Her heart felt too big for her chest, thumping against her sternum so hard that it reverberated through her entire body. “It proves you’re not repulsed by me.”
He scoffed. “As if.”
Her stomach did a little flip. She considered taking another drink of soda to ease her dry throat, but she wasn’t sure if she was jittery from the conversation or all the caffeine they’d been downing to stay awake. Rising on unsteady legs, she turned her back on Todd and gathered the takeout containers.
Putting them in the trash gave her enough time and distance to regain her bearings and calm herself. She got a glass of water and drank half of it standing in the kitchen, letting the icy liquid slide down her throat and cool her body from within. Leaning her hips against the counter, she took a deep breath and faced him across the room.
“You’re really bad at this,” she said when she could speak again, hoping she sounded more flippant than invested.
“You’re not the only one who’s scared here,” he said, softly.
Damn him. How did he see through her so easily? “Who said I’m scared?”
He gave her a knowing look. “If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be fighting so hard.”
“What makes you say that?” She set down the glass. If her hand shook, it was only because she was so tired.
“I know, because yesterday I was right where you are now.” He rose from his seat and rounded the breakfast bar, quickly eating up the space between them. Now she really was scared. She was fine as long as he kept his distance, but up close and personal, he had the ability to turn her resolve to dust. “I hope that means tomorrow you’ll be where I am now.”
He stood in front of her, but gripped the granite behind him the same way she was now hanging onto the edge of the counter to keep herself from doing something regrettable, like throwing her arms around his neck and confessing her love.
“I haven’t known you long enough to know which of your habits will irritate me,” he said, with a sad smile, returning to their original topic. “But it doesn’t matter. Everyone has those. It’s about choosing whose annoying habits you want to live with. I want to learn yours, and show you mine, because I’m betting you and I are so good together that all the little shit will be irrelevant.” He moved in close enough that she could feel the heat from his body, smell the soap on his skin. “I’m sorry I hadn’t figured that out last night. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
Her breath caught in her throat, making it impossible to speak.
Todd filled the silence for her. “I don’t know how we’re going to work this out yet, but if we want it badly enough, I know we’ll find a way. You’re worth the risk, Lindsey. You’re worth all of it.”
Lindsey rose in the dark after a night of fitful sleep. Todd had insisted he take the couch so she wouldn’t feel pressured. She was both grateful and slightly irritable about it. Maybe he’d known depriving her of his warm body would only make her want him more. Or maybe he understood that if she gave in now, she’d never trust the decision.
Showing her that he valued their relationship over sex went a long way toward convincing her that he really was in love.
Her chest fluttered.
But Megan was still out there, still a threat, and they still didn’t have a plan to stop her.
Even hours later, after a long flight to Virginia, Lindsey hadn’t managed to come up with any brilliant schemes. She’d slept nearly the entire trip, and her dreams had been an unproductive mix of lust and terror.
According to Todd, he lived about ten miles due south of the airport, but heavy afternoon traffic meant she spent an hour enjoying the view of pine and leafy trees that lined much of the highway, not yet touched by fall. It was so much greener than home. For some reason she’d imagined the busy suburbs of DC would have sparse vegetation, but despite wide roads packed with cars and shiny, glowering defense-company buildings towering above it all, the homes and commercial areas were largely hidden behind a wall of forest.
After the car left the highway, she spotted several deer in a wooded area before they emerged into a tidy neighborhood with a community pool, more thickets of trees, and lots of boxy multi-story homes with columns of windows and colorful shutters. Colonial style, if she remembered anything from her art history class.
The driver stopped in front of a squat, two-story building containing at least a dozen row homes, each with a slightly different facade to mark its boundaries.
Warm, humid air enveloped her when she stepped out of the car, chasing away the chill of endless hours of air conditioning. They thanked the driver and Todd urged her up a concrete walk toward the corner unit with red shutters and a matching front door.
“It’s beautiful here.” As much as she loved the beach, she could get used to this. At least until winter hit.
He stepped up to the door and glanced around with a tired smile. “Thanks. I like it.” Swinging the door open, he welcomed her into a tiny entry that split into a set of stairs going up and a hallway leading forward. Hardwood floors, white crown molding, and white wainscoting on dove gray walls continued the formal theme.
Her apartment was a dump in comparison. She loved the ocean view and vaulted ceilings, but it was still basically a white box with no innate personality.
“Sorry it’s so warm.” He shut the door behind them and strode through the doorway to his left, waving her to follow. “I didn’t have anyone watching the place, and it’s been shut up for several weeks. Also, I don’t have central air, so…”
This was clearly the living room, with its wine-colored couch, a large flat screen TV, and an abstract painting in bright colors. While he opened the front and side windows, she studied the framed photos lining the fireplace mantle.
“Is this your family?” She pointed to a picture of a pretty woman with auburn hair standing next to Todd, two even taller men with similar coloring, and a pretty blonde.
He glanced over. “Yep. From last Christmas.” Joining her, he pointed to the other men in turn, his proximity making her pulse erratic. “That’s John and Roger, and my mom, obviously. And Bethany.”
