by Max Walker
“There isn’t a problem, Jonah.” I grabbed his hands in mine. He lifted his eyes up to mine. “I’m worried, all right? You’ve never had a boyfriend; you’ve never dated other guys. You missed that entire experience, and I’m worried you’ll feel like you’re missing out if you settle with me. I don’t want to feel that way, but it’s because I care about you so fucking much, that’s why I feel like that. I want our relationship to be perfect, and I’m nervous you’ll always feel like you’re missing something.”
Jonah pulled his hands from mine. It was the equivalence of a sucker punch to the gut. “I’ve got news, Fox: no relationship is perfect. And guess what? I have dated. I’ve dated plenty. Sure, they weren’t guys, but I’ve already got a good gist of what’s out there. I also know that I found something incredibly special in you, and that I… that I… I just don’t give a shit about anyone else.” He was shaking his head. I thought I saw the glint of a tear form, but he turned before it fell. “Sucks you don’t feel like that.”
He started walking, leaving the cabana, heading back toward the parking lot. “I’m staying at a hotel. Enjoy the cabana.”
I ran after him, sand kicking up behind me. “No. No, listen to me, Jonah.” I ran in front of him, blocking his path. “Jonah.” The beach behind him was lit up by the campfire next to our cabana, the orange glow stretching out to the dark waters.
“I’ve listened enough, Fox. This was a… it was a mistake, all right? This entire thing’s been a fucking mistake.”
If before had been a punch to the gut, this was an evisceration.
I’m such a fucking idiot. Such a fucking idiot.
I had to do something to stop him from leaving. From thinking this was a mistake. If it meant laying myself bare for him, then so be it—he deserved it.
“Jonah, you coming into my life completed me. I didn’t even know I was missing something until you smiled and my world shattered. Every day since you entered my life, I’ve woken up with a smile on my face. I’ve been through some really dark fucking moments, and I know you have, too, so you know how miraculous those days feel. The days when you wake up and feel like it’ll all be okay, even if the odds are stacked against you. That’s a blessing, and you’ve given it to me. My trust was so hard to give out after everything I’ve been through, but from the jump, I knew I could give you my entire heart and you’d keep it safer than even I could. I don’t want to lose that. Lose you. It’s why I hesitated. Because when I answer yes to your question, then that fear gets magnified by a thousand. And knowing I’ll be your first and your only, as much as it’s thrilling, it’s also scary as fuck.”
I thought he was going to keep walking. I thought he was about to walk around me and head back to the parking lot, and I don’t know what I would have done if that happened.
Probably walk straight into the ocean and never stop.
And then Jonah opened his mouth, and his words sliced through me. “I’m… sorry. I can’t do this, Fox.”
Behind me, the ocean seductively sang out my name.
31 Jonah Brightly
“I just can’t do this, Fox.” I was shaking my head, emotions cascading over me like a monstrous tsunami, a majority of the emotions completely brand-new to me. It was a hot rage mixed with a blue sorrow, swirling around and creating a swamp of chaos inside me. My confidence, the pathetic amount I had built up over the past weeks, disappeared as fast as a sandcastle during high tide. Fox looked hurt, his face contorting as though he were recovering from a surprise slap. He had stopped me from reaching my car.
Thank God.
I didn’t want to leave, I really didn’t. I just had no idea what the hell to do. I’d expected Fox to say yes and for us to be naked by now, but instead, I was facing the end of the most beautiful thing to have ever happened to me. The beginning had barely even gotten underway and the end was already here. How fucking unfair was that?
“You’re right,” I continued, words tumbling out of me. “I have been through some shit in my life, and I can realize when a good thing falls into my lap. You’re the best thing, the absolute fucking best thing that’s ever happened to me… but…” I took a step back, my ankles feeling like they were chained, weighed down by two gigantic boulders buried under feet of sand. Fox’s initial hesitation brought all of my deepest fears rocketing up to the surface.
Another step back. Fox’s eyes narrowed, his eyebrows bending down, following the shape of his lips. “No, Jonah, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have froze.”
