by C R Riley
Chapter Fifteen
They fix supper together, side by side. Still able to chat like they have so easily been able to do since they first met.
Johannah gives him a full update on her father's recovery, then thanks him for what he did. Even gets upset with him when he shrugs it off like it was no big deal. But it was a huge deal. So she tries to make sure he understands that.
Jaxon goes into more detail about what the foundation he has with his friends does. Explains how they have all lost loved ones close to them for different reasons. It only made sense when they set it up. To make sure they did their part in preventing others from possibly suffering the same way. This is why he didn't feel it was such a big deal, although he understood why she did.
They avoid the topic hanging in the air for now. That topic would have to be dealt with head-on before they could truly move forward, but for now, they just want this. Want to enjoy the other person merely physically being there.
Not that either of them dared to touch the other person since the initial contact. They had done the occasional bump when one would get in the way of the other, but that was it. The eye contact they were making was enough to distract them. If they started touching, they may not stop.
It wasn't until after dinner; once everything was cleaned up, did they chance it. At first, things got a little awkward, since they had nothing else to keep them busy any longer. But once Jaxon dared to make the first move, it all just seemed to happen like it was meant to.
"Dance with me." He suggests as he brushes his fingertips along the outside of her arm.
Johannah watches his hand carefully, writhing mercilessly from that light contact. "There isn't any music to dance to."
"I don't need music to dance with you, Hannah." Jaxon takes her hand and tugs her out onto the patio overlooking his pool.
Johannah inspects him carefully as he strolls over to a hidden sound system and presses a few buttons. Soft, slow music starts playing magically all around them. When he spins around to face her, the sheer sight of him blows her away.
Earlier, he quickly jumped in the shower while she chopped up some vegetables for the grill. He came back wearing Bermuda shorts and a gray V-neck t-shirt. His hair was left down in its typical style, now shoved behind his ears.
Right now, seeing him like that has Johannah's insides feeling all fluttery. When he reaches out and places his hands on her hips, she closes her eyes, hoping to salvage a little ground. Each time he touches her, she suffers it deep down inside. It is so intense she isn't sure how much more she can endure.
"Move your hips like this." Jaxon teases as his hands gently encourage her to sway them back and forth. "That's it. A very beautiful woman showed me how to do that once."
"And now look at you, swiveling those hips like you know what you are doing." Johannah reaches out and places her hands on his hips now too. "Someone has been practicing."
"I might have, just in case I got the urge to dance with you again. I wanted to make sure I knew how to move better next time. Although having you show me the way you did, was very intense and intimate." Jaxon's eyes lock with hers. "The most intimate moments of my life have been with you, Hannah. I'm sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't go there. Ignore that."
Johannah snakes her hands up his back and moves in closer. She rests her head against his chest before she speaks. "I like knowing stuff like that, Jaxon. I'm sorry I freaked out on you. I think it was a combination of things coming at me all at once. I just needed time to sort it all out."
"And have you sorted it all out?" The hope in his voice doesn't escape her.
"Not all of it, but enough, I think." Johannah trails her hands up and down his back. "How about you?"
Jaxon tightens his arms, relocating his hand to the small of her back, making sure he has her right where he wants her. "What about me?"
"Do you know what you want?" Johannah asks.
"Hannah, there was never any doubt on my side about what I wanted." Jaxon draws back so he can gaze down at her. "You have always been what I wanted. I just came to realize that if I push you too hard, I could lose you forever. I honestly thought I had lost you because of that."
"That night got so crazy. I imagine we both said things we didn't mean. Pushed to get a reaction out of the other person. I'm sorry, Jaxon." She shifts her hands to his shoulder blades. "I hurt you in the worst way and I'm sorry. I understand if you can never…"
Jaxon can't take it one more second. He has been dying to get his lips on hers all night. If he waits one more second, he might just chicken out. He leans in and stops her mid-sentence by placing his lips against hers.
