by S. M. Shade
“Botkids! Mom, look!”
“Someone left it in a room last week. No one called to claim it, so it’s all yours.” She looks up at me. “He can hang out here if you want and watch it in the lobby.”
“Thank you. Just text if he pesters you.” I wiggle my cell at her before looking down at my grinning son. “What do you say, Ade?”
“Thank you! And you look pretty! Hubba Bubba!” he exclaims, then darts off to pop the DVD into the player in the small lobby. He flops onto the couch, kicks off his shoes, flings his backpack to the floor, and props his feet on it.
Ruby glances at me, and we both break into laughter. “Where did he get hubba bubba from?”
“Pretty sure he meant hubba hubba, and I have a suspicion.” It involves the group of young college guys who live down the street in an apartment the neighbors have dubbed Frat Hell. He told me Noble taught him how to talk to pretty girls.
She hands me a list of rented rooms. “It’s pretty light today because of the rain. The only ones who haven’t checked out yet are 110 and 112. Most of the regulars have their Do Not Disturb signs out, as usual.”
The regulars—meaning guests who stay a few times a month and the two families and two residents who live here full time—generally keep the Do Not Disturb signs out on weekends when they don’t want to be awakened early. They don’t need us to clean every day, so I tend to do their rooms once or twice per week.
As much as I’d like the extra hours, I’m happy to leave early today. Since I asked off for Aiden’s birthday, I have a rare three days off in a row coming up and I’m eager to get to it.
I hook the ring with the master key on my belt loop and fill my travel cup with coffee before heading to the housekeeping office. Office isn’t the most accurate way to describe it. It’s a long room with two carts sitting inside.
Shelves line the walls, stacked high with towels and bedding. Bins nearly overflow with tiny soaps, shampoos, plastic cups, ice containers, and all that other stuff you find in a two star hotel room. A musty smell permeates the place, originating from the large sink in the corner. It doesn’t seem to matter how much bleach I dump down that drain, it always smells like unwashed ass.
I load up a cart with everything I need and push it out into the breezeway. On days like this, I really wish I’d chosen a hotel with interior hallways and entrances. The bitter cold cuts through me, and it doesn’t help that the wind keeps gusting, allowing the rain to reach me in waves as I park the cart as close to the brick wall as I can. There’s enough of an awning to keep the stuff dry.
Shivering, I open the two empty rooms and the door connecting them. Nothing looks too bad, just the regular mess I’m accustomed to finding; a half empty pizza box on the table, a trash can overflowing with soda cans and wrappers, wet towels on the bathroom floor. I can knock these out in no time.
The sheets get stripped from both beds and added to the pile of wet towels headed for the laundry room. The owner’s other daughter, Mia, comes in during the afternoon to wash the linens so that isn’t part of my job. I remove all the trash, spray down the bathrooms, remake the beds with fresh sheets, and vacuum the floors. By the time I’m done with that, all I have to do is wipe down the bathrooms and restock everything. A quick peek in the microwaves show me they don’t need cleaned, and same goes for the mini fridges. A spritz of air freshener and I’m out the door. I love rooms like this. So easy.
The next few rooms are pretty much the same. One bathroom is pretty gross, with piss everywhere except the toilet, but I expected it since the lady staying here had two boys about Aiden’s age. They aren’t known for their aim. Still, it doesn’t take long to clean.
I’m down to my last two rooms. One is a stayover who will be here a second night, so all I need to do is clean the bathroom, dump the trash, and restock the towels, but the other is a checkout. And apparently, they’re waiting until the last minute to leave.
I take a quick break to check on Aiden, who is playing a board game with Eddie in the lobby, and then tap on the stayover guest’s door. “Housekeeping!” I call. They don’t answer, and there’s no car parked outside the room, so I unlock the door and step inside.
Now, this is always a tense moment. I can’t count the number of bare asses, naked schlongs, and uncovered cooters I’ve been flashed since I’ve had this job. Most of the time it’s an accident, but occasionally, there will be a pervert who gets off on flashing the housekeeper. Fortunately, the bed is empty.