Damn, she should have guessed. “Where do your brothers live?” She followed him through another doorway into an L-shaped kitchen with Formica counters and oak cabinets. Just days ago, she hadn’t even known this man existed and now she wandered his house, eager to see how he lived.
“John’s in Oklahoma City. Roger and his husband live in Austin.” Todd opened more windows, including one that overlooked a small private yard of grass with a tiny concrete pad just big enough for two lawn chairs and a grill. A sleek bicycle leaned against the wooden fence. “Is all of your family in LA?”
“Mostly,” she said. “My mom’s parents live in San Diego, and I have aunts and uncles scattered all over California and Arizona.”
The kitchen opened into a small dining room decorated with more explosions of color and she poked her head into a bland half bath, completing the circuit of the first floor. The condo was definitely larger than her apartment, but the broken-up layout and lower ceilings made it feel smaller.
“It’s nice that they’re all close.”
It was nice. “It’s something I’ve always taken for granted, I guess. Do you get home much?”
“Not as often as I should.” He frowned as he filled two glasses of water from the spout in the fridge door. “You want to see the second floor?”
She followed him up the creaky stairs. Dark wood furniture and more colorful abstract paintings filled both bedrooms.
“Is this a specific artist you like?” she asked, pausing in the smaller room that contained only a desk and dresser.
“Charlotte Naidoo.” He shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets, his cheeks turning pink. “I’m no expert. I just buy what I like.”
If she cupped his cheeks, would they be hot? She curled her palms against the instinct.
Instead, she slid the portrait she’d saved from the FBI conference room out of her back pocket a
nd unfolded it, still stunned by its depth of feeling and how easily he’d captured her essence. “Seems to me you know something about art.”
His eyes widened and the color on his face deepened, spreading down to his shirt collar. “I dabble.” He shuffled his feet and cleared his throat before pointing to an oversized chest of drawers. “So, that dresser is actually a bed. According to Roger, the memory foam mattress is better than a pull-out couch, so hopefully he wasn’t just being nice. I’ll make it up for you later.”
She nodded, afraid to open her mouth, in case she said something she’d regret, like “Can’t I sleep with you?”
Just standing beside him without touching was like a heavenly assault. His heat, his clean scent, his rich voice, his breathtakingly handsome face, all battered her senses.
The only relief was to give in, but she wasn’t ready to fall back into their easy relationship without a little more time to learn to trust him again. Nor did she want to toy with his feelings while she learned to trust her own.
Which meant another night alone, trying to smother the side of her that wanted to tell caution to fuck right off.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
ON THURSDAY MORNING, after a long, lonely night in his own bed, Todd sat at the dining table in Jason Chin’s Fairfax condo, watching his best friend and Lindsey chatting as if they were old pals. Jason looked better than he’d expected. Especially for someone who now had a metal rod in his leg, severe damage to his quadriceps, and wore a brace from hip to ankle that necessitated crutches.
My fault. Except Todd was trying to push past the guilt, to acknowledge that Jason had chosen to help intervene with Pete on Bethany’s behalf. Neither of them had expected Pete to starting shooting.
They’d both been doing the best they could. Todd needed to give himself a break, and remember that Jason was as fallible as anyone.
Hard to do when the woman Todd loved appeared to be falling under Jason’s spell. As most women did. And why not? He was good-looking, athletic, confident, and friendly.
If the man ever decided he was ready to marry, he could snap his fingers and a bride would probably appear as if summoned by a genie. Although, now that Todd thought about it, despite the massive collection of phone numbers he must have, Jason rarely dated.
Why was that?
When Lindsey stepped out onto the balcony to make a phone call, Todd blurted, “I’m sorry.”
Jason brow furrowed. “For what?”
Todd splayed his fingers on the table next to the box of donuts he and Lindsey had brought over. “I haven’t been a very good friend to you.”
“I don’t understand.” Jason absently tugged at the tight curls on his head, which were veering toward the beginnings of an Afro after several weeks without a haircut. He gestured to his injured leg. “None of this was your fault.”
Todd rubbed his forehead. “I’m slowly coming to terms with that, but taking off before you were even ready for visitors was a shit move. I should’ve been here for you, and I don’t know how to make it right.”
Jason nodded and sat back with his arms crossed. “I’ll admit, I was kind of pissed that you left.”
The words sliced through Todd like a hot knife.
“But if our situations were reversed, I’d have probably done the same thing.” Jason toyed with the flap of the donut box. “And, if something happened to you, I’m not sure I’d be able to face it either.”
Emotion clogged Todd’s throat. He blinked and took a swig of coffee. “Aw. You really do love me.”
Jason laughed. “Asshole.”
Todd just grinned.
Until Jason shifted in his seat, the wince he tried to hide twisting Todd’s gut. “Now while we’re on the subject of feelings, tell me what’s up with Lindsey. She seems pretty great.”
“She is.” Todd twirled his coffee cup. “But I fucked up and chickened out, told her I didn’t see a future for us.”
Jason shook his head. “And now you do?”
Todd nodded. How could he have ever thought otherwise?