The texture of them against his steals his breath away. He doesn't move until he recognizes his mistake. He has never kissed a woman before. Therefore, he has no idea how to do it any justice, which causes him to jerk back quickly.
Johannah's face is flushed, which she can identify by the heat she is now experiencing. Wow. Such a simple gesture, but the passion behind it was tremendous.
"That was horrible." Jaxon drops his arms and steps back. "I'm sorry, Hannah. That was supposed to be so much better."
She grips his shirt with both hands, then yanks him back to her. This time she kisses him the same way he kissed her. Placing her lips against his and nothing more. She wants him to experience it how she did and then come to realize afterward it was anything but horrible. "Now do you still believe it was really that bad?"
Jaxon's hand cups her face as he shakes his head. "Teach me."
"Teach you?" Johannah starts to giggle but is halted by the harsh pressure of his lips against hers again.
"Don't laugh at me." He warns, and there is a vulnerability present in that statement. "Teach me, so I can do it correctly."
She drops her forehead against his chest and tries hard not to laugh. It is so strange to grasp that a man as powerful as Jaxon—a man who screams masculine, macho, charismatic, devilish, lionhearted, gorgeous, and virile—has never experienced a kiss before. To know he went through puberty, unable to experiment with the opposite sex. How cruel that must have been on him.
Having grown up with four brothers, she understood what it was like to be a boy changing into a man. Witnessed them kissing tons of girls. Sometimes even more than one a night, depending on which brother it was. The twins were by far the worst and still are. She can't imagine what that must have been like for him.
Then to absorb that he has also faced adulthood much the same way. He is a thirty-one-year-old single man, who he is asking her to teach him how to kiss. Because this man who stands in front of her, looking so powerful. One who grabs the attention of every female he comes near is the less experienced of the two. And that wasn't because she has been around the block a few times. She was probably one of a very small volume of women her age, who was still a virgin. A woman who could count on one hand the number of men she has actually kissed, deeply kissed that is.
And he wants her to teach him.
"You're laughing," he grunts.
Johannah doesn't suppress it this time; instead, she lets it go without shame. "Not at you really. It's just that I find it comical, that of all the women out there, you fall for one who has only a handful of experiences herself." Johannah raises her head, so she can look him in the eyes. "I haven't dated much, Jaxon."
"I haven't dated at all Hannah; never actually. The last woman I tried to ask out, ended up walking out on me."
Hannah pokes him hard in the chest. "First off, you never asked."
"Touché. Now teach me how to kiss, so I can rectify that." Jaxon smirks down at her. "I need to make sure I knock her feet right out from under her when I do ask this time."
"My point being, I'm very likely not the greatest kisser myself, so don't expect much. Don't go kissing some other woman and expect her to be wowed by what I have taught you." Johannah pats his chest affectionately.
"The only one I need to wow is you, Hannah. I don't believe I'll ever desire to kiss anyone
else," or even could Jaxon finishes that thought in his head.
"The best way to learn how to kiss is by practicing."
Jaxon beams down at her like a boy rather than a man. "I like that proposal."
"I bet you do. Also, you need to follow your partner's cues. The more you kiss, the more you'll understand what I mean. You'll figure out what you like, as well as what I like, eventually. And you'll be glad to know, that each person kisses differently. So, comparing how someone else kisses may be harder than you think. Plus, I believe the most important element of kissing is chemistry. If there is no chemistry, then it doesn't matter how good you think you are, it won't be an enjoyable kiss."
"And we have chemistry. Now enough talking, let's get on with the lab portion of the lesson. Show me how you like to kiss, babe." Jaxon puckers up and again Hannah laughs.
"Stop. I can't kiss you like that. You have to set the mood." She slaps his chest playfully.
Jaxon backs away toward his stereo, hits the buttons a few times, and waits for the music to change. First, he decides to lighten the mood by playing a more fun, upbeat song, Kissing Strangers. He ambles back to her, moving with the beat. Performing his best, not so skilled club jives, which has Johannah in stitches.
