* * *
She wasn’t aware she had fallen asleep until she was jolted awake by movement. She found herself lying on her bed, face to face with Seth. His eyes were open and he folded his arm around her, drawing her to him. Before she could stop him, his mouth was on hers.
His hand ran up her spine and found her hair. He pushed her head toward his and kissed her more deeply. Despite how unconscious he had seemed, he managed to kiss her with more passion than she’d ever been kissed before. It had never felt like this with Ash. He had always been safe and sweet. Seth was reckless about it.
Without removing his lips from hers, he lifted himself and withdrew his other arm. He shovelled it under her body and hauled her on top of him, one hand still in her hair and the other making its way down her back.
She wasn’t sure what to do. Her body was responding, but a voice in her head told her it was all wrong. Distantly, she felt like she was on autopilot, like all the emotion that had been building up inside her since her father died was now exploding out of her - but in the wrong way.
Itzy broke apart from him just as his hand found its way under the black spaghetti-strapped top she’d been wearing for bed. ‘Stop,’ she said.
His hands froze where they were. ‘Is that really what you want?’ Seth asked. Disappointment dripped from his eyes.
She had no idea. But she knew it was what she needed, and that was what was most important.
‘Seth,’ she said, too aware that she was still pressed against him, wearing very thin pyjama bottoms and not a lot on top. ‘I care about you. I really do. But I can’t do this.’
He gazed up at her with a look she’d not seen anyone give her before. It was almost like…worship.
‘You’re so beautiful,’ he said. ‘Ever since I first saw you, I’ve thought that. I’ve never met anyone like you before. Never. I don’t even know what it is about you, just….’
She hoped he couldn’t feel her heart pounding. But they were so close, and their chests were still touching. How could he not notice it?
She slid off of him so she was beside him once more and sat up. She drew back, giving them a foot of space from each other. ‘Thank you,’ she said.
Seth laughed the way one might laugh at a bad joke. ‘Thank you? Is that it?’
‘Well, what do you want me to say?’ she grumbled.
He heaved himself upright to face her and grabbed her hand. ‘How about, I’ve been wanting you, too.’
‘Is that what this is? You just want me?’
Seth shook his head. He let go of her and rubbed his temples. ‘No,’ he said. ‘I’m not good at talking about my feelings. It’s just…. Look, I promise I haven’t had as much to drink as you think, alright? It just all went to my head because it’s not something I do much. But I couldn’t stand it today. All day long it’s just been going round and round and round in my head - thoughts of you and him - and then of you and me. And…I don’t know which is worse.
‘Then there I was, waving my hands and making myself a drink. After that, I made another, because the thoughts were going away and that was all I wanted. Then somehow I was on my way here, because -’ He broke off there to look and look and look at her. He grabbed her face with his hand. ‘There’s something about you. I don’t know what it is, but there’s something.’
Itzy swallowed and gently tore herself out of his hand, pulling herself up straighter. ‘You’re scaring me,’ she admitted.
Seth held his head in his hands like he was fighting off something only he could hear. ‘No no no no no,’ he said. ‘That’s not what was supposed to happen. Damn!’ He struck his fist against the bed, making Itzy jump. Then he exhaled heavily and stared around the room like, again, he’d forgotten how he’d ended up there.
‘Please,’ Itzy said in a small voice, ‘don’t do this. Let me be your friend without it getting weird.’
That last word seemed to hit a nerve with him. The vestiges of love were replaced with hard angles and Seth’s face returned to its usual unreadability. He’d allowed her a glimpse of his heart, and now he was closing it to her once more, just as he always did. It made her sad, even if his openness had frightened her.
She didn’t know how to tell him that was a very big part of why it couldn’t work between them. She needed that fine balance between too much and too little. She couldn’t live with extremities anymore. That had been the world of Stephen Loveguard, and for too long it had been the world of his daughter, too. She’d had enough of all the emotional blacks and whites. All she wanted was that beautiful grey area.
