by Max Henry
“You think you’d get someone at such short notice?” Most people need the time off work and those who don’t are usually the arseholes who cancel on her at the eleventh hour.
She sets the device aside, eyes flicking to it every few seconds while she speaks. “I hope so. The guy said he was still keen to do it.”
“Huh.” Shove that jealousy back down, Zeus. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with her getting handsy on young guys for a living. Not that anyone said the client is young but thinking of some creepy old man ogling her is worse.
Fuck—guess I could be classed as a creepy old man.
“I better go get started.” Sera watches with wide eyes as I stand, Belle doing much the same, yet her gaze seems filled with regret.
A fucking feeling I know all too well when it comes to her.
“What comes next, Z?” she asks quietly.
I tighten the grip on my coffee mug and swallow back the urge to fire up. “After what?”
“After you’ve fixed it.” She gestures to the garage. “How do we dig ourselves out of this?”
I wish I knew. Then maybe I’d be able to feel a little better about getting home at the end of the day exhausted and sore. Perhaps then my pain might be worth it.
“Take it as it comes, dove.” I reach out and ruffle her ponytail on my way past to ditch the undrunk coffee down the drain. “Don’t get in your head, thinking too much about the future.”
One day at a time. It’s the best either of us can do. I had plenty of time to think about what she raised while I was chasing a fistful of metal around town, and the conclusion was as hollow as it was frustrating.
Even if I did entertain her idea of letting John know we’re in the shit … then what? He’d loan her whatever he had spare, or maybe he’d fill our cupboards. But that wouldn’t change the fact I don’t earn enough to support the both of us and a child, and that Belle is restricted by having Sera at home when we can’t foot the enormous childcare centre bill.
Admitting defeat wouldn’t change a fucking thing. The only people capable of scratching back to the surface with broken nails and dirt in our teeth is us.
Belle and me.
Nothing good will come from losing face to the people who doubted us from the start.
So why feed their ego if it won’t help ours?
SEVEN
Belle
Confirmation chimes on my phone, the words I’d hoped to see lit up on my screen.
I can be there at 4.
Hands clasped before me, I tip my head to the ceiling and utter a quiet thanks to whoever the hell is watching over me. Tears line my lower-lids, and I can’t tell if they’re from relief or joy. Perhaps both?
Now I need to find out if Jodie is keen for me to take her up on the offer this soon.
I tiptoe down the hallway past where Sera naps on our bed, tucked away safe in the centre with a wall of pillows and rolled blankets to make sure she doesn’t roll off in her sleep. Zeus has pushed the Honda out to the driveway, into the bitter southerly blasting between the trees, to keep things a little quieter for her.
When he does small things like that without me needing to ask? Yeah, those are the moments I remember why I love his huge heart.
Screw flowers and diamonds. Just give me a man who’ll fold the washing of his own accord, and I’ll be all over that.
“Babe?”
Zeus’s legs protrude from beneath the car, the front held off the gravel on axle stands. Tools scatter across the ground, what I assume is the replacement alternator off to the side.
“Z.”
He stops what he’s doing yet stays in place. “Yeah?”
“I got the client.”
“Good work.” His tone shows me he’s preoccupied with whatever he still has his hands tangled up in.
“I’m going to call Jodie and see if she can take Sera.”
“When is it?” The clang of metal on metal follows his question.
“This afternoon.”
“Sera’s still sleeping, isn’t she?” I go to answer when he continues. “Can you get the WD-40 from the shelf? This last bolt is a fucker.”
I retrieve the can of lubricant and then squat down beside the car to reach underneath. He meets me halfway and takes the aerosol from my hold.
“If she wakes up, though, you won’t know if you’re under here.”
He shifts a little to avoid the liquid dripping in his face and squirts the offending fastener. “After I get this out, it’s an easy take it off and bolt the other on job.”
I’ve heard that before.
“I’ll be fine, dove. When do you need to leave to set up?”
I glance at my smartwatch for the time. “In about fifteen if I’m walking there.”
“Heaps of time.” He sets the socket back on the bolt and gives it a firm shove.
I shamelessly ogle the muscles in his arms flexing as he works.
“Maybe you can come pick me up with Sera when I’m done?”
He gives the handle of the socket a last twist and then drops the tool to his chest to remove the old alternator. “Don’t count your chickens yet.” Zeus shuffles on his back, twisting side to side at the waist to wriggle himself out into the open. I shift back to give him space and frown at the blackened, sticky part he holds up to me. “Tell me what’s wrong here.”
“It’s broken?” I say.
He sighs, twisting his lips. “What else looks out of place?”
I point to the tar-like coating. “What is that?”
“Oil.” He throws the alternator aside. It hits the driveway with a puff of dust from beneath the stones. “Which means we have another issue that’ll need sorting soon.”
“I take it there shouldn’t be oil on the outside of it.”
“Not like that.” He lifts the new second-hand part, turning it between his large hands. “A few spots here and there don’t hurt, but the whole side of the block looks like that.”
“Layman’s terms, Zeus. What does it mean?”
He drops to the ground, pushing hair out of his face with the back of one hand before scooting under the car. “It means until I figure out where it’s leaking, you need to check the oil every time you use the car.”