I open the bathroom door, but suddenly remember I forgot to grab the toilet cleanser. I make it about three steps back toward my cart before a high-pitched scream fills the room and something slams into my butt, knocking me down on the carpet.
It happens so fast, I’m not sure what just occurred. I assume someone was in the bathroom, but she didn’t have to knock me down. “I’m sorry!” I shout, getting to my feet. I’m barely standing when the scream rings out again, and I’m rushed by a pile of gray fur.
What the actual fuck?
Panic grabs me, and I don’t give the monster a second look as I dart from the room, slamming the door behind me. Max, the maintenance man, hears me yell and sees me holding the door shut as if whatever is inside may be able to pick locks.
“Veronica? What’s going on?”
“There’s some deranged, screaming animal in there! It sounded human, but all I saw was hair. It knocked me down when I opened the bathroom door. I’m not going back in there. It’s a mutant! Or a Chupacabra!” I’ve never heard of a Chupacabra in Indiana, but who knows?
Max snorts with laughter. “Someone probably locked their dog in the bathroom and it was eager for some company when you opened the door.” Max shakes his head at me, a smile on his face. He’s around fifty years old and has worked here for the last ten of them so I imagine he’s seen everything.
“It wasn’t a dog.”
He sticks his hand out for the key, and I hand it over, taking a few steps back as he unlocks the door again.
“Hey, puppy, don’t be scared,” he coos, entering the room.
He doesn’t exit with that confidence.
In fact, he barely makes it inside before he’s on his ass. A mass of dirty gray hair tramples over him and runs into the parking lot with another blood curdling scream. This time I get a better look at it.
“It’s a goat!” I announce.
“It’s going to be a dead goat,” Max grumbles, getting to his feet.
The goat rushes over to the field beside the hotel and starts munching on the grass. “Aw, poor thing. I guess it was hungry.”
Max stares at it. “It’s starving and filthy. I’ll go call Mike and see how he wants to handle this. Animal Control should probably get involved.”
“It might run off.”
Max chuckles. “Then let it go. I’m not chasing it, so it can knock me on my ass again.”
Max heads off to call the manager, and I duck back inside the room. As you can expect from someone who would keep a goat in a hotel room, the place isn’t clean.
I’ve had some gross rooms in the past. Puke on the floor, shit on the wall beside the toilet, towels soaked in too many body fluids to tell what’s what, but this is the first time I’ve seen a pile of goat shit in a bathtub.
Mike generally calls in a local crime scene cleanup crew that’s qualified to clean up bodily fluids and hazards if it’s bad. This is bad. Along with the shit in the tub, the goat walked through it at some point, so the whole bathroom is covered. When I let it out, it ran around the room, dragging its nasty hooves over everything.
The bed, carpet, and tiny loveseat have brown tracks covering them. This is so not in my job description. I back out and head down to the office.
“Mom! Is there really a goat in a room?” Aiden asks, excitement ringing in his voice.
“There was. It’s in the field beside the playground now.” Aiden and Eddie both rush over to the windows while I turn to talk to Ruby, who restrains a smile.
“
It’s not funny. That room is disgusting. There’s a pile of shit in the tub!”
Ruby bursts out laughing. “Too much for a waffle stomp?”
Mike and Max approach just as I ask, “What’s a waffle stomp?”
Max chuckles and grabs the to-do list Ruby has left on the counter. He’s still laughing as he makes his way back out the door.
“There will be no waffle stomping,” Mike says, rolling his eyes. “The crime scene cleaners are coming.”
“I want waffles!” Aiden pipes up. That does Ruby in, and she retreats to the back office, red faced and vibrating with laughter.
“Go watch TV or something, Ade. I’ve got one more room and I’ll be done.”
He runs off, and I follow Ruby. “Are you going to live?” I ask, watching her wipe her eyes.
“Sorry, I didn’t realize the boys were listening. Waffle stomp means to stomp a chunk of shit through the grating over the drain until it goes down.”