“What makes her any different from Gabrielle. Or Leti?”
“Everything.” Todd had cared about women he’d dated before, but his heart had never been fully engaged. Lindsey was another matter altogether. With her, his heart wasn’t just engaged, it was already in California.
“Unfortunately, I’ve lost her trust.”
“Obviously not completely. She’s here with you now. I’m sure you’ll think of a way to convince her you’re serious.” Jason plucked a maple donut from the box and set it on his plate. “Or maybe, you’ll be the one to beg off after you get to know her better.”
Not a fucking chance in hell.
His feelings must have shown on his face because Jason smirked.
“She’s here because she needs someone to watch her back until they catch Megan,” Todd said.
“And she chose you.”
She had. That was worth something, right?
In fact… The seed of an idea formed in Todd’s mind and he looked at his friend. “Hey, do you still have a way to contact Brandon Marlowe?”
“Thanks, Misha.” Lindsey ended the call with her new accountant and leaned against the railing with a sigh. She wouldn’t blame the young woman if she quit, but so far Misha still planned to start work October 1st.
Lindsey took a minute to enjoy the fresh air. Jason’s third-floor balcony overlooked an inviting grassy area with tree-shaded picnic tables. He lived about fifteen minutes from Todd in a bustling part of town, surrounded by a mix of commercial properties, apartments, and condos.
She didn’t mind the traffic noise. Her own apartment was located on Pacific Coast Highway, a busy street with too many stoplights and too many cars.
She ached for it, surprised by how much she wanted to show it to Todd. Although, after it had been vandalized… Her stomach tightened.
Thankfully, the landlord had already hired someone to clean the mess and repaint the door. Tacking the bill onto her next rent payment, of course.
Slipping the phone into the back pocket of her jeans, she peered through the sliding glass door, across the living room to where the men sat at a small round dining table. Based on their expressions, the conversation had turned heavy.
Reluctant to interrupt, she watched squirrels chasing up and down the trees and reviewed her conversation with Misha. She’d reassured the woman that she could start working from home in October if it wasn’t safe to be at the office. And if Misha quit, she’d just have to find someone else.
Goddamn Megan.
Lindsey couldn’t continue to put her life on hold. She needed to find a way to reel in Megan and be done with her.
The door behind Lindsey slid open and Todd stepped onto the balcony, filling the small space with his presence. “Hey.” He stopped beside her, leaving at least a foot of room between them, his hands gripping the rail. “Everything okay?”
No, goddammit. She wanted him to come up behind her and wrap his arms around her, nuzzle her neck, spin her around and kiss her. But she couldn’t afford that kind of distraction right now.
“Fine. Misha is being amazing about the uncertainty.” The warm breeze blew her hair into her face and she impatiently hooked it behind her ears. “But it’s not an auspicious beginning, and I could see her moving on if this thing with Megan drags on for too long.”
Todd faced her, and she slowly matched the move, hesitant to experience the majesty of him in full force. “Jason and I might be able to help with that,” he said, his deep voice curling around her like smoke. “Come inside and we’ll talk.”
She followed behind him, admiring all the rippling muscles exposed by his gray 10K T-shirt and blue cargo shorts. They returned to the table where Jason munched on a donut.
Todd waited for her to take a seat and then said, “Megan’s a big Brandon Marlowe fan, right?”
“Well, yeah. Name a straight woman on the planet who isn’t.”
Jason chuckled.
Todd threw him a frown.
“But, seriously, I’m not sure fan is a strong enough word. Stan is more like it. She spent a lot of time on his dedicated subreddit, and snapped up every bit of news about him she could find. I think she identified with him because he came from humble roots and became a huge success. She had done the same thing in her own way.” Lindsey had been impressed with how Meg had clawed her way out of an impoverished childhood. Unfortunately, wealth had become her only goal, to the point that she’d been willing to kill rather than lose a lucrative source of income. “I told you she was disappointed when Brandon had to back out of the book festival, but that’s too tame a description.”
Meg had been some strange combination of angry and despondent. As if his absence had been personal.
“So…” Todd’s brows rose with the air of someone about to impart a secret. “Jason actually knows him.”
The surprise must’ve been clear on her face because Jason shrugged and said, “We have a mutual friend.”
Had he been an actor at some point? He was incredibly handsome, with a sharp nose, a strong jaw, and plush lips. Not to mention all those golden brown muscles. Honestly, being in the room with both him and Todd was a little dizzying.
“I’m not sure I understand,” she said. “How can Brandon Marlowe help us with Megan?”
Todd rested his injured arm on the table. “Megan’s obviously angry that you and I are walking free, right?”
“Yes.” The familiar fist of betrayal squeezed Lindsey’s heart.
“I was thinking if we twist the knife a little harder, it might convince her to move up her timeline. Make her sloppy. For example, if she thought you and I were going to meet her favorite actor in person…”
“It would gut her,” Lindsey said. “And she’d never suspect it was a trap, because why would a guy like that help us?” Except that was the problem. “It’s a great idea, but why would he help?”
Blind Trust: A Military Romantic Suspense (Men of Steele Book 6) Page 19