“If I forget?” Which is likely to happen with a baby taking up most of my focus.
“Then you might find yourself searching for a whole new engine.”
“That good, huh?”
“That good.” He wrestles the replacement part into place, feeling around beside him for the discarded bolts. “Go get ready, dove. I’ll get this in and then wait until Sera’s up to try it out.”
“Okay.” The three little words that come less often these days sit on the tip of my tongue, but after the way we started the day, they feel forced.
I leave him to the job at hand and take myself back indoors to tidy up. Zeus might not mind me slopping around in leggings and T-shirts, with my bed hair restrained in a rough ponytail, but if I want to appear professional at work, it’ll take at least fifteen to clean this mess up.
An oil leak.
I set a clean black long-line tank and my torn black skinny jeans gently on the bed beside Sera. I might not know a lot about cars, but I know that without oil a vehicle doesn’t run for long. I just naively thought it was another fix a small part job, not that it would ruin the entire engine. Not to mention, if the damn thing is likely to chew through oil before we fix it, then that’s another expense to replace what it’s losing.
One step forward, two steps back. That’s how it feels some days.
Changed and with my leather jacket and biker boots completing the ensemble, I do a quick smoky-eye and tweak my hair until the messy pony looks purposeful. Sera still sleeps soundly, one hand over her little head, the other twitching each time her fingertips brush her rounded belly.
I want to kiss her, to dote on her before I leave, but I’m not foolish enough to risk waking her early. So, instead, I satisfy myself with a moment paused i
n the bedroom doorway to marvel at what we created.
She has no idea the pains her parents go through on the daily, and I’m thankful for it. She’s too young to be jaded by our journey; her’s is yet to begin.
By the time Sera is old enough to model after us, I want Zeus and me to have a solid foundation for her to learn from.
I want my baby to know that dreams do come true, even if they take longer than first anticipated.
Zeus stands before the engine bay when I head out to say goodbye, a rag in his hands as he stares daggers at the car. I approach behind him, setting my hand in the middle of his broad back, and stare at it with him. “We’ll get it sorted.”
“Yeah. I hope.”
At least one of us needs to stay optimistic, even if the words feel like a lie coming from my lips.
“I’m heading off. Sera’s still out to it. There’s the food I made her this morning in a little screw-top container in the fridge. She can have that until I get back.”
“You won’t be long, then?” Zeus turns his head to look down at me.
I reach up and wipe a line of dust from his temple. “Should be two hours tops. It’s only a small piece.”
He frowns. “Better than nothing, though, right?”
“Exactly.”
The three little words remain trapped on the tip of my tongue, even when he leans down to kiss me goodbye. I taste his adoration in the gentle sweep of his lips over mine, in the way he hesitates before pulling his hand back so that he doesn’t get me dirty.
It pains him not to touch me.
It hurts me more to be the source of his pain—all of it.
“I’ll see you after dinner.”
He nods, watching me as I leave.
I don’t have the heart to turn and look back. Not when the picture is a sum of all my failures.
EIGHT
Zeus
“You good to come in tomorrow?” My supervisor, Lenny, spares no pleasantries the second I answer his call.
I wedge the phone between my shoulder and head and continue feeding Sera her mash of peas and carrot. “Yeah. At this stage.”
“I need to know a definite yes or no now, Zeus. Will you be here?”
Fucker. “Yeah. See you at five.”
“Good. Enjoy your night.”
He disconnects, and I relax my shoulder to let the phone fall somewhere in my lap. Sera swats at the plastic spoon I hold out for her, splattering the highchair table with the putrid-coloured mix.
Fuck knows why we expect babies to eat this shit if it’s not even appetising to an adult.
“You’re going to have to suck it up,” I tell her. “Mum’s not home for another hour or two.”
She blows a wet bubble, then giggling at herself. It’s the best retort I’ve heard all day.
“Here.” Against the fundamental human nature to survive, I turn the spoon and feed myself some of the shit. Keeping a straight face is harder than I assumed. “See? Daddy can do it. You can too.”
I add a touch more veges and offer it to Sera once more. She pointedly stares at the spoon, then at me and back to the spoon.
I’m not going anywhere fast with this one.
“Fine. Have it your way. Get hungry enough that you won’t complain.”
Half an hour later, and my plan has backfired massively. The little tyrant is so damn ravenous that her rage outweighs her desperation. Vegetables paint my shirt, she’s massaged some into her hair, and I’m seriously eyeing the cow’s milk in the fridge when Belle walks in the door.
“Oh, damn,” she calls with nothing short of sheer amusement. “You okay there, Dad?”
I give her a middle finger in response.
“It’s okay, baby.” She ditches her bag and crosses the room to scoop Sera out of the highchair. “I’ll sort you out.”
“She’s as opinionated as you are,” I tease, “and she can’t even speak yet.”
Belle smiles, heading for the bathroom to presumably clean up our daughter. “She’s as stubborn as you, didn’t you mean?”
Yeah, fair enough. “Does she eat this stuff for you?”
“You warmed it up, right?” Belle reappears in the hall, still holding Sera and a washcloth in hand.