She plays along with him, though. Each time he leans in close enough for a kiss, she draws back teasingly. It does exactly what he wanted, gets them both to relax and have a little fun. Something else that he has never done before. He is learning he enjoys being able to be silly, especially with her.
When the music slows, he hauls her into his arms while he stares into her eyes, dancing slowly with her. Kissing by Bliss plays softly around them and it certainly sets the mood.
Johannah wraps her arms around his neck, and for the first time lets her hands journey up into his hair. She was so spot-on about it feeling like silk. Slowly she begins to drag her fingers through it, letting him discover how sensual that is. Then she stops and holds him steady, as she encourages him to slant toward her.
This time when their lips start to touch, she toys with him. Only allowing him to briefly contact her lips at first. Once she detects him getting a little frustrated, she offers a little more. Continues moving in much the same way, rather than just keeping still like earlier.
Jaxon is beginning to get the hang of this, although he knows there is more and wants it. So, against her lips, he starts to speak, until he becomes aware of her lips separating as well. When she sucks his lip into her mouth suddenly, it's like he recalls everything he has ever witnessed. All the visuals of how others have kissed, all while he has watched them from afar, comes flooding in.
The next time he feels her draw in his top lip, he runs his tongue along her bottom one. Next thing he knows, both of their tongues are dancing with the other. It is the most awesome sensation he has ever felt. Their tongues tango for several minutes. Until Johannah needs to pull back, so she can catch her breath. Jaxon attempts to follow after her, but she halts him with a hand to his chest.
"Hang on. Catch your breath."
"I don't care if I ever breathe again." Nuzzling her neck, he runs his nose up and down it. "Where have you been my entire life, Hannah? Why has it taken me so long to find you? Please, never, ever walk out on me again. Let me make it right. Teach me everything there is to know about you. Let me learn how to satisfy you like you so easily do me. Be my first girlfriend. Let me kiss you again." He places open mouth kisses along her jawline as he makes his way back to her soft lips. "Woman, what are you doing to me? I can't get enough of you."
And then his lips lock with hers again. She tastes delightful. The essence of her is doing wonderful fascinations to his brain.
And with that move, Johannah would never have guessed this to be his first time. The man is a natural and unmistakably a very quick learner. This is by far the most sensual kiss she has ever experienced, lighting her entire body on fire.
"Jaxon," his name slips out when his lips travel down her jaw again.
"Hannah. What… what is happening?" Jaxon groans and shivers, as sweat beads form on his back and trail down his spine. He drops his head to her shoulder, staring at the damp spot on his shorts, right over his first-ever erection. Talk about embarrassing.
Jaxon never understood why men got them so easily when admiring a woman. Geoff was always talking about his whenever a woman caught his attention. Austin only seemed to have that problem whenever he touched a woman that he was very interested in. Other men seemed to walk around with one almost constantly when around women in general. His father is one of those types of men. But never once had a woman caused that kind of response. His theory, being the fact, he feared them touching him, which always kept his sexual brain at bay. However, with Hannah, it was all so different. She has awakened the man inside of him who has been dying to get out.
"What's wrong?" She can feel him drawing his body away from hers.
"Nothing honey, just give me a second to figure this all out." Jaxon gasps for air, coming down from what he suspects was an orgasm. "I need to um… excuse myself for a minute."
"Sure." The second he steps back she realizes what happened and grabs his hand. "It's okay."
Jaxon snickers and wobbles his head, uncomfortable about it. "I guess that's what happens when you wait thirty-one years to experience your first kiss. Your body decides it's about dang time and jumps right to it. Bet that's never happened to you before… please don't tell me if it has."