What the hell was I doing? I should have been walking toward him, but my fear was pushing me away from him. “I thought we could take over the world together, Fox, I really did… but…”
“No buts, Jonah.”
A ghost of a smile played on my lips as I recalled a moment Fox and I had shared. It felt so long ago now. “Maybe one butt.”
Fox caught on immediately. “One very sexy butt…” His lips twitched into a weak grin.
I tried not to focus on those lips, a pair of lips I had expected to have all over me as we relaxed together in our cabana all night under the stars. I had expected to give so much of myself to Fox tonight, and now, I was pulling it all back. I felt myself retreating back into a shell I had thought was shattered.
Fox took a step forward, toward me. I dropped my head. His toes were buried in the sand, inches from mine.
“I’m scared, Fox.”
“I am, too. Terrified.”
I picked my head back up. His hazel eyes caught some of the orange glow from the campfire.
“But you know what, Jonah? Fear is a prerequisite to greatness. I’ve learned that, too. You taught me that. I’d never been more scared of anyone in my life, and that’s only because you’ve got my heart in your hands. The last time I gave even a sliver of myself to someone, they turned around and shanked me with it. So opening up to you? Being real with you? That was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I don’t regret it, Jonah. I don’t.”
I took a breath, the ocean air filling my lungs. “I don’t regret it either… I’m…” It was beginning to hit me. This night was going to change the course of my life forever. I could turn away, walk back to my car, and stuff all of these feelings deep down into the darkest pit of my soul, guaranteeing a painful and empty existence on this earth.
But if I did that, I’d go back to the way things were. I’d be comfortable again, as deeply sad as that word made me now… I wouldn’t have to worry about all the pain that was possible in a world that still held on to its homophobic history. I’d be empty, I’d be broken, but I’d be safe. Wearing a thin, bland paper mask, camouflaging myself in society. I’d wake up every day, knowing my life was a depressing lie, the what-if consuming my insides inch by fucking inch, day by fucking day.
And then I thought of Olly. My little brother and his well of courage, his spring of hope.
He’d be so disappointed in me. Devastated. And what example would I be setting as the older brother? That he should have stuffed his true self down this entire time? Suffocated it? No. No, that wasn’t what I wanted.
Fuck the fear. Fuck the hesitation.
“I’m sorry, Jonah. I swear.” Waves lapped at the shore. Fire crackled, embers floating in the air. “I want to be your boyfriend. You’re my ‘one,’ Jonah, and I want to be yours.” His hands crossed the distance between us, found mine, held on tight. I didn’t pull away this time.
I moved closer.
“I don’t want anyone else, Fox.” A smile crept onto my face. “And I definitely don’t want to deal with a buffet of headless torsos on Grindr.”
“How do you know about Grindr?”
“I was in the closet, Fox, not a potato. I’m aware of popular hookup apps.” I chuckled, low and short, but damn did it feel good. “Besides, I have a gay brother, remember?”
“How could I forget?” Fox said, his smile growing. “It’s one of the first things you ever told me.”
“It was, wasn’t it?”
“Tha
t and you called me a ‘sexy television magician.’ I’ll never forget that.”
I groaned, my eyes doing a slight roll. “Damn it, I was really hoping you’d at least forget that.”
“Never,” Fox said. He was closer now. Our bodies were almost touching, his head tilted down so he could look into my eyes. “I still remember what you were wearing that day and everything. You looked so good. I wanted to do this to you—” Fox leaned in, sucked my bottom lip into his mouth. “So fucking bad.”
“Weird, I wanted you to do exactly that, too.”
“I don’t ever want to leave your side, Jonah. Be my boyfriend.” He was smiling, a genuine and heartfelt smile that warmed my racing heart.
“Boyfriends,” I said, the word feeling good on my tongue. “My one, Fox.”
“My one.”
We kissed then, the fear and tension from moments before dissipating, floating off into the night sky. Our kiss grew, the heat between my legs rising, drawing attention to my tightening underwear.
“I swear, Fox.” I separated for a moment, held his head in my hands. “I’ll never feel like I’m missing anything, as long as I’ve got you. Okay?”