“Yeah.” Fuck. I scrub a hand across the back of my neck before I realise what a dead giveaway it is.
“Oh my, God, Zeus.” Belle snorts, returning to the bathroom where she calls out. “I wouldn’t have it cold, either.”
Tearing my soiled shirt off over my head, I hurl it in the door on my way past and grin when it lands where intended: hooked up on Belle. “I’m outside again, seeing if your fucking car will start.”
“You’re going to need to practice not swearing.” She wrestles the shirt off her. “Little ears.”
“Pot, kettle, dove!”
I wipe a last smear of carrot—at least I think it is, given the consistency—from my neck and pause before the Honda. I’d pray that it starts if I thought anyone was listening. Instead, I unhook the battery from the charger and set the machine aside, hoping I’ve given it enough juice to crank over.
Belle emerges, Sera in her arms, and stands in the relative shelter of the garage while misty rain peppers my shoulders. I open the driver’s door, say a little prayer anyway, and turn the key.
The whine is slow, the starter sucking what it can from the depleted battery, but against my gut instinct, the car turns over.
Belle holds her hand up for Sera to high-five. “Yay!” Our cheeky monkey grabs her fingers and promptly sucks on one.
“I’ve topped the oil up with what I had leftover, but you need to check it. Every time.”
Belle nods, stepping closer to the rattling engine. The cheap runabout sounds sick. Sicker than I’d like for a two-thousand-dollar car.
“You’ll leave it running for a while, then?”
“Yeah. See if it charges the battery on its own.”
She nods, studying the engine. Sera mimics her mumma, head bent to look at all the parts turning and spinning. I can’t fight my smile. Probably take a picture if they were likely to last long enough for me to get my phone from inside.
“I made four hundred and fifty today,” Belle informs me absently. “After Wade took his fifty-dollar fee.”
“That’s good.” I wait for the punchline.
“I want to use thirty to treat us to pizza tonight.”
“Dove.” I close my eyes and count to five before I snap something I’ll regret later.
“I know,” she argues. “We need to put the money other places, but fuck, Zeus.”
“Who’s swearing now?” I tease with a lift of my eyebrow.
She smirks, her darkened eyes lighting up. “I think we deserve a treat, don’t you?” When she does her makeup like that it makes me want to simultaneously take her out to show her off and hide her away in the bedroom for the night.
“We deserve to feel full, I guess.” I can’t deny the thought of a thick crust has me salivating already.
“It’s settled then.” Belle looks to the car once more. “I’ll order through the app after Sera’s down.” Her eyes take on a distant look for a few seconds before she appears to wake up and turns to face me. “Jodie is taking Sera tomorrow arvo so I can sneak in a few walk-ins at the shop.”
“Yeah. Okay.” I’m still not keen on my ex bailing us out, but I guess we could return the favour when she wants a night out alone with Eric. “Go inside where it’s warm, dove. I’ll stay out here and keep an eye on the car.”
“I doubt anyone would steal a heap of shit like this.” She chuckles, taking a step toward the internal door.
I stare at her with my brow raised.
“Seriously, Zeus? You took cars like this when you were young?”
I shrug. “Easy to pull apart and sell as scrap.”
She heads indoors with a shake of her head, still amused by tales of a time when I had a hell of a lot less responsibility and even less care—survival of the fittest. The temptation t
o return to easy money would have probably bitten me by now if it wasn’t for the deterrent of knowing how bad it sucks when you get caught.
Been to prison once. Don’t intend on ticking that off my bucket list twice.
The internal door opens again, Belle emerging sans Sera. “Here.” She passes my phone off to me. “You’ve got a message from Jodie.” She shunts a clean T-shirt at me. “And something to keep you warm, as much as I like how you are now.”
I snort a laugh and take the items from her, capturing Belle by the arm before she can leave. “Thanks, dove.”
She softens against me, pushing up on her toes to meet my lips with her own. My girl tastes like strawberry lip balm with a hint of coffee that she no doubt drank to stay warm on the walk home.
Small hands find my flesh, her fingertips exploring the ridge of my collarbone and across the flat of my chest. I bury my free hand in her hair, shirt and phone by my side, and keep her exactly where she is.
Devouring me.
Feeding me.
Taking the worst while she gives me her best.
“I love you.” Her whispered words feather across my lips.
The sentiment behind them is a punch to the gut.
I don’t deserve this girl. I never have.
“I love you too, dove.”
NINE
Belle
Steady rain can’t dampen my mood. I’m determined that today will rock since the minute I stepped out to the Honda and started it first go.
Windscreen wipers squeaking across my vision, I sing along to the old eighties’ hits blasting from my tinny door speakers, Sera in the back babbling away to herself as we negotiate the cautious traffic.
It never ceases to amuse me how people, in general, can drive like time-poor maniacs any given day of the week but add a thin layer of water to the road and suddenly they’re all kittens scared of getting their feet wet.
One more day until the weekend. The only thing on my agenda today is maximising my grocery budget and then curling up with my sketchpad while Sera naps. I already have the design half-drawn in my mind, just the flourishes required to make it pop. I even know what exact colours I’ll use to capture the light just right.