As she thought this, her head was filled with the image of Aidan’s grey eyes.
‘I should go,’ Seth said.
‘I think that’s for the best,’ she agreed.
He held her eyes one last lingering moment, some idea dancing in his mind. Then he climbed off the bed and got to his feet. ‘I’ll see myself out,’ he told her. And he left.
Itzy listened to his footsteps darting down the stairs. She heard the front door open and shut, and then she was alone.
Frustrated, both mentally and - it had to be confessed - physically, Itzy flopped back on the bed. Her hair billowed up around her, making her look like a gothic angel.
She twisted and reached over to the nightstand beside her bed, grabbing her phone. She meant to text Devon and tell her what had just happened, but when she looked at the little screen, she saw there was a message waiting for her.
It was from Aidan. He’d pulled her number off Facebook and texted her, as if they were old friends.
It sounded strange to her, without any of the affectations of his accent. It simply said: It’s Aidan. Just so you know…I left.
Heat flooded her.
Left what? she typed back, her hands shaking. After all he’d said, after the cold look he’d given her at the end of the evening, he had found her and he had contacted her. Did that mean their meeting had meant something to him, after all?
The phone vibrated in her hand as his next message came through:
Melody.
Itzy trembled without realising it. He had left her. Just a day later, he had left his girlfriend.
Why? she asked.
Her heart raced while she waited for his reply. There was a long virtual silence. Her phone lay aggravatingly still and blank. She was just about to throw the phone aside and try to go to sleep, when it vibrated again.
Lots of reasons. It was over a long time ago. I just hadn’t realised it until last night. Thank you.
Thank you. Did he mean what she thought he meant? And when had she started wanting this so badly?
Where are you now? she typed.
Wandering, was the quick reply.
Then, a minute later, Been all over town since the morning. Considering seeing you. If you want.
Her heart stopped.
I want. I just don’t know how. Are you far?
After a moment, the message came through:
I don’t need to be. I have a car.
She only thought a second more before sending him her address. Part of her knew she was probably acting irrationally. Was this really Itzel Loveguard doing this? The girl who had never had a social life and spent her childhood locking herself away in a wardrobe and writing stories to escape her own reality? The girl who had pined over Ashley Morgan for the last six months, convinced she would never love again? That Itzel Loveguard?
Apparently, it was.
Not far, Aidan replied. Be there in five.
Five minutes? What were the chances of him being so close?
This was taking impulsive to the extreme. She wasn’t even dressed for it. She was still only wearing silk indigo pyjama bottoms and a black strappy top that had been wrinkled up in her tousle with Seth. He had also ruined her hair. She quickly dragged her fingers through it, smoothing it as best she could. There was no time to change.
Her
bag hung on the banister downstairs. She slung it over her arm and slipped her feet into black satin pumps just in time to receive his next text:
I’m outside.
She grabbed her denim jacket hanging on a hook by the front door - and left.
Aidan was simply stunning. He looked like he had in the cornfield, his clothing uninspiring and easily overlooked, but his eyes boring into hers. Except there was something different about him, something she hadn’t noticed until last night. She couldn’t pinpoint what it was. She supposed it was just because she knew him, now.
Sort of.
He had that same hungry look in his eyes, appraising her from head to toe. ‘It seems I made the right choice,’ he said by way of greeting.
‘What do you mean?’ she asked.
As an answer, Aidan smiled and walked around to the passenger side of a Jaguar, which she thought might be green, although it looked almost black in the darkness of the night. He opened the door for her.
‘Dare I even ask how you came by such a car?’ Itzy asked as she climbed inside and let him shut the door.
He walked around to the other side and got in next to her. ‘It’s my da’s,’ he said, slamming the door closed.
She caught some undercurrent to his words and shot him a conspiratorial grin. ‘Does he know you have it?’