With the intensity of the kiss Fox answered with, I could tell he believed me.
Like the waves crashing and foaming onto the shore, a raw force of nature ripped through me, heat flooding me, my core tightening with a powerful need.
Holy shit. I want Fox. So fucking bad.
I want my boyfriend.
We went back to the cabana, kissing the entire way, and tumbled back onto the bed, the soft white sheets feeling like clouds underneath me, Fox’s hard muscular body feeling like heaven above me.
Our hands seemed unable to rest in one spot, our hips rocking forward and backward.
“Take these off,” I said, tugging at his shirt as Fox sat up on the bed. Fox took off his shirt and tossed aside his pants. The sexy bastard hadn’t been wearing any underwear, so his hard cock sprung forward, swinging in the air. I followed suit, stripping down to the bright yellow jockstrap I had been wearing.
“Whoa,” Fox said, noticing my underwear. He looked at me, a coal-hot grin on his face. He rubbed my obvious erection, massaging my length over the thin yellow fabric. “These are new.”
“Figure you’d like them. Yellow is your favorite color.”
“It’s not the color I’m focused on,” Fox growled. My cock throbbed hard against my underwear. He stroked me a couple more times before he grabbed my hips, and with another primal growl, he flipped me over, exposing my bare ass.
“Fuck.” Fox followed his exclamation with a slap, the palm of his hand stinging against my skin. I moaned and pushed back, exposing myself more for him. It was a new sensation, feeling so open and vulnerable. I quivered as Fox took his hands and spread me open.
“Jesus, Jonah, you’re so fucking sexy.”
He spit. I twitched, the wetness sliding down my crack, over my jockstrap, down onto the bed. My cock pulsed against its confines. I continued to wiggle and push my ass back, my back arched. I’d never been so exposed, and I’d never felt so fucking turned on by it.
Fox started to rub his fingers up and down, over my hole, spreading his spit, making me nice and wet. I started to grind down onto the bed, feeling myself losing all control, wanting more than Fox’s fingers playing with me from the outside.
Tonight, I wanted so much more. So much fucking more.
“Finger me, Fox.” The words came out strangled. Fox didn’t wait a second longer. He pressed his finger up against my tight entrance, the ring of muscle pushing back against the intrusion.
“Shh, relax, baby. Breathe in and out.”
I did as he said. Focused on the breathing. Focused on the pleasure. Focused on my want for more.
Fox’s finger slipped in. I gasped. Fox pushed in deeper, I could feel him inside me, probing, pushing and pressing. My hands knuckled up in the sheets as Fox started sliding in and out, playing with my hole.
“Oh, fuck, Fox, oh, right there.” I dropped my head into the sheets and moaned. Fox curled his finger and pressed, making my cock throb and leak into the jockstrap. “Yeah, keep fingering me. That’s it.” Fox picked up some momentum, his finger sliding in and out, the sound of wet skin on skin filling the room, competing with the sounds of the ocean outside.
And then Fox slowed and another finger was added. He pushed in, slow and gentle. A gasp transformed into a moan midway as his second finger pushed in past what must have been his knuckle.
I was seeing stars.
He kept fingering me, stretching me and getting me used to him inside me.
“Fox, oh, oh, Fox, stop, stop.”
He pulled out, his fingers popping out of me.
“I’m so close to coming already,” I admitted, feeling myself tiptoeing toward the edge. “I don’t want to. Not yet.” I flipped around, my ass already aching to be filled by Fox again. But this time, not by his fingers.
“I want you to fuck me tonight, Fox.”
His eyes lit up like bonfires. He licked his lips as he reached down and tugged off my jockstrap, pulling it down my legs and off my feet. He held it up in the air and took a step back. The polished wooden walls of the cabana, along with the ocean water glittering with moonlight behind him, made me feel as if we had found our own private little island and decided to strand ourselves.
Fox’s smirk turned a little more mischievous as he looked at me.
“Watch this.” He took a few more steps back, his cock hard and jutting out from his sculpted body. “You ready?”
