear your thinking face like I wear my jocks.”
He smiled. “That’s right. Boldly.”
“Yup. So what are you thinking about?”
“Things.”
“Like?”
“You… me. Climate change and the effect it has on the bee population. You know, the usual.”
The laugh burst from my chest. “Let’s handle one thing at a time.’
Jonah, still smiling, seemed to steady himself, as though what he was about to say required an extra amount of courage. My pulse quickened.
“I want you, Fox… In more than the physical way. I want you next to me, holding my hand, and I want… I want to be able to call you mine…
I want to be your boyfriend, Fox.”
The words I’d been desperate to hear and the ones I thought I never would, not unless it involved an angry ex and a mostly naked man walking out of the shower together. I had played this moment out in my head so much, I knew exactly what to say next. I knew that the words that should have been coming out of my mouth were “yes, abso-fucking-lutey, yes.”
I was shell-shocked, though. No words were coming.
“You’re special, Fox.” Jonah must have sensed my shock, and he filled the gap. “And I get that we work together, but once this Dragon case is shut and we start working on our own, it won’t even matter. It won’t. If that’s what you’re thinking about… oh God, are you second-guessing everything?”
“No. Absolutely not, no.” I had to get those words out. I had to reassure him.
There was something else nagging at me, though. It was a block I couldn’t push past. Jonah’s eyes cast down to the floor.
What was wrong with me? I wanted to push him down onto this bed and take him. I wanted to give him his answer while leaving a trail of kisses down his neck, down his chest.
And yet, at the same time, I couldn’t. I was frozen. My heart was pounding. This never happened to me. I survived an active war zone without ever once freezing up in fear, and yet, here I was, sitting next to the man of my dreams and feeling him slip away with every millisecond of silence.
“You know what? Forget I said anything,” Jonah said suddenly. The pain in his voice was like a blade slicing through my fear, through my heart. “Actually, maybe forget about this whole thing.”
“No, Jonah, listen.” I stood up and grabbed his hand before he stormed off. I couldn’t let that happen. That’s the absolute last fucking thing I wanted to happen. “I want you. I want to ravage you, every fucking day. I want to ravage you and then bathe you in love. I want you, Jonah.”
“All right,” he said, a spark of defiance in his eyes, something I didn’t recognize from him. “So what’s the problem?” He shook his head, gaze on my lips. “Why is there a problem?”