‘Oh, aye,’ Aidan said with a theatrical nod. ‘I mean, he must do by now.’ He turned the key and gunned the engine. ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘This car doesn’t know how to be quiet.’ Then he tore out of her street, his eyes on the road before them, not daring to glance at her.
It was so dark out. Even the moon seemed to have disappeared for the night. The street lights didn’t help much. It was the first time Itzy had ever been out with a boy on her own after midnight. There was something thrilling about it, but also something slightly scary.
Aidan didn’t appear to have any destination in mind; he simply drove. He’d filled up the tank with petrol and was now seeing how far it would take him. Part of her wished she could find out, too. Except, reality wouldn’t leave her for too long.
‘I can’t be out all night,’ she told him. ‘My mum….’
He nodded, knowing the words she hadn’t managed to say. His left hand rested on the wheel, while his right elbow leaned on the open window. He looked like a Generation-Y James Dean. She realised she’d never known anyone like him and, for the first time, was unsure what he expected of her.
‘Mind if I play some music?’ he asked.
‘Um…okay.’
He flicked a switch and the car filled with stormy guitar riffs and reverb. It wasn’t the sort of thing Itzy would have chosen to listen to, but it matched the atmosphere of the night. She sank into the cream leather seat and let the sounds drift over her.
After a while, she realised Aidan was singing along with the CD. She also realised that, like Seth, Aidan was a terrible singer who couldn’t hit a note in tune, which made her smile. It lent him a certain vulnerability that was touching.
She could see what Aidan had meant about driving. There was great freedom in just getting out and going. So much of life was so goal-orientated, which carried with it the possibility of failure. But that failure was removed when you took away the goal and concentrated on the journey itself.
And there was freedom in feeling so alive and aware while everyone else around them slept. It was like they were the only two people in the world, which meant they could do whatever they wanted and didn’t have to worry about anything.
Just like Aidan clearly didn’t worry about sounding like a drowning cat as he warbled along with everything, including the distorted guitar solos.
Itzy smiled to herself and fell into semi-unconscious reverie, not even noticing when the car stopped at the edge of a field an hour later.
‘Itzy,’ she heard him say.
It was the first time he’d said her name, and she felt herself melt inside in response. His voice was low, deep and breathy. He touched her arm to wake her and a spark of electricity seemed to shoot through her. She wondered if maybe he really had sent electricity through her - because he could do that, if he wanted to.
‘Where are we?’ she asked groggily.
Aidan shrugged, and then grinned. ‘I’ve no idea.’
‘You seem happy about that.’ She pulled herself up and twisted around in her seat to face him. The leather upholstery made a creaking sound when she moved.
Aidan leaned over her and pressed the button on her seatbelt to release it. It slid up her arm and she shook herself free of it, turning more in his direction. He was back in his seat, just looking at her - every inch of her. She wondered what images were forming in his mind.
‘I am happy about it,’ he said. Then, as if he’d read her mind during the drive, he explained, ‘No one can find us. No one can tell us there are things we ought to be doing, or that we’re wasting our time, like. For a little while, we can be whatever we want to be.’
It was almost fully dark. She could just make out his shape and, of course, his eyes. With a jolt of shock, she realised it was just like her dreams of him, before she’d ever met him in the flesh. Those wolf eyes of his were roaming all over her.
How can grey be so bright? she thought. There was a glow about them. She wondered if he made them do that, with his powers.
‘Show me,’ she said, curiosity consuming her. ‘Show me what you can do.’
‘Alright,’ he said softly.
She leaned her head against the seat and prepared herself for whatever he might be about to unleash on her. Then she noticed the interior of the car was growing light. She could see better. He had illuminated the inside of the car, while outside it remained dark and mysterious.
He didn’t stop there. She felt the same tingle go up her arms that she had experienced in the restaurant. But this time, it grew and spread throughout her body. It struck her internal organs, making her feel like she was jelly inside.