Johannah laughs softly as she drops into one of the chaises he has on the patio. "Well, not me personally, at least. And no, just so we are clear. But I believe it happened to one of my brothers once. We were all watching a movie. Things got a little risqué. I remember him grunting, much like you did, right before he jumped up, covering his lap with his pillow, as he ran off. Came back in a fresh pair of shorts. My oldest brother harassed him until he punched him hard. I believe I was just as embarrassed for him as he was about it. It happens, Jaxon, and it's not a big deal."
"How old was he? Wait, don't tell me." But he was too late.
"Thirteen."
Jaxon hangs his head in shame. "Awesome. So, I'm a thirteen-year-old boy, trapped in a man's body."
"Jaxon," Johannah waits for him to peek up at her. "Would it make you feel better to know that I'm honestly a little flattered? I mean, not only did I get to steal your first kiss, but apparently a few others as well, and I wasn't even trying."
Jaxon shakes his head and laughs all the way to his bedroom. No, that didn't help at all, but at least he now knows all his parts function, very well apparently.
Chapter Sixteen
The night quickly turns into the wee hours of the morning. Before they know it, the clock in Jaxon's living room alerts them it is three o'clock. How they lost track of time like that is beyond both of them. It wasn't like they just relaxed on the patio, kissing the entire time. They did a lot of that, though. Along with finishing the conversation they had started right before Jaxon kissed her.
They both had things that needed to be said, and there was no better time to do that, then right now.
Jaxon apologized for doing exactly what she accused him of, manipulating her. After spending time apart, he started realizing it was true. He recognized how unfair it was to constantly remind her she was his lifeline to normal. It wasn't fair for him to expect her to fulfill all the voids in his life. While he believed he needed what she provided him, he also needed to do the same for her. If he wasn't able to give her just as much as she gave him, then it wasn't fair for him to expect her to stick around.
He described how he watched his father do the same thing to so many women. Lucas would enlighten the women that wandered in and out of his life, what he needed from them. His needs and wants always came first. It was never about what they needed or wanted.
Which, Jaxon supposed, is why his father had no use for him until he was old enough to offer him something as well. What that was exactly, he wasn't sure. It wasn't like his father was just
going to hand over his business. Most likely it was what Jaxon's brain could do for Lucas, instead. Except Jaxon had decided, long before his father had taken an interest in his son, that he wanted nothing to do with the man. His father only paid attention to him when he was working in the office or drunk. And a drunk Lucas Jackson was not a man anyone wanted to encounter. Unfortunately for Jaxon, he was usually the only one around during those times. Which meant his father targeted him, not only with his words but eventually his fists. And the effect that had on a young Jaxon was devastating. It took him days to recover after each beating. And they continued to occur until he was big enough to fight back. At that point, all he had to put up with was the yelling and hurtful words, which were bad enough.
Hearing Jaxon had to deal with all of that made Johannah understand him better. Clarified why he wore a mask when others were around. It was why, when things become too overwhelming for him, he so easily slipped it back on. Explaining why he didn't fight with her that night after he thought she was telling him he didn't fit in her life and instead let her go.
Which led to her doing some explaining of her own. Presented her with the opportunity to finish her explanation about what she assumed her life would be like.
Even though Johannah hadn't planned for Jaxon to show up in her life when he did, she wasn't necessarily against it. It just meant she needed time to wrap her head around it. Needed to allow them some time to establish if they would work. If they wanted it to work, even.
Since they met on vacation. She didn't want to commit to something that should have felt more like a fling. Because vacation romances were expected to be just that. You met the man who could change your life during your routine world, right? Committing to vacation Jaxon, without understanding real-world Jaxon, seemed irresponsible. And Johannah was never irresponsible when it came to life-altering decisions.
When he showed up at the hospital out of the blue like he had, because of her father, it confused her. She hadn't expected introducing a stranger she'd only met a few days before, to her family. Johannah had been mixed up about how she felt about him to begin with. And then he went about introducing himself as her boyfriend, without talking about it with her first. It made little sense to her. None of it made any sense. She had needed time that he hadn't allowed her to have with that announcement.