Gross.
“I’ll never get that image out of my head now. Thanks for that. All I have left is room 110, so I’ll be right next door. Send Aiden over if he gets restless.”
“Will do.”
“Freaking waffle stomp,” I grumble, and she dissolves into giggles again behind me.
The next room is thankfully normal, and less than thirty minutes later, Aiden and I are headed to Carl’s Diner for lunch.
“Why couldn’t we keep the goat?” Aiden whines as we take our seat in the red and white booth. “It’s not fair.”
“Life’s not fair. And where would we keep it?”
“In my room. I could name him Eddie.” Aiden shrugs out of his coat and slings it onto the seat beside him.
“Why would you call a goat Eddie?”
He shrugs. “He looks like he’d smell like Eddie.”
Glenna, the waitress, chuckles at Aiden as she places a kid’s menu in front of him.
“I want a grilled cheese and fries and a vanilla shake.”
I raise my eyebrows at him, and he adds, “Please.”
She takes my order as well. Just after she delivers our food, Aiden cries, “Neal! Mom, Neal’s here!” He climbs up on his knees and waves his arms like everyone in the tiny diner didn’t already hear him. “Neal! Come sit with us!”
Neal Chambers lives across the street from us and good god, he is wet dream material of the highest caliber. A strong, sculpted jawline, thick, wavy hair, and eyes the pale blue-green color of a robin’s egg. He’s a little over six feet tall, but that towers over my five foot six frame. Though he has an eleven year old daughter, he’s only thirty-three, not at all too old for me if the situation was different. More than once I’ve had dreams about those lean muscles and flexing biceps.
I’ve done my best not to drool over him since he first introduced himself and helped us get settled into our new neighborhood. He is also a single parent, so we have that in common and often help each other out.
Neal slides into the booth beside Aiden. “Hey, buddy. Where are my fries?”
“You have to ask the lady.” Aiden points to Glenna. “And say please and thank you, or Mom will give you the mean look.”
Neal looks up at me with a smile I can feel in my stomach. “Are you giving the poor kid the mean look?”
“It’s been a long morning. Someone locked a goat in one of the hotel bathrooms. Scared the crap out of me and then knocked me down.”
Neal leans back, his smoky laugh filling the space. “And I thought having to sweep roaches out of a minivan was bad.”
Neal manages a full-service car wash, and his horror stories rival mine. People are disgusting.
“Where’s Bailey?” Aiden asks.
“She’s at school. I’m just here to pick up my lunch, then I have to go back to work. Her hamster had babies yesterday, though. If you want to come over and see them tonight.”
“Yes!” Aiden wiggles around in his seat. “Can I keep one?”
Neal gives me an apologetic look. “That’s up to your mom.”
“We’ll see,” I reply, taking a bite of my sandwich.
Aiden shrugs. “It’s not as good as a maybe, but better than a no,” he informs Neal. “She wouldn’t let me have a goat today, but I could name a hamster Eddie.”
Sighing, I restrain a laugh. “You are not naming any animal after that poor kid.”
“But he smells.”
“So does your butt.”
Aiden laughs out loud and returns to his sandwich. Neal wears an ear to ear grin and shakes his head at me. I can only imagine how he sees me, arguing about hamsters and insulting my kid with stinky butt jokes.
Glenna brings Neal’s boxed food over to the table, her eyes sweeping over him from head to toe. I can hardly blame her. He must get that everywhere he goes.
Getting to his feet, Neal says, “Bailey and I will be at the party a little early tomorrow to help you set up.”
“Thank you. I’d really love the help.”
“Be good, buddy,” he tells Aiden, and I try not to stare as he walks away.
It’s a massive failure. But with an ass like that, I’m not even close to sorry.
As promised, Neal and Bailey show up early to help me set up Aiden’s fifth birthday party, and I couldn’t be more grateful. I spent half the night baking cookies and his cake, wrapping his presents, and putting together gift bags. It’s a bunch of dollar store crap the other kids’ parents are sure to sneer at, but they can bite me. I’ve done what I can afford, and Aiden will love it.