Her mouth ran dry and she gripped the edge of the seat just to cope with the sensation running through her. Her heart pounded, her head pounded, everything about her beat to a rhythm he controlled. She felt powerless under his spell. And she wanted him. She wanted to kiss him with the same hunger she had seen in his eyes.
Then all at once, it switched off. Her body was hers once more.
But her mind was not. She was still thinking about him, yearning for him.
‘So. I showed ye mine,’ he teased. ‘Now you show me yers.’
She knew what he was asking, but it was so hard to concentrate after what he’d just done. She shut her eyes and forced the thoughts out of her mind.
Focus, she told herself, willing the images to be replaced with black, a blank canvas. She wanted more than anything to impress Aidan, to show him she had power. She wanted to make him feel as weak under her spell as she’d just felt under his.
The letters swam before her, slowly, lazily. She mentally yanked on them, dragging them together to form words, until a sentence blazed in her mind’s eye. Her physical eyes flashed open, just in time to see Aidan lunging for her.
He knocked her backwards against the door and pressed his mouth to hers. Unlike with Seth, she was ready for it. She’d made him do it. And not as an accident or some unconscious desire making itself known; this was undeniably deliberate.
Tendrils of darkness scurried through the car, like spaghetti, but she chose not to think about it.
She stretched up to meet him, throwing her arms around him and making a small noise as he ran his lips down her neck, to the top of her throat. His hands strayed, and she let them. It was a strange situation to be in: she was utterly in control of him, and yet she was completely out of control of herself. He pressed his weight on her, making his own noises and sending chills down her back.
Then, just as she thought they might cross a line there was no going back from, he pulled away. He jolted to the other
side of the car, back to his own seat, his back pressed against the door. He stared at her with animalistic eyes, panting. But he wouldn’t come near her.
She gathered herself and sat up, straightening her top. ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked, hoping he couldn’t hear her frustration.
‘What did ye do to me?’ he whispered. He sounded positively petrified of her, like she was a wicked sorceress who had cast a brutal spell over him.
‘I -’ Itzy was nonplussed. ‘What do you mean? What did you do to me?’
Aidan shook his head slowly. ‘No. No, no. Ya don’t understand. No one does this to me.’
She balked at him. ‘Are you angry?’
‘I’m not,’ he said. He blinked, shuddering as if someone had walked over his grave. ‘I’m not angry at all,’ he assured her. His voice had softened, but it still sounded edgy, frightened. ‘Melody used to try her powers on me,’ he explained. ‘She was forever trying to make me fall into some romantic mood, like, with her music. It works on anyone else. If she wants ye to be happy, ye’ll be happy. If she wants ye to tear out yer own eyes with a spoon, ye’ll do that too. But it never worked on me.
‘And Verdi?’ he continued. ‘The wee plants don’t touch me. I don’t know why, and I promise I’m not trying to sound vain here, but he tried and they steered right clear of me.
‘But you,’ he said, his eyes large with amazement, ‘you affect me.’
His words sent a new chill through her. She was thrilled to be the only one to hold such power over him, especially when he was such a powerful force himself.
Then again, it was terrifying to think just how strong she was without realising it. What was the reason? And what more was she capable of?
Then she was struck by something else. Something her mother had been trying to tell her.
‘We balance each other,’ Itzy whispered.
Aidan nodded in shocked agreement. ‘Aye,’ he said. ‘I suppose we do. And here I was thinking no one would ever match me.’
Itzy licked her lips, struggling to get the next words out. ‘Do you still think…you made the right choice?’
‘I do,’ he said, his wild eyes on her. ‘Definitely. But ye still scare me.’
She gasped. She wasn’t stupid; she knew how the other boys in school had always drawn away from her, before Ash. She knew something about her had always intimidated them. But Aidan? Aidan? Scared of her?
Itzy lifted herself from the seat and leaned toward him over the gear stick. He flinched and pressed himself into the car door, unable to get any further from her. She hovered inches away from him, wanting him more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life.