“For?” I asked, smiling. “I thought I was ready, but now I don’t know what the hell you’re doing.”
“Are you ready for my magic act?”
“Ah, right,” I said, rolling my eyes and laughing out loud, my cock bouncing against my belly, smearing some precome on me. “Sexy magician, go ahead.”
“Thank you, audience member.”
“Mhmm,” I said, sitting up on the bed, not knowing what the hell was about to happen but enjoying it immensely all the same. Who would have thought I’d be sitting naked in a beachfront cabana, watching my new (and also naked) boyfriend start swirling my jockstrap around in the air as he prepared for an impromptu magic show.
“You watching? Hey, eyes up here, buddy.” He motioned to his eyes. I lifted mine up from his swinging cock, admired his tattoos for a moment. I laughed, meeting his glowing hazel eyes. “Okay, so you see this sexy little thing, right?” He lifted the jockstrap with one hand and put another underneath it.
“You’re a regular Vanna White.”
“Thank you, although I don’t think they’d be playing this Wheel of Fortune edition on regular cable.”
“No, no. I don’t think they would.” More laughs, more happiness. I’d never been this comfortable around anyone before. To be completely naked and joking around the way we were felt so natural to me, so pure.
“Okay, so, sexy jockstrap, we all see it, right? Studio audience?”
“Mhmm.”
“And now, say the magic words with me: ‘Abra Dick-dabra!’”
I snorted as Fox, very obviously, tossed my jockstrap over his shoulder.
“And they’ve disappeared! See, I really can be a sexy TV magician.”
In between my laughing, I was able to say, “Fox, you threw them in the fire!”
His eyes opened wide as he spun around, giving me a view of that sexy ass, thoughts of my burning jockstrap completely gone.
He turned back around, smiling bashfully, even though his big cock was still thick and hard. “Uh… so, that’s part of the act.”
“Make yourself teleport that sexy ass over here.”
Fox strutted over to me, that grin on his face shifting back into a burning hot smirk, his eyes turning to glittering jewels, his dick swinging as he walked to me.
He was fucking magnificent, holy shit. He was thick in all the right places: thighs, chest, cock. His shoulders were broad, and his tattoos were works
of art, the colors on his chest balancing the black-and-white masterpiece on his bicep. There was some fur on his chest, and I realized as he came over to me just how much I loved the feel of that.
He was back on top of me, grinding down, our lips locked, our moans swallowed.
I leaned over, reaching for the backpack that was leaning on the bed. I brought it up, unzipping the front and pulling out the condom and lube. Fox took the condom, opening the wrapper with his teeth, spitting a piece of the foil to the side and sheathing himself with the condom. I squirted lube in my palm and spread it over us, both our heads dropping back at the pleasure.
I fingered myself, spreading the lube around and inside me as Fox jerked me off, his eyes turned down to my cock, his lips parted in something that resembled awe.
“Careful,” I said, needlessly, as Fox lined himself up with my hole. Of course Fox would be careful. I trusted him fully and completely.
“If it hurts at any point, which it probably will, tell me.”
“Probably will?”
Fox smiled, rubbing his cockhead against my entrance, making my body shake. “It’ll stop after the first bit.”
“Well, then give me that first bit,” I said, looking up at him, pushing my ass onto him. Fox didn’t need any more asking. He grabbed my legs and lifted me with a hungry grunt. I could feel the head of his cock pressing against me, parting me. I wasn’t sure what was about to come next, but I had a feeling it wouldn’t be anything like only having a finger or two inside me.
“Ready?” Fox asked, applying more pressure, my body tensing.
“Mhmm.” I trusted him. Fully and completely, with my life.
That still didn’t stop the initial burning and tearing sensation I felt when Fox pushed inside me, his cock splitting me open. I yelped and pushed back, feeling him slide out of me, my hole still burning.
“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Fox cooed, his voice gentler than when the growls were taking over. He slowly rubbed my body as I inhaled sharply, trying to get over the sensation that was radiating like a raging hot coal had been stuffed inside me.