Noble pulled some strings with his friends Cassidy and Wyatt, who own the community center, and they agreed to let us hold the party here. They even closed the pool to the public for three hours, so Aiden and his friends could swim.
I set up two folding tables in the corner, far away from the splash zone, one for the food and the other for the gift bags and presents. Because Aiden is a complete dinosaur fanatic, everything is dino themed. Noble even promised to have one of his buddies show up in a T-rex costume at some point. I can’t wait to see the look on Aiden’s face.
The only sore spot today came when Aiden asked if his grandmother was coming, and I had to tell him she couldn’t make it. He shrugged it off quickly because they aren’t close, but it was another reminder to me that I’m all my little boy has. My worst fear would be something happening to me because he’d end up in the foster system. I haven’t heard good things.
Today, though, we’re all about the happy shit. My little man is turning five.
The party is a success, judging by all the laughter coming from the kids. Two lifeguards watch over them as they play in the shallow end of the pool. It looks like half of Violent Circle is here. Emily—one of my friends from the circle—helps me plate up the pizzas that have just been delivered.
Neal approaches us, and he has changed into a pair of board shorts. “You aren’t going to swim?” he asks.
Abs.
All I can see are clearly defined abs and the light sprinkling of chest hair that dissolves into a happy trail which definitely makes me happy.
An elbow catches me in my side and the oof sound that escapes is totally cool and feminine. I promise.
“Neal asked you a question,” Emily says, amusement thick in her voice. The bitch has a pointy elbow, but I guess I should be thankful she made me stop ogling him.
“Sorry…I was watching the kids. What did you say?”
Neal’s smirk makes it clear I’m busted, but he doesn’t call me out. “You don’t want to swim?”
“Oh, no, I can’t. It’s not exactly happy fun lady time in my pants right now.”
The words spill out like someone else is saying them. What the hell is wrong with me? This is why I can’t have nice things. Like normal boyfriends. Not that I’m interested in Neal. Still, I’d like to not be a weirdo who spouts random craziness.
“Okay then. Save me a piece,” he says, nodding toward the pizza. He turns and strides toward the pool. At the last second, he takes a running
jump and does a cannonball right in the center of the kids, making them all laugh and splash him.
“Smooth, girl,” Emily laughs, and I scratch my nose with my middle finger. “I can’t blame you though. Who knew superdad was so hot under those clothes?”
Aiden comes running up, water dripping down his face from his hair. “Can I have some pizza now?”
“Dry off a little and grab a chair. Are you having fun?”
Denton chooses that moment to enter in the dino costume, and Aiden’s body follows his head as it whips around so fast his feet slip out from under him. He seems to bounce off the floor, he gets up so fast, and cries, “Never mind! There’s a T-rex!”
Denton stomps his way over to the pool, hitting the button that makes a roar sound from the costume, and the kids cheer, falling over each other to get out of the pool. Aiden runs up and stands in front of him.
“Happy birthday!” Denton roars, spreading the little T-rex arms. Aiden dives in for a hug, then runs around behind him and grabs the tail.
Denton has obviously never been around a group of five year olds if he thinks this is going to go well. He’s mobbed, poked, prodded, and hugged from every direction. He dances around, pretending to bite them and roaring until too many kids descend on him at once.
I’m sure they didn’t mean for it to happen. They just pushed him off balance and the edge of the pool was right there. Emily gasps and grabs my arm as we watch for a long second that seems to go in slow motion. Denton teeters, and almost recovers before falling into the four foot deep water with an impressive splash.
I hear a yell of “Fappy!” from someone on the other side of the pool before laughter drowns out everything. Neal jumps in and helps Denton get to his feet, which isn’t easy with the inflated costume floating around him.
A few of the kids look worried until Denton waves, then falls back and floats on his back, backstroking his way to the steps.
Emily looks at me, and we break into laughter. “Never a dull moment when the Frat Hell guys are involved.”
The ear to ear smile on my little man’s face could light a stadium.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