‘Kiss me again,’ she said. ‘This time, your own way, yeah? I promise I won’t do anything to you.’
Aidan hung back, and their eyes locked for a long time. Then he placed his hand around her neck and drew her close. He kissed her softly, gently. She felt herself sinking, falling deeper and deeper into something she thought might be love, even though she still hardly knew him.
He detached his mouth from hers, but his hand remained around the back of her neck, his eyes searching hers. She didn’t need to try to understand what he was feeling, now. She could see it all over his face. It was like looking in an emotional mirror; everything she felt, he felt too.
‘I should drive ye home, now,’ he whispered.
‘No,’ she begged.
His mouth bent into the loveliest smile, brighter than the glow illuminating the car and matching the gold of his skin. ‘Aye,’ he said, ‘or yer ma will kill me.’
‘I lied,’ Itzy said. ‘I don’t know if she’ll even notice I’m gone.’
It was a weak excuse, and she was aware of how needy she sounded, but she seemed unable to help herself. She felt drunk on Aidan and couldn’t stand the thought of him going away from her.
‘Then yer brother will kill me,’ Aidan tried again.
She let her head fall against his chest and she groaned. ‘Ugh. Fine.’
He lifted her carefully off of him and put his hands on her shoulders, his eyes roaming all over her face. ‘I wish I’d known ye all along,’ he said. ‘Something tells me I might have been happier, like.’
God, how she wanted him on her again.
Aidan nudged her and she slinked back into the passenger seat, re-buckling herself in. The seatbelt felt like prison bars keeping her from him. He put on his own seatbelt and revved the engine again.
The Jag meandered along a different route from the way they came, but this time Aidan didn’t put on any music; they rode in silence.
After a long time, Itzy asked him, ‘Why were you there, that day? In the field?’
Aidan leaned his arm on the open window frame and drummed on the outside of the door. Then he threw her a quick side glance before focussing on the road and said, ‘That would be a strange question to answer.’
‘I’m getting used to strange.’
He smiled sleepily. ‘Aye,’ he agreed. ‘Alright, then. Something told me to go.’
She stared at him, waiting for an explanation, but he seemed reticent about giving one, so she prodded, ‘Something?’
‘Aye,’ he said again. ‘It’s like that for me, sometimes. I woke up and thought, I need to go. Melody insisted she go with me, and somehow we had Verdi with us.’ He said this last bit with mild annoyance at the memory. ‘I didn’t know where I was going, like. I just knew I had to drive. So I kept going until the wee voice in my head told me to stop, and there we were, at the field.’
‘Where Verdi had made the patterns,’ Itzy filled in.
He nodded. ‘Melody kept asking, Why are we here? Why have we come back? I didn’t know what to tell her, so I said maybe we’d find out, like. And then I saw ye.’
He stopped there and jerked the Jag down a frighteningly small side street, soon drawing them down a path that cut between fields, with no street lights. He didn’t bother to slow down as he hurtled through. Itzy winced, half-expecting to see people suddenly spring up without warning in the glow of the headlights, like some sort of horror film.
‘I can’t say why,’ he resumed, ‘but when I saw ye, that wee voice in my head told me, This is why ye came here.’
Itzy’s heart beat faster. She wished he would stop the car right there so she could kiss him again, and feel his arms around her once more. But he kept driving like a bat out of hell, until they came out the other side of the farmlands and exited onto a main street, eventually finding their way back to the motorway.
‘So you thought you’d test me?’ she pressed him. She felt desperate to understand, to see things from his side.
Aidan gave a slight shrug. ‘You…more than all of yis…I knew ye were powerful,’ he said breathlessly. ‘Ya don’t realise it, do ye? But ye fill the air with it. I reckon ye could blindfold me and I’d know when ye were here.’
He glanced at her and smiled. Then they spent the rest of the journey in comfortable silence.
Mythos (The Descendants, #1) Page 19
